Subliminal Talk

Day 4

Hello there!

Like I said in my DMSI recently I've started listening to LTU. As before I plan on posting my thoughts and experiences with the sub. I decided to post them on the men's part of the forums as there are more people here as well as I intent on posting my sexual experiences if there'll be any.

If I understand the instructions correctly I should write 1-3 goals I want to focus on. I set up 2 goals for myself. The first one is losing weight. I'm currently 88kg and I want to get down to 70 or even 65, depending on my muscles. It's way to early to judge the results here but I surely noticed I eat less and have more energy and motivation to exercise. Already between February and April I've lost 2kg and I hope to keep on this pace if not go beyond that!

The second goal is work connected. You may know from my DMSI journal that my dad died in March and it's been hard time for me. Because of this my work life suffered and I want to jump start it back up. It has added bonus of having less time to waste or think, which is a good thing in situations like that. So far I must say it's not going great, but it definitely goes better than in the past weeks. I hope to get back to habit of working 8 hours a day 5 days a week and get even more productive than before. Right now it's hard for me to focus and motivate myself to work harder than the minimum I have to do, but since my work is a great source of pride for me I think that if everything goes well I'll be able to fell much much better than right now.

I don't know if I already said this, but please accept my condolences on your loss.

I second Shannon's statement. Deepest condolences.

Also, nice Morrowind reference in your signature.

Day 7

Thank you for your kind words @Shannon and @EvolvingPhoenix , I appreciate that.

Interesting thing happened as my long time friend got dumped by his girlfriend and moved in to my place until he finds a new flat for himself. I like to live alone (well, with my female flatmate, but we barely interact TBH) and enjoy my peace and quiet, but when he needed my help I did not hesitate to help him. I know he'd do the same for me.

As to how I feel... Well, better than before I'd argue. I'm more motivated and feel less like a victim. That being said things are still not exactly stellar but I didn't expect them to be so. I have so crap to seethe through and quite to lot areas to catch up in my life. Still, I think I'm getting optimistic for the first time in a long time

Today or tomorrow I'll post bullet points based on instructions to LTU to showcase what are my expectations and goals towards this sub. There is a lot good in there and I hope to get the most out of it.

Day 8 - My goals

Like I said yesterday I want to post summary of all LTU selling points and comment on them. As I post infrequently in the recent months I intent to come back to this list every months or so in attempt on letting you know on my progress.

• Universal Detox - this one sounds great but it's very general. Unless I know what to look for. I guess that if I benefit from this, it will be more wholesome than specific.
  
• Ultra Success/Luck Maximizer - this one is funny for me. Again, quite general stuff, but I may try my luck on some lotteries at a later date. To be honest when I listen to LTU this one is something I think very little about. I'll let you know if something extraordinary happens though! Also this one has the 3 goals thing, I'll keep you posted on how my 2 goals are progressing.
  
• Ultra Motivation/Overcoming Procrastination - must have for me and so far I do feel more motivated. Hopefully I'll get really serious with my work and self-improvement commitments!
  
• Emotional Healing & Pain Relief Aid - possibly the reason why I wanted to run this sub. I have a lot to go through emotionally so I especially hope it will help me.
  
• Self Esteem Subliminal - useful, I think I have quite good self esteem but I also could use more
  
• Disconnect From Negative Stress - possibly working, before I started LTU I was panicking due my work and how behind I am, now not so much.
  
• Genuine Gratitude & Appreciation - that's a great thing to have without a doubt. I'm not sure if it's working but since my spirit is getting up I do feel more appreciation and gratitude.
  
• Happiness & Joy - yeah, give me that, like a bucket or entire swimming pool of that!
  
• Let Go Of The Past - more related to EHPRA I think, however I don't think I'm that jailed by my past. I used to be, but past programs helped me a great deal with that. Still, more help is appreciated.
  
• Anger Management - I don't feel angry much for a long time anyways, so let's skip that.
  
• Overcome Guilt and Shame - again, my huge progress with this one, but more help won't hurt.
  
• Overcome The Victim Mentality - this is massive! Since my father died my victim mentality was my shield against making shit done.
  
• And others, too many to count and to make myself bothered with right now
  

Day 13

I think sub pushed me towards meditation. I don't want to get into religious territory, however I started reading arcane materials again (my reread of Kybalion is well overdue anyway) and I meditate on my place in the Universe etc. And I must admit it gives me closure and allows me to sleep easier at night. And to be honest closure and clarity is what I need the most right now.

Day 17

I am seriously being pushed by the sub into questioning who I really am and what I truly want. I try to meditate on that but looking for the answer is not an easy task. I short I'm very conflicted on that. I may or may not write an essay on the topic in the future but in short I feel like there are 3 options:

• Old self, with all my flaws. Obviously with some self-development as I go but overall comfortable with myself.
  
• New, "perfect" self with as many flaws removed. The problem is in my imagination this person feels like a robot and is ultimately directionless.
  
• Some kind of synthesis of the two. I think the sub is pushing me in this direction, but I cannot clearly visualize what that would be exactly.
  

For now I'll just enjoy the journey and I'll try not to overthink this. In the end I will follow my intuition to guide me on this one.

Day 21

I have some anxiety admitting this but I find myself blaming others for my past hurts, often unjustifiably. Two examples.

I think quite a lot about my ex and how she "wasn't there for me" and therefore she ruined the relationship. The problem is when I was with her and didn't want to be with her anyway as I didn't feel "complete" with her and I wanted to rather focus on myself than on the other. Why do I suddenly take offense in her posture when I did not way back when?

I also am angry at my friend, his girlfriend has chronic depression and he knew it when they get together. Now they broke, got back together and broke again and he expects my support. However it's hard to give as when I had a depressed girlfriend and we would fight he "wasn't there for me" as we were mutual friends and he didn't want to take sides. I understood it and accepted it, looking for solace in other people. Why do I suddenly take offense in his posture when I did not way back when?

It seems I have more to deal with regarding my past than I'd be comfortable admitting.

Those are good, honest realizations. Reading them encourages me, knowing I'm not alone. Thanks for posting this.

Day 25

(05-14-2019, 12:16 AM)findingme Wrote: [ -> ]Those are good, honest realizations.  Reading them encourages me, knowing I'm not alone.  Thanks for posting this.

Glad to be of help

Two things to talk about. First one is I'm finally getting progress with losing weight, this month I lost 1kg easily, maybe even 1.5kg. Sadly I think I'm getting things a little bit too far, I think I started to eat too little (800-1000 calories on some days). So far however I have plenty of energy and my health is just fine so maybe I'm overanalyzing things. The thing is on those days I'm not even hungry, it's not like I famine myself. Will keep you posted on the developments.

Second thing is nice side-effect of my meditations - lucid dreaming. I am able to semi-regularly have a lucid dream (or rather OOBE - out of body experience) where I rise up from my body and walk around my flat. It's hard to keep this for a long time, it feels like a minute or two at most, but it's still fun and I think I'll keep practicing that stuff. 

Funny thing is when I'm in such a dream everything is so realistic, it's not like in a normal dream. Still, I'm not convinced this is true OOBE. Achieving OOBE was my dream since childhood and from what I remember it works a little bit differently. What I'm experiencing are rather OOBE-like lucid dreams.

Day 29

Real talk now. I notice a lot of changes in myself, positive ones. There are possibly too many to count, so I will focus on 2 ones and mention some of them here briefly. I feel more energetic, motivated. I finally getting stuff done. My flatmate thinks I matured a lot recently and I got grasp on my life better than ever before. All of that with little resistance, changes feel natural and organic, as if I was doing nothing and just keen on going with my life as always. But wait, there's more!

I've always wanted to lose some weight (I'm currently at 30 BMI) and finally I'm managing it. I don't want to post anything yet as I'm scared of yo-yo effect, but I think the trend is there. All thanks to self-control (not eating crap, not drinking beer every second night etc.), eating less while still not being hungry and having lots of energy and regular exercise. As for the last, in the recent months I was exercising a bit, more and more with every week, but now for the first time I use exercise to challenge myself. To prove to myself that I can. And it feels great when I indeed can.

Secondly NoFap. I've also played around with this one, not going all in but limiting myself. I started measuring when I do it and made up some rules on when I can do it. This gave some success but did not resolve the main issue. However, now I'm on the day 6, feat I've managed to achieve only 5 times in the past 2 years, and I intend to keep on going with this one. Two reasons. First one is my new born confidence brought by my weight loss. Second one is girl I met recently in work, she's pretty and intelligent, exactly my type. Obviously she's got a boyfriend, but I cannot escape the thought that if I was to stop with PMO I might have had such a girlfriend and not be lonesome like I'm now. I don't think it's time for dating just yet, I want some more time to deal with my other issues. However, when the time comes (and it's approaching) NoFap can only help me with my confidence and sexual power!

Overall, seriously, if I were just to keep on going like I'm doing right now I think I'd consider this sub to be the best of all of subs I've tried. It's almost scary and undoubtedly beautiful that more is yet to come!

EDIT:
Good song showcasing my mindset right now

Very cool. One thing you might not have considered is that alot of issues around weight are actually emotional based, whether it be trauma or stuff from your past.. and food and holding onto weight is a coping mechanism.

So it makes sense that LTU with all it's healing is helping you deal with that. And the other thing is the willpower you're talking about naturally starts to come through when you start healing this stuff.

That's why for people who have struggled with weight, it's not as simple as telling them 'just use willpower' because when your subconscious is going against that then the willpower won't last, but when you naturally heal and shift those emotions then you are able to then take the right actions whether it be changing your eating and sticking to it or working out.

Day 30

(05-21-2019, 05:15 PM)Benjamin Wrote: [ -> ]Very cool. One thing you might not have considered is that alot of issues around weight are actually emotional based, whether it be trauma or stuff from your past.. and food and holding onto weight is a coping mechanism.

So it makes sense that LTU with all it's healing is helping you deal with that. And the other thing is the willpower you're talking about naturally starts to come through when you start healing this stuff.

That's why for people who have struggled with weight, it's not as simple as telling them 'just use willpower' because when your subconscious is going against that then the willpower won't last, but when you naturally heal and shift those emotions then you are able to then take the right actions whether it be changing your eating and sticking to it or working out.

I think your absolutely right. I've been fat ever since I was a little kid with overprotective grandma and I stayed that way my entire life. At my best moments in life I had BMI 25 I believe. It gives me an excuse for being pathetic in all sorts of fields and so why would I want to get rid of that excuse? To finally man up and take responsibility? Funny.

Seriously though great example are women. Because I'm fat I feel unattractive, however DMSI couldn't help me with that. If anything I gained lots of weight ever since I met my ex and only now I'm back to those level for some reason.

I wonder if there is just one cause or if this is some kind of feedback loop. I'm also a little bit worried I might lose my mojo and gain that weight again or I will stagnate at lower but still way too high level. Because, after all, it seems almost scary what might happen if I manage to change "a" to "i" in fat... A whole new world I have never explored, and new is scary.

Good too see that NoFap is one of your goal.

I have been on USLM3 for six months a d tbh the amount of progress on NoFap I have made is pretty satisfying than I have made in year. Its an 18 year old severe fapping addiction which is linked to my severe OCD so its good to see the amount of progress I have made.

Besides NoFap amplifies the result of the subs.. You can feel it.