01-03-2019, 12:05 AM
(This post was last modified: 01-03-2019, 12:23 AM by Mystic Pymp.)
DMSI 3.3D Day 28
First of my two break days, so far so good. I've scored another day of NoFap as well.
I want to reply to this post from Shannon's journal discussion:
I completely agree. What I have noticed is also how the fear rises the closer it is to a given action. And at that point I just want the feeling to end, so giving up and letting go is the easiest option. It is easy to speak about being outcome independent and just having fun, it's much harder to actually be like that after years of being scared (be it of women, success etc.).
Those who read my journal I'm sure noticed that a lot positive is happening in my life right now. I cut on smoking, NoFap, but also (what I didn't write so far I think) I exercise more and I eat less in general and much less crappy foods in particular. And there well may be other improvements I simply don't notice for how gradual they are and I don't put my conscious mind into them. And all of that seems so simple now!
I mean in the past I'd talk a lot about improving myself (goddammit I'm on my 379 post and it's not my first journal either!), being alpha and whatnot. And while I surely did want to improve and I did put some effort to it, it would all fall flat eventually. A year ago to accomplish improvements in all these areas would take a a lot of willpower. Now I just do them! And I think DMSI is reason for it. It's like I no longer fear becoming this better version of myself I dreamed of for so long.
I'll give you an example. My NoFap in the past would always and surely fail. Being horny is one thing. The other one was that with time I would start thinking "OK, you've gone far already, you deserve some release". Your typical self-sabotage. And I would succumb because "Why not, it's not that big of a deal". It was a habit and it was giving me some closure. Now I fell like DMSI is giving me this closure and NoFap is order of magnitude easier. I fear (and given time span from now to my death it is bound to happen) I will do it again but at least I don't have part of me telling me I can/should do it again.
Don't get me wrong, there is still a lot of work to do for me to actually start executing. I'm still not too keen on socializing and especially with people I don't know already. I still feel like I need to limit my smoking to minimum and lose weight in order to even stand a chance. I'm still in this virgin mindset even though I had 2 girlfriends since I started using subs.
There is still a long perilous journal ahead but I finally feel like it finally started. I feel like some fear I've been struggling with for years are giving the way. And I love it.
EDIT
Another improvement I've just realized - alcohol. Not so long ago I would often go ahead and buy myself 4-pack of bear and I'd drink it before bed. I told myself it'd help me with stress and falling asleep. This would not happen every day of course, but it was easily triggered by boredom or stress. Ever since DMSI 3.3 I drink alone much, much less and I don't fell a need to do it!
First of my two break days, so far so good. I've scored another day of NoFap as well.
I want to reply to this post from Shannon's journal discussion:
(01-02-2019, 07:05 PM)Shannon Wrote:(01-02-2019, 03:52 PM)Shadow2200 Wrote: My question is even with all this high tec anti fear mods healing and clearing and still we can't execute. Where is all this fear coming from and how it'd get so strong that even with the best subs in the world it still having a time at taming it?
It's relatively simple. When the subconscious fears something, the fear grows proportionate to how close that thing is to being experienced. It is how the subconscious thinks it is keeping itself "safe".
The problem is, the more powerful we go, the more likely the experience is, the more fear it generates, and the more nothing happens. Which is why I started with H&C and have moved on to FRM. We have to kill that fear. The situation now is about like holding a dragster back while it is at full blast throttle, using a rubber band. As long as that band holds, the car appears to be doing nothing even with the throttle open and the tires spinning and smoking. When it finally breaks, that car will jump like a bat out of hell to it's goal.
The final challenge is to figure out how to turn off fear without triggering it. And I am going to find the last key when the time is right, but at the moment, it apparently is not. Timing is everything, so they tell me.
What we are attempting to do here by removing the fear has never in the history of mankind been done successfully. So bear with me. It's not the easiest thing to do.
I completely agree. What I have noticed is also how the fear rises the closer it is to a given action. And at that point I just want the feeling to end, so giving up and letting go is the easiest option. It is easy to speak about being outcome independent and just having fun, it's much harder to actually be like that after years of being scared (be it of women, success etc.).
Those who read my journal I'm sure noticed that a lot positive is happening in my life right now. I cut on smoking, NoFap, but also (what I didn't write so far I think) I exercise more and I eat less in general and much less crappy foods in particular. And there well may be other improvements I simply don't notice for how gradual they are and I don't put my conscious mind into them. And all of that seems so simple now!
I mean in the past I'd talk a lot about improving myself (goddammit I'm on my 379 post and it's not my first journal either!), being alpha and whatnot. And while I surely did want to improve and I did put some effort to it, it would all fall flat eventually. A year ago to accomplish improvements in all these areas would take a a lot of willpower. Now I just do them! And I think DMSI is reason for it. It's like I no longer fear becoming this better version of myself I dreamed of for so long.
I'll give you an example. My NoFap in the past would always and surely fail. Being horny is one thing. The other one was that with time I would start thinking "OK, you've gone far already, you deserve some release". Your typical self-sabotage. And I would succumb because "Why not, it's not that big of a deal". It was a habit and it was giving me some closure. Now I fell like DMSI is giving me this closure and NoFap is order of magnitude easier. I fear (and given time span from now to my death it is bound to happen) I will do it again but at least I don't have part of me telling me I can/should do it again.
Don't get me wrong, there is still a lot of work to do for me to actually start executing. I'm still not too keen on socializing and especially with people I don't know already. I still feel like I need to limit my smoking to minimum and lose weight in order to even stand a chance. I'm still in this virgin mindset even though I had 2 girlfriends since I started using subs.
There is still a long perilous journal ahead but I finally feel like it finally started. I feel like some fear I've been struggling with for years are giving the way. And I love it.
EDIT
Another improvement I've just realized - alcohol. Not so long ago I would often go ahead and buy myself 4-pack of bear and I'd drink it before bed. I told myself it'd help me with stress and falling asleep. This would not happen every day of course, but it was easily triggered by boredom or stress. Ever since DMSI 3.3 I drink alone much, much less and I don't fell a need to do it!
For not by numbers of men, nor by measure of body, but by valor of soul is war to be decided.
~Belisarius, the last Roman
Certitude is for the puzzle-box logicians and girls of white glamour [...]. I am a letter written in uncertainty.
~36 Lessons of Vivec, Sermon 4
~Belisarius, the last Roman
Certitude is for the puzzle-box logicians and girls of white glamour [...]. I am a letter written in uncertainty.
~36 Lessons of Vivec, Sermon 4
) but I don't consider my reset a failure. I got longer strike than ever since I started thinking about NoFap so it's huge success anyways.
