12-30-2016, 09:01 PM
12-31-2016, 06:16 PM
01-01-2017, 06:17 PM
01-01-2017, 10:34 PM
Well, I think I found a way to spend the extra cash in a smart way: subs. With the discount, I got all the weapons (Poetry of Eros, X32, X24, X124) plus some other stuff. Maybe having all the weapons is redundant, but hey, I have right tools for almost any situations related to sex. (As long as I can bring the willing girl 
)
What was ironic is that I picked them up pretty much right before I went to the church. (It's almost like I going there to atone my sin and blasphemy. LOL) BTW, I'm joking here. (Not really thinking sex and stuff like that as sin and blasphemy. Just wanted to say that for fun. LOL)
I arrived at the church late, so I ended up standing there entire time. There are a few stuff to write about people's reaction, but I am a bit hesitant. I'm hesitant because I think the really important iois, or something really worth while to consider as an ioi are the cases which a girl is grabbing my crotch, rubbing her body (boobs, ass, or entire body) to me in a way that is very transparent with what she wants, and/or she's telling/whispering me that she wants to have sex, sleep with me, or f*** me. I'm also hesitant, because other iois other than the ones I wrote above can leave a huge room for misinterpretation and inflated assumptions about the iois' meanings. (Things can be coincidental, and it could have no meaning whatsoever. Or I could be easily mistaken that it was an ioi for me, it wasn't totally that.)
Nevertheless, I'm going to write the stuff here. First is with a girl (literally a girl, whose age is probably between 8 and 12). She was looking/glancing at me several time. (and when I caught her looking at me, she quickly turned her head.) Second is with a pregnant woman (seems early weeks). The woman glanced at me at me a few times, slightly nervously. (Hey woman, I'm not gonna do anything, OKAY?) After a while, the family (with the girl) left, and the pregnant woman moved to the spot. She also wanted her boyfriend/husband to come next to her, but the guy refused. I didn't hear what the guy was saying to her, but based on the gesture, the guy was concerned about blocking my view or standing in front of me. (Interesting.)
After the mass, I went to get a lunch. Then I saw a family of four sitting across me. I saw a baby boy staring at me in the eye for a very long time. (Like several minutes.) It could have been something behind me, but it seemed and felt as if the baby was staring at me for that long period of time.
I had a great conversation with the lyft driver on my way back home. The conversation was great to a point that the driver stayed in my area for a while to just have a conversation. (A similar thing happened on my way to see a therapist in the past.) It was great to a point that the driver told me that I'm the most interesting person he met in 2017. (LOL on that) He also added that he had few interesting conversations before, but nothing interesting enough to a point to stay to just have a conversation.
In the conversation, I noticed that I pulled off some controversial material/possibly offensive material in a humorous way. The conversation was intelligent conversation, stimulating conversations, yet, it was also hilarious (on a few spots.) I was again more comfortable bringing my odd, possibly controversial, yet funny side out naturally without much effort. In other words, I am more comfortable bringing that side out, and this has happened without my effort or trying to bring it out like that. It also worked because the person was very receptive. Given that I was able to do this yesterday easily, much seem to also matter how receptive the person is, and how much that person can match me. I feel that I have developed much skills in being able to match and follow the topics and levels of conversation based on how the other person is doing, but I also find that if the person is receptive, I can and do much more for both of us.
Speaking of funny side, I think I already had it from the past. For instance, after my first psychiatric evaluation, I asked the tester about whether the medicine will change me. The person said, no you will still be smart and funny guy. (This was 10 years ago.) Secondly, there is a case in my undergraduate time. This was when we were doing class leading (my group), and in our class leading, we decided to split the class into several groups. I got stationed in a group purely made of girls. I don't remember what it was exactly, but there was a situation in which I mentioned something, and what I remember was that it wasn't too funny, probably more silly side. A few girls laughed, and there was one that was laughing quite hard. I also mentioned something else, and this girl was like "Oh my god, you're so funny." What I find interesting is that there were quite a few moments in which I didn't try to be funny at all, but the situation turned out to be funny for others in my lif. (More like hilarious.) Now I seem to be having more control over this side of me. (And becoming more comfortable in bringing them out.)
Thinking about the past also reminded me of a few times that girls might have shown me their interests. For instance, when I first started studying abroad, bunch of girls out of random came to me and asking for my fries. (They were also playing a game with one another, and it seems that I was the target.) I don't know whether this is a sign of interest, but the girls were giggling like crazy, as they were doing that stuff.
Secondly, I was at a camp, with a bunch of other guys when I was in grade 11. I got sick at the camp, so I was pretty much not doing anything after the first few days. One time, they brought one girl. Briefly talked to this girl a little bit, and then went to bed, trying to sleep. But then I overheard the girl talking with a guy, and she was asking whether I was gay. (The guy's response was I don't know, I think he might be bi.) This was when I restrained myself very much, disciplined myself a lot to not get involved with any girls. (Partly due to my parents' expectation, and other parts, I don't know why I did that.) A day later, this girl went swimming with other guys in the middle of late evening/night, and it was raining outside. (Pool outdoor) She and the other guys came back later, wet. (Wet clothes and everything.) The girl was explicitly saying that her clothes are wet that she needs to put on another clothes. She specifically asked for my clothing, looking at my eyes. My thought was like, I don't know you, and that why should I lend you my clothes. The other guy, I could see that he wanted to take the girl away from me, as he was feeling the situation was uncomfortable (I think the guy was a little bit afraid of me. Not a typical fear, but more like in a way I'm like his boss that the girl's acting could serious jeopardize him type of fear. Come to think of what it was like, that was the feeling/vibe I was getting.) The last night before departure, this girl brother another girl to the room. And the other girl, after getting the introduction, went to my bed and crawled inside. She had this coy smile when she took over my bed. At the time, I was thinking, God damn it, I got an early morning departure tomorrow. I didn't know what to do, and I was like God damn it, stop taking my bed, I took a while to make that bed. I decided that the situation wasn't going to improve, so I took another guy (a guy who has already left)'s bed, started to make again, and crawled inside, covering blanket. (I'm pretty sensitive that even with small light and sound, I have difficulty falling asleep.) Based on what I could hear, the girls were taking their tops off and might have given a strip tease or something similar. (It could have been just one girl, as I was hearing one of the guy praising the girl's breasts.) I didn't react to any of that, and was just thinking, go, I gotta sleep, early day tomorrow. I don't know if it was my action that caused the stuff, but the girl soon said to the guys and the other girl that it felt weird, and that she wanted to leave. And the girls took off.
Third, back in my home country, when I was in probably grade 10 or 11, I was talking to this mathematical tutor about how I just want to live a single life. (This was the stuff I was telling myself. I was telling myself that I had no interest in girls, just want to live a single life. I want to focus only on study and achieving successes.) She then told me, oh yeah there was this really handsome guy who was exactly like you. He had no interest in women and he was asked about his ideal type of girlfriend/wife, he would say, I'm just going to marry the stars up in the sky. Then I asked her back, so then, are you saying that I'm handsome? She then shut her mouth, and switched the subject very quickly.
Fourth, this happened not too long after when I first started going to a college. I was in already late for a place I needed to be, and then I met a girl from a class and her friend in a bus. The classmate said hi, and randomly asked me, hey do you have a girlfriend? I replied her no, I don't have a girlfriend. The reaction of the girl was like, (gasp), I can't believe such a cute guy like you don't have a girlfriend. And I was like okay.
Fifth, again my time in college, I have had several incidences in which a group of bunch of girls would be coming from the opposite side, and as they get near me, and as they suddenly pass me, they would start look at each other and giggle. (I was like, what, is something on my face?) This may not mean anything, but I heard that girls can do that when they see an attractive guy.
And I have a few more possible examples, but the details are somewhat blurry that I'm not going to write anymore. (They are more recent.)
And as I was writing this, I had to go bang my head a few times in the pillow. Man, I could have had so much more experiences with the girls, if I knew about it, or if I acted.
At the same time, I'm starting to think, WTF am I thinking here? Why am I telling people about it? (Believe me, I think this may be first or second time of telling anyone.) Also, I am wondering if I am having inflated interpretation of the situations. God, WHF is DMSI doing to my head?
I can't tell if this is placebo or not, but I can tell that something strange is happening, and I can't quite grasp, or tell what it is. It may also be that DMSI's healing process is somehow giving huge confidence/ego boost to a point that leads to my inflated interpretation, and this I am not sure if it is a good thing.
Oh well, assuming that I was quite attractive guy (which comes from the assumptions that I made are accurate), I just hope that DMSI can bring that out from me more, and make that more natural to me. If not, well, let's see what this thing can do. As I wrote, I am not entirely sure whether this is a placebo, or something else, but I think that I am experiencing something different. Two things will be worth while to observe. One is whether these changes will get me a girlfriend, sex, and etc. Second is whether these changes will be kept even after semester starts. (I have tendency to go back to the way it was after school starts. I feel that I am a very different person when I am not in the school vs when I am in the school. This has been more true in the graduate program.)
)What was ironic is that I picked them up pretty much right before I went to the church. (It's almost like I going there to atone my sin and blasphemy. LOL) BTW, I'm joking here. (Not really thinking sex and stuff like that as sin and blasphemy. Just wanted to say that for fun. LOL)
I arrived at the church late, so I ended up standing there entire time. There are a few stuff to write about people's reaction, but I am a bit hesitant. I'm hesitant because I think the really important iois, or something really worth while to consider as an ioi are the cases which a girl is grabbing my crotch, rubbing her body (boobs, ass, or entire body) to me in a way that is very transparent with what she wants, and/or she's telling/whispering me that she wants to have sex, sleep with me, or f*** me. I'm also hesitant, because other iois other than the ones I wrote above can leave a huge room for misinterpretation and inflated assumptions about the iois' meanings. (Things can be coincidental, and it could have no meaning whatsoever. Or I could be easily mistaken that it was an ioi for me, it wasn't totally that.)
Nevertheless, I'm going to write the stuff here. First is with a girl (literally a girl, whose age is probably between 8 and 12). She was looking/glancing at me several time. (and when I caught her looking at me, she quickly turned her head.) Second is with a pregnant woman (seems early weeks). The woman glanced at me at me a few times, slightly nervously. (Hey woman, I'm not gonna do anything, OKAY?) After a while, the family (with the girl) left, and the pregnant woman moved to the spot. She also wanted her boyfriend/husband to come next to her, but the guy refused. I didn't hear what the guy was saying to her, but based on the gesture, the guy was concerned about blocking my view or standing in front of me. (Interesting.)
After the mass, I went to get a lunch. Then I saw a family of four sitting across me. I saw a baby boy staring at me in the eye for a very long time. (Like several minutes.) It could have been something behind me, but it seemed and felt as if the baby was staring at me for that long period of time.
I had a great conversation with the lyft driver on my way back home. The conversation was great to a point that the driver stayed in my area for a while to just have a conversation. (A similar thing happened on my way to see a therapist in the past.) It was great to a point that the driver told me that I'm the most interesting person he met in 2017. (LOL on that) He also added that he had few interesting conversations before, but nothing interesting enough to a point to stay to just have a conversation.
In the conversation, I noticed that I pulled off some controversial material/possibly offensive material in a humorous way. The conversation was intelligent conversation, stimulating conversations, yet, it was also hilarious (on a few spots.) I was again more comfortable bringing my odd, possibly controversial, yet funny side out naturally without much effort. In other words, I am more comfortable bringing that side out, and this has happened without my effort or trying to bring it out like that. It also worked because the person was very receptive. Given that I was able to do this yesterday easily, much seem to also matter how receptive the person is, and how much that person can match me. I feel that I have developed much skills in being able to match and follow the topics and levels of conversation based on how the other person is doing, but I also find that if the person is receptive, I can and do much more for both of us.
Speaking of funny side, I think I already had it from the past. For instance, after my first psychiatric evaluation, I asked the tester about whether the medicine will change me. The person said, no you will still be smart and funny guy. (This was 10 years ago.) Secondly, there is a case in my undergraduate time. This was when we were doing class leading (my group), and in our class leading, we decided to split the class into several groups. I got stationed in a group purely made of girls. I don't remember what it was exactly, but there was a situation in which I mentioned something, and what I remember was that it wasn't too funny, probably more silly side. A few girls laughed, and there was one that was laughing quite hard. I also mentioned something else, and this girl was like "Oh my god, you're so funny." What I find interesting is that there were quite a few moments in which I didn't try to be funny at all, but the situation turned out to be funny for others in my lif. (More like hilarious.) Now I seem to be having more control over this side of me. (And becoming more comfortable in bringing them out.)
Thinking about the past also reminded me of a few times that girls might have shown me their interests. For instance, when I first started studying abroad, bunch of girls out of random came to me and asking for my fries. (They were also playing a game with one another, and it seems that I was the target.) I don't know whether this is a sign of interest, but the girls were giggling like crazy, as they were doing that stuff.
Secondly, I was at a camp, with a bunch of other guys when I was in grade 11. I got sick at the camp, so I was pretty much not doing anything after the first few days. One time, they brought one girl. Briefly talked to this girl a little bit, and then went to bed, trying to sleep. But then I overheard the girl talking with a guy, and she was asking whether I was gay. (The guy's response was I don't know, I think he might be bi.) This was when I restrained myself very much, disciplined myself a lot to not get involved with any girls. (Partly due to my parents' expectation, and other parts, I don't know why I did that.) A day later, this girl went swimming with other guys in the middle of late evening/night, and it was raining outside. (Pool outdoor) She and the other guys came back later, wet. (Wet clothes and everything.) The girl was explicitly saying that her clothes are wet that she needs to put on another clothes. She specifically asked for my clothing, looking at my eyes. My thought was like, I don't know you, and that why should I lend you my clothes. The other guy, I could see that he wanted to take the girl away from me, as he was feeling the situation was uncomfortable (I think the guy was a little bit afraid of me. Not a typical fear, but more like in a way I'm like his boss that the girl's acting could serious jeopardize him type of fear. Come to think of what it was like, that was the feeling/vibe I was getting.) The last night before departure, this girl brother another girl to the room. And the other girl, after getting the introduction, went to my bed and crawled inside. She had this coy smile when she took over my bed. At the time, I was thinking, God damn it, I got an early morning departure tomorrow. I didn't know what to do, and I was like God damn it, stop taking my bed, I took a while to make that bed. I decided that the situation wasn't going to improve, so I took another guy (a guy who has already left)'s bed, started to make again, and crawled inside, covering blanket. (I'm pretty sensitive that even with small light and sound, I have difficulty falling asleep.) Based on what I could hear, the girls were taking their tops off and might have given a strip tease or something similar. (It could have been just one girl, as I was hearing one of the guy praising the girl's breasts.) I didn't react to any of that, and was just thinking, go, I gotta sleep, early day tomorrow. I don't know if it was my action that caused the stuff, but the girl soon said to the guys and the other girl that it felt weird, and that she wanted to leave. And the girls took off.
Third, back in my home country, when I was in probably grade 10 or 11, I was talking to this mathematical tutor about how I just want to live a single life. (This was the stuff I was telling myself. I was telling myself that I had no interest in girls, just want to live a single life. I want to focus only on study and achieving successes.) She then told me, oh yeah there was this really handsome guy who was exactly like you. He had no interest in women and he was asked about his ideal type of girlfriend/wife, he would say, I'm just going to marry the stars up in the sky. Then I asked her back, so then, are you saying that I'm handsome? She then shut her mouth, and switched the subject very quickly.
Fourth, this happened not too long after when I first started going to a college. I was in already late for a place I needed to be, and then I met a girl from a class and her friend in a bus. The classmate said hi, and randomly asked me, hey do you have a girlfriend? I replied her no, I don't have a girlfriend. The reaction of the girl was like, (gasp), I can't believe such a cute guy like you don't have a girlfriend. And I was like okay.
Fifth, again my time in college, I have had several incidences in which a group of bunch of girls would be coming from the opposite side, and as they get near me, and as they suddenly pass me, they would start look at each other and giggle. (I was like, what, is something on my face?) This may not mean anything, but I heard that girls can do that when they see an attractive guy.
And I have a few more possible examples, but the details are somewhat blurry that I'm not going to write anymore. (They are more recent.)
And as I was writing this, I had to go bang my head a few times in the pillow. Man, I could have had so much more experiences with the girls, if I knew about it, or if I acted.
At the same time, I'm starting to think, WTF am I thinking here? Why am I telling people about it? (Believe me, I think this may be first or second time of telling anyone.) Also, I am wondering if I am having inflated interpretation of the situations. God, WHF is DMSI doing to my head?
I can't tell if this is placebo or not, but I can tell that something strange is happening, and I can't quite grasp, or tell what it is. It may also be that DMSI's healing process is somehow giving huge confidence/ego boost to a point that leads to my inflated interpretation, and this I am not sure if it is a good thing.
Oh well, assuming that I was quite attractive guy (which comes from the assumptions that I made are accurate), I just hope that DMSI can bring that out from me more, and make that more natural to me. If not, well, let's see what this thing can do. As I wrote, I am not entirely sure whether this is a placebo, or something else, but I think that I am experiencing something different. Two things will be worth while to observe. One is whether these changes will get me a girlfriend, sex, and etc. Second is whether these changes will be kept even after semester starts. (I have tendency to go back to the way it was after school starts. I feel that I am a very different person when I am not in the school vs when I am in the school. This has been more true in the graduate program.)
01-01-2017, 10:50 PM
01-01-2017, 10:58 PM
01-01-2017, 11:05 PM
01-01-2017, 11:40 PM
01-02-2017, 10:12 PM
01-03-2017, 07:23 AM
01-03-2017, 09:56 AM
01-03-2017, 10:23 AM
01-03-2017, 03:57 PM
01-03-2017, 04:27 PM