05-25-2011, 08:03 AM
(05-25-2011, 06:33 AM)Shannon Wrote: [ -> ](05-24-2011, 06:57 PM)mat422 Wrote: [ -> ](05-24-2011, 08:54 AM)Shannon Wrote: [ -> ](05-23-2011, 02:32 PM)mat422 Wrote: [ -> ]Shannon, do you think anything currently being sold in the shop could help with my perfectionism? This is something that has plagued me for a while now. In a way it helps and sometimes it can be crippling to any progress I make in anything I do. I've got so many things I never progress in because I have trouble moving on and letting go. On top of that sometimes it takes the enjoyment out of what I do. When I get stuck in that all or nothing mentality I become too focused on being perfect and not just having fun with it.
I think it's important to push and challenge yourself, but sometimes it really isn't needed. I like to skateboard, just for fun and a hobby. I don't want to be famous or get sponsored, but I still have trouble just letting go and not taking it so serious. Even this post I read over about 20 times making sure it was ok. I just feel like letting go of perfectionism is so hard because if I did that I wouldn't be perfect. That actually doesn't make any sense, but that is the best way I can describe it. It's such an irrational problem and I can't figure it out, which is probably why it bugs me the most. My brain is going to explode trying to figure out why I'm like this.
Depending on the cause of your perfectionism, I can think of:
Absolute Self Confidence
Love And Appreciate Yourself
Zen Attitude
Forgive Yourself And Let It Go
and there's a title for achieving inner tranquility as well.
I'm going to try to come up with something more specific eventually but how to word it is difficult if I want to balance it properly.
Thanks I'll check those out. I agree the wording would be difficult. I know you are incredibly busy right now, but I was wondering when you think a script might be made for it. Either I'll wait it out or I'm thinking of buying the inner tranquility subliminal in the mean time. I feel like that one would help me out the most seeing as how perfectionism pretty much kills any sense of inner tranquility.
But of course the cause of my perfectionism is relatively unknown to me, which I'm still trying to understand. But I do know my perfectionism chronically leaks into my personal life and is sometimes the cause of anxiety I have.
I'm going to take a stab in the dark and say that your perfectionism probably comes from one or more critical family members who told you it was never good enough, or that you were not good enough, or that you couldn't possibly do things "right" when you were younger. Typically, perfectionism is an expression of insecurity about being "good enough", and so one takes it to higher and higher levels of specificity trying to compensate.
My upbringing was like that. Everyone in my family tends to be negative and critical, or at least they were towards me, probably because they didn't respect me. I'm the smallest framed male in my family, even though I'm not the shortest. If you think of Neanderthals being shorter, squatter and more muscular, and Cro Magnon being taller and slenderer and less muscular, it's like I'm the one example of CM and everyone else male in my family comes from a Neanderthal physique.
Since I'm the oldest of my generation in the family, the expectation of me being the strongest wasn't being fulfilled pheromonally, visually, personality wise or physically, and they would constantly criticize and put me down. Even my mother, until one day I pointed it out to her, simply because she had been raised in that sort of environment. The result in me is that I have this constant worry about not being quite good enough, and I always am trying to compensate for it by being better than I am at whatever I do.
The challenge dealing with it is... it can be beneficial. How do I strip away the negative without losing the positive? That I haven't figured out yet.
Oh, but I suggest Zen Attitude. As for when an anti-perfectionsim sub might be released, I don't know.
That sounds rough. My parents are very kind to me, I'm very fortunate to have them in my life. However, I can't really remember much of my childhood except my father had a temper at times. I guess when I didn't do things to his standard he would have an outburst. He has a very stressful job and he tends to bottle it up and then it kind of explodes on my family sometimes. He has gotten a lot better, but as a child I remember him yelling a lot. Whether or not I was actually a horribly misbehaved child and I deserved it, I can't really tell. I do know I got the belt to my behind on occasion, my dad was seriously old school when it came to punishment. He also grew up with an alcoholic father, so I'm sure he had a rough upbringing.
My oldest brother actually has Asperger syndrome, which makes him seem very insensitive at times. I got criticized by him a lot when I was younger and I still do. He is very difficult to deal with at times, my mom calls him her enigma. One day he can be in a really good mood and other days I just have to leave him alone. Through the years I've become really good at analyzing and understanding people's feelings and behaviors and I believe his intelligence is an important factor in how he behaves. I'm outside the box when it comes to society, but he's on a whole different level that I can't even fathom.
Also I'm the middle child in my family. I've read about the "middle child syndrome". I don't know how much of that is true, but it would explain my natural disposition to be a loner. I've learned to find self-fulfillment in myself instead of relying on others. However, I was always in the shadow of my genius older brother. Even teachers would comment how I'm nothing like my older brother, duh, I'm my own person.
That's my story anyway. I agree that being a perfectionist can have it's positive points, especially when I gain new insights and I'm able to understand how things work. It's like this constant drive at times that allows me to see things others don't see and solve problems when others would give up. I'm going to buy the Zen Attitude sub and then use that after I finish up alpha. I'm well aware of the zen attitude I've had thanks to alpha male, but that is regarding interaction with people mostly. I'm assuming the Zen Attitude sub be more focused on having an overall effect instead of being focused on interactions with people.
