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Title: Mystic Life - LTU 5
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#1
Day 4

Hello there!

Like I said in my DMSI recently I've started listening to LTU. As before I plan on posting my thoughts and experiences with the sub. I decided to post them on the men's part of the forums as there are more people here as well as I intent on posting my sexual experiences if there'll be any.

If I understand the instructions correctly I should write 1-3 goals I want to focus on. I set up 2 goals for myself. The first one is losing weight. I'm currently 88kg and I want to get down to 70 or even 65, depending on my muscles. It's way to early to judge the results here but I surely noticed I eat less and have more energy and motivation to exercise. Already between February and April I've lost 2kg and I hope to keep on this pace if not go beyond that!

The second goal is work connected. You may know from my DMSI journal that my dad died in March and it's been hard time for me. Because of this my work life suffered and I want to jump start it back up. It has added bonus of having less time to waste or think, which is a good thing in situations like that. So far I must say it's not going great, but it definitely goes better than in the past weeks. I hope to get back to habit of working 8 hours a day 5 days a week and get even more productive than before. Right now it's hard for me to focus and motivate myself to work harder than the minimum I have to do, but since my work is a great source of pride for me I think that if everything goes well I'll be able to fell much much better than right now.
For not by numbers of men, nor by measure of body, but by valor of soul is war to be decided.
~Belisarius, the last Roman

Certitude is for the puzzle-box logicians and girls of white glamour [...]. I am a letter written in uncertainty.
~36 Lessons of Vivec, Sermon 4
 
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#2
I don't know if I already said this, but please accept my condolences on your loss.
Subliminal Audio Specialist & Administrator

The scientist has a question to find an answer for. The pseudo-scientist has an answer to find a question for. ~ "Failure is the path of least persistence." - Chinese Fortune Cookie ~ Logic left. Emotion right. But thinking, straight ahead. ~ Sperate supra omnia in valorem. (The value of trust is above all else.) ~ Meowsomeness!
 
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#3
I second Shannon's statement. Deepest condolences.

Also, nice Morrowind reference in your signature.
 
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#4
Day 7

Thank you for your kind words @Shannon and @EvolvingPhoenix , I appreciate that.

Interesting thing happened as my long time friend got dumped by his girlfriend and moved in to my place until he finds a new flat for himself. I like to live alone (well, with my female flatmate, but we barely interact TBH) and enjoy my peace and quiet, but when he needed my help I did not hesitate to help him. I know he'd do the same for me.

As to how I feel... Well, better than before I'd argue. I'm more motivated and feel less like a victim. That being said things are still not exactly stellar but I didn't expect them to be so. I have so crap to seethe through and quite to lot areas to catch up in my life. Still, I think I'm getting optimistic for the first time in a long time Smile

Today or tomorrow I'll post bullet points based on instructions to LTU to showcase what are my expectations and goals towards this sub. There is a lot good in there and I hope to get the most out of it.
For not by numbers of men, nor by measure of body, but by valor of soul is war to be decided.
~Belisarius, the last Roman

Certitude is for the puzzle-box logicians and girls of white glamour [...]. I am a letter written in uncertainty.
~36 Lessons of Vivec, Sermon 4
 
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#5
Day 8 - My goals

Like I said yesterday I want to post summary of all LTU selling points and comment on them. As I post infrequently in the recent months I intent to come back to this list every months or so in attempt on letting you know on my progress.
  • Universal Detox - this one sounds great but it's very general. Unless I know what to look for. I guess that if I benefit from this, it will be more wholesome than specific.
  • Ultra Success/Luck Maximizer - this one is funny for me. Again, quite general stuff, but I may try my luck on some lotteries at a later date. To be honest when I listen to LTU this one is something I think very little about. I'll let you know if something extraordinary happens though! Also this one has the 3 goals thing, I'll keep you posted on how my 2 goals are progressing.
  • Ultra Motivation/Overcoming Procrastination - must have for me and so far I do feel more motivated. Hopefully I'll get really serious with my work and self-improvement commitments!
  • Emotional Healing & Pain Relief Aid - possibly the reason why I wanted to run this sub. I have a lot to go through emotionally so I especially hope it will help me.
  • Self Esteem Subliminal - useful, I think I have quite good self esteem but I also could use more Wink
  • Disconnect From Negative Stress - possibly working, before I started LTU I was panicking due my work and how behind I am, now not so much.
  • Genuine Gratitude & Appreciation - that's a great thing to have without a doubt. I'm not sure if it's working but since my spirit is getting up I do feel more appreciation and gratitude.
  • Happiness & Joy - yeah, give me that, like a bucket or entire swimming pool of that!
  • Let Go Of The Past - more related to EHPRA I think, however I don't think I'm that jailed by my past. I used to be, but past programs helped me a great deal with that. Still, more help is appreciated.
  • Anger Management - I don't feel angry much for a long time anyways, so let's skip that.
  • Overcome Guilt and Shame - again, my huge progress with this one, but more help won't hurt.
  • Overcome The Victim Mentality - this is massive! Since my father died my victim mentality was my shield against making shit done.
  • And others, too many to count and to make myself bothered with right now Big Grin
For not by numbers of men, nor by measure of body, but by valor of soul is war to be decided.
~Belisarius, the last Roman

Certitude is for the puzzle-box logicians and girls of white glamour [...]. I am a letter written in uncertainty.
~36 Lessons of Vivec, Sermon 4
 
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#6
Day 13

I think sub pushed me towards meditation. I don't want to get into religious territory, however I started reading arcane materials again (my reread of Kybalion is well overdue anyway) and I meditate on my place in the Universe etc. And I must admit it gives me closure and allows me to sleep easier at night. And to be honest closure and clarity is what I need the most right now.
For not by numbers of men, nor by measure of body, but by valor of soul is war to be decided.
~Belisarius, the last Roman

Certitude is for the puzzle-box logicians and girls of white glamour [...]. I am a letter written in uncertainty.
~36 Lessons of Vivec, Sermon 4
 
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#7
Day 17

I am seriously being pushed by the sub into questioning who I really am and what I truly want. I try to meditate on that but looking for the answer is not an easy task. I short I'm very conflicted on that. I may or may not write an essay on the topic in the future but in short I feel like there are 3 options:
  • Old self, with all my flaws. Obviously with some self-development as I go but overall comfortable with myself.
  • New, "perfect" self with as many flaws removed. The problem is in my imagination this person feels like a robot and is ultimately directionless.
  • Some kind of synthesis of the two. I think the sub is pushing me in this direction, but I cannot clearly visualize what that would be exactly.
For now I'll just enjoy the journey and I'll try not to overthink this. In the end I will follow my intuition to guide me on this one.
For not by numbers of men, nor by measure of body, but by valor of soul is war to be decided.
~Belisarius, the last Roman

Certitude is for the puzzle-box logicians and girls of white glamour [...]. I am a letter written in uncertainty.
~36 Lessons of Vivec, Sermon 4
 
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#8
Day 21

I have some anxiety admitting this but I find myself blaming others for my past hurts, often unjustifiably. Two examples.

I think quite a lot about my ex and how she "wasn't there for me" and therefore she ruined the relationship. The problem is when I was with her and didn't want to be with her anyway as I didn't feel "complete" with her and I wanted to rather focus on myself than on the other. Why do I suddenly take offense in her posture when I did not way back when?

I also am angry at my friend, his girlfriend has chronic depression and he knew it when they get together. Now they broke, got back together and broke again and he expects my support. However it's hard to give as when I had a depressed girlfriend and we would fight he "wasn't there for me" as we were mutual friends and he didn't want to take sides. I understood it and accepted it, looking for solace in other people. Why do I suddenly take offense in his posture when I did not way back when?

It seems I have more to deal with regarding my past than I'd be comfortable admitting.
For not by numbers of men, nor by measure of body, but by valor of soul is war to be decided.
~Belisarius, the last Roman

Certitude is for the puzzle-box logicians and girls of white glamour [...]. I am a letter written in uncertainty.
~36 Lessons of Vivec, Sermon 4
 
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#9
Those are good, honest realizations. Reading them encourages me, knowing I'm not alone. Thanks for posting this.
I want to be FREE!
 
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#10
Day 25

(05-14-2019, 12:16 AM)findingme Wrote: Those are good, honest realizations.  Reading them encourages me, knowing I'm not alone.  Thanks for posting this.
Glad to be of help Smile

Two things to talk about. First one is I'm finally getting progress with losing weight, this month I lost 1kg easily, maybe even 1.5kg. Sadly I think I'm getting things a little bit too far, I think I started to eat too little (800-1000 calories on some days). So far however I have plenty of energy and my health is just fine so maybe I'm overanalyzing things. The thing is on those days I'm not even hungry, it's not like I famine myself. Will keep you posted on the developments.

Second thing is nice side-effect of my meditations - lucid dreaming. I am able to semi-regularly have a lucid dream (or rather OOBE - out of body experience) where I rise up from my body and walk around my flat. It's hard to keep this for a long time, it feels like a minute or two at most, but it's still fun and I think I'll keep practicing that stuff. 

Funny thing is when I'm in such a dream everything is so realistic, it's not like in a normal dream. Still, I'm not convinced this is true OOBE. Achieving OOBE was my dream since childhood and from what I remember it works a little bit differently. What I'm experiencing are rather OOBE-like lucid dreams.
For not by numbers of men, nor by measure of body, but by valor of soul is war to be decided.
~Belisarius, the last Roman

Certitude is for the puzzle-box logicians and girls of white glamour [...]. I am a letter written in uncertainty.
~36 Lessons of Vivec, Sermon 4
 
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