(06-12-2018, 10:43 AM)Shannon Wrote: [ -> ] (06-12-2018, 03:08 AM)DarthXedonias Wrote: [ -> ]Hey Shannon, thought I would give a kind of report on things. Will make it short since i'm currently in vacation in the philippines and i'm on a tablet at the moment. I will report on what I how I might have been resisting in ordee to improve things. I had to stop the program due the main reason I will explain though I think I may have gotten a late manifestation after not using it for a while.
The main thing my mind seemed to use to resist was that same attitude of I don't care but it seemed to be worst than I thought. It seemed to evolve into straight up nihilism. "I don't care, nothing matters, its all unimportant". It wasn't just towards women either it was towarda everyrhing and it started to affect my motivation towards anything I needed to get accomplished which is bad since I currently need to search for a new job once I get back. So pretty much the main way it seemed to resist was through complete nihilism and no motivation towards anything. Not sure if this nihilism might be in relation with the idea that I will die if I execute the script.
Another smaller thing that is getting annoying is my inability to "finish" when actually having sex. It's like I will get close to finishing multiple times but every time its like some old program in my mind will come online and totally shut off any pleasure I was feeling at the moment or reset me back to 0 just when I was about to reach 100% if that makes sense. I dont know what is causing this. Also I noticed I don't seem to be able to even be close to finishing if i'm just ***** a chick. Its like I don't have enough sensitivity from the regular act to be pushed over the edge. Though I did notice, on previous versions though not on this one, that whenever I was taking Aniracetam , a nootropic, I seemed to be able to finish even with just intercorse. Aniracetam is known to reduce stress, depression and cause a kind of relaxed feeling. Not sure if that means my subconscious is also highly resisting the anti anxiety and depression scripting.
Anyway thought I would report on that for now.
Very interesting report, thank you. Do you have any idea what is so scary to your subconscious that this would be a way it would react? I'm taking it past hurts?
It would seem the wall is working for you, but your subconscious found and maximally capitalized on the IDGAF loophole.
Hey Shannon, sorry for the long wait for a reply. I do think I have some important info though after dealing with my late manisfestation and thinking about your question. I think this experience as revealed a lot to me and maybe showed me where a lot of this resistance is coming from. I'm still in the philippines right now and typing from a tablet, sorry for any typos, so I will keep this short and give you a more detailed report when I get back.
As I mentioned before I did get a late manisfestation and got in a relationship for a while, kind of pushed her away a bit so don't know where things are now. I think my reaction to it probably more clearly defined my issues for me. She was very affectionate, loving , very open and honest with her feelings. Seemed to have a high sex drive as. She never seemed to deny me or resist me when I wanted sex which weirdly when she wanted it more than me I stopped wanting it as much and not to mention the fact that some subconscious belief kept me from enjoying. I was very happy with being shown lots of love and loving in return at first but then something in me just kept growing. This sense of fear of being so emotionally and physically close to some one.
After some thought I think I realized where this comes from. In my younger years I was pratically isolated and neglected by my own family. Because of this I never really was close emotionally or physically to anyone. My siblings wanted nothing to do with me and my mother was a career feminist type so she didn't have time for that. My step father worked night shifts and slept most of the day. The only time so called friends wanted anything to do with me most of the time was when they wanted something, basically to use me. Since I think I never had the normal experiences of being in close relationships I find myself feeling very uncomfortable being in them and down right fearful.
Part of the fears if I could list them seem to be
-fear of being emotionally, physically close to someone allows them to affect me too much emotionally
- they will have power over me if I let them in (seems to be based on neglect and pass hurts)
-seem to have low toleration for the intense emotions as relationship entails.
- fear of related to above of lossing control over "me" having control over how I feel.
From realizing this I noticed that my intense need for control and not being told what to do seems to stim from my early enviroment of isolation and neglect where it was only me so only "I" had control over myself. So being in a different situation where I need to give up some of that control over myself to someone in any type of close relationship scares the shit out of me. It also annoyed and aggitated me when I was with the girl and she could make me feel things , whether good or negative. The fear of allowing someone power over me as I said seems to come from past hurts and abuse from people I have opened up to before. I just noticed that all my attempts at close relations before usually followed the same I had with my relatives. I get feelings but the chick just straights up rejects me or tries to use me. Or sometimes I've realized I will self sabotage the thing myself because its getting to emotionally close, like this first real relationship I just had.
Anyway, I though I would shared that. I known there is a module or something that subconsciously trains you to help achieve the goals of the program. Would this perhaps help with training the person to be comfortable being physically/emotionally close to a person, not freak out doing so, and perhaps help them deal with the emotions that are part of having a short or long term relationship with a woman?
Anyway, I hope this helps in development somehow especially for people who have troubles being in close relationships with people.