Got home from work today really tired. I wanted to work on some music, but at the same time I didn't. It's moments like this where I can't tell if I should push myself or give myself rest. Or maybe I need to rethink my whole approach. Just had an epiphany that when I sit down to work on music I always perceive it as a daunting task. Maybe I just need to think of it as working on it in chunks split up. Yeah, I guess this goes back to being too all or nothing. It's that pressure on myself to make something good or actually complete a whole song. This fills me with anxiety and creates the writers block.
I think on some level I still fear the creative process. I often feel that a lot of my stuff isn't good enough and I really hate that feeling. So I try to avoid it, but that just results in me not making music which makes me equally unhappy. Still trying to figure this one out.
(10-30-2018, 03:13 PM)mat422 Wrote: [ -> ]Emotional trauma isn't queued up in your body like some storage you release from. You have to find the source that generates it and fix that.
Thanks Matt. I'm finally seeing I can make some major changes in my life. The "powerless" message is instilled heavily in our lives, and your message clicked in my head--that I can bring on my own healing.
I'd been thinking of this idea this morning, and after re-reading this message, I thought "holy s***! I CAN change some things."
(11-01-2018, 03:59 AM)findingme Wrote: [ -> ] (10-30-2018, 03:13 PM)mat422 Wrote: [ -> ]Emotional trauma isn't queued up in your body like some storage you release from. You have to find the source that generates it and fix that.
Thanks Matt. I'm finally seeing I can make some major changes in my life. The "powerless" message is instilled heavily in our lives, and your message clicked in my head--that I can bring on my own healing.
I'd been thinking of this idea this morning, and after re-reading this message, I thought "holy s***! I CAN change some things."
Hell yeah. Glad you had that insight. In the end subliminals, hypnosis, therapy, we all heal ourselves. It starts with us. Believing you can heal is a major step, sometimes that feeling of being beyond help is really just fear in disguise. But it sounds like you're letting go of that fear which is awesome
Yup def moving onto USLM3 when it comes out. DMSI will be on hold for a bit. I had a long think about my life, what I want, where I want to go. For now I'm going to treat DMSI as the icing on the cake, it's nice but not necessary. There's a lot more important stuff I should be focusing on in order to feel fulfilled. When I was on dmsi I did find myself trying to escape the goal of having sex with beautiful women, that I'll fess up to. But I noticed there was also a lack of drive to achieve the goals at times. Maybe resistance, but it might have just been I had my priorities elsewhere. At the time DMSI was at the top pretty much as far as the tech goes, but now that USLM3 is coming out I think that will be in alignment with my goals more.
As far as goals go. I think I've had them for a while, but being too afraid to go after them was my issue. Or they seemed impossible or a childish fantasy. So I just stuck to the more "realistic" stuff. Which isn't very fulfilling.
This is probably gonna sound obvious, but I started working on some music today and found myself afraid of doing things differently. I think fear is a killer of creativity in general. It's why we have so many artists out there copying others or just rehashing the same old stuff. But today I just went with my gut creative instinct, no matter how bizarre of weird it would turn out.
Two things I realized. One, I was trying too hard to figure out the "right" way to put together a song in the past. Music theory is helpful, but it gives you what works already. When you have fear of stepping outside of your comfort zone it's easy to keep gravitating back to the same old things that work. Two, validation and wanting to be like someone else. Music is interesting because to me it's an expression of your purest self unfiltered. Sometimes it's hard to really let go and let that come out in the music. For me at least. My songs I like the most are the ones where I wasn't trying to be "good", I was just allowing myself to express myself through the music.
In the past I kept thinking that I needed to learn more. More theory, more production knowledge, more studying track structure, etc. I wanted to prepare myself so I knew exactly what to do and how to do it. But I've realized the really great music is the stuff that sounds unique. And being unique is about creating your own path and exploring your own things, using fundamental knowledge to aid you, but not as a crutch to avoid doing the actual exploration.
Ok at this point I'm 90% convinced I'm being affected by USLM3.
First I found myself thinking about failure based patterns. How my whole life has been me worrying about screwing up or being "just good enough" to get by. I woke up today and felt that had to change. No more anticipating failure. No more devaluing myself compared to other people. I realized the power of setting the mind in a certain direction and mine has never been fine tuned for success. Always prevention of potential disasters.
Second I found myself asking myself what I really wanted. I've been around a lot of people that just struggle in life. I grew up with the mentality that you find a job you can tolerate and make the most of it. But now I'm seeing how I limit myself. Why not live financially comfortable, pursue my passions, and live a life of abundance? I know for me there's always been fear surrounding success or being a successful person. I always felt it wasn't for me, like some people are lucky and I just have to be humble and live on the lower end. There's no virtue in being poor, despite that message being broadcast through a lot of media.
Third, I'm meditating more and engaging in visualization of my goals. This has always been something I've wanted to do since reading about loa and manifesting, but something always stopped me. Maybe in the back of my mind I felt it was impossible or a waste of time, mostly a product of fear. I've realized a lot of these hopeless or impossible feelings I had in the past were just a manifestation of fear. Shannon is right, fear stands in the way of so much it's unbelievable.
I'm also wondering if USLM3 clears out the fear that was preventing execution of dmsi if there will be some overlap with that. At this point I do believe dmsi has caused a permanent shift in my mindset, but there was always that part holding back. It'll be interesting to see how it unfolds.