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Darwin
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Registration Date: 11-18-2013
Date of Birth: Not Specified
Local Time: 05-19-2019 at 10:00 AM
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Joined: 11-18-2013
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Your task is not to seek for Love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.

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RE: Freedom and Independence - an Enquiry into Self Esteem 1
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Freedom and Independence - an Enquiry into Self Esteem Men's Journals
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Hi Ben, I don't know the deeper processes going on so I can only relay what I infer from my subjective experience - which may not be what has been for everyone else.

The self esteem on AM6 was somewhat dark and fiery, at times it existed within a narrative of 'everyone has screwed me over, and no one gives a shit so i'm just going to worry about what i'm doing and not give a shit', at other times it was just a pure focus on what i wanted, freedom, and pure idgaf without that negativity.

LTU was a total sense of self acceptance - kind of the opposite of AM6, where in accepting and loving myself I also had the same acceptance and love for others. It felt really nice, and this had some great second order effects but was kind of flacid.

On this Sub I feel like it has started off by prompting me to esquire into what works best and commit to an active path. The feeling is not dark and agry at others/myself, nor happily content and accepting, but somewhere in between.

That's about as well as i can articulate the experience - I'll attempt a simplified example though this too is imperfect, it should shed some more light on my experience.

I don't wake up on time or go to the gym when i should. Under AM6, I get angry, i look at everything holding me back and say '***** that shit', I go to the gym do some heavy weights - pushing myself to new limits.

Under LTU - I give myself understanding, there is nothing wrong with me, I want to go to the gym to serv me and make me happy, i think about how the gym makes me clearer headed and energized, and that i want to enjoy that - so i go to the gym, do some stretching and cardio before doing weights, mindful that I want to do enough to leave me improving physically and mentally, but not so much that i injure myself or leave myself too tired the next day that i spend the day just in recovery mode.

Under SE now i'm just brutally honest. I'm not going to the gym right now because i'm getting in my own way with shit habits, i don't feel guilty or diminish myself in anyway because that would be an indulgence which is beneath my new sense of what constitutes good value and character, I also don't blame anyone or go into victim mode about my childhood. Knowing this and that actually i have programs resistant to change embedded within, i make the consious effort to challenge these programs. I drag my ass to the gym facing down my own internal bs about not wanting to go, taking complete responsibility for it all. I do a good work out with pre defined goals.

That's heavily simplified but should give you at least rough taste of what i've been though in each.