(08-25-2018, 11:55 AM)Shannon Wrote: [ -> ]Fun is natural result of ease and flow. You trying to hard. Try too hard kill fun. Stop with expectations and demands on self all time! You killing fun, man. Analyze this, examine that, trying to hard! Fun happen when you let go and just relax and enjoy! You start having fun now, okay? 
Believe me Shannon, I really want to. But not putting expectations and demands on myself, I just don't know how to stop doing it. Hell, sometimes I end up putting expectations and demands on myself for letting go of expectations and demands! It's like a nasty circle of never having peace. I know I do this, I know it's my choice, I know I have to take responsibility for it, but I just don't know how to stop it. Just telling myself to relax and have fun causes more anxiety for me.
(08-25-2018, 12:10 PM)mat422 Wrote: [ -> ] (08-25-2018, 11:55 AM)Shannon Wrote: [ -> ]Fun is natural result of ease and flow. You trying to hard. Try too hard kill fun. Stop with expectations and demands on self all time! You killing fun, man. Analyze this, examine that, trying to hard! Fun happen when you let go and just relax and enjoy! You start having fun now, okay?
Believe me Shannon, I really want to. But not putting expectations and demands on myself, I just don't know how to stop doing it. Hell, sometimes I end up putting expectations and demands on myself for letting go of expectations and demands! It's like a nasty circle of never having peace. I know I do this, I know it's my choice, I know I have to take responsibility for it, but I just don't know how to stop it. Just telling myself to relax and have fun causes more anxiety for me.
DMSI will help you with that. I don't remember if it's A side or both that has the particular module I am talking about.
The best way to handle breaking out of negative feedback loops is consciously being aware of what you are doing and when, and then when you see it, breaking the pattern.
(08-25-2018, 11:55 AM)Shannon Wrote: [ -> ]Fun is natural result of ease and flow. You trying to hard. Try too hard kill fun. Stop with expectations and demands on self all time! You killing fun, man. Analyze this, examine that, trying to hard! Fun happen when you let go and just relax and enjoy! You start having fun now, okay?
I totally had fun reading this post, lol.
(08-25-2018, 02:04 PM)Shannon Wrote: [ -> ] (08-25-2018, 12:10 PM)mat422 Wrote: [ -> ] (08-25-2018, 11:55 AM)Shannon Wrote: [ -> ]Fun is natural result of ease and flow. You trying to hard. Try too hard kill fun. Stop with expectations and demands on self all time! You killing fun, man. Analyze this, examine that, trying to hard! Fun happen when you let go and just relax and enjoy! You start having fun now, okay?
Believe me Shannon, I really want to. But not putting expectations and demands on myself, I just don't know how to stop doing it. Hell, sometimes I end up putting expectations and demands on myself for letting go of expectations and demands! It's like a nasty circle of never having peace. I know I do this, I know it's my choice, I know I have to take responsibility for it, but I just don't know how to stop it. Just telling myself to relax and have fun causes more anxiety for me.
DMSI will help you with that. I don't remember if it's A side or both that has the particular module I am talking about.
The best way to handle breaking out of negative feedback loops is consciously being aware of what you are doing and when, and then when you see it, breaking the pattern.
Well hopefully it's both because I'm on B right now. Breaking the patterns is probably something I need to work on more.
Something that really gets me, which I'm working on. I'm not a very confident person. I've fluctuated between inflating my own ego to feel better and just being self deprecating to an extreme degree. I never really found a balance between the two. And yeah fear does stop me from doing a lot of things. But definitely within the last few posts I've realized I never really took the time to cultivate a stable sense of validation for myself. So I'd constantly live in fear of what others thought of me and in general try to prevent any criticism from people by acting in ways that are overly calculated. I feel like I've said that before. I have a lot of realizations that pop up, then get forgotten, then pop up again.
I don't know what I'm doing anymore with DMSI. Which isn't really a bad thing actually because I feel like since I don't have ANY experience with all this, I shouldn't be expecting how it's all going to come about. And I'm sure my brain is still crammed full of old useless information from my PUA days that still leaks into my perception of everything. But I know my goal is shifting to keeping everything lighthearted and fun and to meet and connect with attractive interesting women. Not to be this hyper sexual godlike person with something to prove. As insecure as that sounds, that was definitely something I was trying to bring about in order to validate myself more. How many women I could have attracted to me, just stupid crap like that.
Another thing that occurred to me. My mom wasn't raised in a very emotionally supportive family. Her father would make fun of her if she was upset. I'm a lot like my mom. I'm wondering if growing up she subconsciously saw the same traits in me that she experienced as a kid and the deep shame surrounding it and ended up being more neglectful towards those needs. Not being harsh like her father, but more distant or checked out. I love both my parents and I'm not blaming them, but sometimes I do wonder if I got the emotional support I needed growing up. It would make sense why I sort of hit adulthood and things didn't go smoothly at all. My whole foundation was incredibly shaky and weak and I based it on external things to validate me.
Bro, no doubt you get there. Your journey is similar to mine and im experiencing a whole identity shift with all falling into place.
One thing im starting to realize and nurture is selfvalidation and selflove. What I mean by this is, get turned on by yourself. You are the main character in your book and story. The most important in all of this.
Lightheart and fun is definitely key. Seduction is light, playfull, fun.
I recognize lots of what you write. The IOIs are there, they wont go away. Youre running DMSI after all. I notice them and wont notice them at the same time, and yet, this amplifies it all so much more.
Thanks man, much appreciated.
In other news. Got another nasty migraine today and had to skip work. So bad I couldn't drive or function. Literally just woke up an hour ago.
During the whole episode I threw on some meditative stuff and just tried to unwind my body as much as possible. My body started spasming as it released endless amounts of tension. I was done today, I reached my tipping point for all the stuff that's been bothering me and it shut me down.
I don't think I'm processing dmsi all that well to be honest. I have a lot of trouble relaxing and my brain feels like it's on fire. I don't know if I'm pushing through things or if I'm just in a deadlock with deeper fears. I just know when I was out of it today and drifting in and out of consciousness I felt the influence of dmsi and the subsequent fear that shuts down my response to it like a steel bear trap. I can't catch it, analyze it, or whatever. It's a very instinctual response. I can feel my self on the verge of cooperating and then nothing.
Turn around. Look behind you. How far have you come just to be able to say that? Even just on 3.2?
You will continue to advance as you continue to use it.
I gotta say I'm increasingly disgusted at the sense of entitlement some women have with their online dating profiles. Has to make me laugh, can't be boring, blah blah blah. It's like are you looking for a relationship or a dancing monkey? It's such an instant turnoff now. Makes me wish some of them would get stone cold rejected by a guy and humble them a bit. But unlikely because there's way too many guys out there that would put up with their nonsense just because they are attractive. Looking back on it I can't believe I ever felt bad about not measuring up to some of these women, truth is I deserve better than them. Just people in general can be so shitty and then you go your whole life internalizing all of it. Thinking you have to prove them wrong somehow, when the reality is they don't matter one bit and shouldn't even be a concern in your mind.
For a lot of my life I always looked externally at other people. I never looked out for myself. And nowadays I'm just starting to really see myself as #1 for my life. My mistake was always thinking I needed some reason to put myself first instead of just doing it. But I'm just as important as anyone else on this planet. I've got my flaws and shortcomings, but that doesn't make me a bad person or less than anyone else.
Still don't quite understand how B goes about things, but I had a moment today where it felt like old trapped personas were let go. Hard to describe, but I'll do my best. Basically throughout my life I've felt like certain events would trigger me to act a certain way or revert to some mindset. Of course in the moment when it's happening I'm fully conscious of it, but I try to fight it by not thinking of it. But a lot of the time you try not to think or repress something, the more it doesn't work. So instead I sort of have been letting these personas express themselves without judgement while not attaching my identity to them. I've realized for a lot of my life I've been trying to dig inward towards some "core self", as if it was hidden and I needed to uncover it. But it's all just been fear. The more fear I had in my life, the more I turned inwards and slowly shrank away from anything that wasn't familiar. When my life felt unfulfilled or limited I was convinced it was something I needed to fix internally.
I wanted to get it all lined up perfectly so when I went out into the world I was prepared. But that's not what life is. Life isn't supposed to be something you prepare for out of fear. It's meant to be a learning experience. Mistakes happen and life goes on. Me trying to avoid that was causing a lot of anxiety.
Going through all this makes me wonder. What the hell is the average person thinking when it comes to their identity? Since running DMSI I've developed this sense of multiple "mes" being inside of me. So when I'm feeling really unconfident, there's a part that still is confident. And it makes me realize who we are is so elaborate and intricate. The one thing I'm learning is that just because something feels strong or like a truth about your reality, it's still only part of your awareness. And if you can make that distinction and remind yourself of that in your head you can feel like you have a freedom to choose what you want instead of reacting to old beliefs.
In the beginning, I saw you suffering the same way I used to, long ago. I managed to help myself grow through and past that, but seeing you there really bothered me and I wanted to help.
At the same time, I knew I couldn't do a lot but try to offer some guidance and encouragement, and hope that my work was helpful to you. For a long time, it seemed like my work and advice wasn't really helping, and that also bothered me, but I didn't know what to do.
And now I see you consistently making such amazing progress and almost every time I read your posts it makes me want to cheer you on, because I see you going through the same footsteps I went through that led me to freedom and happiness, and that always makes my day.
You may not be there yet, or all the way, but you are making amazing progress and it makes me feel like my frustrations have been worth it when I see you using the tools I created as part of your journey out of pain.
So I just wanted to let you know that you are doing a great job, and even though I walked that very same path, it makes me feel grateful to be able to use my experience to help someone else with it, even though you are the one doing the really hard work to get there. Even if I'm just watching you, you are helping to make my job wprth the effort and pain. Your journey and journal is also making things better for others in similar shoes by giving them hope.
So thank you, Mat. I appreciate your contribution to our community.
Thanks so much Shannon. That post really made my day. I'm so grateful you've been here and continue to improve on what you do. It's been really helpful having someone that's been through it all and come out the other side. Everywhere else in my life it feels like people are either stuck in the same patterns, don't struggle, or have no idea what it is I seek to attain. Your insights and advice may not have reached me in the past but they definitely planted seeds in my mind that I learned from.
(08-29-2018, 05:39 PM)Shannon Wrote: [ -> ]In the beginning, I saw you suffering the same way I used to, long ago. I managed to help myself grow through and past that, but seeing you there really bothered me and I wanted to help.
At the same time, I knew I couldn't do a lot but try to offer some guidance and encouragement, and hope that my work was helpful to you. For a long time, it seemed like my work and advice wasn't really helping, and that also bothered me, but I didn't know what to do.
And now I see you consistently making such amazing progress and almost every time I read your posts it makes me want to cheer you on, because I see you going through the same footsteps I went through that led me to freedom and happiness, and that always makes my day.
You may not be there yet, or all the way, but you are making amazing progress and it makes me feel like my frustrations have been worth it when I see you using the tools I created as part of your journey out of pain.
So I just wanted to let you know that you are doing a great job, and even though I walked that very same path, it makes me feel grateful to be able to use my experience to help someone else with it, even though you are the one doing the really hard work to get there. Even if I'm just watching you, you are helping to make my job wprth the effort and pain. Your journey and journal is also making things better for others in similar shoes by giving them hope.
So thank you, Mat. I appreciate your contribution to our community.
Just wanted to share this. I went outside for my lunch break and usually I'll read a book, check here, or read up on music production stuff. But today I just sat under a tree and observed the moment. I told myself that even though I had problems I needed to solve and things I needed to attend to, in this moment there was nothing else I needed to do. And it was liberating just being able to sit there and do nothing. I never really considered myself someone that always has to be doing something, but I realized I rarely take breaks for myself. And I've realized that's because of the fear, always worrying that if I don't keep moving I won't achieve some goal off in the future.
I've always been too far ahead in the future. Planning, worrying, trying to figure things out. It really hit me today that the more time I spend in that headspace the more I lose out on the present moment and life itself. And man, it took me a while to realize it but all that thinking and worrying, it wasn't productive and it didn't aid in any way. It sure felt like I was doing something smart and preparing for unforeseen problems that could happen though. But the reality is you'r either addressing issues and working on solving them or you're not. And if you're not, but you obsessively worry over it, you're just doing yourself harm by inviting unneeded stress and anxiety into your life.