Keep forgetting to mention that the last few days I've been trancing-out very frequently. I'll just stare off and feel an intense, yet spaced-out, focus. Quite the oxymoron.
The most intense trance I had actually occurred last night within the first 10 minutes of my first ultrasonic loop. This is when my third eye and crown felt active, in addition to the usual hands and feet.
I'll also update that although I just ate about 90 minutes ago, I'm frickin' starving again.
1 hybrid, 1 ultrasonic, .FLAC, soundbar, aux connector, moderate volume.
Sticking with A. I have plenty of healing/clearing identifiers going on, so I won't be switching to B on Day 32.
Last two nights I've had enough to drink to be inebriated, but not like before. Before, if I was going to have more than just a few, I went all in. Either way, less, but something is happening here. I hadn't drank in a few months, at least. So Friday night it was, "Huh, haven't had wine in awhile and it's Friday. Why not drink some wine?" Put away the whole bottle. Last night it was, "The Final Four is on, might as well have a few beers."
Did the potato hack for 5 days - felt in control. Come off the diet, back to overeating and having drinks - losing control. That's it the gist of it.
Having more and more little arguments with my wife. She's (I feel) overly sensitive. I have to walk on eggshells around her right now - it may be pregnancy hormones, I'm not sure. After Fri morning, it makes more sense. Her grandpa, 91 years old, passed away. She knew it might be coming, and she says she's fine with it, but she's been even more emotional, so I'm sure it's affecting her more than she thought. The wake and funeral are out-of-town tomorrow and Tues, so we're going to that. My SIL may be coming with us in our car. Either way, there will be lots of time spent with her and my wife's family in the upcoming few days.
I keep getting myself into situations with forced interactions. I went and got food for my wife from her favorite burger joint. Normally I do the drive thru, but the line was long, so I went inside. Cute chick got off work, and if there was anyone to snipe, it'd be her alone. She went out the door before my food was ready. On my way out, she was coming back in, so I held the door for her. As I held the door, my food slipped out of my hand and landed at her feet. She handed me my food, giggling and smiling, and thanked me for holding the door. I was laughing and thanked her for grabbing my food. That kind of thing.
Dreams have been completely non-sexual. Last night, lucky Duke.Togo got to be the latest guest star. We were on a commando squad, had bad-ass machine guns (like the kind in John Rambo, where Sly cuts people in half with those giant caliber bullets), in some sort of future where we were responsible for protecting and killing some group for some reason. I don't really have specifics, I just know we felt powerful and were having a great time. We also had some crazy military plane that looked like a hardcore, black semi-truck. We were about to go up in the air to scout out the enemy when the dream ended.
Your dream reminded me of the old Contra Game. That was an awesome read!
Shifting gears, my condolences to your wife for her loss.
Hoping the best for you, over the next few days brother...
And add my condolences for your wife. That on top of pregnancy has to suck.
God damn, my energy is wonky today. My old teacher would have said that I'm, "Out-of-pocket."
I had confrontational dreams last night. In one dream, I felt used and taken advantage of, and stood my ground. I created boundaries, and reinforced my value. Telling the story of the dream would be boring, but that was the gist.
Today, it's the same in real experience. I've already had an explosive argument with my wife, and then that bled into my training session with my mom. Somehow a discussion with my mom about fear of rollercoasters turned into responsibility and blame for parents and how their beliefs and actions affect their children. I referenced my own son, and then she took it and started denying having any responsibility for anything negative for her own children. Oh man did she touch a nerve, so I listed many ways they (my parents) failed us. She couldn't handle it, stormed out of the house.
Now I feel like I'm on drugs again. I haven't had this feeling since I reported it at the beginning of the sub. I've only had caffeine today, so it's not that...My whole body is buzzing with energy, and it's not comfortable. Getting tired of aggravated confrontation, and now I have a 3 hour drive and a "fun day" of visitation then funeral tomorrow. Oh, joy!
(04-04-2017, 08:17 PM)Shannon Wrote: [ -> ] (04-04-2017, 04:54 PM)Shadow2200 Wrote: [ -> ] (04-04-2017, 04:21 PM)Samba99 Wrote: [ -> ](DSMI) I am really confused at this point. I don't know if I am predicting the future or I am manifesting it. Lately a series of events been happening which crosses my mind (5min-60min) before they happen. It's very weird and interesting. I don't think I am manifesting these events as they close are just random and not even sexual related. I seriously feel I predict the future. we'll we call it future but there isn't a future nor a past it's all now.
Anyone on DSMI experiencing anything like this?
Ditto. I think samba is on to something. There's seem to be at times a conscious manifesting or something happening. Just like you said stuff I thought about just be happening. Maybe Shannon has some surprises in this version we're still learning about.
Maybe. 
What you are describing is the LM core working in concert with one of the modules that is designed to do something I can't talk about. They are synergistic. That is the result. It's not manifestation, it is choosing the future by using the subconscious knowledge of what will, to the conscious mind, happen in what the conscious mind perceives as "the future", which the subconscious mind perceives as "the now".
I wanted to share my experience yesterday that ties directly to this.
My wife's grandfather's funeral was yesterday. My sister & brother-in-law showed up in her car. He recently moved to another city, which is on the way to where we were for the funeral, so she swung by and picked him up on the way.
After the funeral luncheon, my wife, son, & I left - after massively affecting my SIL with either baseline aura or variations of the sniper. I may extrapolate on that later.
We left before SIL/BIL. I thought, "Damn, too bad we didn't leave together, I could follow them and have the SDS continue doing its magic." We stop at a gas station so I can get a DMD (Diet Mountain Dew), and use the facilities. As we pull out, there they are - BIL/SIL pulling into the same station. But, that wasn't it - not the crazy experience. We didn't stick around, we just waved goodbye from the car and drove off.
As we're driving, there's a turnoff we call "The Diagonal." We have traveled this route numerous times. I had turned on my Google Maps to navigate, but since I "knew" where I was going, I didn't check it out. As my wife and I conversed, I got a nagging feeling to check it. Lo-and-behold I'm off course! I told my wife and asked, "How could this happen? We both missed the turn-off and had no clue!"
I had to turn immediately, and take a dirt road (wife not happy about that). I was flying down this road, and my wife was getting pissed about the rocks, dirt, and puddles. I say, "So I guess the Universe got us off course just so you could get mad and b*tch at me - awesome." We get back to "The Diagonal." I pull out, and there is a lone car behind me.
It's my in-laws.
What!?
200 ft. sniper in action the rest of the way. Easy 60 minute extra exposure time.
(04-05-2017, 05:58 AM)RTBoss Wrote: [ -> ] (04-04-2017, 08:17 PM)Shannon Wrote: [ -> ] (04-04-2017, 04:54 PM)Shadow2200 Wrote: [ -> ] (04-04-2017, 04:21 PM)Samba99 Wrote: [ -> ](DSMI) I am really confused at this point. I don't know if I am predicting the future or I am manifesting it. Lately a series of events been happening which crosses my mind (5min-60min) before they happen. It's very weird and interesting. I don't think I am manifesting these events as they close are just random and not even sexual related. I seriously feel I predict the future. we'll we call it future but there isn't a future nor a past it's all now.
Anyone on DSMI experiencing anything like this?
Ditto. I think samba is on to something. There's seem to be at times a conscious manifesting or something happening. Just like you said stuff I thought about just be happening. Maybe Shannon has some surprises in this version we're still learning about.
Maybe.
What you are describing is the LM core working in concert with one of the modules that is designed to do something I can't talk about. They are synergistic. That is the result. It's not manifestation, it is choosing the future by using the subconscious knowledge of what will, to the conscious mind, happen in what the conscious mind perceives as "the future", which the subconscious mind perceives as "the now".
I wanted to share my experience yesterday that ties directly to this.
My wife's grandfather's funeral was yesterday. My sister & brother-in-law showed up in her car. He recently moved to another city, which is on the way to where we were for the funeral, so she swung by and picked him up on the way.
After the funeral luncheon, my wife, son, & I left - after massively affecting my SIL with either baseline aura or variations of the sniper. I may extrapolate on that later.
We left before SIL/BIL. I thought, "Damn, too bad we didn't leave together, I could follow them and have the SDS continue doing its magic." We stop at a gas station so I can get a DMD (Diet Mountain Dew), and use the facilities. As we pull out, there they are - BIL/SIL pulling into the same station. But, that wasn't it - not the crazy experience. We didn't stick around, we just waved goodbye from the car and drove off.
As we're driving, there's a turnoff we call "The Diagonal." We have traveled this route numerous times. I had turned on my Google Maps to navigate, but since I "knew" where I was going, I didn't check it out. As my wife and I conversed, I got a nagging feeling to check it. Lo-and-behold I'm off course! I told my wife and asked, "How could this happen? We both missed the turn-off and had no clue!"
I had to turn immediately, and take a dirt road (wife not happy about that). I was flying down this road, and my wife was getting pissed about the rocks, dirt, and puddles. I say, "So I guess the Universe got us off course just so you could get mad and bitch at me - awesome." We get back to "The Diagonal." I pull out, and there is a lone car behind me.
It's my in-laws.
What!?
200 ft. sniper in action the rest of the way. Easy 60 minute extra exposure time.
... wtf?
Damn, that's odd as hell. Did they follow you down the dirt path or did they catch up to you by the time you turned around and got back to "the diagonal?"
I've had a lot of weird shit happening to me soon. Just gotta get the will to post it, lol.
(04-05-2017, 12:43 PM)chaosvrgn Wrote: [ -> ] (04-05-2017, 05:58 AM)RTBoss Wrote: [ -> ] (04-04-2017, 08:17 PM)Shannon Wrote: [ -> ] (04-04-2017, 04:54 PM)Shadow2200 Wrote: [ -> ] (04-04-2017, 04:21 PM)Samba99 Wrote: [ -> ](DSMI) I am really confused at this point. I don't know if I am predicting the future or I am manifesting it. Lately a series of events been happening which crosses my mind (5min-60min) before they happen. It's very weird and interesting. I don't think I am manifesting these events as they close are just random and not even sexual related. I seriously feel I predict the future. we'll we call it future but there isn't a future nor a past it's all now.
Anyone on DSMI experiencing anything like this?
Ditto. I think samba is on to something. There's seem to be at times a conscious manifesting or something happening. Just like you said stuff I thought about just be happening. Maybe Shannon has some surprises in this version we're still learning about.
Maybe.
What you are describing is the LM core working in concert with one of the modules that is designed to do something I can't talk about. They are synergistic. That is the result. It's not manifestation, it is choosing the future by using the subconscious knowledge of what will, to the conscious mind, happen in what the conscious mind perceives as "the future", which the subconscious mind perceives as "the now".
I wanted to share my experience yesterday that ties directly to this.
My wife's grandfather's funeral was yesterday. My sister & brother-in-law showed up in her car. He recently moved to another city, which is on the way to where we were for the funeral, so she swung by and picked him up on the way.
After the funeral luncheon, my wife, son, & I left - after massively affecting my SIL with either baseline aura or variations of the sniper. I may extrapolate on that later.
We left before SIL/BIL. I thought, "Damn, too bad we didn't leave together, I could follow them and have the SDS continue doing its magic." We stop at a gas station so I can get a DMD (Diet Mountain Dew), and use the facilities. As we pull out, there they are - BIL/SIL pulling into the same station. But, that wasn't it - not the crazy experience. We didn't stick around, we just waved goodbye from the car and drove off.
As we're driving, there's a turnoff we call "The Diagonal." We have traveled this route numerous times. I had turned on my Google Maps to navigate, but since I "knew" where I was going, I didn't check it out. As my wife and I conversed, I got a nagging feeling to check it. Lo-and-behold I'm off course! I told my wife and asked, "How could this happen? We both missed the turn-off and had no clue!"
I had to turn immediately, and take a dirt road (wife not happy about that). I was flying down this road, and my wife was getting pissed about the rocks, dirt, and puddles. I say, "So I guess the Universe got us off course just so you could get mad and bitch at me - awesome." We get back to "The Diagonal." I pull out, and there is a lone car behind me.
It's my in-laws.
What!?
200 ft. sniper in action the rest of the way. Easy 60 minute extra exposure time.
... wtf?
Damn, that's odd as hell. Did they follow you down the dirt path or did they catch up to you by the time you turned around and got back to "the diagonal?"
I've had a lot of weird shit happening to me soon. Just gotta get the will to post it, lol.
They turned at the proper turn, as I continued on straight and wasted time going in the wrong direction - just long enough so that when I figured it out and got back to the diagonal we popped out off the dirt road onto the diagonal (which is a paved highway) just in front of them.
I stared in my review mirror in disbelief, but only saw one person, so I figured, "Naw, no way it's them." Then I slowed the car down so that the car in my rear-view could pass, and as it passed, my brother-in-law waved at me with a "How the fuck did I catch up to you!?" look on his face. I then saw my sister-in-law's feet up on the dash. I wasn't able to see her before, in my rear-view mirror, because she had the seat reclined and was taking a nap.
Later, back in our home city, we (my wife & I) took my SIL out to dinner, sans BIL. Yesterday was her birthday. At one point, my wife took my son to the bathroom and left us alone at the table. I asked her what she thought about the story. She looked at me like, "WTF are you talking about?" Turns out, as odd as what happened had happened, my BIL never told her about it. Maybe it's only strange to me b/c I know I'm running DMSI...
My dad was here training tonight. I thought perhaps he'd say something about what transpired with my mom the other day.
I could feel tension, energetically, but he didn't say anything when he got here.
My wife came home from work, and joined us in the training studio. His session time was up, and as he goes to leave, that's when he chose to ask me about it - like a coward. He waited until he had the option to flee out the door, and even had the gumption to bring it up with my wife present - like her presence would help him or he'd make me look stupid in front of her.
Wrrrrooooonnng!
I told him it was completely inappropriate to involve my wife by asking me about the argument in front of her, and then I said the issue was between my mother and me. He interjected with, "No, she's my wife, and you won't speak to her like that." Who knows what she said to him about the other day, but I didn't speak any which way other than saying facts about how I didn't have perfect parents while growing up, and I'd be damned if I was going to sit there and let her talk about how shit that bothers me to this day wasn't their fault and let her get away with it. Anyway, I didn't get into the specifics with him to make it WWIII, I just said, "She insulted me in my own home, twice (two sessions in a row), and didn't like my response. Too bad, no one speaks to me like that - I don't care who you are - and certainly not in MY house (it felt good to say that, b/c he always said that to me as a teenager when I lived with them). Furthermore, "
DAD," if you want to get into the middle of this, you aren't going to like the outcome - I'll assure you of that!" He then ended it quickly by saying, "Well, I'll have to ask her about what she said, gotta go!" Then he fled, like a pussy. (My apologies to all the felines and vaginas out there for the insult)
My body is positively (negatively) VIBRATING with energy and adrenaline. I am so pissed, but oddly, my third eye is super-active, and I even feel "trancey (not a real word, I know
)." My hands and feet are just sucking-in energy like crazy.
My wife says I could have handled the situation better, but I don't like being blindsided in such a cowardly manner. It's probably good that he left, 'cuz he knows if he escalated the matter that'd be it. I've cut him out of my life for over 3 months before, he knows I won't hesitate to again.
I don't know why I feel this way, but emotionally, I could do without them (my parents). It's kind of strange, but there are parts of me that don't care if I ever see either of them ever again. I'd hate it if my own son felt that way about me someday.
PS Writing all that has made me feel tremendously better, and my wife is trying to make me feel better by being extremely nice and joking with me, which is cool. I think a part of her is kinda impressed by what she witnessed.
I sometimes wish I could take stands like you do RT, but ultimately I find it doesn't solve anything and just adds bad blood.
I don't speak to my mother except when I absolutely have to. I don't have to tell her about the shit she put me through, I prefer to just move on without her.
I don't think either way is better, but I have no idea.
(04-05-2017, 07:15 PM)SargeMaximus Wrote: [ -> ]I sometimes wish I could take stands like you do RT, but ultimately I find it doesn't solve anything and just adds bad blood.
I don't speak to my mother except when I absolutely have to. I don't have to tell her about the shit she put me through, I prefer to just move on without her.
I don't think either way is better, but I have no idea.
Agreed - there's going to be more fallout from this. However, I'm going to go over the boundaries of our relationship with them one more time.
I see each of them about 3 times per week. It's a little much sometimes. My dad has been pretty good about watching the boundaries, until now. Mom I have a blowout with at least once every 3-4 months. This is 2 in one week.
Anyway, I don't need parents anymore. I'm grown, independent, and have no use for them. I love them, but their old role in my life is officially "retired." I don't even need/want the sizable inheritance they've planned for all of us. If there's a string attached, I will cut it. I don't do strings.
If you don't want to piss me off and risk an argument, or get thrown out of my house:
1.) Don't comment about my living space. It's my home, I don't care how you feel about it.
2.) Don't tell me how to raise my children.
3.) Don't stick your nose into my marriage.
4.) Don't give advice unless it's requested of you.
Pretty simple.
Boundaries will be reinforced when I see my mom Friday. For my part in escalating the argument, I'll apologize and tell her I love her, but boundaries. Oh yeah, and "Mom," - don't ever send Dad as your mediator again. Either one of 'em can't abide by the boundaries, we won't be seeing each other for training anymore. My wife can cover the loss of that income with one extra shift per month. We're good. But for her sake, I'll keep trying to keep the peace.
Pretty sure I'm trying to actively sabotage myself, but I'm not sure. I ran 6 loops of 3.1-A overnight, hybrid .FLAC cozy/sleep phones, 7/15 clicks.
I actually woke feeling really good. Slightly stimulated. Had nocwood when I woke up - something that's been absent for the past week or so.
I went to the gym, saw my lifting buddy. First thing he says is, "Sorry, man! I didn't see you here, or I would have said something, really sorry!"
I also saw my wife's hot coworker, and fitness model. I caught fitness model checking me out more than once, which is rare. She even hovered around me for a bit - either hoping I'd speak with her, or trying to convince herself to speak with me.
Concerning hot coworker, this is where I figured out I either overdid it and sabotaged myself or I'm nowhere near finished healing. I started breathing rapidly, my whole body started feeling over-stimulated - numbish even - and I went into straight fear. I couldn't look her in the eye, I couldn't say "Hi," - nothing. I actively avoided her. I even left the gym early. I don't know, she has lots of friends and she's used to people fawning over her. Maybe the sub directed me to ignore her, and the "nice guy," part of me felt bad for ignoring her. I don't know. But I know I felt odd, fearful, and I had to GTFO!
Went to breakfast with wife/son to one of our usual spots. On Thursday, this super-cute 20-something server is always there and she's always NOT our server. Every time, we lock eyes at least once.
Today, once again, NOT our server...but she did have a table next to us. She looked at my table a lot today, much more than normal. She also posed herself against a beam "looking" over something for five minutes, while flicking her eyes over at me. Gawd damn she's frickin' cute.
She posed her near-perfect posterior right toward me whenever she was seeing to her table's needs. I couldn't help but look. If my wife caught me, she didn't say anything.
Now I'm home, and I'm horny. It's pretty distracting, it's that strong.
How you know you're not done healing & clearing:
Your wife tells you that you were thrashing and moaning/whining in your sleep, like a little kid having a bad dream.
Lol, I've never been told I've done that since I started sleeping with her 9 years ago.