day 14
anxiety of public speaking is dwindling down massively. I've always had this knack for speaking from the heart, as i do it all the time, but it' has not been without accompanied anxiety!
Today I got up in front of a room full of 50 men, and made myself vulnerable and shared where i'm at in my journey, and what i struggle with. i felt a tad bit of anxiety, my heart raced a little but considerably less than it usually does! so this allowed for a confidence of some sort to come out... the type of confidence+Comfortability that I mentioned earlier in this journal, rather than an outwardly confident demeanor.
and oh man, was i getting lavished with compliments on how well i'm doing, from men I really look up to!
i've been clocking like 19-20 hours of OF5G daily, and the milf i'm dating has been getting like 2-3 hours daily.
I also have a date with another girl tomorrow night. and she texted me saying she's nervous because she hasn't been on a date with a nice guy like me in a long time!
IDK IF I SHOULD BE OFFENDED OR COMPLIMENTED lol. she called me a "nice guy" and the term "nice guy" is usually corresponded to "nice guys finish last".... but you know what, i'm not that stereotypical asshole. I am just the most authentic self I can be, compassionate, and loving. But I don't take no Bull**** from girls, i don't take manipulation, nor do i entertain pettiness. But I
am a "nice guy"
for what it's worth: i've been using blue blocker program called f.lux on my laptop (thanks InconceivableZen !) and Twilight on my android. And I'm going to start making it a point to get 30 minutes of sunlight (outdoors) per day, to maximize health benefits, after discussing this with Inconceivablezen!
I've also been taking nootropic supplements for about two weeks now, and have been working out pretty regularly, and drinking more water. in general, i've been taking care of myself a lot better than i ever have before! Despite wanting to have done so the whole time during SM3 and AM6, I did not until just recently, so I'm wondering what the hell kind of fear would prevent me from taking care of myself! if it's fear related, at all.
oh, and for what it's worth, i ended up getting a second job. although it's not at a law firm, it's at the aa club working at the coffee bar. so you mean i get paid to be a part of saving people's lives, make and drink coffee, and flirt with women in my neighborhood that come there for meetings? AND I get to be involved in the place that contributed the most to my sobriety? that's an offer i can't refuse.
THANK YOU SHANNON for telling me to NOT BE AFRAID OF ASKING THE UNIVERSE for what i need.
if it wasn't a rule violation, i would talk about the spiritual side of my growth journey, as it has a MAJOR role in my growth... but alas, i can't. so i'll just leave it as a hint for you guys, that it is a part of my journey.