(05-30-2017, 05:44 PM)RTBoss Wrote: [ -> ]Worked out today (of course!). While benching, this chick is doing an exercise 20 feet away. She's looking over at me frequently. I got up to get a quick drink, leaving my phone and towel on the bench - and the weight plates on the bar. I was gone maybe 20 seconds.
I came back to this:
2 pics and a short video
There were any number of open places to stretch. The gym wasn't busy. But there was only one place I'd get an eyeful within conversation range.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Dm249lbfmUo
5 loops of Version A won last night.
Started writing a post this morning, got interrupted, now I don't want to finish it.
Here's the gist:
The switch back to A has sparked a few fights with my wife. It has also kicked in affected side forgiveness. Cool.
Running into women from the last time I ran A that I haven't seen on B.
Still having trouble dealing with disappointment when things don't go how I was expecting, as well as the intensity of my reaction. I still anger easily, and allow my anger to escalate when feeling provoked. Other people have issues with ED, porn, or whatever they're saying they'd like the program to deal with. This is my issue.
Remembered a few dreams:
One was a vacation with a bunch of crazy, adrenaline rush craving people. I was expected to get into a military airplane that would take off and fly vertically up a mountainside until it stalled (with the back open the whole time), while we all stood in the plane trying not to fall out, and then allow the plane to fall backwards toward the earth - which I was assured would not crash. I was fucking terrified. I've had a fear of flying since age 12 or so (that's slowly been getting better).
The next dream I was working out in a gym, and men were staring at me wherever I went, like they were trying to learn something from watching me.
Dowsing guided me to listen to 10 loops last night, and 3 loops tonight. The answers are checked and rechecked, giving the same answer each time.
The notable occurrence today was that I went to the lake in my neighborhood to run. I drove to get there (the longer half is across a major road). When I got back to my car after my jog, there was a green Ford Explorer parked right next to me. The car belongs to the girl I'm extremely attracted to from the gym who I only see while listening to Version A. There are no less than 5 or 6 parking lots around the lake, and multiple spots in each one. Not only is she parked in the same lot, but she's parked right next to me? I thought to myself, "Oh, I guess I'm suppose to run into her." So I stayed at my car and stretched. Nada. So I left.
Went home, rested up a bit, then felt like going to the gym to get my back workout in. All dudes. WTF. As I'm about to leave, who walks in? Green Ford Explorer chick. So..stayed around to stretch, but no interaction.
Ah well. Still a strange day.
Last thing, real quick:
Saw my mother-in-law today. I had my shirt off and was attempting to pressure wash the house and deck (I say "attempt" because the stupid thing kept blowing the circuit breaker).
She was definitely attracted.
Last night, 3 loops, all masked. All determined by dowsing.
Definitely into some healing and clearing of a different sort. I actually got the thought, "Fuck, I'm tired of running this sub with no results!" Lol, yeah, but that's bullshit - and I'm aware of it. The frustration level peaked as I watched my neighbor getting into her pool. I was on our deck, holding my daughter, and she was getting her float prepped to sun bathe. She had her legs spread about 3 feet apart and then bent over to adjust it before stepping into the water. It didn't leave much to the imagination - just 1/2 cm of fabric between my eyeballs and a vulva!
Irritation, anxiety, frustration, fatigue, and impatience characterized the day. Had other thoughts like, "It's my subconscious that's not doing what I want - which is part of me - so why am I doing this to myself!? And what can I do about it!?" Still, baseline happy. It's nice to be able to endure a range of negative emotions and have a sort of contentment at the back of your mind.
5 loops last night, all hybrid.
Woke up really early, had time to run 4.5 mi around the lake before the kids got up. It's nice having my wife home so I can do that if I want.
Went to the zoo with my wife, her mom, and the kids. It was hot. Not a whole lotta action. Definitely in heavy healing and clearing mode. Less anger and frustration, more questioning of thought processes, motivations, and experiencing raw emotion. Not sadness, but a mixture of relief, joy, ah-ha moments, etc. The feeling gets overwhelming for me, so it'll cause welling of tears for a minute - that kind of thing. I expect this to continue for the next week, but we'll see what's what when the fog clears.
Don't get locked up for being a sexy beast!
I wish I had a zoo near me, haven't been to one for years.
(06-04-2017, 06:21 PM)Travis Wrote: [ -> ]You really like going to the zoo, huh? Lol
When your local zoo is ranked #1
in the world (depending on the source) - you betcha. We buy a family pass that lasts an entire year. If you go every week, like we do, it's a steal-of-a-deal. My son loves it. I never tire of it, either. There's always something awesome going on. There's also always an abundance of good looking women.
My wife insists I take a few days off from the gym and/or running. I've been running and lifting myself into the ground. I have a slight limp (really sore lateral fibular epicondyle) and everything else aches. Over-training is real, my friends (I can't get away with what I did in my twenties, anymore, I guess)!
(06-05-2017, 05:06 AM)RTBoss Wrote: [ -> ]My wife insists I take a few days off from the gym and/or running. I've been running and lifting myself into the ground. I have a slight limp (really sore lateral fibular epicondyle) and everything else aches. Over-training is real, my friends (I can't get away with what I did in my twenties, anymore, I guess)!
I'm shaking the block with four eighteens'
Candy green with eleven screens
My gasoline always supreme
Got do-do to burn with a pint of lean
It takes grinding to be a king
It takes grinding to be a king
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WYTBsN-KeNE
Apparently I'm not just physically tired, I'm mentally tired. I woke up early, but tired. Instead of going back to sleep, I drank a pot of coffee. Usually that picks me up, but not today. Worked an hour, then laid down on the couch, read the forum, and then passed out for a few hours. I slept right through a maniacal little boy running around the house, driving his mother nuts.
I could go back to sleep right now.
Damn, a whole pot? X_x
I'm finding myself pushing the limits to when I need to dose on my caffeine. I think the state shifting (regarding clearing) is busy working its wonders while i'm in that dozed off state of mind. i could be completely off the mark here, but that's what i'm assuming.
Do you think you're trying to sabotage your state shifting by drinking a pot of coffee to combat the fatigue?
(06-05-2017, 12:03 PM)eternity Wrote: [ -> ]Damn, a whole pot? X_x
I'm finding myself pushing the limits to when I need to dose on my caffeine. I think the state shifting (regarding clearing) is busy working its wonders while i'm in that dozed off state of mind. i could be completely off the mark here, but that's what i'm assuming.
Do you think you're trying to sabotage your state shifting by drinking a pot of coffee to combat the fatigue?
Not really. I drink that much caffeine every morning, lol.
Last year, I'd pop 50mg of ephedrine hcl and drink a pot of coffee. Then 50mg/200mg two more times. I'd have 150mg of ephedrine and 600mg-1000mg caffeine everyday.
Yeah, can't do that anymore. Don't want to, either.
Funny thing is, I've felt my state shift at the gym whilst having a stimulant pre-workout in my system, so I'm not sure I'm on board that state shifting is affected/derailed so easily. IDK.
You push DMSI, and DMSI pushes right back my friend. 10 loops "ain't no joke".