(02-22-2016, 09:12 AM)CatMan Wrote: [ -> ] (02-20-2016, 11:40 PM)eternitys_child Wrote: [ -> ]I have been pretty hard on myself when it comes to this newly rediscovered social anxiety I have been having.
I also am very hard on myself and all my failure with girls. It's to the point now where I don't like reading magnet journals, as they just make me feel bad and like even more of a failure. I'm very hard on myself already about this, I don't need any help to do that.
OF 5G brothers, united.
Ultimately man I don't have external success with women at the moment (If you're talking specifically sex, dates, numbers etc.) even though I'm clearly an attractive guy but don't let it get in the way.
I think it's unhelpful to compare yourself with dudes like Dzeemo and others that have some excellent results from SM and WM, focus on your own life, your own goals, every life has it's own unique path and it's just foolish to try walking someone else's - believe me I have come to realize this myself !
This frustration is all part of the process let it be and keep going
I wonder if these dark places we go to occasionally is a metaphoric way of our mind to face some fear?
I feel like Leonidas, in that I am embracing the darkness as a part of myself. But I prefer to keep it in the shadows where it belongs. It does not identify me in and of itself, and represents only a small part of the whole.
we all have our own journey and the beauty is in the journey, not particularly the destination. i know that's freaking cliche as hell, but being properly equipped with this mindset helps me get through troubling times and makes the good times better.
day23
peaceful, serene, playful, comfortably confident.
(02-22-2016, 11:31 AM)eternitys_child Wrote: [ -> ]I wonder if these dark places we go to occasionally is a metaphoric way of our mind to face some fear?
I feel like Leonidas, in that I am embracing the darkness as a part of myself. But I prefer to keep it in the shadows where it belongs. It does not identify me in and of itself, and represents only a small part of the whole.
The Shadow is a BIG fraction of the whole. In Space it's like 98% is darkness and dark matter and the rest is regular matter. Our shadow side is what attracts, manifests, haunts us and terrorizes us so we can deal with our shit. The shadow can be represented as our Unconcious while the conscious mind is the light. That why people with high level consciousness have Hallos and called illuminated. It seems like your avoiding your shadow. (Dancing a around the void)
And you probably have those thoughts because they were suppressed and everybody has these dark thoughts even kids who's psyche gets split when they have a good mom bad mom complex which they project on all women later on in life as the Madonna whore complex which women can sense and run away from men projecting that. They also have hateful thoughts and wish bad things on their parents which gets suppressed because of guilt and shame where it does more damage and has more power in the long run.
I've lived the majority of my life in the shadows, and I've had enough of living like that, thank you very much.
These thoughts are just glimpses into my psyche that caught me off guard. So I doubt im avoiding my shadow. I have my dark past written into a 20 page life story, and broken down into individual pieces through which I took inventory of my self. I know my past, and where I come from so I don't agree with your theory on me avoiding my shadow. Although I do appreciate your input.
day 25
i was reading that converstaion about polygyny/polyamory, and my self talk was pretty positive. My thoughts revolved around that end goal being
possible and that all i needed was to do some tremendous work on myself to get to that goal.
My thought pattern regarding this topic shines a bright spotlight that the following things are being worked on:
Quote:fear of failure, fear of self image, fear of being alone, fear of rejection, self doubt, self worth, self confidence
the implications of dissolving these fears are tremendous!
the more i run this sub, the more i realize how crippling fear really is, and how it keeps us
delusional!
i'm having positive improvements with the woman i'm involved with, and after having multiple discussions with her on the subject, she has been keen on having a polyamorous relationship with me, although she disguises it using the word "dating". I.e, "we can still date other people". I even told her about my thoughts on polyamory, and how I am identifying with that lifestyle, and she commented on how my generation is like that (she's 20 years older than I am). she's been exposed to the OF program quite a bit lately, and she's getting ready to buy the program and run it for herself. Yes, I did share my secret with her
considering her age, and lack of access to a computer, I doubt she'll be on these forums but if she is, i better cover my trakcs because i wrote about her a lot on this forum!
also, for what it's worth... i recommend checking out brene brown's work regarding self development. it's freaking phenomenal. I'm super grateful to be on such a powerful growth journey so young in life. I feel like the world is just there for the taking!
(02-24-2016, 09:39 PM)eternitys_child Wrote: [ -> ]the more i run this sub, the more i realize how crippling fear really is, and how it keeps us delusional!
Well said. Why can't we delude ourselves to our benefit? e.g. I'm not a 6'3" fitness model but I sure would like to feel entitled to sex with 10s.
i suppose it is possible to 'fake it til you make it' by having a false sense of entitlement to 10's, but i imagine that reality would be superficial at best. sex with 10's would be driven by insecurity, rather than comfort and confidence.
in other words, that sort of delusion is just as possible, but at the end of the day, it's still delusion.
It goes back to a feeling I had a month or so ago, where the journey to become the sex magnet is far more important than being the sex magnet
=)
day 30
i've been having this overwhelming urge to stop OF5G and run AM6 again. I'm going to start counting down the days until my run SHOULD be over so I don't rationalize skipping onto a different sub, because the urge is pretty powerful.
so.. 66 days remaining
i'm almost 1/3 of the way in to my run. I'm assuming the overwhelming desire to stop running OF5G is an indicator of another wave of resistance.
whatever the opposite of fear is, i've been feeling it as an overall feeling of 'zen'. the feeling is brief, and usually gone just as quickly as it came. i'm almost certain that's the state shifting at work.
i feel like i'm coming to the peak of the uphill battle, and it will be smooth sailing from hear on out. my poor subconscious has been taking a beating :') he doesn't know that what's being ingested is actually good for him!
leonidas and i are basically running OF5g side by side. he mentioned he switched up his listening style as per shannon's suggestion, and i thought i'd do the same. i'm now using trickling stream at night.
poor subconscious doesn't stand a chance :'D
there's no escaping the high powered artillery we call 5G subliminals >=D
65 days remaining
god i really wanna just switch to EHPRA2.0 when it comes out, but i made a commitment to do OF5G for 96 days, so I will just ride it out. And then maybe 96 days of EHRPA2.0 will be in order, and then I can double barrell shotgun it into round 2 of AM6 and SM3. almost ALL of the internal bullcrap should be gone by then. the only thing worrying me about waiting so long to run SM3 is that I have all the time in the world right now to be the sex magnet... 9 months from now, i may well have a full time job and being a sex magnet would be difficult. although by that time i should have my own place, and being a sex magnet should be much easier with my own place. lmao. anyway i'll cross that bridge when i get there.
i did trickling stream all night, and i was DEAD tired this morning. I couldn't make it to the gym at 7:45 like i wanted to, but i made it at around noon but was still dead tired, and had a massive headache. i chalked it up to not having had my caffeine for the day but even 2 cups of coffee didn't fix it. i'm wondering if trickling stream was too intense for me to handle for a full night?
i also started doing this new method of listening. I wear my headphones around my neck, and play the ultrasonic track. frequensee registers the sound from about 6 inches away from my face, and i can feel that feeling i get when the ultrasonic is playing in my ears. with this method, i can go about my daily life, and idgaf what people think of how i look with headphones around my neck all day. but it's helping me keep my hours up, and gives more of a stereophonic experience than just my tablet blaring ultrasonic from inside my backpack. lol.
this girl messaged me on fb for a ride to her doc appt for her first pregnancy visit. it kinda caught me off guard, but i told her i couldn't because i don't have a vehicle. i asked her how far along she was, and she said "text me, love" and sent me her #. so i texted her, and she said "Hey handsome" & "8 weeks, love". i asked her how she's feeling and she said lonely. i get the hint, but it is kinda awkward if i'm completely honest here. she's carrying someone's kid and she's all flirty and homebody-ish with me. not sure how i want to proceed here.
i'm gonna spend friday nightwith the older woman in my life, and then early the next morning my mexican friend is picking me up and she's taking me on a miniroad trip to a city 2 hrs out from here, just for the day. for something called "the warrior dash", which is a mudding obstacle course.
then sunday, i work in the day time, and then i'll be spending some time with this really beautiful eastern european girl, who i coincidentally will also be seeing tomorrow! this girl's a 10/10 in my eyes, her personality enhances her appearance to a solid 10, and i totally dig it.
i'm really not sure how all this female attention has anything to do with fear, but i am sure it somehow fits into the picture somewhere. i imagine the removal of fear is allowing me to better express the SM3 programming, thus in turn creating positive interactions with the females. one of the members of this forum even commented how on one of my pictures on facebook, i looked a lot "lighter", in that OF5G must have been removing a lot of "weight" from my character, and that being reflected outwardly in my facial expressions. so if that's the case, my approachability must be higher, and my body language must display more comfort. i only wonder what OGSF5G is doing for our comrades running that program!
Part of me is also considering switching to OGSF5G tomorrow, once my 32 days of OF5G is finished so that I can add guilt and shame destruction to my regimen. Rationally, it makes sense, since fear will still be worked on for the 64 days until the completion of my run. but my wallet has other ideas, considering EHPRA 2.0 will be AT LEAST 90 bucks as well, and I figure OGSF is in EHPRA anyway...... so i could just spend the money on EHPRA 2.0 instead of both it AND OGSF5G.
and for what it's worth, i have a feeling EHPRA 2.0 is going to be more than $90, considering all the additional goodies and technology it has within it. although it should be 100% worth it, and looks like it will be an unwritten PREREQUISITE to run a magnet, preferrably before AM6.
so i just let my thoughts flow freely here, don't know where i was going with any of it... but thanks for reading if you are reading this.
peace and love
The temptation is switch to EPRHA 2.0 is strong, I'm with you on that one :p
Interesting theory that OF might be helping you express SM better. Could also be that whatever fear you're killing is making you sexier.