Subliminal Talk

Day 78

This is unusual update, and possibly quite valuable one for some. #DMSI_RESEARCH

Like I said before my ex contacted me two weeks ago or so and I've had sporadic conversations with her ever since. And, because she is into magic, astrology and such, I thought I would ask her about if she noticed anything strange about me and her lately. I was looking for what DMSI might be doing to her. And if you wonder why I'm talking with her... Well, I'm a stupid guy, that's why. Talking with her does give me some anxiety, but it's healing-like anxiety that I appreciate. Also there is no talk of coming back together, so unless I will go out of my way to let her she will never hurt me emotionally again.

I won't be posting the entire conversation here of course, but these are the bullet points:

• I asked her why she contacted me at that particular moment. She said it was an impulse.
  
• I asked her if she wanted to do this earlier. She said yes, but not that strongly.
  
• I asked her if she can "sense" that I am about to contact her. You know, like "I wonder what he's doing" and getting message minute later. She said yes, and multiple times.
  

So something is undeniably going on with her. If this is sniper then I'm screwed to be honest, she does seem to change quite a lot since out break-up but not enough to justify second chance. I didn't met with her in person yet, so only long distance sniper is contender for that phenomenon.

Interesting thing about the day she wrote to me was that day before I had serious conversation with my DMSI girl (more on her later) and I was talking about my ex and she helped me let go of the remnants of what I felt towards my ex. Not sure if the emotional release brought her to contact me or I became open for it and she sensed it. At any rate falling asleep thinking "I'm finally free of my ex" and waking up seeing message from her on my phone...

That is not coincidence. I was thinking it was a dream, honestly. Only after multiple reality checks I realized this is quite real.

Also I admit things like that did happen in the past (she would write to me she's sorry during my creative visualizations on her for example) but they required work on my part. Now I'm passive and this crap is happening anyway. To be honest I'm scared where this may lead in the future.

On the other fronts, concerning my DMSI girl (one who "cucked" me) there is interesting thing I've noticed. She would write with me and even throw some sexual connotations here and there while being with her boyfriend I have no idea how "normal" this kind of behavior is but it reminds me of how I would write to my sweetheart while spending time with my ex (then my gf). And guess with whom I'd rather be back then. Of course the one I was messaging.

If not for real life distance she would be mine right now. I can smell it.

Oh, and one more thing. I'm watching House of Cards right now, loved this show before and I love it now even more. Ruthlessness and sheer personality of Frank Underwood is just... magnificent. Perhaps not the essence of alpha but surely I could borrow some of his traits.

(05-19-2017, 06:17 AM)Mystic Pymp Wrote: [ -> ]So something is undeniably going on with her. If this is sniper then I'm screwed to be honest, she does seem to change quite a lot since out break-up but not enough to justify second chance. I didn't met with her in person yet, so only long distance sniper is contender for that phenomenon.

But maybe she changed enough to be your friend with benefits. Just make aware that DMSI isn't about creating relationships (even if not excluded) just sex.

(05-19-2017, 06:44 AM)Mr. Anderson Wrote: [ -> ]

(05-19-2017, 06:17 AM)Mystic Pymp Wrote: [ -> ]So something is undeniably going on with her. If this is sniper then I'm screwed to be honest, she does seem to change quite a lot since out break-up but not enough to justify second chance. I didn't met with her in person yet, so only long distance sniper is contender for that phenomenon.

But maybe she changed enough to be your friend with benefits. Just make aware that DMSI isn't about creating relationships (even if not excluded) just sex.

Well, maybe? That would be quite a dance with fire as oneitis would be probable if I won't have other options.

Day 79

Strange day, anxiety extremely high for no good apparent reason. Been trying to ease it somehow but to no avail. I feel almost crying inside, it's that bad. Gotta wait through it, tomorrow's gonna be busy so I won't have time for anxiety then.

Heard people complaining about gaining weight so these are my two cents on that. This months I lost 3kg. I'm lightest I've been since Christmas and only 2.5kg to go to my all-time record (or at least during my adult life). I'm not doing that much to accomplish, no extra exercises or strict diet. The only thing I noticed is that some days I eat very little while doing my usual walks and runs. Mind though that in the past no matter how much walking and running I would do I was not losing weight. And I was never hungering myself this past months, simply my appetite was smaller than usual.

One more note on my ex. I'm not sure if she's playing me or not (so far I didn't caught her on lying so probably not) but after I asked her if she still has my shirt I left once at her place she said yes. What's more it's apparently one of few things she kept from that time and she wore it this week. Mind you I've never seen her in man's shirt other than my own so she's not type to wear them at all. If she's not lying it means she's still quite emotional about me, more so than I am about her for sure.

Day 83

Ok, something extremely interesting and worrisome just happened. I was on a walk and I got attacked by a raven. Thrice. I would get attacked more but damn bird would only attack from behind, so when I was trailing it it would only swoop down and squeak. Thankfully it left no wound or even scratch, but that was something terrifying. One of those things that make you wonder if you are not dreaming.

Why is this important? Well, because raven is bird strongly associated with my ex. And like I said before she believes in magic and she does some crazy stuff with Norse rituals. To this day she pays the price for strong curses she was casting "out of fun" in high school.

This sort of crap happened for the first time in my life. Where I walk there after lots of ravens, I think you call them "conspiracies of ravens". Sure, one would squeak at me from time to time, but never ever engage me.

I do not believe in coincidences. And if you follow my journal you know there are no coincidence then it comes to me and my ex. So if something is up I better get hold onto it, otherwise I might be in trouble.

DMSI was supposed to make my life into porn movie, not goddamn Birdemic or Hitchcock horror :/

I've seen a flock of ravens on a street a few weeks ago. They left me alone tho.

A few other animal stuff while on dmsi:

- black cats cross my path a lot. Like a whole lot.
- rabbits I see while doing sales are sometimes unafraid of me
- was in a town a while ago where there are lots of deer in the town. I walked past them within 15 feet sometimes. I was afraid they'd kick me but they didn't
- dogs love me but sometimes not. Rarely but some dogs go crazy and growl at me

(05-24-2017, 11:39 AM)SargeMaximus Wrote: [ -> ]I've seen a flock of ravens on a street a few weeks ago. They left me alone tho.

A few other animal stuff while on dmsi:

- black cats cross my path a lot. Like a whole lot.
- rabbits I see while doing sales are sometimes unafraid of me
- was in a town a while ago where there are lots of deer in the town. I walked past them within 15 feet sometimes. I was afraid they'd kick me but they didn't
- dogs love me but sometimes not. Rarely but some dogs go crazy and growl at me

Dogs and other animals are of no issue for me. The thing is I was walking that trail for 2 years now, lots of ravens and other flock as well near that river and treeline and never was I even shit on by them. And so, all of the sudden, my ex's spirit animal is attacking me. I understand if it was defending its nest or something but it took place in a long path, 300 metres or so. No way it would defend its young that far.

I was talking with my ex and she denied any and all involvement. I am inclined to believe her, after all since we got back in touch I didn't caught her lying yet, but it's still suspicious. Good thing that bird didn't left me bleeding, otherwise I would be calling pest control or whatever. At any rate I will be careful about her, not once was I attacked by a bird and those circumstances are more than extraordinary.

(05-24-2017, 01:24 PM)Mystic Pymp Wrote: [ -> ]

(05-24-2017, 11:39 AM)SargeMaximus Wrote: [ -> ]I've seen a flock of ravens on a street a few weeks ago. They left me alone tho.

A few other animal stuff while on dmsi:

- black cats cross my path a lot. Like a whole lot.
- rabbits I see while doing sales are sometimes unafraid of me
- was in a town a while ago where there are lots of deer in the town. I walked past them within 15 feet sometimes. I was afraid they'd kick me but they didn't
- dogs love me but sometimes not. Rarely but some dogs go crazy and growl at me

Dogs and other animals are of no issue for me. The thing is I was walking that trail for 2 years now, lots of ravens and other flock as well near that river and treeline and never was I even shit on by them. And so, all of the sudden, my ex's spirit animal is attacking me. I understand if it was defending its nest or something but it took place in a long path, 300 metres or so. No way it would defend its young that far.

I was talking with my ex and she denied any and all involvement. I am inclined to believe her, after all since we got back in touch I didn't caught her lying yet, but it's still suspicious. Good thing that bird didn't left me bleeding, otherwise I would be calling pest control or whatever. At any rate I will be careful about her, not once was I attacked by a bird and those circumstances are more than extraordinary.

Your ex's spirit animal isn't attacking you. A raven attacked you. Keep your head clear man. Could happen to anyone.

(05-24-2017, 01:36 PM)SargeMaximus Wrote: [ -> ]Your ex's spirit animal isn't attacking you. A raven attacked you. Keep your head clear man. Could happen to anyone.

True. Still I'd rather take note of strange coincidences rather than dismiss them.

Day 84 - 5 loops

Number of days grows so large it's harder and harder for me to make sure I make the count right 12 weeks is helluva long time and an interesting ride so far.

Last night I was trying out listening to more loops of version A. Because my daily schedule is shaky I decided to do it at night, with my headphones on using hybrid. I woke up in the middle of the night right after 5th loop, stopped listening and went to sleep again. Quality of sleep was low, it was quite shallow and I was waking up a lot. I had lots of dreams as well.

When I woke up I was heavy and tired but I felt much less anxiety than on most days. If anything I felt more bold for first part of the day. I found myself thinking a lot about my sweetheart which was surprising for two reasons. One is that I tend not do think much about her. Second is something similar happened to me when I tried single loop of DMSI 3.1B this one time (I never mentioned it in this journal). So... there might be a pattern here.

In fact the only dream I remember was about her. She was this cute, almost cartoonish character with almost no hands and legs but huge butt and tits. There was nothing sexual in that dream though. Also lots of false awakenings and stuff like that, very fun to experience but nothing substantial to talk about.

Last but not least, and I think important in context of larger amount of loops, I think I might had manifestation and I blew it. In this event I was in there was a band and this sweet little girl was singing in the choir. She caught my attention immediately and after the whole thing during the banquet she was there, talking to other band members. I had no idea how to approach her so I just gave in. It's the first time I feel shame for not taking action in a long time. I guess I might try reaching her out somehow, we'll see. Maybe I will let her know she has a fan now

Day 85 - 5 loops

I didn't have much sleep this night either and so I got 5 loops this night. And this day was definitely interesting.

Before midday was very productive, made a lot of shit done and many people were extremely pleasant towards me. Most of the rest of the day I stent with my male friend doing all sorts of things, great time altogether.

Two interesting things of note. First is my Chinese friend contacted me for the first time in a long while, she lives in China so no plans about her but it's nice to talk again with old friend of yours. She said how "strange" it feels to talk again as I remind her of her old life. I feel almost the same about my ex.

And speaking of the devil of course we chatted a bit today. The most interesting thing was she send me old photo of our she apparently kept on her laptop. What's really interesting though is that I was heavily thinking about her prior to her sending the message, I was then with my friend watching new Pirates movie at the cinema. And she send me the picture right after I left the movie. When I asked her what is it she said "It's us, silly". I can't help but be curious why she send me that picture.

Time will tell. So far listening to more DMSI loops had been fun experience and I'm gonna continue doing it.

Day 86 - 7 loops

Day has just begun and my ex already called me on the phone (first time we talked since we got back in touch again except for failed skype attempts) and... she send me nudes. Yeah...

Day 87 - 6 + 1 loops

It's 4th day of increased loop number and first one when I feel tired and anxious.

Adventures with my ex continue. Today she went for her family party and obviously she send me photos of her all ready for the event. And I must admit she does look beautiful. I'm not sure if she's trying to gain validation from me or simply plays me with her sexuality.

Thus far I'm getting no oneitis on her so I fair much better than last year. We'll see what will happen once we eventually meet.

Sadly on other fronts not much is going my. Who I think is my snipee seems to be well with her boyfriend and I don't think there will be opening for her anytime soon. No other external results either.

EDIT

I just finished additional loop of DMSI, ultrasonic (I listen to hybrid at night). I am supposed to listen to my subconscious and listening to it was spontaneous decision. A feel quite anxious after it but also strangely optimistic. Odd feeling.

Day 88 - 6 loops

I wish I could make this shit up.

Day 89 - 5 loops

Yesterday my ex invited me to come to where she lives (2 hours drive from the city). I came out quite naturally, I said I'd like to come some day and she said why not this week. We agreed I'd come on Wednesday but today she wrote she's sorry and that she isn't ready for meeting me yet.

Whatever DMSI is doing to her right now I feel sorry for her. She has enough emotional baggage as it is and I feel right now like I only give her more shit to carry on her shoulders. I have no idea what to do to be honest, only thing I can come up with is simply to wait and see where all of this will lead. Putting sex and relationships aside I hope I will be able to help her, simply as a friend.

Why can't I attract some nice, pretty, emotionally stable women? Instead I get smoking hot, sure, but ready to explode at all times ex. And please, don't tell me limiting beliefs. Limiting beliefs didn't bring my ex back into my life.