Subliminal Talk

Why I'm here:
Break-up with girlfriend created high distress, not knowing how to deal with the emotions I turned to abusing drugs, partying and developing a "don't care" attitude about most things, which resulted in even more self-destructive habits, more drugs and resort to spiritual books which I believed could save me from something. Instead of realizing what had happened, and get help, i started to work in a high prestige-job, got more stressed out, got memory-problems, wasn't able to handle work, more-stress, and the spiral got out of hand. Contemplated suicide, was very confused. Mind and emotions stirred up.

Quit my job, moved back to my parents, rented out my apartment and had to start over. Just learn to relax again, not being in constant stressed-mode (damn hate just writing about this stuff).

I learned to listen to my body again in some way, like I got contact again with my body and not just my mind.

I was in this state for about 9-10 months, I can't really remember, the memories are fuzzy. I run E2 for a while, but at my stage of burn-out pressing subliminals in your mind, which is already burned-out was maybe that even to much, but I did it during a time. As I said, can't really remember. Things very f*cked, and I believed that they would never be repairable. Lost connection with my parents, forget who I was, couldn't even make a phonecall to a friend. Pretty f*cked, yes.

But here I am. 12 months later, starting to enjoy things again and I see that I can be fully recovered, even though it may take 6 months more. I realize why some of my initial problems surfaced and E2 have been great at helping me see these problems. Now I'm just about getting healthy, realeasing the tensions in my body, doing stuff and hanging out with people.

Some other concrete effects:

• No longer feel desire to smoke
  
• No longer feel same strong desire to look at pornography
  
• Found stuff that I enjoy doing
  
• Better sleep
  

First reflection:
A while ago, when I wrote journal-entries I could look at the text and ask "who is this guy who wrote this", like it was shattered in some way. Previously I enjoyed being thoughtful in things i said and did, having a reasoning behind most things, but as the mind-fog came, this ability was harder to bring out, so I mostly wrote things that poped up in the moment, rather than being thought through (maybe you can see this in the way I wright right now), but it definitely have become better. Even though that the text feels flat, not very compelling, more like a IKEA-manual and an recitement than something real. Well, still much better than 2 months or even 1 month ago.

E2 is fantastic.

I got great benefit from it, it helped me with two key things in my life. It was tough to see other effects, it's very subtle but over time it's effects can become clear. I only switched to DMSI V2.2 because clearing and healing were included for my issues. If it wasn't for that, I'd still be on E2! I bought DMSI/AOSI opening day V1 to support Shannon, but stayed on E2 until V2.2 came along with healing/clearing.

Now I have my brother running E2 for a bit over 4 months, and he is getting great benefit. Have a great run, Greenduck!

Reflected some about the differences between before, during my depression and current state in regards of social ability:

I enjoy being in social situations, talking to different kind of people and just being social, including those that may be quiet, joking around and making other people have a good time. I'm generally friendly to almost all people.

But that changed during the depression. I couldn't be that guy for a while, i just didn't had the energy inside me that I needed to get going, it was like a circuit had been short circuited. Much things sucked during the depression but this was a huge deal for me.

Don't know what i want to say with this, more than just get it off my chest, haven't talked about anyone about it.

So that is a major thing that I'm looking forward getting back to.

Welcome back green duck. How long did you end up running e2 for?

(02-24-2017, 04:13 PM)eternity Wrote: [ -> ]Welcome back green duck. How long did you end up running e2 for?

Thanks. Around 10 months, now having a break of about 2 months. Hindsight would have done it differently, for example:

2 weeks on
2 weeks off
2 weeks on
2 weeks off
1 month on
1 month off
2 months on
1 month off
2 months on
1 month off

I noticed that my e2 results bloomed when I stopped running it. The 2 weeks that followed were amazing. But stopping E2 in the middle of an intense clearing session was not a wise choice. Depression set in hardcore!!!!!!!!!!

But 10 months is quite a while. I commend you for having run it that long. And I loved reading your testimony too. Your story is kinda sorta similar to mine so it hit home for me.

Nice Are you still running it? I think that the program is set so that you know how to run it yourself, if you take a break, you are ment to do it, take it slowly but steadily, no hurry in healing, if it takes time, it need to take time.

If you are still in for healing, I can recommend the "wim hof method". It's a guy who is know as the "ice-man" and can prolong i really cold waters for a really long time. The method is basically breating exercises combined with cold-showers which are directed in getting more contact with your body and energetic body.

I'm doing the breathing exercises at the moment and they are great, hard to explain the effects, better to try it for yourself IF you are interested this is how I do them:

Lay down on the side (easier that way) and just relax your breating. Note here is that the more times you do this, the more you get to "know" your breating and how the breath feels and you learn to use the breath to dissolve tensions in the body.

Feel how different breaths feel, expanding your chest like a ballon, and compare it to expanding your abdomen. Realize that you can breathe through your abdomen when you are relaxed and just get used to the feeling of breathing that way (this is the way that you should breathe regularly, but few people do this).

Get used to it, don't try to force anything or think about how it should be done. You already know instincively, you just have to get used to yourself and the more you do this the more obvious it will feel.

When you got a hold of the breathing in the abdomen part, breathe 30 times this way, slowly blowing up the abdomen as a baloon. Do it relaxed, go by your "gut" feeling . Then after 30 times, relax and empty the baloon, still relaxed, just let the air slowly go out from it, and then hold until you feel that you need to take a breathe. Breathe in, as much as you feel like, and hold 30 seconds.

Do this 3 times.

(30 breathe, hold on "empty balloon", fill with air as you like and hold) * 3

This is a comfortable exercise. It should feel pleasant. Its you getting to know your body, so enjoy it. Don't force it. The key is to do it. And do it again. And do it again. No hustle, no sweat. I printed out a calendar and check every day when I done it.

After you feel ready, (its all about taking it in YOUR tempo) this can be combined with cold-showers and physical exercises as push-ups. But as wim hof say - do it in your own pase, never force or stress things.

Sorry for ranting, just going to bed

I have come a LONG way compared to where i was just 6 months ago. Amazing.

But I have a blockage left, that is located in my nack and back of my head. It's like I can't think straight because there is a blockage there, there is no energy provided. I've learned to focus my awareness to the parts of my body where the blockages. It's working, but its working slowly and sometimes if feels just worthless and like it's never going to become better, but even though that I'm not able to think straight, it become better for every day, slowly but steadily. But it's frustrating, and I have to remember to convince myself to keep going, have patience and take care of myself. My sleep is better, so is my appetite.

On the emotional side, it's hard to talk about my emotions and I have a hard time being emotional and showing my emotions to others. I have always been like that, even though I feel like now that I am more aware of it I can work more consciously to getting better at it, but it is just so...revealing and intense.

Starting to see healing benefits from wim-hof.

Finding that my well-being is affected by the amount of thinking spent on "what-if-scenarios". The Nordic proverb "dig where you stand" sums it up pretty good.

A lot of healing + insights during the last weeks.

I'm feeling healthier overall and the situation is clearly in a positive direction. I still have problems with thinking and concentration. It take large amount of conscious effort to stay on track in a conversation, but at least I can do it with conscious effort, earlier it has been totally impossible. Related to that is that the tension I have felt in my nack and especially in the back of my head is slowly dissolving.

The island i'm on is starting to get bigger, I can feel the sand under my toes again, and feel the wind in my face again. The search for rescue almost drove me to leave and try to find it. The desire for familiarity visited me from time to time, to find something on the outside that made me remember. Remember who I was, remember what I had forgotten.

Today counts 365 days since i started E2, and I have made a huge progress in this year. Stopped with E2 about 2 months ago, and not sure, but I think I can still "hear" the script playing in form of tinnitus that "pauses" in the same way as the "overload" function or what it is called in the subliminal.

Physically and spiritually I am a lot more back in the game. I can do push-ups, go out for jogs so that is really great! I feel better inside, I'm no longer depressed "by default", but more neutral. My body is stronger and I made progress with the wim-hof method. The "emotional-stamina" is limited, but I think that it is improving. So that is the good part, which is fenomenal just in itself. I can feel joy, watch a movie and enjoy it, laugh at a joke, listen to music and enjoy it, yeah you get it - this part is awesome!

Mentally, i'm not back fully. I'm not really "there". It's like my brain have been put on 10 % of it's capacity. I have problems finding words, "understanding" what is happening (like a conversation) - this result in that I can take things personally, that probably aren't directed that way. I have a hard time "rationalizing" things and well you know, just use my head and think. So this part sucks, but I think that it is slowly becoming better. Physically it have recently manifested numb feeling in the top, back, and back inside of my head, compared to the feeling you get when you sit on your leg for a while and it falls "asleep." During this year I have experienced this "numbness"-feeling in different parts of my body, and by focusing on that part and just being patient, it has gradually disappeared. Probably will be the same for this part, but I am intrigued to see what the reason is behind the numbness and know what is happening.

So now I'm trying to reinforce positive emotions, regular exercise, good and varied diet with home cooked food and good sleep (which when I now mention it has become much better in the past couple of weeks), and do my best to work with getting back with myself mentally.

Oh yeah some training stats, interesting to see how they develop:

March -17

• 40 push-ups (started 100 push-ups in 6 weeks https://itunes.apple.com/us/app/just-6-w...39454?mt=8)
  
• Kegel-camp level 11 (https://itunes.apple.com/us/app/kegel-ca...90605?mt=8)
  
• 10 repetitions with a CoC #1 gripper
  
• 3000m (1,86 miles) in 17:07 (5:42 min/km)
  

Started to feel effects from the wim-hof method. Wrote a post about it in "the chatter box":

http://subliminal-talk.com/thread-8620.html