(02-04-2019, 02:14 PM)Shadow2200 Wrote: [ -> ] (02-04-2019, 09:28 AM)Mystic Pymp Wrote: [ -> ]DMSI 3.3.1D Day 13
(02-03-2019, 03:07 PM)Shadow2200 Wrote: [ -> ]Say goodbye to fear
Yeah fear, GTFO!
Not much to talk, I don't feel too good, however I feel like huge part of it is my subconscious trying to make the victim out of me. I don't know how to explain this. It's just that I don't really have strength and will to do anything. Like I can only stare at the wall or watch stupid YouTube films.
It will pass, all I need is to make myself useful. I hope I'll be able to break this threshold tomorrow at work, if not then I'll try to figure something else out.
I decided to buy LTU 4, I will want to listen to it anyways and I have the money so why not? I'll switch to it in May, until then I want to finish 90 days of DMSI and see what happens. It doesn't matter if I'll be drowning in pussy or I'll get nothing - I think LTU will do well for me in the long run and I'll be able to come back to DMSI some time later anyways.
LTU dose look great
It sure does look great. And I'd love to start running it right away. However, there are two problems as far as I'm concerned.
First one is timing. However scared or limited by my beliefs I am, I know I want to attract women. If anything my sexual life is my biggest source of complexes. I was denied in high school, I did not have much success in collage and what I had left me in one way or another scarred and tired of sexual relationships. It was mostly caused by lack of opportunities and I hope DMSI can help me with that.
Second one is "the resistance". I don't want Shannon to scold me for running away from executing the sub. And I don't want that because I know he's right. If anything I am extremely self-aware person and my meditations help me with that. I know I would run away from DMSI (as I did when I found a girlfriend BTW) given the opportunity and LTU is a great one. So unless @
Shannon comes down and says that in my situation LTU might be more beneficial I'll be sticking with DMSI for the 3 month period.
DMSI 3.3.1D Day 14
I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired.
The thing is I'm not getting any better and life doesn't seem to help me right now. Things are not as easy and simple as they've been with 3.3. However, easy or hard, simple or complicated, I need to get my shit together and get my bearing in order again. I neglected my habits, let myself slip and was finding excuses.
I've come to a good start today I think. I'd just wish it was a walk in the park and not plow through the snow.
DMSI 3.3.1D Day 15
My father has gotten worse, he was put back unto the surgical table after some complications from last week's surgery. I came back home as soon as I could when I learned about this to cheer and support my mother and see my father when he'll eventually wake up after the surgery.
I'll keep listening to DMSI and trying my pathetic best, but sadly in such a circumstances don't expect shiny results. I will keep listening to DMSI and I hope I'll be able to write so progress reports. However being sexually irresistible is the least of my concerns right now. Just so you know.
DMSI 3.3.1D Day 16
I think I've finally came to the point when I don't need to force myself to listen to DMSI. Instead I feel like it gives me sense of assurance and confidence I was getting from 3.3.
However things are still bad. Even beside my dad's health I feel so useless right now. I cannot concentrate on anything and I feel guilty I'm not doing any useful work. I wish I could just focus on something and stop worrying.
DMSI 3.3.1D Day 18
Back on the break.
I decided that on Monday I will ask my boss for 2 weeks off so I can get my bearings together and spend some time together with my mother. My father is stable and there should be little danger to him now, however he's still in coma and it can take a week or 3 months or perhaps more. I'll have to learn to live with that and accept that, for now though such a break would be a blessing for me. Especially when I'm unable to do much work anyways and I would feel only more guilty for that.
Quote from Shannon's Journal Discussion I'd like to comment:
(02-09-2019, 07:32 AM)Shannon Wrote: [ -> ]DMSI is Self Optimizing Polymorphic Scripting. That means it gets into your head and adjusts for whatever you need to achieve the goals of the program. If for you, becoming sexually irresistible means becoming a more caring man, that is what will happen. If for you it means becoming more wealthy, that is what will happen. If for you it means becoming more dominant to the gender you prefer sex with, that is what will happen. If that means you need to look to a country where women think differently, that is what will happen. No two people are alike, so the programming takes that into account and creates the difference between what you are and what you want to be, so you can achieve that goal.
Whatever you need, DMSI will achieve, when you start executing.
This is why I love DMSI so much I think. I think it pushes me sometimes in unexpected directions, which ultimately end up benefiting me. It was so profound in 3.3 and I start experiencing it with 3.3.1. It's not just about being "sexually irresistible". It's so much more.
DMSI 3.3.1 D helps in many different ways
DMSI 3.3.1D Day 20
The last day of the second break, I cannot wait to start the next serie.
I've talked to my boss and, to my complete and utter surprise, he said (besides best wishes to my dad etc.) there is no problem for some break as I am ahead of the work anyway. I was weird because I cannot escape thought that I'm slacking off and I could do more still. At any case not worrying for work for the next 2 weeks will help me a lot sorting things out.
Last 3 days had been mixed bag. Strangely I went to the city back from my parents' to meet with two of my friends and I did meet both of them, however both had short time to spend. With both I talked about meeting again when arrangements are better but still.
DMSI 3.3.1D Day 22
I'm going back to my parents' tomorrow. Normally I'd want to just visit my dad and support my mum, but today I really want to visit head of the department my father is in.
I don't normally think about this but yesterday I started to seriously thinking about suing the hospital to the oblivion for botched operations (yes, TWO operations) and bringing my father to a comatose. I don't need this money, I'm wealthy enough as it is, but my parents wanted to do makeover of the house for a long time and after my dad wakes up he'll probably need some special care, so this money will be well spend. I started researching what can be done and how much one can get. I hope that least some good will come out of this shitty situation.
DMSI 3.3.1D Day 24
Valentine's day came and went and I barely even noticed. I used to be huge downer for me, but this time it was different for 2 reasons. First one is obvious, I'm busy with other stuff. Second one though is that in the last years I had 2 girlfriends and if I somehow know that if I wanted to I'd find the next one no problem.
I'm having a lot of dreams recently around women, interestingly they are less erotic wet dreams and more romantic. I remember one dream in particular where my female friend by accident told me that she loves me, I rejected her but I hugged and comforted her. There was also one where I felt I loved my other female friend, I don't remember details though and I cannot reproduce the feeling after waking up.
What are you trying to tell me, DMSI?
(02-15-2019, 02:18 AM)Mystic Pymp Wrote: [ -> ]DMSI 3.3.1D Day 24
Valentine's day came and went and I barely even noticed. I used to be huge downer for me, but this time it was different for 2 reasons. First one is obvious, I'm busy with other stuff. Second one though is that in the last years I had 2 girlfriends and if I somehow know that if I wanted to I'd find the next one no problem.
I'm having a lot of dreams recently around women, interestingly they are less erotic wet dreams and more romantic. I remember one dream in particular where my female friend by accident told me that she loves me, I rejected her but I hugged and comforted her. There was also one where I felt I loved my other female friend, I don't remember details though and I cannot reproduce the feeling after waking up.
What are you trying to tell me, DMSI?
That you need to love yourself before you can feel the love from someone else perhaps? Love shouldn't have to be rejected.
(02-15-2019, 02:18 AM)Mystic Pymp Wrote: [ -> ]DMSI 3.3.1D Day 24
Valentine's day came and went and I barely even noticed. I used to be huge downer for me, but this time it was different for 2 reasons. First one is obvious, I'm busy with other stuff. Second one though is that in the last years I had 2 girlfriends and if I somehow know that if I wanted to I'd find the next one no problem.
I'm having a lot of dreams recently around women, interestingly they are less erotic wet dreams and more romantic. I remember one dream in particular where my female friend by accident told me that she loves me, I rejected her but I hugged and comforted her. There was also one where I felt I loved my other female friend, I don't remember details though and I cannot reproduce the feeling after waking up.
What are you trying to tell me, DMSI?
Telling ya Love is on the way. Watch out
DMSI 3.3.1D Day 25
(02-15-2019, 05:45 AM)Greenduck Wrote: [ -> ]That you need to love yourself before you can feel the love from someone else perhaps? Love shouldn't have to be rejected.
Loving thyself is tricky business but one I think have covered quite well. Maybe I'll write an update about that some other day. The short of it is I can forgive myself almost anything but I continually strife to be the best version of myself. If I were to hate myself I would fall and stay down a long time ago.
(02-16-2019, 08:56 AM)Shadow2200 Wrote: [ -> ]Telling ya Love is on the way. Watch out
I wrote about this some time ago, I feel like the Universe is pushing me into a relationship with that particular girl. Who knows what will happen, her or someone else, I cannot help but feel hope that everything will turn out fine.
I had more dreams today. First one was about my father, I went to the hospital and he was awake. In reality he's still in coma but he slowly regains consciousness, he seemed to slightly react to me and my mother today. I don't remember what I was talking about with him though, what I remember the most is him being happy for seeing me.
Second one I remember little about, I remember the feeling of being very light - it's something I experience often I my dreams. It's like I'm not walking and instead I'm swinging close to the ground. And just like swinging I cannot control the movement very well, being carried over by the momentum.
DMSI 3.3.1D Day 27
There are days like these when I don't want to post a repost simply because there is little to write. Still I feel like there is something, I just don't know how to explain it.
I feel so tired and hopeless and lost. I'm back in the city and to be honest leaving my parents' house leaves me directionless. There at least I can visit my father and stay with my mother. Here I meet my friends, put on the brave face and pretend everything is fine. And yet when I'm alone I find it hard to make myself useful. At this point I'm not sure how much of this is proper concern and how much is excuse not to take responsibility like I did before. Someone else's pity is one helluva drug when you come to think of it.
Still I feel like everything is going to be fine. All things seem to be slowly put themselves into the place: family-wise, job-wise, love-wise. It's so strange.