Subliminal Talk

(06-13-2017, 11:52 PM)Shannon Wrote: [ -> ]How many loops of DMSI are you doing?

I should have specified that it's been over a month since I stopped listening to subs (DMSI). Last week would have made a month mark.

Before I stopped I did 2 loops as it was your recommended number of loops. (For 3.1 versions. For other versions I followed your recommended number of loops)

I think I did 1-2 or 3 weeks of b version before I stopped. I believe I have run 3.1 a longer than the b version. All previous ones were the a version (healing enabled) when both a and b were offered, and didn't do the b version. When only no healing versions were offered, I did those. All versions, I followed recommended number of loops.

Lastly, I believe I started with either 2.1 or 2.2 version of DMSI.

Sudden change in my body. Erection happening much more easily, higher libido. And most importantly, there was a call to DMSI.

Well, I still have some wonder about going for some AYP product, but for some reason, I have stronger urge to go back to DMSI.

A little doubt to see if I want to do DMSI as my mom's here at the moment, but I think I will start doing that from tonight.

Version 3.1 A back to 2 loops. Ultrasonic, lower volume, just to make sure that others wouldn't hear.

Well, shit, I have made mistakes in running DMSI.

First night I totally forgot about running it during the sleep. Second night, I forgot to turn on the power on! Man, what a shame. Well, I'll try to run it from tonight.

Either way I noticed that my attraction to girls have widened? Let me try to explain this.

Tonight while I was watching news (I normally watch several different ones, trying to make myself have more balanced point of view. Also, because of my study, it is somewhat necessary that I need to be on top of the current affairs), I noticed that female reporters and anchors were more attractive today than usual. Nothing was different about them, but I noticed that the attractive ones were more attractive and the ones who were on the borderline, was on the area of being attractive.

I also noticed something interesting today. I went for lunch and saw a few attractive girls. I was imagining what it would be like to have sex with them (for each, one by them, not at all once), the types of noises they will make, how they will look in pleasure/orgasm, and etc. It was interesting that normally I wasn't able to do that with the girls in real life. I also normally don't do such things. It was also interesting that it was automatic. I didn't conscious try to imagine such things, but I just did ti...... Additionally, I also did that with a girl who was the most attractive one in there, but who also had a boyfriend (she was having a lunch with him). I'm slightly feeling guilty for doing that, and I am a bit afraid/nervous of what this means.

I don't know if this was DMSI, or my not masturbating for a while. (I think it has been another week or so. Oh yeah, I forgot to mention, but I have reduced the frequency of masturbating, but I noticed that there are times when it is more intense that I fap more often and there are other periods that I don't. So for 2~3 days I may masturbate everyday, and after that, I may stop doing that for entirely for a week or another few days. During these abstinent times, I don't even have desire to watch porno extensively.) But I think that I am becoming more connected to real world in terms of attraction and women. The girls were real ,only to certain extent, as they are nobody and strangers with whom I have absolutely no connections with. Still, they are much more real than the girls I see on internet, so I say it's an improvement.

If this is DMSI doing, not my abstinent and building up sexual energy, I'd say that I'm still drifting (healing and getting my inner stuff more sorted out) even after I have been off from DMSI for more than a month. (I suppose it could be nearly 2 month from stopping A version, so that could mean even more things.)

I think that I may run DMSI only once per a few days or two days until my mom leaves. Well, I'm afraid that building too much sexual energy while having absolutely zero chance of having sex due to logistical reason (mom staying at home) may have more negative impact than positives. On the other hand, I want to start building it up or priming it up for the time when there are more opportunities. Hence the reason for resuming DMSI but not fully committing it yet.

I have had some issues with my docking speaker, I took a look at it and fixed it. Geez, it took some difficult work to get it done, but still did it nonetheless.

So I finally began listening to DMSI 3.1. A again last night, 2 loops. For some reason, I have no desire to increase the loop at all. Probably the most reason being, I find it inconvenient to run subs for a long time. If I increase, I might just do endless with flac file. However, I don't see that happening anytime soon.

I don't know if it is DMSI doing, but I noticed a few internal issues (not necessarily negative or positive) going on.

First, I am quite horny, and that I really want to fuck hot tight body girl with large tits (not saggy though) and a cute face. Man, just thinking about that is giving me quite a boner. LOL BTW, I masturbated (it's nearly been a week or more since the last time), and I ejaculated a huge load. I still had a strong morning wood this morning, and I don't think my sexual energy has decreased. Though this is the case, I would like to mention that it may not necessarily the DMSI (erection related) as I have been sorta like this for the last few weeks.

Second, probably related to the first point, I am having a strong thought of running AYP for the large breast lover. Here, I am also torn between the romantic sub and sexual sub. I want sex (much sex, passionate, sensual, spiritually awakening, soul connecting sex) at the same time I want romance. So much sex wanted, that I am somewhat willing to give up the romance part a bit, but one part of me is telling me that I would regret giving that up.

Third, I was watching a movie, and when I saw a slim actress, I was able to picture myself having more meaningful and longer lasting relationship with a girl with slim body, small to medium breast girl than large breast girl. I don't know why, but that was the case. Also, I feel that I may be preferring a slim girl with medium breast over a girl with large breast for longer term relationship. Again, not sure why, but that seems to be the case.

Fourth, I suppose because of the third one, I am even questioning whether to go with large breast lover, or just a lover, if going for AYP.

Fifth, I am questioning if it would be even worthwhile switching to AYPs as DMSI is much more advanced program than the current AYP. I'm thinking, well, get myself a gorgeous large breast lover (firm enough, but not too firm like bad fake boobs, but also soft enough that the feel's great) who is slim enough and who has great personality, and develop a meaningful and perhaps lasting loving relationship with the girl. (And of course, have mind blowing sex)

Sixth, At the same time, I am wondering if I don't necessarily want a multiple relationship or have sex with multiple girls, (just wanting one amazing girl) then I wonder if DMSI is even a good choice.
I suppose though it can be something I drive, as DMSI's goal is to develop maximum sexual irritability, which should help me get the relationship/girl I want and deserve. At the same time, I suppose that could make maintaining the relationship potentially difficult as it may induce jealousy and insecurity issue in the girl.

These are internal thoughts and feeling I had since I hopped on the DMSI 3.1 A again.

At the same time, I have a worry about DMSI run. My biggest concern/worry comes from a recognition of my biggest problem/obstacle. It is that I don't know how to meet people, where to meet people. I don't really have any interests that I can share with other people, nor that activity can align with doing activities (which can help me meet with people and hangout) that I genuinely enjoy doing. If it did, it is usually not great or lead to meeting high quality girls. Also, I don't really know how to form a relationship that turns into friendship or something more meaningful and intimate. (Applies for both genders.) Almost all the relationship I had ever since I left my country to study abroad, had some sort of purpose, which will either fall into academic related or business related. No hanging out type of stuff. Much of it is probably related to my high functioning autism.

Because of these problems, I am concerned/worried that DMSI may drive me crazy, nuts, restless, and even anxious. I am concerned/worried as DMSI will try to push me to get out there more, meet more people, and meet more girls. The problem? I genuinely don't know how to do that well, due to my disability. It's going to ask me to execute the stuff I don't know and that's what I am concerned about.

Enough of internal stuff, and let's get to external stuff.

I went outside and noticed that almost all the women I saw today had either medium or large breasts, and thanks to summer, I got to see many cleavages. (From revealing clothes to accidental ones.)

That's it for today, and let me see anything interesting coming up tomorrow.

Well shit after listening to 2 nights I got a cold. I'm currently taking a break as I want to recover ASAP. I hope this isn't some sort of resistance. I think I may want to check back my old journal to see if I had similar resistance in the past. I think there was some other factor, but who knows.

Nothing special to report from DMSI end.

I had a chance to look at some DMSI journals, and I noticed that more people are getting results and meeting goals (or getting pretty near) than I originally though/felt. Good for them. I, on the other hand, have still a long way to go to meet my desired end.

By all means, I am not criticizing the program for my not achieving successes (and what I mean successes is getting a girlfriend, getting laid, and/or girls making a move in showing their interest in sex and other stuff about me). I have stated at the very beginning that I am an outlier for several issues such as having high functioning autism, and English being my second language. (Although I've studied in English speaking countries for over 13 years.) If the sub were to be effective in getting me achieve the goal, that's great, and if not, that's okay too. However, all of the success stories make me wonder when I will have more meaningful and interesting success story to share.

I hope that I get this cold away soon, and I think I will be back on the A track. Perhaps I should stick to B even if it were to create crazy issues. Yet, I decided to go back to A before, and I think I should stick to that.

I'd keep listening to the sub even during a cold. It's easy to listen to the sub, and don't let that give your mind a way out, to resist.

And, your English is incredible, you come across as a native speaker. So don't worry about the language at all.

I echo your sentiments about wondering when it'll be your turn for clear real results in reality with girls that will let you know the change has happened or finally IS happening. But, we're all on different paths, and quite frankly, some are more fortunate to have far less roadblocks than others at the outset. The only path is forward. As the program gets more feedback, more stuff is improved, more things are scripted to prevent against, eventually, we should all see clear results in reality with girls.

2nd time I "randomly" get a sore throat after doing 7+ loops of DMSI. So it can very well be that your cold is caused by resistance.

I rarely get colds, if ever.

It's been soooo long since my last post. Well, I have had too much going on. Depression (got on medication), not being able to finish the paper in time (had to get an extension), and many other issues.

Therefore, I stopped listening DMSI. Besides, I was definitely not in a position to get laid. Also, I won't be start listening DMSI any time soon, and maybe not until the final version is released as I won't be in a situation where I can have sex. (It's complicated and personal, so I won't get into detail to how and why that is the case.)

Anyway, I thought to report that here.

Meanwhile, I think I would report what I have noticed after several months of being off DMSI.

First, my sex drive has gone lower. Well, during the depression, it was non existent. I even felt I am much better off being alone. Now, the level isn't that low, but I don't crave sex. The desire for sex or sex drive is definitely lower than being on DMSI. However, I'd like to point out that my desire for sex during DMSI was fluctuating. Very high, low, and etc. (I suppose more specifically, the desire for girl and having a relationship may be more accurate than desire for sex)

Second, I have very low need for masturbation or getting off the sexual needs. I've been not masturbating for a long period of time. (I lost count). What's different from DMSI time was that while I was doing DMSI, I would be able to hold off for a week or so, but then I definitely need to get it off, otherwise it was driving me nuts. Now, I have no need to get it off. Yet, I'd like to also point out that I found that my need for sex was decreased after I began DMSI. I also wonder if this is perhaps a sign that I am aging. (although I have a few years to hit 30.)

These are what I found to be different since I got off DMSI. (It's been quite a while, as you can see from my last post)

Lastly, I am thinking that getting a girl and sex shouldn't be and wouldn't be difficult, once all of the stuff is finalized and settled down. I will only need to get my self out there, which means developing a hobby (or hobbies), a job, or whatever that can get me to meet people, and I need to do it consistently. Unfortunately, I am not in a condition to do that, nor will I be anytime soon. (Again, for personal issue, so I won't share it.) Also, this is one of the hardest challenge to overcome due to my autism.

Anyway, I remembered several incidences in my life in which girls had shown interests in me, except that I didn't follow (or I couldn't, or I blew up or whatever.) Hence, I am not worried, should the choice, opportunity, and desire to arise in the future. Yet, I know that for now and for some near future (which could be up to several years), that opportunity wouldn't come, unfortunately.

This is the end of my post and potentially the thread. Thank you for those who read the journal.