(09-03-2016, 07:02 PM)maxx55 Wrote: [ -> ] (09-03-2016, 06:00 PM)Shannon Wrote: [ -> ]I believe you should simply tell her that you are realizing that in the past you've done things differently because of a fear of genuine intimacy, and she is bringing up that fear because she is someone you feel for genuinely, and please bear with me while I try to sort this out, because you are someone I really like and I think we could have something really good if I can let go of this trauma from my past experiences.
Shannon, you have much more experience with women than I do. I thought that saying something like this to a girl, especially before having sex with her, equals death in terms of attraction.
Maybe I'm missing something. Why is it okay to say something like that?
It's not a simple black and white answer. You have to know when to say it and what to say in expressing it. It won't work in all situations or for all women, but in Chaos' situation, he is dealing with a woman of high value who is interested in an emotional connection and a relationship with him, and she is educated, intelligent and mature.
Such a woman is going to appreciate the fact that he is genuinely interested and is openly communicating to her that he is interested also, but he is discovering that this is showing him that he has something to deal with in terms of fear of intimacy. He is interested enough to fix that, but he doesn't want her to only see things from her point of view because if he does try to self sabotage or something like that, her not understanding where he is coming from could destroy his shot with this woman, who seems a very good catch from what I have read.
Doing this correctly will only serve to demonstrate to her that:
A) He is honest.
B) He is human.
C) He is genuinely interested in her for reasons other than just sex.
D) He has vulnerability (has been hurt before).
E) He is self aware.
F) He is ready and willing to overcome the issue he faces concerning genuine intimacy, and
G) He needs her to understand his situation while he does overcome it so she understands anything that happens out of the ordinary.
H) He respects and values her enough to tell her these things.
Dome right, this will magnify her respect, interest, attraction and investment in him in ways that will lead to a stronger relationship with her.
The difference here from Chaos' situation and what you're taling about is:
1. Chaos is dealing with a woman, not a girl. The difference being maturity. Immature females run away from intimacy, especially if it is presented at the wrong time and/or in the wrong way.
2. Chaos is developing a relationship with this woman, not just trying to bang and bounce as he puts it. If you're going for just sex, emotional intimacy is probably not what you want to be expressing. Sexual attraction, devoid of everything else, is what you seem to be thinking in terms of.
