Subliminal Talk

(06-11-2020, 09:45 AM)Mystic Pymp Wrote: [ -> ]Day 11

Another good day.

I'm doing an experiment right now, probably a dumb one but oh well. My sleep schedule was out of whack since this whole pandemic started and I had to switch to remote work, so I decided to try to take it to it's ultimate conclusion. I no longer try to go to sleep at night and wake up early, I simple stay awake as long as I like and go to sleep whenever I like. This might be dumb but I feel much better, I'm much more productive and I feel like I need less sleep while still being full of energy.

My biggest problem was not being unable to fall asleep but rather being unable to wake up. Getting up from the bed was a torture for me these past weeks. Now? Now whenever my organism feels like I've had enough sleep I simply wake up, get up and get to do something. I have much more energy now with 7 hours of sleep than I had before with 10.

This experiment will probably not work well on the long run but damn, it works great right now!

I feel you, man. I am a night owl, and our modern society does not favour people like us. Especially those who have 8-4/ 9-5 jobs. Heck! My Dad used to tell me "6 am should never meet a man in bed". 

I remember a time when I was more flexible than I am now. I would go to bed after 3 am, wake up at 10-ish feeling well-rested. It does not feel natural for me to be in bed before midnight, but I have to do it because - society. 

I don't think what you are doing is a dumb experiment. It might be what works best for your body-sleep type ( I'm not sure the of the right word). One positive thing out of this Covid situation is remote working will be encouraged going forward. This might mean more flexibility on sleep schedules. Even if one is still required to start work at 9 am remotely, the time spent on prep and commute to work may be used to get some extra sleep for non-morning people.

Day 13

Great, awesome, amazing. I've found 2 four leaf clovers on my walk today and what I got for it was I was attacked by a crow. Awesome, this is my luck - being attacked by a stupid bird.

I was attacked like this before so I know what to do. They are not scary as such, but their screeching is terrible and frightening. They will never attack you if you face them (stupid wannabe raven craven) so you have to constantly turn your back as they will try to swoop down at you from the branches. They will not seriously hurt you either, you're too big for them and they only try to scare you off, but I've watched Hitchcock's Birds so I'd rather be save than sorry

Day 14

I wasn't bragging about this yet but I'm on my 14th day of NoFap. My record. Two questions I should ask myself are why I'm doing it and why it's working better than before.

As for the second, I don't know. I'm in the right mindset perhaps. I've always struggled with NoFap because I had to fight the temptation, now I'm don't not doing what I know I shouldn't. It's the difference between trying not to eat a cake when you're hungry and when you're not - in the first case you have this primordial need you want to deal with, in the second you just want some delicious cake but you don't need it.

As for the first, I don't know either. I have this idea that NoFap will give me clear mind and my recent sky-high productivity proves this, but I'm more thinking about self-discovery and working on what I really and truly want. I feel like I've found all the answers that were easy to find and I need some heavy guns to dig deeper.

I wonder where I can use up this sexual energy I'm accumulating right now, especially if I manage not to give in. I have some ideas but I cannot be sure.

Day 15

Staying strong and in a good mood. I've found yet another 2 four leaf clovers, I think I have 8 in total now. Still no sign a extraordinary luck though

If anything I have almost PTSD flashbacks on my walks. I feel paranoid that I will be attacked again and that this time some stupid crow might actually hurt me. If not for my tenacity as I have my exercise quotas to fulfill I'd probably give it a rest for a week or so.

As for NoFap it's going good by I started to have my doubts. This kind of thinking when you succeed and you think you may rest on you laurels is dangerous. I don't wanna fall on this false sense of security, I want to get to 30 days mark and after that 90, 365 and even more. Success doesn't mean you should give up when you still have more goals.

I have failed. I wanna write about this as long as it's all fresh and I don't have time to think about his in retrospect.

So, I have masturbated. After 15 days and 6 hours back to square one.

Why did I do this? But why, the same reason I do everything nowadays - to try and test myself. And I went too far, I got hungry like a wolf. And I went back and tried to relax but hour and two hours and it was getting harder and harder to resist - it's just easier to let it go, right? Ask every professional torturer

It's almost scary how your hormones can overcome you in times like that. It's not an excuse - I should learn how to overcome strong feeling like that but learning entails failure - this is why I'm disappointed, but I don't hate myself. I'm just...

I'm scared of this prospect of NoFap to be honest. I'm scared of this idea that I will be unable to do something, that unless someone gives me an orgasm I will never receive it again. Giving back control over something that is mine and for reasons that are clear when meditating but in the heat of a moment seam meaningless.

And I know I've lost little and gained much anyway. I've proven myself something and I will continue to strife in the coming weeks - I have no intention of masturbating daily now and I'm gonna break this record in July, mark my words. This pause is priceless and even if I were to get to masturbating biweekly instead of every other day - that would be huge on it's own. And I can do better than that, much better.

I'll use this reset to rethink everything, to once again get to the ideas why I wanna do NoFap. I still have this strange feeling in the back of my head that after 30 days something weird will start happening in my life - I'm not sure what and this might be just a justificating for trying myself - but I'd love to find out what it might be.

15 days and 7 hours from now I will want to come here and write about how I've succeeded

Day 16

I have found out that I forgot to turn the sub on after Windows 10 update on Sunday... Oh well, that might explain a little bit.

Still, I fell a little bit restless, or rather aimless. Is this really worth it? Well, yes Mystic, yes it is. Even if sometimes I doubt it. These 2 weeks gave me some insight, made me productive as hell and even my weight seem to finally go down again, even if ever so slightly. It's damn worth it!

By the way, I don't know if that was the weather on that day or I got used to it, but the first day when I went for a walk on dawn I felt so weird. In a positive sense. The air, the dew and this strange smell (ozone maybe?). It reminded me of the days when I had to go somewhere and early in the morning do something. Rock festivals, switching trains, these sorts of things. It was a glorious feeling, it's a shame that I don't experience it anymore.

Day 17 (2)

I decided, like I did once already, to write in the parenthesis my current NoFap streak. I don't wanna talk or boast about it too much but I wanna be accountable on that front. So here is that.

On the other fronts... Well, certainly today is not my day. I've done some work today and I plan on working some more but I fell like my productivity and will to work is all gone. It's hot, humid, I'm tired and I feel like crap. Not just physically, but mentally too and probably more so.

I'm just so... unsatisfied. I like to think that, while I'm not necessarily happy with my like, then I'm at least content. And it's true, I like my life right now. But

Day 19 (3)

Still tired and kinda lost. I've been extremely unproductive today - something I will try to repay for this weekend probably - but I got a real reading spree. I've been reading a lot recently and I wanna to even more of this. One book a week is a fine goal I imagine and with a huge collection of PDFs that are gathering dust on my hard drive I think this is a great idea.

Day 21 (1)

I've had a significant case of "why bother" yesterday. And I've grown to realize that if I'm not in a mental state when it is obvious to me why should I bother then it is better to let go than trying to fight it.

For example I've had this "why bother" thought today as well but I easily fought it back. How? Because my reasoning behind NoFap is not to get long streaks or things like that, it's about breaking the habit. Masturbating once every couple of days would be relatively fine (for now), but every day or every other day? Nope, this won't fly.

2 years back I was in unhappy relationship, not because she was a bad girl but because I didn't felt fulfilled in it. To convinced myself this is fine I'd drink myself to sleep. I don't know if I became alcoholic at that point, I hope I didn't, but I gained 10 kg from beer and chips I was eating in front of my computer. Now I've burned that fat off and I don't remember the last time I've bought myself beer in order to drink myself to sleep. I've broken that habit. Just a couple of more habits, less harmful once on the first glance, to go.

Oh, I can see that OF has become the new thing these days, and rightly so I hope. I'll hold my horses for now, I wanna see this run through and if by the end of this run there'll be no news about the next LTU version I will consider trying out OF.

In retrospect that might do me much good right now, I know I'm full of fear right now because I'm full of anger and discontent which I believe ultimately arise from some kinds of fears. I can easily see sabotaging myself in a subtle ways because of this - ergo that wouldn't be bad idea at all.

Still, the fact that I'm willing to do 4th run of LTU 5 shows that this sub is doing something right anyways and running after a fad might not be the wisest choice for me right now. At least that's what my gut feeling is telling me.

Hey there mystic!

Which areas of your life has LTU5 most improved?

(06-21-2020, 01:30 PM)SaltyMeatballs Wrote: [ -> ]Hey there mystic!

Which areas of your life has LTU5 most improved?

Oh, that's not an easy question. Most importantly it helped me dealing with my personal loss of my father (and a fallout after a relationship I shouldn't be in from the start), allowed me to loose a lot of weight, quit smoking, be more productive at work... Pretty much everything all around.

There are things I think I'm lacking but, at least mostly, I don't focus on them. Things like relationships and income opportunities besides my work.

If you have more precise question I'd be happy to answer

Day 22 (2)

I was thinking about my adventures with subliminals and realized something which is not that optimistic. Well, it may be due to what is being put into the subs, but still I wanna make a comment on this.

In the past (years ago) when I'd run old DMSI versions what I'd get sometimes was this nice, happy feeling. I think I'd compare it to some drugs, I don't remember the details. It was a feeling of happiness and awe. Lightheartedness. I believe it was engineered to check if one is executing the sub. Anyhow, I've never got this feeling with LTU. Which is sad because recently I've realized I always walk sad while I should be smiling.

I will try to be smiling on my walks from now on. I'm curious what this will do to my experiences.

And still I somehow will I'd get that ecstasy feeling from the subs again.

Day 23 (3)

I find myself struggling with NoFap, what was before a matter of simply not eating a cake now is a matter of not eating it while it's sweet smell if all you can think about. All the more reason to break the habit.

The worst thing, come to think of it, is that it might not be enough, experience of the past few days proves to me that this is more like a addiction than a habit after all. Which is funny as I can drink with my friends and I don't have the slightest craving to starting drinking myself to sleep every night. But one night of masturbation and all the mental framework goes to crap, this is dangerous.

Interestingly, I started to find lean girl more and more attractive. It's funny how you tend to be attracted to people similar to you, but at the same time you seem to be attracted to those who's feature traits that you feel like you lack in yourself - kind of trying to complete yourself with them. It's complicated I guess. Still, it wasn't like I like land whales before, but where before a little bit of fat wouldn't be a problem for me, now I look at it with a pitch of disdain.

Oh, BTW, my weight really seems to go down again, I apparently really am doing something right. If I keep up with it that would mean I'd have lost 10 kg in half a year with possibly another 5-10 kg by the end of the year. In order to reach my goals from January I'd need to lose 5 more kg, but looking at my belly right now I think this might be not enough, maybe I overestimated my muscle growth. So, now I'm from 80 to about 71kg and I might need to go down to 63 or so. Thankfully summer is the easiest time to burn fat, lots of free time as work goes slowly at my profession and I due to coronavirus I will not be distracted with trips anywhere up until September. I'm really optimistic about that!