Uh-oh. This guy is overdosing on the redpill nature of reality. Quick! Someone get help!
Online dating is a joke. A very bad one. It's dehumanizing and a rigged game. You were right in feeling anger towards it. Now you would be best to embrace that anger and move forwards (while releasing expectations but maintaining self-improvement). Some day you may become a bad boy like me once you take enough redpills. If DMSI is a set it and forget it sub, truly that would be magnificent. Then I wouldn't have to be such a jerk to get mediocre pussay.
He was just saying to not expect to much bc things don't always pan out how we think it, and not holding expectation prevents subjective imbalance of ones perception .
You set up expectations as artificial limitations. That's all they do.
You are male. You think like a male. They are female. They think (AND ACT) like females.
In this day and age, there is no respect online. It's too impersonal. Nobody cares unless you are face to face. Even then, half the time, people don't care. Manners? Who has those anymore? Respect? What's that? Common courtesy is pretty rare.
You can have all the expectations you want. They will only serve to make you miserable. Especially when they run counter to "what is".
I suggest in person dating efforts are thousands of times better for men.
(01-15-2017, 09:50 PM)sw72hw Wrote: [ -> ]Anyway I offered to help her out as I didn't have any plan for that weekend, besides, as a person who's been living alone for a long period of time, I know that moving or stuff like that can be tough. Also, I was working on my social skills as well and I thought that offering someone help is a good way to make friend, or get social. Sadly, I sorta messed that up by waking up late.
Your mistake is thinking it's ok being friends with women. Don't be friends with women.
You should only spend time with women that you
a) want to f****
and the time you spend with those women should be
a) trying to f*** them
You can either be a normal guy or you can be a sexual threat that spends his time chasing his goals and any time he is with a woman if he isn't trying to f*** her he is already f***kng her.
I don't go out to the movies, hang out, have coffee or do anything with "female buddies". There's no room for female friends in my world. To me women are meant for f**** and that's what I do. You see me with a woman i'm either f**** her already or trying to f**** her. I had sex over 160 times last year and I date multiple women. Do you want to be a normal guy or a sexual threat? Change your mindset.
Change your mindset to that of a lion. The king of the jungle isn't friends with bambie. You need to have the focus and determination to go after what you want like a lion and make yourself into the type of man who's time is so valuable that if you give it to a woman it's because she is giving you sex or soon to be giving you sex.
(01-16-2017, 11:47 AM)Shannon Wrote: [ -> ]You set up expectations as artificial limitations. That's all they do.
You are male. You think like a male. They are female. They think (AND ACT) like females.
In this day and age, there is no respect online. It's too impersonal. Nobody cares unless you are face to face. Even then, half the time, people don't care. Manners? Who has those anymore? Respect? What's that? Common courtesy is pretty rare.
You can have all the expectations you want. They will only serve to make you miserable. Especially when they run counter to "what is".
I suggest in person dating efforts are thousands of times better for men.
Hey Shannon, your response let me know how lucky I have been. I have only been surrounded by people with decency and courtesy. Or at least those who are significant/special to me have been.
(01-16-2017, 09:16 AM)RisingSon Wrote: [ -> ]Uh-oh. This guy is overdosing on the redpill nature of reality. Quick! Someone get help!
LOL. This was a good one.
(01-16-2017, 09:16 AM)RisingSon Wrote: [ -> ]Online dating is a joke. A very bad one. It's dehumanizing and a rigged game. You were right in feeling anger towards it. Now you would be best to embrace that anger and move forwards (while releasing expectations but maintaining self-improvement). Some day you may become a bad boy like me once you take enough redpills. If DMSI is a set it and forget it sub, truly that would be magnificent. Then I wouldn't have to be such a jerk to get mediocre pussay.
Well, I don't know. For some guys it works very well, for others like me it's not. It's just a frustration that it's not having any returns compared to the investment. At least in my case, and yeah like I thought there was no decency or courtesy. As I wrote before, I feel lucky that only the people I encountered with or those who I form relationship (not dating sense, friendship/family friend) are the ones with decency and courtesy, and even more. So yeah, eventually I was able to see something positive, although some negativity still remains.
(01-16-2017, 12:12 PM)AbundanceCH Wrote: [ -> ]Your mistake is thinking it's ok being friends with women. Don't be friends with women.
You should only spend time with women that you
a) want to f****
and the time you spend with those women should be
a) trying to f*** them
You can either be a normal guy or you can be a sexual threat that spends his time chasing his goals and any time he is with a woman if he isn't trying to f*** her he is already f***kng her.
I don't go out to the movies, hang out, have coffee or do anything with "female buddies". There's no room for female friends in my world. To me women are meant for f**** and that's what I do. You see me with a woman i'm either f**** her already or trying to f**** her. I had sex over 160 times last year and I date multiple women. Do you want to be a normal guy or a sexual threat? Change your mindset.
Change your mindset to that of a lion. The king of the jungle isn't friends with bambie. You need to have the focus and determination to go after what you want like a lion and make yourself into the type of man who's time is so valuable that if you give it to a woman it's because she is giving you sex or soon to be giving you sex.
Thanks for your thought, but I will pass this one, even if it would mean I get no sex, no dates or whatever. I am also finding the timing of your post amusing as today is MLK day (Martin Luther King day) in the US.
I was raised to be polite and courteous. Little things, like you greet people when you see them, and say goodbye when you're leaving. You acknowledge them as a sign of respect and/or consideration in conversation, and you pay attention when they speak if you're having a conversation with them. Simple social graces and courtesies. But these things went out the window with the advent of the Internet, and the cell phone. Sad, but true.
I had to spend a long time learning not to take things personally, get upset because I had expectations of social conduct and manners that were no longer being observed, and expectations that women would communicate, act and think like I did.
I'm just offering you the short course on what I spent a long time learning.
I'm pretty sure women are even more high strung and the slightest mis courtesy would be noted
(01-16-2017, 03:45 PM)Shannon Wrote: [ -> ]I was raised to be polite and courteous. Little things, like you greet people when you see them, and say goodbye when you're leaving. You acknowledge them as a sign of respect and/or consideration in conversation, and you pay attention when they speak if you're having a conversation with them. Simple social graces and courtesies. But these things went out the window with the advent of the Internet, and the cell phone. Sad, but true.
I had to spend a long time learning not to take things personally, get upset because I had expectations of social conduct and manners that were no longer being observed, and expectations that women would communicate, act and think like I did.
I'm just offering you the short course on what I spent a long time learning.
First of all, my apologies to previous lashing out. And secondly, I don't think I was pissed about the courtesy issue, but rather things literally not changing for me. It just piled up and that it just exploded. I suppose since I am a human being, I can only tolerate only so much and can get rid of so much of expectations.
And the worst part of it may be that I may end up doing something similar. So a girl who liked me got back to me, and we have chatted a bit, and that it doesn't feel like we're clicking. I bought some time by saying that I'll let her know when I know about my schedule (conveniently I have beginning of the semester excuse), but I don't know, and I feel like I am treating the person terribly. (I did a bit of background check and got to see more of her pictures, but I am not into her, rather I am even more turned down.)
Anyway, I'm not going to take things personally, and will make my mind up soon whether to press with this or call it quits. (And if I quit, I think I better say it up front instead of just ignoring the person.)
Quote:I can only tolerate only so much and can get rid of so much of expectations.
You can, on the contrary, do anything you choose to do. You have expectations because they are self limiting, and you are using them to hide from fear of the unknown, which would be, not knowing what to do without them limiting you.
In the end, all of our limiting beliefs are self imposed because we can't handle the freedom of living without them yet. But that doesn't mean one cannot let go of their expectations.
Just work toward that goal. It's not a binary situation.
(01-17-2017, 05:42 AM)Shannon Wrote: [ -> ]You can, on the contrary, do anything you choose to do. You have expectations because they are self limiting, and you are using them to hide from fear of the unknown, which would be, not knowing what to do without them limiting you.
In the end, all of our limiting beliefs are self imposed because we can't handle the freedom of living without them yet. But that doesn't mean one cannot let go of their expectations.
Just work toward that goal. It's not a binary situation.
I don't think I understand, how I can do it, or how I should approach it. Perhaps I am equating goal = expectation something similar. But fair enough. Any advice on how I should do that?
(01-17-2017, 09:46 AM)sw72hw Wrote: [ -> ] (01-17-2017, 05:42 AM)Shannon Wrote: [ -> ]You can, on the contrary, do anything you choose to do. You have expectations because they are self limiting, and you are using them to hide from fear of the unknown, which would be, not knowing what to do without them limiting you.
In the end, all of our limiting beliefs are self imposed because we can't handle the freedom of living without them yet. But that doesn't mean one cannot let go of their expectations.
Just work toward that goal. It's not a binary situation.
I don't think I understand, how I can do it, or how I should approach it. Perhaps I am equating goal = expectation something similar. But fair enough. Any advice on how I should do that?
Does the dandelion expect to bloom? Does the acorn expect to become the mightly oak? Does a frog expect to be a frog?
Of course not. They simply "are". They are expressing their natural existences. They are what they are without need for expectations. They simply "are".
Letting go of expectations first requires that you know you have them. Then you must identify what your expectations are. And then you must understand that you created those expectations, and just as you created them, you can dissolve and release them - if you so choose.
Expectations that we create to give ourselves comfortable limitations are by their very nature self limiting. Beyond them is the "Great Unknown", and that can be scary. But it;s really nothing to fear; you just don't have the "program" to run when faced with that circumstance, to know "what to do in response to it" yet.
Having a expectations regarding others will lead you to disappointment, because they will not always follow your expectations. They are not you, and they do not all have your circumstances or point of view, or desires, or needs, or fears, or beliefs.
You know now that expectations are limiting your success. Now focus on identifying when you are responding with expectations, and what those expectations are.
When you get good at that, start asking yourself... why do I expect this? And explore they "why" of it.
It's good that I have an extended break due to my first class not starting until Thursday. Nevertheless, I have been pretty productive. I went to see my career advisor, and it went whole a lot better than I thought. She definitely understood my interests, at least better than some other people in my field. It seems that the advisor may definitely be able to help secure a right internship, and she may even be able to secure me a contact of an institution I had an interest in. So it was very productive. Also, the conversation was great, she had a few laughs, and it was very fluid. I like it.
(01-17-2017, 01:12 PM)Shannon Wrote: [ -> ]Does the dandelion expect to bloom? Does the acorn expect to become the mightly oak? Does a frog expect to be a frog?
Of course not. They simply "are". They are expressing their natural existences. They are what they are without need for expectations. They simply "are".
Letting go of expectations first requires that you know you have them. Then you must identify what your expectations are. And then you must understand that you created those expectations, and just as you created them, you can dissolve and release them - if you so choose.
Expectations that we create to give ourselves comfortable limitations are by their very nature self limiting. Beyond them is the "Great Unknown", and that can be scary. But it;s really nothing to fear; you just don't have the "program" to run when faced with that circumstance, to know "what to do in response to it" yet.
Having a expectations regarding others will lead you to disappointment, because they will not always follow your expectations. They are not you, and they do not all have your circumstances or point of view, or desires, or needs, or fears, or beliefs.
You know now that expectations are limiting your success. Now focus on identifying when you are responding with expectations, and what those expectations are.
When you get good at that, start asking yourself... why do I expect this? And explore they "why" of it.
Another good thing about extended break is that I had time to think about the expectations, and other things associated with it.
So I thought a little bit about expectation. Rather let me just say it's an expectation/hope. Some of them feel old, and may no longer be current, but I thought that I will nevertheless start with them.
I guess in terms of women, I expected/hoped that I deserve the best woman. The woman who is very smart, beautiful, emotionally well developed, kind/warm hearted, being able to lead and also comfortable to be led, and etc..... And Shannon you also told me to think about why, and I thought about why. One is that I have sacrificed a lot to come this far (in academia and other areas of life) and that I feel that I am entitled to many great stuff, including a great woman, or the best woman available. This in a way probably comes from a mind, or what I will call reward psychology, which I feel that I have sacrificed and spent much (being separated from my family for a long time, struggles to adjust to new culture and society, lots of time, money, physical and emotional spend) that I should get reward. Or I think this may be something I may have though in conscious and subconscious level.
The second may be associated with how I will be seen by others. It's like oh if I have less than best woman, I will be looked down upon. Or something like, my parents will never approve, and will lead to much misery and difficult times. So in a way, I think that this has also influenced my choice of women, but not too much. Still, I think some part of me is still affected by this and am hesitant to a certain degree. (I realized that I still do a certain degree think about hey will my parents approve this girl? I also think that the fear is in part coming from the fact that I am financially dependent on them to pay for my staying and studying in the US.) I think other social side (like care on what others will think about me if I were to be in a relationship with this girl) isn't there as much, but I may still have that part.
Thinking about these, I think I can tell that I am much freerer than before, but I think that there may be some residues of these left behind.
In terms of online dating, I don't know what the expectation I have is...... I think it was more about the frustration from no visible or graspable results compared to the input. (Well in that case, you may say that the expectation was to have some results, which I don't know if there is any good reasons behind expectations other than that I have put quite a lot of effort, and that I feel I am entitled to get some result?)
Here is the funny thing though. I also thought about my expectations about other parts of my life, and it is mainly about academics, career and etc. Generally, expectations or whatever is whole a lot better here, and I will have to say that it isn't all that destructive, although there are definitely destructive sides to it. For instance, my expectation that I was not doing well in the courses were causing anxiety, and my expectation on what the course was going to be also made it difficult and frustrating when the course was quite different from what I anticipated or wanted it to be. Yet, at the same time, the second part of expectation was constructive as well that it was providing me an insight on which field I may excel at and which field that I may not enjoy. So I wouldn't call it all not constructive. Besides, I think I need to have some expectations or thoughts about what the course is, if it is electives. Why? I mean I only have a few choices to take, and I should take the ones that are either producing great return (expected to produce great return, in terms of learning), or something I will enjoy learning about. Without these thoughts, then I become rather clueless in choosing the course, and that it becomes very similar to shooting at a target which I don't have a goal. And now I feel that I am mixing the goal/target with expectation again.
And another expectations/imaginations I have? Well, I imagine and expect that my girlfriend/wife will love me back. I expect/imagine her to enjoy having sex and sex will be great. I expect/imagine that I will love her much and will be compatible.
These are some of the things I came up with today, briefly thinking about the expectation issues.
I don't know if I made any progress, but I did at least attempt to do what Shannon suggested.
Well, I also thought a little bit about what Abundance CH wrote, and I got to reflect a bit since yesterday, and today after meeting with my career advisor.
Abundance CH wrote about having a mindset like a lion. Well, the funny thing is that I think my academic side, or intellectual side is like an untamed wild beast. One thing I find that in academia, there are too many structures, and things to follow, and it is even more so in the governmental and public sector. I find that my academic thought and intellectual side is quite unorthodox, and that it is seen and reflected as being creative. (Almost everyone who knows my mind/intellectual side well tell me that I am creative, and that all of them like my ideas. (All the professors are like that and even my therapist thought I am creative.)) I find that my academic and intellectual thought tend to roam around, gather a few materials, find connections and create stuff. See things in relation to another, and see more in terms of forest rather than a tree in forest. Is usually better at creating ideas through talking than writing.
And yes again, my intellectual and academic side feels very untamed wild and bestially. It's to a point that when I am having great ideas and thoughts (academic and intellectual one) I often have a difficult time sitting down to put it in a paper. I have too much energy that I need to be moving around, and that the barrage of endless thoughts, connections, and overwhelming feeling and the unending feeling of brain going at a speed of light just can't keep me still. All the rise of energy gets me excited and that it pumps me. (Well, I don't know what I am writing here, but hey I am under this exact influence and I am trying to put it as I am having this.)
So yeah, I find it interesting and amusing that my academic and intellectual side is like that of lion, the beast, the untamed and wild king of the jungle.
Well, I suppose it's not so much the case with relationship. (Although I get similar feeling when I get to talk about intellectual talks, especially those in line with my interests.)
Interesting day. Struck a conversation with a girl who was sitting behind me, and the conversation went well. Including this girl, there were a few more cute girls in the class, sitting quite far from me. Class setting will be different, so it may be different.
However, something really interesting happened when I went to a restaurant. It was very full. I was thinking do I want to go back, or do I stay behind. Well, I was waiting a bit, and the receptionist girl came to me. She originally told me that I can get outside as they are heated seats. I told her that I am having a cold that you wouldn't want me to be out there. I then asked her how long the wait is going to be, and she said, for the best customer, I can get you under 3 minutes. Yes, I've been a regular there, but I don't recall seeing her. So that was interesting. And also, she touched my arm, while saying that. Soon, spaces freed up at the bar, and I was hesitant, as there were other people waiting. The girl came, and told me, you gotta be aggressive to get the spot, again while touching the arm.
I happened to be sitting in between two women, both with their men. The one on the right was commenting on how the line got backed up, and I was telling her, that's why I don't like it when the school starts. School starts, all the flood of people come in, and it becomes to dine in. She quickly agreed, and my food arrived, so I stopped chatting her at that point. And the woman left early.
I was eating a while, and then was checking the couple's food next to me. I did that a few times, and soon the woman asked me about my food, and the conversation started there. It started from very light stuff, food and what I am doing, where I am from and etc..... Then the topic went to what I study and what my interest is and what I plan on doing. So I told her about what I am doing, and what one of my interest is, which is technology. I was telling her about how every semester I wrote a paper that is related to technology. (This is something I recently figured out.) And then I ended up talking about a paper I wrote which included sex robots, and guys, this became a very interesting talk. Up until this point, the woman was quite engaging, asking a lot of follow ups, sharing a lot about her story, but once I said something about sex robots, (I didn't even get to talk about the actual stuff or the content of the paper, and my arguments in the paper), she suddenly moved to a new level. Her energy level was on a whole new level, and she was talking very intensely and aggressively about her point of view. She was like with sex robots there is no connection, and there is no energy. When you fall in love you feel there is some type of energy, everything about that person changes, the smell of that person, feel of that person and etc..... She was like hey with robots, you can't have that, there is no human connection.
A funny thing was that I think the husband was okay with his wife being talkative and being engaging to me, but I felt that he was starting to get nervous and wanted to get out early. I also noticed that the woman was very comfortable touching my arm several times throughout the entire conversation.
After the couple left, I also took off, and I wanted to stop by at the receptionist girl (as she was cute) to thank her in getting me the seat and perhaps have more chat. Well, I didn't end up doing that as a server went to her and started talking much.
So it was an interestingly wild/apparent night with aura. Talking with girls have been very easy and fluid as if I suddenly was born a new person, and women(girls) were very comfortable touching me. I think I had that a few too many times. (All in appropriate areas, like upper arms) I also got a handshake from a fellow men in the class for no reason. (I was like, uhh okay. And he was an old dude), and talking with a professor at the end of the class was fluid. I have been always fluid with professors, but I think today was even more fluid. (He's a guy BTW.)
So interesting night, and what is more interesting is that I am having a cold again. (I had cold before, so I don't get how I am having cold again. Sore throat, very annoying.) Also I didn't use DMSI last night as I wanted to focus on conserving energy to heal myself, but not sure if I should do that again today.
I hope that my weakened immune system (as I got cold twice with several months) isn't due to DMSI's diverting energy. I also wish a fast recovery so that I can get out there more and have fun.
I'm going to admit that at first I was angry a little bit as I was like, having all these people around only make my dining experience more challenging as I have to wait longer for a seat. I also thought that well all these people come in couple or groups (mostly in couples) that it doesn't really matter to me as I can't expect anything like getting a date or sex. However, if things go like this every night, sure I think I'll like it, even if I don't get any dates or sex. It was fun, positive, and quite connecting.
Just as a warning, I think I will be coming here less frequently, as the semester just begun. However, if there are more things to report (i.e. going on a date with a cute girl, having sex, and etc.....), then who knows, I may come here more often.