It's a secret.
But I definitely see it having a huge positive impact on you.
(03-11-2018, 11:07 AM)Zane Wrote: [ -> ]I have this personality too.. I used to think I know everything and shit.
Also person will too much ego thinks that he knows better than everyone else and due to this attitude they learn nothing or refuse to learn
But the core of the Ego is fear. Its driven by fear. Its a fear in disguise... And we know fear fucks up a person and so does ego
Remember Zane: "I'd rather be rich than right"
Still going strong. But after that last post I realize I was too hard on myself. It's all about dedication to growth and facing challenges without having it devolve into shaming and guilt trips. I'm reading a book on self compassion and getting a lot more insight into my faulty mindset. This persistent need to be perfect and beyond the flaws humans experience is what causes my suffering. Instead of embracing what it means to be human, I condemn myself for every little flaw.
Lately I'm feeling that need to impress women fade away. I am who I am and they can take me or leave me. There's less anxiety of worrying how I'm perceived because I understand they can't give me the validation I seek, only I can. And this isn't a wannabe idgaf mentality like trying to be cool or whatever, I just genuinely feel more peaceful and feel like I don't need much from others.
Been noticing very heavy sensations in my chest. Sort of feels like I'm experiencing a deep sadness. Maybe it's always been there and I've ignored it. Instead of stuffing it down I'm now making sure I take the time to show myself compassion for whatever hardships or emotional pain I'm feeling. Not dwelling on it, but just enough attention so a part of me knows it's ok and we'll get through this.
Just realized I have a lot less anxiety at work. I'm not sure if I mentioned it but I was always really anxious of what my coworker thought about my problem solving skills. Also the fear of coming across as dumb or incompetent. You know, all my life I had people say I was so intelligent. But it got to a point where I was so wrapped up in still being perceived as smart, putting myself into new situations where I could fail or make a fool of myself were avoided. I'm ok at this job, I'm no savant when it comes to fixing things and I don't really need to be. I was always telling myself I should be able to solve this easily, that I was dumb, and I was worried that I'd get fired because I was being incompetent. Well I'm not that bad, but I learned that my fear of looking like an idiot or someone who isn't smart caused me to avoid learning things. Part of it is the field I'm in too, something about technology seems to attract a lot of people who are more condescending towards those that aren't as smart. My coworkers are cool, but they really only like you if you display some form of competence. I just don't like that, as long as someone isn't an outright dick to me I'm going to treat them on the same level as myself. At the end of the day we're all people going through similar struggles and it doesn't make any sense to divide everyone into this imaginary hierarchy.
Aside from that I'm really cold internally lately. I have trouble getting warm. It seems to coincide with executing the script as well. The deeper I get into DMSI and the more I execute on a deeper level, it seems like it shakes me up physically. Maybe deep anxiety? I've read anxiety can cause circulation issues among other issues. Kind of feel this nauseous feeling in the pit of my stomach too. I do think it's fear, but I think it's largely outside of my conscious awareness. But not because I'm repressing it or anything, I've just felt lately fear doesn't need to be understood on an intellectual level and going through past events doesn't do anything. The real solution is just moving past the fear and that comes with just facing it and detaching from whatever happened. So I've kind of delegated that task to my subconscious mind while my conscious mind focuses on my every day life. It feels like the fear is being chipped away at it the background, as long as I don't obsess on it or try too hard I seem to make steady progress. Basically not interfering with execution of the script by going in there and thinking I somehow know how to handle all this better on a conscious level.
Had this moment last night listening to the sub where it felt like I was in alignment with my conscious and subconscious. What I've realized is I have a tendency to wait too much for my subconscious to do everything. Getting my conscious mind involved, though uncomfortable, speeds things up a lot. I get these short windows where I feel that new reality, but I also feel the pull to run. It's definitely a focus I have to build to stay on track and not slip into those passive states. Feels like I get slammed by a lot of what if fears that I want to take the time to carefully plan for and be cautious about. But that's the pattern in my life, thinking, preparing, being overly cautious, there's never been enough follow through so I wait and wait. Well the one thing I can do is tell myself to consciously get my mind on board with the goals of dmsi and to stop waiting. I recognize it all feels incredibly foreign and wrong to me because it's nothing like how my life has been. But that's no excuse to resist the changes and I have to work harder to be consistent.
I still speak to the scared part of my mind with compassion, but I also make sure I'm stern enough so I don't get dragged into that defeated, hopeless, and afraid attitude. There's definitely a balance here that I'm learning. Not bullying the subconscious but also not being too passive with it and letting it have it's way.
(03-14-2018, 02:38 AM)mat422 Wrote: [ -> ]Had this moment last night listening to the sub where it felt like I was in alignment with my conscious and subconscious. What I've realized is I have a tendency to wait too much for my subconscious to do everything. Getting my conscious mind involved, though uncomfortable, speeds things up a lot. I get these short windows where I feel that new reality, but I also feel the pull to run. It's definitely a focus I have to build to stay on track and not slip into those passive states. Feels like I get slammed by a lot of what if fears that I want to take the time to carefully plan for and be cautious about. But that's the pattern in my life, thinking, preparing, being overly cautious, there's never been enough follow through so I wait and wait. Well the one thing I can do is tell myself to consciously get my mind on board with the goals of dmsi and to stop waiting. I recognize it all feels incredibly foreign and wrong to me because it's nothing like how my life has been. But that's no excuse to resist the changes and I have to work harder to be consistent.
I still speak to the scared part of my mind with compassion, but I also make sure I'm stern enough so I don't get dragged into that defeated, hopeless, and afraid attitude. There's definitely a balance here that I'm learning. Not bullying the subconscious but also not being too passive with it and letting it have it's way.
I think this is where the good old CBT (Cognitive Behavioural Therapy) comes in handy. You are not going to be able to take 100% control of your conscious thoughts but what you can do is train yourself to become more aware of your thoughts throughout the day to the point that whenever you think something that is even slightly self destructive and limiting that a little light bulb will go off in your head, then you can use positive self talk.
Even if you don't amend it with a positive perspective just being AWARE of it is a huge thing. You will find that when you are consciously aware of something that it tends to lose its power over you.
Sometimes I find it helps just to take a back seat and allow whatever thoughts to occur no matter what they are, and let them pass without judgement. There is always a space within you which witnesses all experience but is not enmeshed in it. Sink back into this place and let the river flow unhindered. You may find that the negative thoughts will diminish and lose their power over you
Day 14 was yesterday so tonight is my one day break from DMSI. I'm not sure if it's DMSI or the clocks getting set forward, but I've been tired as hell lately.
Lately I've been feeling this internal pressure telling me that how I'm living my life isn't what I want. I was at work today trying to fix an issue with our security cameras and I just paused for a second and I felt like it was all wrong. Like you ever have one of those moments of clarity where you realize how expansive life can be and ask yourself why am I wasting my life doing this? It feels like I'm pretty much just going off of the conditioning from my parents to find security and be "safe". I was fighting this feeling a lot until it clicked today that it was me and it's what I really want. Not this stuff I've been conditioned to think I want or need in my life. Maybe it's because I was unemployed for a really long time and I'm hesitant to move on because I don't want to experience that again. So I rationalize in my head that my current situation is fine and I take the comfort instead of venturing into the unknown again. I have a tendency to do this in my life. I face my challenges and overcome some fears, but then I'll stop because the next step up seems like doing it all over again. The problem is that next step up is how I get closer to living a life I truly want to live. It's very stop and go and I realize I could progress a lot faster if I was more willing to not take extended time in those little comfort pockets.
(03-15-2018, 03:46 PM)mat422 Wrote: [ -> ]Day 14 was yesterday so tonight is my one day break from DMSI. I'm not sure if it's DMSI or the clocks getting set forward, but I've been tired as hell lately.
Lately I've been feeling this internal pressure telling me that how I'm living my life isn't what I want. I was at work today trying to fix an issue with our security cameras and I just paused for a second and I felt like it was all wrong. Like you ever have one of those moments of clarity where you realize how expansive life can be and ask yourself why am I wasting my life doing this? It feels like I'm pretty much just going off of the conditioning from my parents to find security and be "safe". I was fighting this feeling a lot until it clicked today that it was me and it's what I really want. Not this stuff I've been conditioned to think I want or need in my life. Maybe it's because I was unemployed for a really long time and I'm hesitant to move on because I don't want to experience that again. So I rationalize in my head that my current situation is fine and I take the comfort instead of venturing into the unknown again. I have a tendency to do this in my life. I face my challenges and overcome some fears, but then I'll stop because the next step up seems like doing it all over again. The problem is that next step up is how I get closer to living a life I truly want to live. It's very stop and go and I realize I could progress a lot faster if I was more willing to not take extended time in those little comfort pockets.
This sub is very draining
Mind games out the wazoo lately. I thought for the longest time I was letting go and allowing the subconscious to really work, but it turns out I was just resisting by detaching from the influence of it. See DMSI is really really simple, one of the ways I self sabotage is by overthinking. Stuff like "am I doing this right, does this feel right?, am I being authentic. am I trying to hard, am I faking?" I'm putting a conscious effort into NOT ruminating over this stuff anymore. These are all just doubts and doubts come from fear. But it feels very important to address or think about, but it's not. That's the trap. Enough is enough, no more distractions from executing.
I've found myself in the past week procrastinating again. My mind convincing me I'm just tired and I need rest and to decompress. Then after I watch a show or two I'll work on music. Guess what though? I never get around to the music. Whether it's reddit, this forum, youtube, tv, movies, whatever, I'm becoming more aware of the fact when I'm faced with something uncomfortable I immediately run to these things to avoid doing what I need to do.
I'm already spending too much time on this post. I think my biggest issue is basically feeling like something is "wrong" when I'm pushing my comfort zone. So my mind wants to correct it and avoid moving beyond those limits I've set for myself. So it throws up a whole bunch of excuses or explanation for why I shouldn't continue to move in the direction of progress.
Found myself starting to make a cup of hot cocoa. Not the same amount of caffeine as coffee, but it's still caffeine. Switched to an herbal tea instead.
This is hard. I thought it would be easy, but it's not. Some part of me is afraid of moving forward while being simultaneously miserable in the current situation. And I've tried communicating, I've tried compromising, I've tried digging for those limiting beliefs, but no luck. I constantly think I've figured out how to get both of these sides of me on board, but I honestly think it's just me thinking I do. So like I said from here on out it's just going to be me pushing myself as far as I can go and to stop holding myself back. Ideally both my conscious and subconscious would be on board, but I've exhausted myself trying to figure this out and instead I just have to dedicate that mental energy towards focusing on what I want out of life and how to get there. All the while avoiding the procrastination and self defeating habits that keep me in my current situation I'm unhappy with.
Sometimes, you just have to consciously bulldog it. There are times when I want to give up because I feel X or Y or Z, but I know mentally that that is temporary and overall not valid, so I stubbornly refuse to quit trying. If your subconscious is where the faulty beliefs are and it is trying to derail you, then you must align your conscious mind with those parts of your subconscious that are cooperating, and make it happen.
At least until I figure out how to fully automate the whole thing.
(03-17-2018, 09:06 AM)Shannon Wrote: [ -> ]Sometimes, you just have to consciously bulldog it. There are times when I want to give up because I feel X or Y or Z, but I know mentally that that is temporary and overall not valid, so I stubbornly refuse to quit trying. If your subconscious is where the faulty beliefs are and it is trying to derail you, then you must align your conscious mind with those parts of your subconscious that are cooperating, and make it happen.
At least until I figure out how to fully automate the whole thing.
It's definitely been one of those days for me. I've been back and forth with this whole thing and I do think it lies in the subconscious. I didn't want to consciously bulldog it, I was always looking for a way so I wouldn't have to resort to that. But I've wasted a good chunk of time trying to figure out a solution to get 100% compliance from my subconscious instead of just pushing through it. Kind of feels like my subconscious ran me in circles and I need to avoid that from now on. The good news though is that I do feel at least some part of my subconscious is cooperating, so making more of an effort consciously is my focus now.
Quick question though, I've been using the hybrid version. Do you think it would benefit me to switch to the masked version only? It's hard because on one hand I don't want to give in and let up on my whatever part of me is resisting, on the other hand if it works better for me it would be foolish not to use it. Right now it feels like even though I have all these derailing behaviors, I'm largely in control. I'm worried if I switch to the masked version it may give my subconscious more opportunities to resist.
Alright so, it's definitely still fear holding me back, that's been well established. I'm realizing more that I fear the effects of dmsi because I constantly got the message growing up that sex or hook ups is bad. That somehow if you're not in a commited relationship and having sex you're a bad person. So it's not necessary directly fear of women so much anymore, rather what it means for my own character if I start sleeping with a bunch of women. Prior to 3.2 I ran the sub in partial execution, I took the results of the sub that weren't directly tied to women and largely ignored the whole becoming sexually attractive thing. Now with 3.2 I think it's so powerful, there isn't a choice, but subconsciously I think I still hold these moral values inside of me about sex that are largely bullshit.
Not going to go into a huge rant, but I've heard so much about women complaining about men harassing them or making them uncomfortable. Now I know I'm not going to go around grabbing random women's asses, but I feel it's been conditioned in me not to have sexual feelings around women. That somehow it's unwanted or disgusting. Like I've seen some guys just gawking at women, clearly making them uncomfortable and I'm thinking to myself, dude have some respect. But at the same time it feels like my subconscious mind didn't differentiate between those creepy guys and my own sexual urges and feelings, so they all got lumped into the category of "bad". Trying to undo all of that now.