02-12-2021, 10:11 AM
Hey Shannon,
I've taken a USLM break and started using SE because, whilst I know USLM is making root level changes related to fear, something told me I need to work on not being motivated by an intrinsic lack of self-worth.
Having no intrinsic self worth results in me avoiding positive events and feedback meaning I block results - since they pump me up and then I crash soon after. After a few days of SE, I broke down crying. I was able to face numerous uncomfortable facts about reality and that I was avoiding them because i fundamentally believed they remove any right to feeling good about myself. After this I had some major successes and breakthroughs which were clearly stored up from USLM.
I was blocking them because (1) the motivation for wanting them was that it would impress other people/feel self worth because of their approval which I know is going to only result in pain, the approval will fade and it will hurt when it does; and (2) I'll be getting success and approval because of a sub, not because I fundamentally deserve it so when the sub is gone, any good is gone.
Being on SE, i can really face everything i don't like with an engaged spirit, take responsibility, be very engaged with reality and have much more trust in myself; this allows me to allow subs to work because i can trust myself to handle the benefits well and i can trust that i'm ok with or without those benefits.
I would really LOVE to use the new MLS, you may not remember it but i've been a big proponent of it on this forum.
I'd like to request though that helps to identify and be faithful to the most appropriate means of maintaining internal self worth and self acceptance and disconnect from self worth from positive or negative external feedback. For me this means being faithful to some values, such as being conscious, taking responsibility and being purposeful; and those mattering to me more than what any person thinks and not being dependent on the outcome of the sub for my self-worth, but it may be different for others.
When I did SE for the first time, my whole life turned and became so much healthier and more successful, then using after MLS the results i got were phenomenal. After a while the results were sabotaged when I was depending on getting praise for my cleverness and seeing my intelligence in action to feel good about myself - and I lost my way.
Then I went back to SE again and after that did USLM - again my results were great but started to go south when i was just looking for interesting and fun successes to give me self worth.
I've been on this rollercoaster for a while so hope you can take this request seriously/see why it's quite serious to me. My intrinsic level of self worth is so limited it gets in the way even of mental function at time because ironically i don't want to deal with the pain of doing well, feeling good about myself because of it and then losing that again. It's a hard and very personal thing to admit.
Just another thing, MLS seems to spike reward centres in my brain - literally I get excited and have dopamine highs which result in me binge eating - if there's something related to really enjoying the process of delayed gratification I think that would help with longer term sticking to learning/mental tasks and help to stay on course with health goals as well.
Thanks
I've taken a USLM break and started using SE because, whilst I know USLM is making root level changes related to fear, something told me I need to work on not being motivated by an intrinsic lack of self-worth.
Having no intrinsic self worth results in me avoiding positive events and feedback meaning I block results - since they pump me up and then I crash soon after. After a few days of SE, I broke down crying. I was able to face numerous uncomfortable facts about reality and that I was avoiding them because i fundamentally believed they remove any right to feeling good about myself. After this I had some major successes and breakthroughs which were clearly stored up from USLM.
I was blocking them because (1) the motivation for wanting them was that it would impress other people/feel self worth because of their approval which I know is going to only result in pain, the approval will fade and it will hurt when it does; and (2) I'll be getting success and approval because of a sub, not because I fundamentally deserve it so when the sub is gone, any good is gone.
Being on SE, i can really face everything i don't like with an engaged spirit, take responsibility, be very engaged with reality and have much more trust in myself; this allows me to allow subs to work because i can trust myself to handle the benefits well and i can trust that i'm ok with or without those benefits.
I would really LOVE to use the new MLS, you may not remember it but i've been a big proponent of it on this forum.
I'd like to request though that helps to identify and be faithful to the most appropriate means of maintaining internal self worth and self acceptance and disconnect from self worth from positive or negative external feedback. For me this means being faithful to some values, such as being conscious, taking responsibility and being purposeful; and those mattering to me more than what any person thinks and not being dependent on the outcome of the sub for my self-worth, but it may be different for others.
When I did SE for the first time, my whole life turned and became so much healthier and more successful, then using after MLS the results i got were phenomenal. After a while the results were sabotaged when I was depending on getting praise for my cleverness and seeing my intelligence in action to feel good about myself - and I lost my way.
Then I went back to SE again and after that did USLM - again my results were great but started to go south when i was just looking for interesting and fun successes to give me self worth.
I've been on this rollercoaster for a while so hope you can take this request seriously/see why it's quite serious to me. My intrinsic level of self worth is so limited it gets in the way even of mental function at time because ironically i don't want to deal with the pain of doing well, feeling good about myself because of it and then losing that again. It's a hard and very personal thing to admit.
Just another thing, MLS seems to spike reward centres in my brain - literally I get excited and have dopamine highs which result in me binge eating - if there's something related to really enjoying the process of delayed gratification I think that would help with longer term sticking to learning/mental tasks and help to stay on course with health goals as well.
Thanks