02-04-2020, 12:59 PM
02-04-2020, 05:13 PM
(02-03-2020, 02:18 PM)Mystic Pymp Wrote: [ -> ](02-01-2020, 06:49 AM)Shannon Wrote: [ -> ]I'm curious why you would dread the next version of LTU? This seems to be doing well for you.
It was half a joke but to be honest... I'm scared a little bit. When all your life you were using excuses to justify not doing certain things and now these excuses slowly disappear, it is kinda scary. If I keep on with this in a couple of months I will have to really man up and take responsibility for myself and my fate simply because these past (and present) excuses will be no more.
I'm sure you've encountered this kind of fear many times Shannon. And if anything the fact that I don't shy away from fighting these excuses is a great testament to the strength of the subs.
I wanted to chime in here and say something,which I never do on your journal,or better yet have yet to do here Mystic Pimp Dude! :-) and that is to say, Im, hoping that Alpha Male 7 will do the same thang with me.;leaving a ton of fears behind and embracing 'the new me' in return...especially the IDGAF attitude that comes along with the Alpha agenda !! Rock on Pimp Dude of da Mystic Wizards of Mojo
02-09-2020, 08:40 AM
Day 40
I cannot believe it's already day 40. I feel like I've just started this run... Amazing.
This past week had been hard, not because of sub but life circumstances. On Monday my mother went to the hospital for a planned surgery. Nothing major and nothing life-threatening but still. What that meant was that I spend entire weekend with her and most of this week either visiting her at the hospital or caring for her afterwards.
That wouldn't be too bad if not for the fact that the last time member of my family went to the hospital he did not left it alive. So both me and my mom were very stressed. What she went through is a story for another time perhaps. As for myself, well, 3 things.
First of all the fact that I was needed, that my mother needed me and my support was the thing that kept me same. When she left the hospital, everything was fine and I went back to the city I felt kind of lost after all the stress, more on that later.
Secondly I found exercises very helpful, but perhaps too much so. I lost easily 1kg this week and I think I went a bit over the edge this time. The problem is that now that I try to rest I really miss it, I feel almost lost resting and being unable to vent this stress.
Lastly I'm behind on my work. Obviously nobody will be mad at me for taking a week off in such circumstances but I am mad at myself. I had time to work while at home but I had no mind to it, I simply couldn't concentrate and couldn't bare myself to start working. To make matters worse now that I'm back in the city I'm still in this mindset.
I'd all be fine if I could simply get back to work on Monday and get set up in my typical work regimen. Instead though on Tuesday I'll be leaving for a conference so I'm now in this weird transition period between 2 extraordinary happenings - week with my mom and week at the conference. No time really to do much of anything but still I feel extremely guilty for being useless when it comes to my career this week. Add to that entire January being so-so and I don't feel too well on this front.
Do I look forward to this trip? Not really, it won't be a challenge and I take it more as an responsibility. I'll go there, present my work, meet a couple of colleges and I'll be back home before Friday night.
I cannot believe it's already day 40. I feel like I've just started this run... Amazing.
This past week had been hard, not because of sub but life circumstances. On Monday my mother went to the hospital for a planned surgery. Nothing major and nothing life-threatening but still. What that meant was that I spend entire weekend with her and most of this week either visiting her at the hospital or caring for her afterwards.
That wouldn't be too bad if not for the fact that the last time member of my family went to the hospital he did not left it alive. So both me and my mom were very stressed. What she went through is a story for another time perhaps. As for myself, well, 3 things.
First of all the fact that I was needed, that my mother needed me and my support was the thing that kept me same. When she left the hospital, everything was fine and I went back to the city I felt kind of lost after all the stress, more on that later.
Secondly I found exercises very helpful, but perhaps too much so. I lost easily 1kg this week and I think I went a bit over the edge this time. The problem is that now that I try to rest I really miss it, I feel almost lost resting and being unable to vent this stress.
Lastly I'm behind on my work. Obviously nobody will be mad at me for taking a week off in such circumstances but I am mad at myself. I had time to work while at home but I had no mind to it, I simply couldn't concentrate and couldn't bare myself to start working. To make matters worse now that I'm back in the city I'm still in this mindset.
I'd all be fine if I could simply get back to work on Monday and get set up in my typical work regimen. Instead though on Tuesday I'll be leaving for a conference so I'm now in this weird transition period between 2 extraordinary happenings - week with my mom and week at the conference. No time really to do much of anything but still I feel extremely guilty for being useless when it comes to my career this week. Add to that entire January being so-so and I don't feel too well on this front.
Do I look forward to this trip? Not really, it won't be a challenge and I take it more as an responsibility. I'll go there, present my work, meet a couple of colleges and I'll be back home before Friday night.
02-23-2020, 01:57 PM
Day 54
I thought "well, it's nice and lazy Sunday evening and I have little to do so I might just as well finally post an update on the forums!". So I do. Lots to talk about, obviously, but I'll stick to the most important topics. As you might guess, I'm not really in a mood for updates recently.
Weight loss is going great, I've almost achieved my winter goal and I have more than a month to spare. Right now I focus on in-house exercises but once it gets warm enough I'll switch to walks and jogging. And by that I mean 20+ km walks and 5+ km runs. To be honest I cannot wait to see how my running will go given I'm much lighter now and I no longer smoke, I really hope my stamina has improved and I will break some of my life records this year!
Work-wise it's been lazy month. Between family matters, the conference and vacations of my co-workers I've had relatively little to do. Part of me longs for nice routine of work starting this Monday, part of me regrets it as I'll have less time to focus on different things.
I slowly start wondering what my next run will be after this one. I think my original plan was to do yet another LTU run, which will be a guarantee if new version comes out by the end of April. If not then I'll see, this run started due to spontaneous decision and it was a great one, so maybe I'll listen to my intuition again if need be.
Relation-wise it's bad, I really have little need for socializing and I grew to extremely enjoy my alone time. Also I don't plan on dating as long as I don't reach my weight goal so I'll start running Tinder or something similar in Summer at the earliest. I really feel like focusing on my goals right now is the best way for me right now, I hope I won't regret this decision down the road.
Financially I'm very well, I've overspend in January but it looks like I'll have nice surplus in February that will offset the loses. Switching from tobacco to vaping really helps things out. If I keep on like this and maybe even stop one or two bad habits I'll have more than enough money to slowly change my entire wardrobe to slimmer clothes while keeping saving money on the side.
In general I'm happy. I get moody sometimes and especially about my relationships I feel apathy more often than not so things are not perfect, but I'm happy. As I'm going through serious physical changes I'm being hit with revelations quite often. They are mostly hopeful, for the first time in my life I feel like I can really get slim and fit. And I think most of the fears around losing weight are gone, it's just a matter of time and hard work to get there. A matter of when, not if.
I thought "well, it's nice and lazy Sunday evening and I have little to do so I might just as well finally post an update on the forums!". So I do. Lots to talk about, obviously, but I'll stick to the most important topics. As you might guess, I'm not really in a mood for updates recently.
Weight loss is going great, I've almost achieved my winter goal and I have more than a month to spare. Right now I focus on in-house exercises but once it gets warm enough I'll switch to walks and jogging. And by that I mean 20+ km walks and 5+ km runs. To be honest I cannot wait to see how my running will go given I'm much lighter now and I no longer smoke, I really hope my stamina has improved and I will break some of my life records this year!
Work-wise it's been lazy month. Between family matters, the conference and vacations of my co-workers I've had relatively little to do. Part of me longs for nice routine of work starting this Monday, part of me regrets it as I'll have less time to focus on different things.
I slowly start wondering what my next run will be after this one. I think my original plan was to do yet another LTU run, which will be a guarantee if new version comes out by the end of April. If not then I'll see, this run started due to spontaneous decision and it was a great one, so maybe I'll listen to my intuition again if need be.
Relation-wise it's bad, I really have little need for socializing and I grew to extremely enjoy my alone time. Also I don't plan on dating as long as I don't reach my weight goal so I'll start running Tinder or something similar in Summer at the earliest. I really feel like focusing on my goals right now is the best way for me right now, I hope I won't regret this decision down the road.
Financially I'm very well, I've overspend in January but it looks like I'll have nice surplus in February that will offset the loses. Switching from tobacco to vaping really helps things out. If I keep on like this and maybe even stop one or two bad habits I'll have more than enough money to slowly change my entire wardrobe to slimmer clothes while keeping saving money on the side.
In general I'm happy. I get moody sometimes and especially about my relationships I feel apathy more often than not so things are not perfect, but I'm happy. As I'm going through serious physical changes I'm being hit with revelations quite often. They are mostly hopeful, for the first time in my life I feel like I can really get slim and fit. And I think most of the fears around losing weight are gone, it's just a matter of time and hard work to get there. A matter of when, not if.
02-29-2020, 01:53 PM
Day 60
I feel frustrated.
I think it's safe to say I'm down to 75kg, meaning I've reached my winter weight goal one month early - I wanted to reach it by the end of March. That's great, if anything I needed to do some research if I'm not losing weight too fast and 5kg in 2 months is still safe.
However, as I'm quite impatient, I like to see results for myself. And in the past few days my weight jumped up 3kg! It's not fat, it's just water as I jumped from dehydrated to over-hydrated, but still frustrating. I'd rather have my morning weight be good measure of my actual progress but it's hard when after a good walk I'm 1kg lighter and I'm not even thirsty in the slightest...
Anyhow, I started to really wonder what to do next. Part of me really wants to start dating again, especially now that I feel more attractive than ever and I'll only feel more so. The problem is that, what I've found, I can only do 2 major projects at the same time. That's why I'm frustrated, due to my success with weight loss I cannot really do much research, reading, socializing etc. because I this principle.
My current projects are weight loss and my job. I'm not ready to give up on any of those at the same time and I know that if I were to add dating to the mix the other two would suffer. So I'm not sure, should I start dating come Spring or should I wait until I reach my dream weight and I'll only need to worry about keeping my weight, freeing my time, focus and energy on the dating. Nice conundrum for the coming March.
I feel frustrated.
I think it's safe to say I'm down to 75kg, meaning I've reached my winter weight goal one month early - I wanted to reach it by the end of March. That's great, if anything I needed to do some research if I'm not losing weight too fast and 5kg in 2 months is still safe.
However, as I'm quite impatient, I like to see results for myself. And in the past few days my weight jumped up 3kg! It's not fat, it's just water as I jumped from dehydrated to over-hydrated, but still frustrating. I'd rather have my morning weight be good measure of my actual progress but it's hard when after a good walk I'm 1kg lighter and I'm not even thirsty in the slightest...
Anyhow, I started to really wonder what to do next. Part of me really wants to start dating again, especially now that I feel more attractive than ever and I'll only feel more so. The problem is that, what I've found, I can only do 2 major projects at the same time. That's why I'm frustrated, due to my success with weight loss I cannot really do much research, reading, socializing etc. because I this principle.
My current projects are weight loss and my job. I'm not ready to give up on any of those at the same time and I know that if I were to add dating to the mix the other two would suffer. So I'm not sure, should I start dating come Spring or should I wait until I reach my dream weight and I'll only need to worry about keeping my weight, freeing my time, focus and energy on the dating. Nice conundrum for the coming March.
03-02-2020, 05:56 AM
Day 62
Story time folks, gather 'round and listen to tales of yesterday.
I didn't slain no dragon but yesterday was weird and some of it spilled into today. At any rate, the plan for Sunday was to simply do some work. Thursday through Saturday I've been lazing around so I thought it'd be only right to get some work done. I thought I wouldn't do much exercising except for a walk. A WALK.
Because weather was beautiful and I'm still getting used to warmer weather and longer days I changed my mind from the 10k walk to 20k walk. Part of me wanted to do 30k as I was boasting I can do it but... well maybe. And obviously I did do 30k. Half way in I thought that I still have lots of strength so why not. I decided to do strange amalgamation of my various trails, kind of 3in1 in terms of my normal walks. And that was choice well made as on the bench, in the corner of my eyes I saw my ex.
Well, she saw me. She was waving to me like crazy, amidst her friends. I came closer but without stoping and without plugging off my earphones I just said "Hello, it's nice to know you're still alive". And I went my merry way. I have no idea if she said anything to me and frankly I don't give a damn. The only thing now is that I'm scared she might contact me now.
I was thinking if I want to contact her. The thing is there are some unresolved issues it might help me with. If I'm careful around that harpy that is. But I looked inside, into my will and I have found definitive answer. "NO" I do not want contact with her. Case close, I can go on with my life.
From my experience such happenings always go at least in pairs, that's also why I was scared. However, nothing happened in the remaining 12k of my walk and I managed to come back safely to my home. Only there I have realized how tired I am and how my legs hurt! That's about it when it comes to my work for today... What I did however, so some unknown reason, was I read the entire Book of the Law by Crowley himself.
I've never read it, I've never read anything by Crowley. And I grew to dislike him and his followers quite quickly (seriously, you refuse to fix punctuation errors? WTF!?) but there is some wisdom to it all and I realized, maybe due to that quick exercise I did during my walk, that I really need to start digging into my Will again. Right now I'm using it to lose weight but what next?
And the story ends. Wash your teeth and go to your be... Yes, do you have a question? Oh, the another event as they are going in pairs? No, it had already happened and so I'm no longer scared. And it wasn't bad, it was even more illuminating though.
You see, I'm sure many times over I was talking about my sweetheart. In fact I remember how I was promising to write entire multipart essay about my love life and how she'd be a huge part of it. Long story short I fell for her around 7 years ago, she rejected me (but possibly she'd been the first one I had courage to actually approach) and I felt sad since then. When I'm with someone she's meaningless but when I'm lonesome she's kinda default option for my affection - my thoughts wonder to her alone when there is no one else to think about.
Do you get it? Have you ever had someone who was objectively... average let's say - not ugly but not a beauty either - but somehow when you look at her you get this small heart attack? Yeah, that's her. That's what I'm talking about.
She works the same place I work but we see each other briefly if at all, mostly we pass each other in the corridors. I don't remember the last time I've had serious conversation with her and it's been probably a year or so since I exchanged "a few words" with her. And, obviously, today I saw her. Twice. I had two occasions to ask her out for a coffee or something, anything and I have failed. If that was any other girl I'd be my confident almost-alpha self, around her all I could do was to change direction not to bump into her.
I thought that I'd do it if the stars aligned etc. You know, typical virgin teenager thinking. I love her, she's my destiny and so the Universe will make it so. It won't, not like that. But again, the question is "do I want it"? And when I look into myself the answer is "I don't know". Do I want her or I don't. If I do, why? Because of ethereal passion or because of past trauma of because she reminds of my mother or whatever psychologists would say nowadays. Finding the answer to this question will be my quest for the next couple of weeks if not months.
Oh, and one more thing before I turn off your lights and you go to sleep. This whole weight loss thing? She's been a great inspiration for me. A couple of times I have cough myself thinking about her, how I want to be more attractive and maybe then she'll give me a chance. But also in the past years she lost a lot of weight and so if she could do it, so can I, right?
Story time folks, gather 'round and listen to tales of yesterday.
I didn't slain no dragon but yesterday was weird and some of it spilled into today. At any rate, the plan for Sunday was to simply do some work. Thursday through Saturday I've been lazing around so I thought it'd be only right to get some work done. I thought I wouldn't do much exercising except for a walk. A WALK.
Because weather was beautiful and I'm still getting used to warmer weather and longer days I changed my mind from the 10k walk to 20k walk. Part of me wanted to do 30k as I was boasting I can do it but... well maybe. And obviously I did do 30k. Half way in I thought that I still have lots of strength so why not. I decided to do strange amalgamation of my various trails, kind of 3in1 in terms of my normal walks. And that was choice well made as on the bench, in the corner of my eyes I saw my ex.
Well, she saw me. She was waving to me like crazy, amidst her friends. I came closer but without stoping and without plugging off my earphones I just said "Hello, it's nice to know you're still alive". And I went my merry way. I have no idea if she said anything to me and frankly I don't give a damn. The only thing now is that I'm scared she might contact me now.
I was thinking if I want to contact her. The thing is there are some unresolved issues it might help me with. If I'm careful around that harpy that is. But I looked inside, into my will and I have found definitive answer. "NO" I do not want contact with her. Case close, I can go on with my life.
From my experience such happenings always go at least in pairs, that's also why I was scared. However, nothing happened in the remaining 12k of my walk and I managed to come back safely to my home. Only there I have realized how tired I am and how my legs hurt! That's about it when it comes to my work for today... What I did however, so some unknown reason, was I read the entire Book of the Law by Crowley himself.
I've never read it, I've never read anything by Crowley. And I grew to dislike him and his followers quite quickly (seriously, you refuse to fix punctuation errors? WTF!?) but there is some wisdom to it all and I realized, maybe due to that quick exercise I did during my walk, that I really need to start digging into my Will again. Right now I'm using it to lose weight but what next?
And the story ends. Wash your teeth and go to your be... Yes, do you have a question? Oh, the another event as they are going in pairs? No, it had already happened and so I'm no longer scared. And it wasn't bad, it was even more illuminating though.
You see, I'm sure many times over I was talking about my sweetheart. In fact I remember how I was promising to write entire multipart essay about my love life and how she'd be a huge part of it. Long story short I fell for her around 7 years ago, she rejected me (but possibly she'd been the first one I had courage to actually approach) and I felt sad since then. When I'm with someone she's meaningless but when I'm lonesome she's kinda default option for my affection - my thoughts wonder to her alone when there is no one else to think about.
Do you get it? Have you ever had someone who was objectively... average let's say - not ugly but not a beauty either - but somehow when you look at her you get this small heart attack? Yeah, that's her. That's what I'm talking about.
She works the same place I work but we see each other briefly if at all, mostly we pass each other in the corridors. I don't remember the last time I've had serious conversation with her and it's been probably a year or so since I exchanged "a few words" with her. And, obviously, today I saw her. Twice. I had two occasions to ask her out for a coffee or something, anything and I have failed. If that was any other girl I'd be my confident almost-alpha self, around her all I could do was to change direction not to bump into her.
I thought that I'd do it if the stars aligned etc. You know, typical virgin teenager thinking. I love her, she's my destiny and so the Universe will make it so. It won't, not like that. But again, the question is "do I want it"? And when I look into myself the answer is "I don't know". Do I want her or I don't. If I do, why? Because of ethereal passion or because of past trauma of because she reminds of my mother or whatever psychologists would say nowadays. Finding the answer to this question will be my quest for the next couple of weeks if not months.
Oh, and one more thing before I turn off your lights and you go to sleep. This whole weight loss thing? She's been a great inspiration for me. A couple of times I have cough myself thinking about her, how I want to be more attractive and maybe then she'll give me a chance. But also in the past years she lost a lot of weight and so if she could do it, so can I, right?
03-06-2020, 06:52 AM
Day 66
Going back from my work today I got reminded how awesome Rise Against's album Endgame. I mean come on, half of the songs on this album is in my top 10. Endgame, Gentleman's coup, Survivor's Guilt, Midnight Hands. And also Make It Stop.
That one hit hard after not hearing it for a year or so. Why? Because it's a song about suicide and ultimately getting out of the shell and proving the world that they were wrong and life is worth living. And on Wednesday my work colleague's wife committed suicide. She was 25.
I don't know, I feel like there is too much death in my life these days. I've known her, I've seen her with him on a couple of occasions. Apparently we went to the same high school but I don't remember her from that time.
There was this post on her facebook that now makes it obvious but at that time I thought nothing of it. I didn't know she was suicidal. They didn't want to share it and that's fair enough. I don't think it's a good idea, I have a couple of friends that used to be suicidal and saying out loud they had problems made it easier, more acceptable. But everyone is different so I don't judge.
What makes it harder is that I'm the only person from my work who knows how she died. I wasn't told either but I talked with my friend's sister and she... heavily implied it was the case. Add to that the post and surprisingly long waiting time for the funeral and the reason becomes obvious. I don't wanna tell them that, I think it's my colleague's will if they know or not. At any rate I'd wish I didn't know.
Oh, and tomorrow will be 1 year since my dad died. Try to be optimistic these days.
On the bright side though I broke new weight record after my morning toilet. Yoopee!
Going back from my work today I got reminded how awesome Rise Against's album Endgame. I mean come on, half of the songs on this album is in my top 10. Endgame, Gentleman's coup, Survivor's Guilt, Midnight Hands. And also Make It Stop.
That one hit hard after not hearing it for a year or so. Why? Because it's a song about suicide and ultimately getting out of the shell and proving the world that they were wrong and life is worth living. And on Wednesday my work colleague's wife committed suicide. She was 25.
I don't know, I feel like there is too much death in my life these days. I've known her, I've seen her with him on a couple of occasions. Apparently we went to the same high school but I don't remember her from that time.
There was this post on her facebook that now makes it obvious but at that time I thought nothing of it. I didn't know she was suicidal. They didn't want to share it and that's fair enough. I don't think it's a good idea, I have a couple of friends that used to be suicidal and saying out loud they had problems made it easier, more acceptable. But everyone is different so I don't judge.
What makes it harder is that I'm the only person from my work who knows how she died. I wasn't told either but I talked with my friend's sister and she... heavily implied it was the case. Add to that the post and surprisingly long waiting time for the funeral and the reason becomes obvious. I don't wanna tell them that, I think it's my colleague's will if they know or not. At any rate I'd wish I didn't know.
Oh, and tomorrow will be 1 year since my dad died. Try to be optimistic these days.
On the bright side though I broke new weight record after my morning toilet. Yoopee!
03-09-2020, 05:39 AM
Day 69
Nice!
I've had very nice dream today. I'm having a lot of dreams recently, most of them mean something (they are not completely bizarre I mean, they are very grounded and realistic). And also a lot of lucid dreaming experiences, a lot of them very interesting and thought-provoking. I must write about those some day.
Anyhow I dreamed that I went somewhere for a week long vacation, alone. There I met this shy, pretty girl. She kinda looked and behaved like my ex but she wasn't her (I always recognize if a person is the person, I somehow know in-dream). I started flirting, she was unprepared and hesitant and first but she went on with the flow as I took control. I remember I went down on her, she wasn't shaven but there was no bush either, as if she shaved a month or so ago for the last time. She had an orgasm and we wanted to... you know, but we didn't have any condoms.
That was surprisingly nice dream. I'm not sure why, I'm not sure what notes it played so well exactly but I enjoyed it more than usual dreams.
Nice!
I've had very nice dream today. I'm having a lot of dreams recently, most of them mean something (they are not completely bizarre I mean, they are very grounded and realistic). And also a lot of lucid dreaming experiences, a lot of them very interesting and thought-provoking. I must write about those some day.
Anyhow I dreamed that I went somewhere for a week long vacation, alone. There I met this shy, pretty girl. She kinda looked and behaved like my ex but she wasn't her (I always recognize if a person is the person, I somehow know in-dream). I started flirting, she was unprepared and hesitant and first but she went on with the flow as I took control. I remember I went down on her, she wasn't shaven but there was no bush either, as if she shaved a month or so ago for the last time. She had an orgasm and we wanted to... you know, but we didn't have any condoms.
That was surprisingly nice dream. I'm not sure why, I'm not sure what notes it played so well exactly but I enjoyed it more than usual dreams.
03-15-2020, 02:20 PM
Day 75
Has the world gone insane? I came back from my home to the city yesterday. Entire day I haven't noticed anything strange as I stay at home (I can easily work from home and shops are closed on Sunday anyhow). However I went for a evening walk and streets were eerily empty. I mean on Sunday evening streets should be full of people, instead maybe I met a pedestrian once every 2-3 minutes. Trams were driving also mostly empty.
Coronavirus does not scare me as much as people panicing do. Sure, don't be stupid, but for people not to do evening walks by the promenades? Seriously?
As this run is coming to an end I seriously think what to do next. As I feel more attractive every day due to weight loss I think I will start dating this Spring, however before I do there is one goal I need to achieve - 1 month no PMO streak. My current record is 13 days achieved this January. I know I can do it if I put my mind and will to it. And it's not about achieving it and be done - I will want to keep on with this. Because I see not much point in dating until I'll be confident I can deal with my sexual problems. I'm not sure if I can do it right now, but by the end of this month I will start the streak and I will not start dating until I get to the 1 month mark.
Has the world gone insane? I came back from my home to the city yesterday. Entire day I haven't noticed anything strange as I stay at home (I can easily work from home and shops are closed on Sunday anyhow). However I went for a evening walk and streets were eerily empty. I mean on Sunday evening streets should be full of people, instead maybe I met a pedestrian once every 2-3 minutes. Trams were driving also mostly empty.
Coronavirus does not scare me as much as people panicing do. Sure, don't be stupid, but for people not to do evening walks by the promenades? Seriously?
As this run is coming to an end I seriously think what to do next. As I feel more attractive every day due to weight loss I think I will start dating this Spring, however before I do there is one goal I need to achieve - 1 month no PMO streak. My current record is 13 days achieved this January. I know I can do it if I put my mind and will to it. And it's not about achieving it and be done - I will want to keep on with this. Because I see not much point in dating until I'll be confident I can deal with my sexual problems. I'm not sure if I can do it right now, but by the end of this month I will start the streak and I will not start dating until I get to the 1 month mark.
03-19-2020, 09:51 AM
Day 79
Self-isolating myself during the outbreak is actually fun. I still go on my long walks, I just avoid large groupings of people. Shops are well stocked and I simply go there during hours where there are few people. Plus wash your hands kinds!
The downside is I need to work from home. Well, it's not really a downside, the real downside is I have no motivation to work from home. What I'm used of doing is working from the office + working some more from home if there is something I can comfortably do from there. But full on work from home? That needs some getting used to and I'm not used to it. Given a couple of more days I'm sure I'll get there, thankfully there is nothing urgent for me to do so I can take my time.
What I do with my free time is I'm training, i.e. weight loss efforts. And given this time my progress is going extremely well, it looks like March will be my best month yet. I've started March at 74.6 and now I'm at about 72, meaning I got my March quota 10 days early. That's great but also it gets me worried as I am anxious if losing weight too much is good for me health-wise. If I were to share my time between more things I'd simply deprioritize my exercises, but now it's not that easy.
Damn you coronavirus, you make me loose weight too fast!
Self-isolating myself during the outbreak is actually fun. I still go on my long walks, I just avoid large groupings of people. Shops are well stocked and I simply go there during hours where there are few people. Plus wash your hands kinds!
The downside is I need to work from home. Well, it's not really a downside, the real downside is I have no motivation to work from home. What I'm used of doing is working from the office + working some more from home if there is something I can comfortably do from there. But full on work from home? That needs some getting used to and I'm not used to it. Given a couple of more days I'm sure I'll get there, thankfully there is nothing urgent for me to do so I can take my time.
What I do with my free time is I'm training, i.e. weight loss efforts. And given this time my progress is going extremely well, it looks like March will be my best month yet. I've started March at 74.6 and now I'm at about 72, meaning I got my March quota 10 days early. That's great but also it gets me worried as I am anxious if losing weight too much is good for me health-wise. If I were to share my time between more things I'd simply deprioritize my exercises, but now it's not that easy.
Damn you coronavirus, you make me loose weight too fast!
03-20-2020, 08:33 AM
Day 80
I've done something unorthodox today. I cut my hike short. Well, I do that sometimes but now I decided to be better safe than sorry and instead of walking the shorter route I hopped into a tram and drove straight home.
Why? Well, I didn't feel so good, so there's one reason. The second reason was that the weather got bad and it looked like it was going to rain (and indeed it started raining) and I don't fancy getting wet and sick in the midst of this whole kung-flu fiasco.
Also I really start to wonder if I should exercise so hard. I mean sure, it's beneficial and it's very pleasant (if not training itself then the feeling of pride and accomplishment) but I can afford slowing down a little bit. So, starting this Monday, I will start seriously working from home. This weekend I'll keep my exercises but I will cut it to my version of One Punch Man training and nothing more whilst working 8 hours as I should be. This week was a fun vacation but it must come to an end.
There are other things to focus in my life besides weight loss.
I've done something unorthodox today. I cut my hike short. Well, I do that sometimes but now I decided to be better safe than sorry and instead of walking the shorter route I hopped into a tram and drove straight home.
Why? Well, I didn't feel so good, so there's one reason. The second reason was that the weather got bad and it looked like it was going to rain (and indeed it started raining) and I don't fancy getting wet and sick in the midst of this whole kung-flu fiasco.
Also I really start to wonder if I should exercise so hard. I mean sure, it's beneficial and it's very pleasant (if not training itself then the feeling of pride and accomplishment) but I can afford slowing down a little bit. So, starting this Monday, I will start seriously working from home. This weekend I'll keep my exercises but I will cut it to my version of One Punch Man training and nothing more whilst working 8 hours as I should be. This week was a fun vacation but it must come to an end.
There are other things to focus in my life besides weight loss.
03-23-2020, 03:13 AM
Day 83
I feel like the honeymoon is over.
I've lost a lot of weight this run and I'm so happy about that but that feeling like I know I can go even further beyond is leaving me. As if my subconscious was saying "OK, you've gotten to the BMI 25 and that's enough". It's not enough, I wanna be fit, slim and healthy! So I will go further, even if my confidence that I can do it is waning.
I'm really getting scared. Do you remember a few weeks ago when I was boasting how well my NoFap is going? I had 2 week long streaks, now I do it every other day. Why? Because I'm scared, masturbation is my greatest coping and escape mechanism.
My eating habits had got worse as well, I don't eat as well as I did before. In huge part because I leave hope rarely but still, fact is a fact.
Anyhow, this LTU run is coming slowly to an end and I'll have to set for myself some goals for April as well as figure out which sub to run in May. Some nice topics to think about, to be honest.
I feel like the honeymoon is over.
I've lost a lot of weight this run and I'm so happy about that but that feeling like I know I can go even further beyond is leaving me. As if my subconscious was saying "OK, you've gotten to the BMI 25 and that's enough". It's not enough, I wanna be fit, slim and healthy! So I will go further, even if my confidence that I can do it is waning.
I'm really getting scared. Do you remember a few weeks ago when I was boasting how well my NoFap is going? I had 2 week long streaks, now I do it every other day. Why? Because I'm scared, masturbation is my greatest coping and escape mechanism.
My eating habits had got worse as well, I don't eat as well as I did before. In huge part because I leave hope rarely but still, fact is a fact.
Anyhow, this LTU run is coming slowly to an end and I'll have to set for myself some goals for April as well as figure out which sub to run in May. Some nice topics to think about, to be honest.
03-23-2020, 09:32 AM
@Mystic Pymp how long have you run LTU? I see you say day 83 but is that it? Did you do any previous runs?
03-23-2020, 09:51 AM
(03-23-2020, 09:32 AM)zero_force Wrote: [ -> ]@Mystic Pymp how long have you run LTU? I see you say day 83 but is that it? Did you do any previous runs?
Yeah, that's my third run. My first run was in Spring and the second was in Autumn last year. This run started on 1st of January.
Why are you asking, do you have some questions or want some feedback?