DMSI 3.3D Day 28
First of my two break days, so far so good. I've scored another day of NoFap as well.
I want to reply to this post from Shannon's journal discussion:
(01-02-2019, 07:05 PM)Shannon Wrote: [ -> ] (01-02-2019, 03:52 PM)Shadow2200 Wrote: [ -> ]My question is even with all this high tec anti fear mods healing and clearing and still we can't execute. Where is all this fear coming from and how it'd get so strong that even with the best subs in the world it still having a time at taming it?
It's relatively simple. When the subconscious fears something, the fear grows proportionate to how close that thing is to being experienced. It is how the subconscious thinks it is keeping itself "safe".
The problem is, the more powerful we go, the more likely the experience is, the more fear it generates, and the more nothing happens. Which is why I started with H&C and have moved on to FRM. We have to kill that fear. The situation now is about like holding a dragster back while it is at full blast throttle, using a rubber band. As long as that band holds, the car appears to be doing nothing even with the throttle open and the tires spinning and smoking. When it finally breaks, that car will jump like a bat out of hell to it's goal.
The final challenge is to figure out how to turn off fear without triggering it. And I am going to find the last key when the time is right, but at the moment, it apparently is not. Timing is everything, so they tell me.
What we are attempting to do here by removing the fear has never in the history of mankind been done successfully. So bear with me. It's not the easiest thing to do.
I completely agree. What I have noticed is also how the fear rises the closer it is to a given action. And at that point I just want the feeling to end, so giving up and letting go is the easiest option. It is easy to speak about being outcome independent and just having fun, it's much harder to actually be like that after years of being scared (be it of women, success etc.).
Those who read my journal I'm sure noticed that a lot positive is happening in my life right now. I cut on smoking, NoFap, but also (what I didn't write so far I think) I exercise more and I eat less in general and much less crappy foods in particular. And there well may be other improvements I simply don't notice for how gradual they are and I don't put my conscious mind into them. And all of that seems so simple now!
I mean in the past I'd talk a lot about improving myself (goddammit I'm on my 379 post and it's not my first journal either!), being alpha and whatnot. And while I surely did want to improve and I did put some effort to it, it would all fall flat eventually. A year ago to accomplish improvements in all these areas would take a a lot of willpower. Now I just do them! And I think DMSI is reason for it. It's like I no longer fear becoming this better version of myself I dreamed of for so long.
I'll give you an example. My NoFap in the past would always and surely fail. Being horny is one thing. The other one was that with time I would start thinking "OK, you've gone far already, you deserve some release". Your typical self-sabotage. And I would succumb because "Why not, it's not that big of a deal". It was a habit and it was giving me some closure. Now I fell like DMSI is giving me this closure and NoFap is order of magnitude easier. I fear (and given time span from now to my death it is bound to happen) I will do it again but at least I don't have part of me telling me I can/should do it again.
Don't get me wrong, there is still a lot of work to do for me to actually start executing. I'm still not too keen on socializing and especially with people I don't know already. I still feel like I need to limit my smoking to minimum and lose weight in order to even stand a chance. I'm still in this virgin mindset even though I had 2 girlfriends since I started using subs.
There is still a long perilous journal ahead but I finally feel like it finally started. I feel like some fear I've been struggling with for years are giving the way. And I love it.
EDIT
Another improvement I've just realized - alcohol. Not so long ago I would often go ahead and buy myself 4-pack of bear and I'd drink it before bed. I told myself it'd help me with stress and falling asleep. This would not happen every day of course, but it was easily triggered by boredom or stress. Ever since DMSI 3.3 I drink alone much, much less and I don't fell a need to do it!
What you are describing is the effects of the FRM and PROGRESS! Congratulations! Now we just have to make this happen faster and more comfortably.
DMSI 3.3D Day 29
Second day of the break. Motivation kind of diminished, not enough to sabotage already developed habits, but enough to make me settle on "good enough" levels. Also I've slept for 12 hours, never a good sign. I did drink some whisky with my flatmate to cheer her up after she broke with her boyfriend, but not so much as to have hangover and make me sleep for so long.
I've just hit 7 days of NoFap and still going strong. The problem is I've started getting some thoughts like "why bother" or "just do it, it's not a big deal". I meditated a little bit on that issue and those are because of fear that goes more or less like this: "OK, but even if you'll stop fapping, what is there for you after that? Nothing! So you might just return to what you've been doing your entire life!". So, in other words, now that I'm fighting with my limitations and excuses dressed as habits, my subconscious fears the unknown and the apparent lack of stability new possibilities may bring.
Thankfully it's too late for me to simply back down and spent entire life in my mother's basement. I will stumble and I will fall for certain. But day by day I'm gaining momentum. And while I don't know where I will end up, as someone famous one day said "It's all about the journey, not the destination".
(01-03-2019, 07:06 AM)Shannon Wrote: [ -> ]What you are describing is the effects of the FRM and PROGRESS! Congratulations! Now we just have to make this happen faster and more comfortably.
You have no idea how happy and glad I am for this progress! Previous subs I used were hit-and-miss with some of them (AM, BIATBW and DMSI 2 come to mind right now) giving me some nice results. But these were gradual and mostly little tangential came out of these. Now it's something completely different. It's kind of as if rules of the game of life are changing in my favor and now I need to learn them anew. Only it is me what's changing, not the world. Incredible feeling.
DMSI 3.3D Day 32
Few last days had been tough. I fapped and lost my strike, thankfully I got back on track and I've just completed 48h. It wasn't worth it (damn, bragging rights on this forum would be worth much more alone
) but I don't consider my reset a failure. I got longer strike than ever since I started thinking about NoFap so it's huge success anyways.
It might sound funny but I'm glad I'm back to work from my vacation. What killed my strike was more than anything else boredom and my job gives me lots of satisfaction, so once I'm back at it and have much less free time to waste around I'm also much better in other fields.
As for resistance and DMSI in general... well, I feel kind of tired. Last week I was so optimistic, today I was just going with the flow. Thankfully habits I've developed so far are quite strong so no progress I've gained last 2 weeks is lost.
There are still lots of things I fear greatly, I may or may not write about them in the future if I have time and will to write something comprehensive about the topic. Rest assured I contemplate, muse and meditate on the topic recently quite a bit. Thought alone is unpleasant as it's hard to admit some truths about yourself and your fears. Still I want to recognize and eliminate all these fears, one by one, little by little.
DMSI 3.3D Day 39
Sorry for not posting for a long time. In fact this post won't be long either. When I felt like posting the forum was out, when it was online I didn't fell like it. This is sometimes how the things go.
My habits are still going strong. Despite falls I don't give up on NoFap, if anything I get more and more convinced how important it is.
The problem is I fell so weird recently. Like I want to get my shit together and I want to prepare myself for things to come but not quite ready to make a decisive move. I would love to date to f**k some beautiful women, but on the other hand I don't feel like putting serious effort into it. Recently when asked I found myself giving excuse of "It's too cold, I don't feel like dating and going outside." Damn, I'm full of crap. At the same time it's crap I'm consciously accepting and not that willing to fight. :/
I've met with my female friend today (the one sending me picture of her boobs) and I talked to her about changes I'm undergoing right now. She was surprised and in real awe. I may undersell those things I do right now but apparently for the outsider (and someone who knows me for a very long time) these are huge. As for our interactions nothing special happened (nor I wanted to/was prepared to happen), however I noticed she was talking quite a lot about children. Also, for the first time, she told me she masturbates! That was surely not a coincidence, I mean I talked with her about NoFap before, but she wouldn't tell me her side back then!
DMSI 3.3D Day 41
Can't wait for the new iteration of DMSI. I'm out for a DMSI break now and I think I will start again only after new version is out. Even if that will mean I will skip additional day or two.
Optimism is kind of back although I do have quite a mood swings recently so it really depends on day-to-day and even hour-to-hour basis.
DMSI 3.3.1D Day 0
I hope 3.3.1D will be out soon and I'll be able to start listening tomorrow. Anyhow, I'm still waiting and I'm very positive and optimistic. Stars align man!
I decided to write because 3 weird things happened in the last 2 days.
- I wrote to my female friend I didn't talk for a quite a long time. She sad how she feels sad (almost depressed) but me writing to her cheered her up.
- Girl I know from my work wrote to me thanking me for my work with the group and hoping she will see me again. I responded she's always welcome at my office in need be.
- Finally my ex wrote to me after 2 months or so. She said she thought things through and she wants to have serious conversation.
W T F ? !
(01-20-2019, 04:48 AM)Mystic Pymp Wrote: [ -> ]DMSI 3.3.1D Day 0
I hope 3.3.1D will be out soon and I'll be able to start listening tomorrow. Anyhow, I'm still waiting and I'm very positive and optimistic. Stars align man!
I decided to write because 3 weird things happened in the last 2 days.- I wrote to my female friend I didn't talk for a quite a long time. She sad how she feels sad (almost depressed) but me writing to her cheered her up.
- Girl I know from my work wrote to me thanking me for my work with the group and hoping she will see me again. I responded she's always welcome at my office in need be.
- Finally my ex wrote to me after 2 months or so. She said she thought things through and she wants to have serious conversation.
W T F ? !
Thats friggin' awesome man. wow. 3 X's a charm!! Rock n' Roll !! and the women are going :
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Lt6r-k9Bk6o
(01-07-2019, 04:42 PM)Mystic Pymp Wrote: [ -> ]DMSI 3.3D Day 32
Few last days had been tough. I fapped and lost my strike, thankfully I got back on track and I've just completed 48h. It wasn't worth it (damn, bragging rights on this forum would be worth much more alone ) but I don't consider my reset a failure. I got longer strike than ever since I started thinking about NoFap so it's huge success anyways.
It might sound funny but I'm glad I'm back to work from my vacation. What killed my strike was more than anything else boredom and my job gives me lots of satisfaction, so once I'm back at it and have much less free time to waste around I'm also much better in other fields.
As for resistance and DMSI in general... well, I feel kind of tired. Last week I was so optimistic, today I was just going with the flow. Thankfully habits I've developed so far are quite strong so no progress I've gained last 2 weeks is lost.
There are still lots of things I fear greatly, I may or may not write about them in the future if I have time and will to write something comprehensive about the topic. Rest assured I contemplate, muse and meditate on the topic recently quite a bit. Thought alone is unpleasant as it's hard to admit some truths about yourself and your fears. Still I want to recognize and eliminate all these fears, one by one, little by little.
I have been observing some very strange things happening lately also. The only thing I can think of is TID, but I won't be running DMSI. So my TID has to be from Beast 18, which is due out in 1-2 weeks. It seems that this latest adjustment to FRM may be a very interesting thing to observe.
DMSI 3.3.1D Day 1
I don't like the new DMSI.
Seriously, something is off about this one. I enjoyed 3.3 so much, even during this almost week long break in preparation to 3.3.1 I was optimistic and happy. What happened the very moment I launched 3.3.1? I got angry, depressed, hopeless. Now that I put a lot of energy towards my work I'm tired the whole weekend, but now I'm also tired mentally. I don't know what to do, where to put my effort and free time.
I'll give this version a go, I'm not a quitter. Anyway it may as well be something else, there's plenty of things to keep my spirit low in my life right now, it's just that they didn't manage to do it just yet. Or the new FRM is working so hard it's practically scary. But if that is the case it's not comfortable at all.
Whatever happens I will do at least 3 rounds (so 3x7 days plus breaks), if I feel worse than on 3.3 back then I say to hell with the whole "tester" schtick and I revert to the old version.
It's probably FRM doing its thing, hard. Hang in there.
DMSI 3.3.1D Day 2
(01-23-2019, 12:47 PM)Have at ye Wrote: [ -> ]It's probably FRM doing its thing, hard. Hang in there.
Thanks man, from what I can read you have kinda similar experience. I kinda good to know you're not the only one
Anger is mostly gone. Mixture of exercise, work and singing aloud help a lot with emotions like that.
However all is not fine just yet. I have no idea how to concisely describe how I fell, it changes from hour to hour to be honest. What's constant throughout the day however are the feeling of confusion and feeling tired while energized at the same time (so basically physical confusion).
Also I've lost my 6 days long NoFap strike.
Add to that every fiber of my body screeming "go back to 3.3" things are not good at all. What's funny is I feel this version will work and it will work well, it's just that getting there might not be as easy as it was with 3.3.1.
DMSI 3.3.1D Day 4
I still feel like crap. Today I read Shannon's journal and I thought how much fun it would be to run LTU. However, as I said, I'll be running current DMSI version for at least a month, no matter what happens!
I met with my ex yesterday, we talked a little bit, got drunk and then had serious conversation. Thankfully nothing happened as the last thing I want is to get back with her (unless she does some serious changes in her life, but that is very unlikely). However it seems like me might become friends (with benefits maybe?) although given how emotional she is about me I doubt this would ultimately work.
DMSI 3.3.1D Day 5
I feel better, but that doesn't mean I feel well. Far from it. If anything I stopped panicking and I think I might be slowly adjusting to the new version. Still I long for the feeling of self-assurance and confident 3.3 gave tons of.
I start to think that it's the "ultrasonic" format's fault. Tonight for the fist time I listened to DMSI on hybrid during my sleep, I woke up quite happy and optimistic. However to get to the 8 loops I need I had to do some more on my laptop and it then everything turned gray again. I can and I'd love to switch to hybrid exclusively, but then I won't be having a chance to run 8 loops I fear. Not to mention on the previous version it was with ultrasonic when I had the best results and the most fun!
Something went horribly wrong I must say.