(02-13-2018, 04:32 PM)mat422 Wrote: [ -> ]Wow. Some major insights hit me today. Apparently part of my mind thought striving to be better meant I was a failure because other people are naturally better than me in some aspects. Along with that was the feeling that I wasn't good enough because I had to make all these improvements, so I was caught in a loop where every time I pushed forward it was further confirmation I wasn't good enough at my core. Talk about irrational. Just goes to show you it's hard understanding the subconscious at times.
So what we have here was a feeling of low self worth perpetuated by a fear of low self worth that was triggered every time there was an attempt to improve.
Shannon if you read this I hope it provides some insight somehow. It really clicked for me and it feels like my conscious and subconscious see eye to eye now. Hoping things are less of a battle from this point forward and more of a cooperative effort. We will see.
I would bet that you made that realization because I added a special module in DMSI the day before yesterday. It was aimed at helping the hardest resisters get past their resistance. Understanding what the cause is, allows you to deal with and move on from it.
(02-14-2018, 04:02 AM)Shannon Wrote: [ -> ] (02-13-2018, 04:32 PM)mat422 Wrote: [ -> ]Wow. Some major insights hit me today. Apparently part of my mind thought striving to be better meant I was a failure because other people are naturally better than me in some aspects. Along with that was the feeling that I wasn't good enough because I had to make all these improvements, so I was caught in a loop where every time I pushed forward it was further confirmation I wasn't good enough at my core. Talk about irrational. Just goes to show you it's hard understanding the subconscious at times.
So what we have here was a feeling of low self worth perpetuated by a fear of low self worth that was triggered every time there was an attempt to improve.
Shannon if you read this I hope it provides some insight somehow. It really clicked for me and it feels like my conscious and subconscious see eye to eye now. Hoping things are less of a battle from this point forward and more of a cooperative effort. We will see.
I would bet that you made that realization because I added a special module in DMSI the day before yesterday. It was aimed at helping the hardest resisters get past their resistance. Understanding what the cause is, allows you to deal with and move on from it.
That's pretty amazing. I knew something was different, but I wasn't sure what or how I was gaining those realizations.
(02-14-2018, 04:45 AM)mat422 Wrote: [ -> ] (02-14-2018, 04:02 AM)Shannon Wrote: [ -> ] (02-13-2018, 04:32 PM)mat422 Wrote: [ -> ]Wow. Some major insights hit me today. Apparently part of my mind thought striving to be better meant I was a failure because other people are naturally better than me in some aspects. Along with that was the feeling that I wasn't good enough because I had to make all these improvements, so I was caught in a loop where every time I pushed forward it was further confirmation I wasn't good enough at my core. Talk about irrational. Just goes to show you it's hard understanding the subconscious at times.
So what we have here was a feeling of low self worth perpetuated by a fear of low self worth that was triggered every time there was an attempt to improve.
Shannon if you read this I hope it provides some insight somehow. It really clicked for me and it feels like my conscious and subconscious see eye to eye now. Hoping things are less of a battle from this point forward and more of a cooperative effort. We will see.
I would bet that you made that realization because I added a special module in DMSI the day before yesterday. It was aimed at helping the hardest resisters get past their resistance. Understanding what the cause is, allows you to deal with and move on from it.
That's pretty amazing. I knew something was different, but I wasn't sure what or how I was gaining those realizations.
I have to tell you, it's been pretty neat to watch the changes happen almost in real time as I add new tech to the script. You guys usually report the effects within 12 to 36 hours of me doing it.
(02-14-2018, 08:36 AM)Shannon Wrote: [ -> ] (02-14-2018, 04:45 AM)mat422 Wrote: [ -> ] (02-14-2018, 04:02 AM)Shannon Wrote: [ -> ] (02-13-2018, 04:32 PM)mat422 Wrote: [ -> ]Wow. Some major insights hit me today. Apparently part of my mind thought striving to be better meant I was a failure because other people are naturally better than me in some aspects. Along with that was the feeling that I wasn't good enough because I had to make all these improvements, so I was caught in a loop where every time I pushed forward it was further confirmation I wasn't good enough at my core. Talk about irrational. Just goes to show you it's hard understanding the subconscious at times.
So what we have here was a feeling of low self worth perpetuated by a fear of low self worth that was triggered every time there was an attempt to improve.
Shannon if you read this I hope it provides some insight somehow. It really clicked for me and it feels like my conscious and subconscious see eye to eye now. Hoping things are less of a battle from this point forward and more of a cooperative effort. We will see.
I would bet that you made that realization because I added a special module in DMSI the day before yesterday. It was aimed at helping the hardest resisters get past their resistance. Understanding what the cause is, allows you to deal with and move on from it.
That's pretty amazing. I knew something was different, but I wasn't sure what or how I was gaining those realizations.
I have to tell you, it's been pretty neat to watch the changes happen almost in real time as I add new tech to the script. You guys usually report the effects within 12 to 36 hours of me doing it.
Are you noticing the changes from people's TID experiences? Like as soon as you add a new module, people start to react to it 12-36 hours after?
(02-14-2018, 08:46 AM)Raykon Wrote: [ -> ] (02-14-2018, 08:36 AM)Shannon Wrote: [ -> ] (02-14-2018, 04:45 AM)mat422 Wrote: [ -> ] (02-14-2018, 04:02 AM)Shannon Wrote: [ -> ] (02-13-2018, 04:32 PM)mat422 Wrote: [ -> ]Wow. Some major insights hit me today. Apparently part of my mind thought striving to be better meant I was a failure because other people are naturally better than me in some aspects. Along with that was the feeling that I wasn't good enough because I had to make all these improvements, so I was caught in a loop where every time I pushed forward it was further confirmation I wasn't good enough at my core. Talk about irrational. Just goes to show you it's hard understanding the subconscious at times.
So what we have here was a feeling of low self worth perpetuated by a fear of low self worth that was triggered every time there was an attempt to improve.
Shannon if you read this I hope it provides some insight somehow. It really clicked for me and it feels like my conscious and subconscious see eye to eye now. Hoping things are less of a battle from this point forward and more of a cooperative effort. We will see.
I would bet that you made that realization because I added a special module in DMSI the day before yesterday. It was aimed at helping the hardest resisters get past their resistance. Understanding what the cause is, allows you to deal with and move on from it.
That's pretty amazing. I knew something was different, but I wasn't sure what or how I was gaining those realizations.
I have to tell you, it's been pretty neat to watch the changes happen almost in real time as I add new tech to the script. You guys usually report the effects within 12 to 36 hours of me doing it.
Are you noticing the changes from people's TID experiences? Like as soon as you add a new module, people start to react to it 12-36 hours after?
That's what I said.
Except they don't react to it 12 to 36 hours later, they report the effects they have experienced 12 to 36 hours later. The impact is instantaneous on the timestreams affected by the changes as I make them.
I think I'm getting the effects of ARA and it's been feeling good. I'm noticing I have the ability to relax more now. Before I'd get anxiety every time I'd relax because that meant I wasn't doing something that I should have been doing. But of course that caused more anxiety which caused more procrastinating because I was anxious.
So I got home from work today a little tired. I just chilled in my bed for about 15 minutes relaxing my body and releasing the tension from the day. Not worrying about wasting time doing that and losing valuable time to work on my music. I felt good once I was more centered. Then I started working on some music. And that went well too. I no longer had the thoughts like "I have to finish this today" or "1 hour isn't enough time so why bother starting?" It's amazing what you can get done when you're not worrying about getting it done in one sitting. Prior to this I felt like I wasn't doing a good enough job if I didn't make massive progress on a song. Overall it feels like I sit down to do the work and if it doesn't go well that's alright because anything is progress and a learning experience.
It seems to also be working on my anxiety and fears based around never getting my music to the level I want it to be. I have this calm confidence that I'll get there instead and as long as I dedicate myself it'll happen. Before this I was always rushing to finish, anxious about making every song amazing, just feeling like time was running out and I needed to push harder and harder. Well a lot of that killed the enjoyment for me. Consequently I kept digging myself further and further into the limiting belief that making music was hard and I had to suffer for it.
It seems like in the past when I'd get overwhelmed at all the stuff I had to learn and get better at, my mind would just throw everything out. Instead of prioritizing and breaking things down into manageable chunks I'd just panic and quit. Never even starting. If DMSI 3.2 nails my procrastination I'll be super happy.
Just remember this.
Nothing is impossible, given enough determination, perseverance and effort.
and...
Nothing is really all that difficult if you break it down into small enough steps, and just take one step at a time.
So where I'm at right now after having a bit of a down day. The IDGAF mentality I thought I've been cultivating wasn't truly IDGAF. What I mean is instead of not caring what others think I'd get overly defensive instead. Stuff like thinking they have no right to judge me, I'm good enough, it doesn't matter, etc. It occurred to me at work today when something I set up didn't work the right way. Immediately I found myself saying something like whatever, I don't really care, just pure apathy. But the fact is I made a mistake and instead of getting bent out of shape about that I should use it as a learning experience. It seems like I swung from beating myself up over the tiniest errors towards being apathetic. Both situations I did not take responsibility towards controlling how I react to a situation. Sometimes it's easier to paint everything as pointless and detach from caring about it vs accepting I made a mistake. If I truly didn't care about this stuff I'd learn from my mistakes and wouldn't spend any amount of time taking all of it so personally.
One of my weak points is taking criticism to heart too much and being overly defensive. But I think this might be due to low self esteem anyway. Whenever I do something wrong I feel bad. But whenever I do something wrong and someone points it out I feel even worse. I don't like being thought of as stupid, incompetent, or any other mean things people like to toss around at times. I don't judge people, but unfortunately I've realized most other people do very heavily. I think my self worth is still tied up in being thought of as a competent person. As long as I maintain that image in other people's eyes I feel good. But as soon as I do something that could be perceived as me being incompetent it feels like my whole world falls apart and I'm exposed as this useless human being. It feels really bad. I get this sensation of wanting to throw up and just curl up in a ball somewhere and hide.
Just another sticking point I have to work through. My egoic/narcisistic behavior to maintain an image of being competent has caused me to continually self sabotage in a variety of ways. Basically it's the difference between "look at me and how much I don't care!" vs "I'm not threatened by this in any way so I can look at this in a detached way independent of myself".
Well I'll say this, so far the TID effects from 3.2 have strengthened my ability to face the challenges in my life. I no longer feel that sensation where I wanted to give up on everything. Things are still difficult for me, but at least now my focus is on how I can improve. So whenever I find myself being down I'm able to remind myself that I'm not there yet but I will get there.
Overall I feel I'm being more real with myself and working on things that need improvement vs trying to develop this facade or false self that's confident.
Do I feel sexy and like I can get the girls I desire? Not really. But the difference is I'm not dooming myself to a fate of never being attractive. In the past I'd take situations where girls weren't into me and use that as evidence that I'll never be attractive. At least now I'm receptive to the idea of becoming an attractive person. Part of doing so is just being myself and to stop dwelling on trying to come across in the most favorable way possible.
Caught myself on the drive home thinking about this whole thing and getting thoughts like getting women is overrated. Which is 100% bullshit because I've never experienced it, so I have no frame of reference. The whole I'm bored of this game that my subconscious uses to get me to stop pursuing a goal. In actuality it's just fear, again. And a little bit of ego protection in there because I'm still self conscious about the whole fact that my experience with women is practically 0. It's easier to shut down a goal vs facing the truth that I've just been too afraid to push my comfort zone.
Messed up today. Had some coffee. I knew I shouldn't but I did. It's funny though because when I have some caffeine I feel like I'm more productive and more receptive towards DMSI. But maybe the lack of resistance has more to do with taking a chemical that prevents getting into that state to begin with. Either way I know what I did this morning was an attempt to bypass dmsi.
Other than that I'm slowly coming to the realization that my current lifestyle isn't matching what I really want. And in order to get what I really want I have to stop putting myself in circumstances that directly conflict with it. But I'm in that intermediate period I guess where I need to build up something. Right now it feels like my attention is split between two goals. Get enough money to survive vs working on music. Waiting until the weekend to work on stuff doesn't work so I've been working nearly every day of the week after work. But even that doesn't work. I need music to be my primary focus, not this job. Right now it feels like my job is taking my energy and focus and I don't want that.
And it really became clear to me, I don't fear the overall goal. I don't fear the hard work or the potential setbacks. What I fear is what people would think of me if I failed. How they would criticize me if I ventured outside of convention. How I've always been a people pleaser and I'd agree to what they said instead of standing up for what I believe in.
But what puzzles me is I don't know who this is I'm afraid of. It's like dark shadows in my head, faceless people who I've never even met but I feel like they are out there waiting to tear me down when I try. So far in my life I've had very supportive people around me, always encouraging me to follow my gut and not give in to societal pressure. So it's not anyone I know holding me back.
I also notice I project a lot in this journal, talking about people wanting to drag me down or hold me back. But really, where have I ever encountered that except my imagination? I know they are out there, maybe I'm just afraid of the one day when I break free from all this and become a target. I mean do you become a target? Is that just another delusional belief? It feels like I accept a status as more worthless than everyone else because it's safer, it's like laying under a pile of dead bodies in a warzone.
I'm rambling now. That wasn't my intention of this journal but I guess I needed to get some thoughts out and they just started spilling out.
There is a correlation to needing a thicker and thicker skin as you become more and more successful, but it's not nearly as bad as your fears would have you believe.
(02-18-2018, 11:10 AM)Shannon Wrote: [ -> ]There is a correlation to needing a thicker and thicker skin as you become more and more successful, but it's not nearly as bad as your fears would have you believe.
That's what I figured. I think because I grew up very sensitive those fears are still knocking around in my head. It's like my subconscious hasn't quite realized that those bad things don't have to happen now because I'm stronger and more aware as an adult.
(02-14-2018, 08:36 AM)Shannon Wrote: [ -> ] (02-14-2018, 04:45 AM)mat422 Wrote: [ -> ] (02-14-2018, 04:02 AM)Shannon Wrote: [ -> ] (02-13-2018, 04:32 PM)mat422 Wrote: [ -> ]Wow. Some major insights hit me today. Apparently part of my mind thought striving to be better meant I was a failure because other people are naturally better than me in some aspects. Along with that was the feeling that I wasn't good enough because I had to make all these improvements, so I was caught in a loop where every time I pushed forward it was further confirmation I wasn't good enough at my core. Talk about irrational. Just goes to show you it's hard understanding the subconscious at times.
So what we have here was a feeling of low self worth perpetuated by a fear of low self worth that was triggered every time there was an attempt to improve.
Shannon if you read this I hope it provides some insight somehow. It really clicked for me and it feels like my conscious and subconscious see eye to eye now. Hoping things are less of a battle from this point forward and more of a cooperative effort. We will see.
I would bet that you made that realization because I added a special module in DMSI the day before yesterday. It was aimed at helping the hardest resisters get past their resistance. Understanding what the cause is, allows you to deal with and move on from it.
That's pretty amazing. I knew something was different, but I wasn't sure what or how I was gaining those realizations.
I have to tell you, it's been pretty neat to watch the changes happen almost in real time as I add new tech to the script. You guys usually report the effects within 12 to 36 hours of me doing it.
I've also come across some realizations that have been holding me back. To put it simply, I've finally let go of this one thing that was stuck in my mind that restrained me from being me and fully me (hopefully any other restraints will be found and eliminated as well).
Anyways, I've been reading the forums more the past 2 days and this TID thing is pretty crazy like MINDBLOWING. WTF!!!!!! I can't wait for 6G man!!!!!!! We're going to be LIMITLESS!!!
Got hit with a ton of fear last night, but I face it in my dream. It felt like some kind of creature was going to emerge from the shadows and try to kill me. I actually used to have a fear of closets when I was a kid, probably not too uncommon. But my imagination would go crazy with all the types of terrifying things that could be living in there just waiting to grab me when I wasn't looking. But that's besides the point. After I faced all that fear I got hit with a ton of sex dreams. It was pretty awesome. They were really vivid, like a lucid dream. Normally my dreams are hazy or fuzzy, but there was so much clarity in these.
Unfortunately I woke up and made the mistake of expecting too much from all this. I've noticed that in general when my results are good it's when I'm not paying attention and not trying to hold onto either the postiive or the negative. I just let myself be and whatever happens happens. It seems like a fear thing, getting good results and wanting it to keep going, being afraid of falling back. As a consequence the fear blocks DMSI from doing what it needs to do. So if old emotions pop up and I don't face them because I want to hold onto that higher positive state, I lose a chance to let go of what holds me back.
But definitely feeling the strength the closer we get to 3.2. Super excited to run this. Feels like my whole frequency is changing with regards to reality, just on a totally different wavelength than what I was.