Why I'm here:
Break-up with girlfriend created high distress, not knowing how to deal with the emotions I turned to abusing drugs, partying and developing a "don't care" attitude about most things, which resulted in even more self-destructive habits, more drugs and resort to spiritual books which I believed could save me from something. Instead of realizing what had happened, and get help, i started to work in a high prestige-job, got more stressed out, got memory-problems, wasn't able to handle work, more-stress, and the spiral got out of hand. Contemplated suicide, was very confused. Mind and emotions stirred up.
Quit my job, moved back to my parents, rented out my apartment and had to start over. Just learn to relax again, not being in constant stressed-mode (damn hate just writing about this stuff).
I learned to listen to my body again in some way, like I got contact again with my body and not just my mind.
I was in this state for about 9-10 months, I can't really remember, the memories are fuzzy. I run E2 for a while, but at my stage of burn-out pressing subliminals in your mind, which is already burned-out was maybe that even to much, but I did it during a time. As I said, can't really remember. Things very f*cked, and I believed that they would never be repairable. Lost connection with my parents, forget who I was, couldn't even make a phonecall to a friend. Pretty f*cked, yes.
But here I am. 12 months later, starting to enjoy things again and I see that I can be fully recovered, even though it may take 6 months more. I realize why some of my initial problems surfaced and E2 have been great at helping me see these problems. Now I'm just about getting healthy, realeasing the tensions in my body, doing stuff and hanging out with people.
Some other concrete effects:
First reflection:
A while ago, when I wrote journal-entries I could look at the text and ask "who is this guy who wrote this", like it was shattered in some way. Previously I enjoyed being thoughtful in things i said and did, having a reasoning behind most things, but as the mind-fog came, this ability was harder to bring out, so I mostly wrote things that poped up in the moment, rather than being thought through (maybe you can see this in the way I wright right now), but it definitely have become better. Even though that the text feels flat, not very compelling, more like a IKEA-manual and an recitement than something real. Well, still much better than 2 months or even 1 month ago.
Break-up with girlfriend created high distress, not knowing how to deal with the emotions I turned to abusing drugs, partying and developing a "don't care" attitude about most things, which resulted in even more self-destructive habits, more drugs and resort to spiritual books which I believed could save me from something. Instead of realizing what had happened, and get help, i started to work in a high prestige-job, got more stressed out, got memory-problems, wasn't able to handle work, more-stress, and the spiral got out of hand. Contemplated suicide, was very confused. Mind and emotions stirred up.
Quit my job, moved back to my parents, rented out my apartment and had to start over. Just learn to relax again, not being in constant stressed-mode (damn hate just writing about this stuff).
I learned to listen to my body again in some way, like I got contact again with my body and not just my mind.
I was in this state for about 9-10 months, I can't really remember, the memories are fuzzy. I run E2 for a while, but at my stage of burn-out pressing subliminals in your mind, which is already burned-out was maybe that even to much, but I did it during a time. As I said, can't really remember. Things very f*cked, and I believed that they would never be repairable. Lost connection with my parents, forget who I was, couldn't even make a phonecall to a friend. Pretty f*cked, yes.
But here I am. 12 months later, starting to enjoy things again and I see that I can be fully recovered, even though it may take 6 months more. I realize why some of my initial problems surfaced and E2 have been great at helping me see these problems. Now I'm just about getting healthy, realeasing the tensions in my body, doing stuff and hanging out with people.
Some other concrete effects:
- No longer feel desire to smoke
- No longer feel same strong desire to look at pornography
- Found stuff that I enjoy doing
- Better sleep
First reflection:
A while ago, when I wrote journal-entries I could look at the text and ask "who is this guy who wrote this", like it was shattered in some way. Previously I enjoyed being thoughtful in things i said and did, having a reasoning behind most things, but as the mind-fog came, this ability was harder to bring out, so I mostly wrote things that poped up in the moment, rather than being thought through (maybe you can see this in the way I wright right now), but it definitely have become better. Even though that the text feels flat, not very compelling, more like a IKEA-manual and an recitement than something real. Well, still much better than 2 months or even 1 month ago.