(08-07-2016, 09:35 AM)eternitys_child Wrote: [ -> ]It's just this run has been throwing me for a huge loop, and i'm just tired of feeling at an all time low; imagine your normal baseline mood level, but drop it down a couple notches. that has become my baseline, and i recognize that i've stooped into a bout of depression that has lasted since i began this program. and it's because of the resistance to this program that i feel this way.
I can relate so very much, eternity. You describe how it used to be for me during the first run. For me it got better once I cleared the initial resistance in Stage 4 (at the beginning of S4 I had a fit of raging hatred and deleted every single post I had written here prior, and thus deleted my own account for a while; lol).
In retrospect all this depression and resistance during that run crafted a deep seated determination within me to master BASE, however long it may take.
(08-09-2016, 10:24 AM)Raz Wrote: [ -> ] (08-07-2016, 09:35 AM)eternitys_child Wrote: [ -> ]It's just this run has been throwing me for a huge loop, and i'm just tired of feeling at an all time low; imagine your normal baseline mood level, but drop it down a couple notches. that has become my baseline, and i recognize that i've stooped into a bout of depression that has lasted since i began this program. and it's because of the resistance to this program that i feel this way.
I can relate so very much, eternity. You describe how it used to be for me during the first run. For me it got better once I cleared the initial resistance in Stage 4 (at the beginning of S4 I had a fit of raging hatred and deleted every single post I had written here prior, and thus deleted my own account for a while; lol).
right on, i am starting to let it sink in that this first run through of BASE2.1 doesn't HAVE to be pleasant. That itself is giving me a lot of relief, by releasing some expectations on myself and the program. The other side of this coin is that I'm destined to do a second run of this.
Quote:In retrospect all this depression and resistance during that run crafted a deep seated determination within me to master BASE, however long it may take.
haha it is so fitting to see your signature after this statement in your post...
Iғ ʏᴏᴜ ᴄʜᴀɴɢᴇ ᴛʜᴇ ᴡᴀʏ ʏᴏᴜ ʟᴏᴏᴋ ᴀᴛ ᴛʜɪɴɢs, ᴛʜᴇ ᴛʜɪɴɢs ʏᴏᴜ ʟᴏᴏᴋ ᴀᴛ ᴄʜᴀɴɢᴇ.
Definitely puts things into perspective for me.
I am currently scheduled to go back to Houston on sept 30, and will return back to Kochi on jan 16.
The nature of my entry visa to india has stipulation that I am only allowed in India for 6 months at a time, upon completion of which i need to be gone for 60 days before returning for another 6 months.. My current 6 months ends on october 2nd.
There's a feeling akin to a sigh of relief that I get to be back for a while.
So I haven't been posting my dreams but I have been telling my friend every time I wake up from one I can remember, and she pointed out that my dreams are pretty intense lately... which is true.
a few days ago, I dreamt that me and her had to save the world from something.
then a different night, i had a dream that i got stabbed in the heart with an amethyst crystal
last night i had a dream that 2 alien races were in fullout war with each other, with earth as the battle grounds.
Notes: The first two dreams I had when I placed my selenite gypsum wand and blue kyanite wand under my pillow. The last dream I had a clear quartz crystal under my pillow. All 3 of the dreams I was sleeping with my head facing north.
3 intense dreams are enough to convince me that my SubConscious is working on something. And all 3 of the dreams had a similar theme in common; imminent destruction. I'm on day 22 of stage 3, and week 3 is typically where the zen feeling of accomplishing the results from each stage starts to set in. I am quite curious as to what is being destroyed in my subconscious. I have a hunch that it is related to old faulty beliefs that I have had since childhood that do not serve my purposes of being independent.
this isn't really BASE related (maybe it is on some level?), but for lack of a better place to put this, i am writing it here.. yesterday i got on the train to leave town, and this girl my age sat across from me. From teh looks of it, i guessed she was a village girl, with a somewhat traditional upbringing. The poor girl was showing all kinds of attraction signs, like mirroring, and i could tell she was trying to resist but she couldn't. then she puts her bag on her lap. me being the stupid that i was didn't talk to her because "oh what would teh other people on the train think?!" and "i can't communicate with her due to language barriers"... whatever...
also, today on the train back to town, people were staring me down. like in a curious sort of way. It was kind of uncomfortable when granny's stared me down (i feel your pain Frosted!). Guys stared at me too... weird.
Of course, my sense of style is a lot... more... pronounced, I should say. "Better" or "worse" would not be accurate to describe it. But my style is "loud". I'm sure that contributes to it. So does the way I carry myself.
I'm trying to figure out how it could be BASE related in any way, but it might just be my previous AM6,SM3,E2 programming is just coming to the surface after some of the emotional crap has started to clear.
God I hate the staring. I dont like at all. I feel you on that.
(08-14-2016, 12:04 PM)blackwing Z Wrote: [ -> ]God I hate the staring. I dont like at all. I feel you on that.
I'm toying with the idea in my mind that maybe they're staring because they want me to open a conversation with them? So instead of feeling awkward when people stare at me, maybe I should return a smile or wave, or say something ya know? Instead of be in my head about it....
at day 26 on stage 3, i must note some interesting things.
Members of this forum have recommended me some additional tools to add to my life hack tool box, some of which include healing tones and brainwave entrainment. Using the "intense focus" BWE has amazing effects, and gets me in the zone much the same way a dose of adderall or ritalin would give, without the tweaky feeling.
The healing solfeggio tones (396hz) has some interesting effects as well, but it's hard to correctly pinpoint exactly what it is doing. The general feel from listening to this tone is an overall "beauty"; emotional state was heightened into a sense of love and beauty.
Plus the pineal gland detoxification frosted recommended in the chatterbox.
plus sleeping with crystals under my pillow... lol
plus reading books.
so it's hard to tell what's doing what, but the reason i mention all this is that now, at day 26 of stage 3 on BASE, I've effectively gathered some solid lifehack tools to add to my toolbox. My desire to learn is increased, my focus is enhanced.. productivity could be better, but it's certainly better than before.. it's like the motivation and drive is coming from a different source than it used to, and during the time the source was changing, i was what could be perceived as lazy, but it was certainly not that. rather just a transitional phase.
I've also seemed to have acquired organizational capability somewhere along the way. I've never really been good at keeping myself organized, but now that ability is starting to display itself, and i'm happy about that! That was one of my major drawbacks...
and so the overall feel for where i'm at today, compared to last week, is positive, and more grounded and centered in today than worried about tomorrow
i'm not going to go into too much details, but the psychic portion of the program is really kicking in, and i have a very bad feeling about what's going on, and it seems like some fraud is going on. i'm very heated and very upset, in a bunch of emotional turmoil.
(08-16-2016, 09:54 AM)eternitys_child Wrote: [ -> ]i'm not going to go into too much details, but the psychic portion of the program is really kicking in, and i have a very bad feeling about what's going on, and it seems like some fraud is going on. i'm very heated and very upset, in a bunch of emotional turmoil.
Hey man, had some experiences like that on BASE (betrayals, but never such intense premonitions). My take is - it happens, looking back I consider it a rite of passage. Almost everyone successful I've talked to has that kind of stories.
Maybe it's inevitable to become a bit vulnerable when you're doing anything remotely entrepreneurial. That kind of experiences was a great way for me to learn the value of trust and not to distribute it lightly.
Anyway, it might just as well be some emotional garbage coming through. If it's not, then I hope you can recover relatively easily from whatever that turns out to be.
(08-16-2016, 12:22 PM)Ivaylo Wrote: [ -> ] (08-16-2016, 09:54 AM)eternitys_child Wrote: [ -> ]i'm not going to go into too much details, but the psychic portion of the program is really kicking in, and i have a very bad feeling about what's going on, and it seems like some fraud is going on. i'm very heated and very upset, in a bunch of emotional turmoil.
Hey man, had some experiences like that on BASE (betrayals, but never such intense premonitions). My take is - it happens, looking back I consider it a rite of passage. Almost everyone successful I've talked to has that kind of stories.
Maybe it's inevitable to become a bit vulnerable when you're doing anything remotely entrepreneurial. That kind of experiences was a great way for me to learn the value of trust and not to distribute it lightly.
Anyway, it might just as well be some emotional garbage coming through. If it's not, then I hope you can recover relatively easily from whatever that turns out to be.
there is hope in your post, and i appreciate that! Maybe it is just a rite of passage
hopefully it is. Anyway, there's no way of really recovering from it, as I've invested mostly time and energy and there's no way I can get that back. But I'll tell you I'm glad I didn't burn my bridges because I'll be jumping ship soon. The thing is, my heart had been telling me for a few months now that something is wrong, but i didn't want to believe it, and/or give the situation and the person the benefit of the doubt. but last night's incident marked the 3rd time a similar incident happened, and when you explicitly make every effort to get me out of the office when there is an important discusssion between all the partners going on (aside from myself and my mom), I have nothing else left but to think they're hiding something from us. And 3 times is 3 too many to be "guessing" if there's any shady business going on.
I should still continue BASE, but after a conversation with the guy who started this project, I will humbly step down from my post, stating some of the things that happened were very shady and I don't vibe with what is going on.
I ended up having that conversation, but it was kind of one sided and not in my favor. Some serious manipulation was used against me. However it wasn't all bad news. Some of the stuff I had doubts of were made clear, and that leaves more opportunities to continue working here. But that would entail playing this game.
I have no problem accepting my faults when they're presented to me. The problem lies in that he waited a whole month to present them to me, instead of confronting me ahead of time and giving me a chance at nipping it in the bud.
Another issue is that the lines have really been blurred as to what my position is now.
Overall, I'm grateful I was able to get some clarity on the situation. I'm also grateful I got the opportunity to experience life over here in India, but now it's clear to me that I won't be coming back after I go back to Texas. I have to start brainstorming on ways I can capitalize on my talents for when I go back.
Almost done with stage 3.
so instead of sitting idle for the next 40 days, i figured i'd get out and about and get shit done.
today i went all over town visiting the local movie theaters; i visited 5 in all. i'm tremendously surprised that within just 2 months of living in this city, i can hold a conversation with people in the local language. it helps that my native language is quite similar to the local language (think portuguese vs. spanish), but i was completely taken aback at my ability to read signs on the street, buses, etc. to figure out where i am, and speak to the theater owners and communicate exactly what needs to be communicated as well as successfully gather the information i needed from them.
My mind is blown. I bet if I stayed here for one year, I'd know the language like the back of my hand lol. but i wouldn't have known it was possible had i not immersed myself today, and i'm glad i did. it was actually really chill; i love talking to people. i even got to see a movie for free out of the conversation with one of the theaters.
i've been meaning to go to a pharmacy and pick up some modafinil, but a part of me is too chicken lol.
I think I'm hitting the brink of absolving one of my fears.
while there is a part of me that thinks i need to be working nonstop & continuously in order to match the ideal "successful person" archetype, I find that I really don't vibe with it, nor should I beat myself up for not matching that archetype. *see later for possible time as a smear experience* I seem to get my liveliness through interacting with people, not from mundane tasks like spreadsheets, paperwork, etc.. *vomits at the thought of that shit* There's nothing to gain by forcing myself to fit into a mold I just don't fit into. Doing so effectively just stuffs my heart deep into a box it doesn't belong in. So the fear of not being "just like the successful people" is starting to absolve. I already established earlier in this run that the way I see success for myself does not look the same as what I entered into the program thinking success looked like.
I also remember fretting about the way I perceived money at the beginning of the run, during the first couple weeks of stage 1. As of now, the way I perceive money isn't any different, but I am way more conscious and aware of how to use it. So the fundamental part of my personality is still the same, but the various things that relate to it have changed.
Additionally, I think my fear of failure is also being worked on. I welcome failure, and as I have just experienced it freshly, I find that I'm growing tremendously from the failure and that it is just helping to shape me and refine my path to personal greatness.
**I put the phrase in bold around asterisks because I had typed up the first sentence and then a director came by to narrate his script to my uncle who's a producer, and the jist of the story revolves around success. I'm now finishing this post after the director left.
Theme of the film: "Success isn't measured by the destination, it is measured by the journey." & "Work that you love will not cause you pain." & "Success isn't measured by success. It's measured by the ability to rebound from failure".
I find it kind of ironic that something is on my mind and I make a decision to write this post, and then in the middle of writing it, I am interrupted to go hear a story about the journey of success. lol.