(01-09-2017, 03:18 PM)SargeMaximus Wrote: [ -> ]The fact that she's willing to meet is great! I hope you are proud of yourself for that. 
As for the date, no expectations is great. Just go out, talk with her a bit, try to find common topics, let her do most of the talking.
Good luck man.
Thanks. Logistics wise, it may be tough, but based on how things went, the girl seems to be quite determined to make it work. I am just hoping that she's not a desperate type, or she looks worse than in the pictures. (I am willing to forgo looks for a bit, as she can have many other great things to offer, but I can only forgo so much.) In either cases, I will need to be prepare to reject her. (This is going to be a hard thing as I am also not good at rejecting others.)
Went to my first social venue. (it's a membership type of social stuff, which my executive functioning coach and my therapist recommended, and it is a social group but focuses solely on singes. If you are not single, you can't be on that thing.) Most of the folks were much older than me (20 + year older), but hey it was a first event, and it was cool. It didn't feel as bad or unbearable as other ones. (There was one older dude who decided to hijack and tried hard. I don't know if it is natural for him, but I find that he was trying a little too hard.) Tomorrow is the 20~30s event, and I have no idea how that is going to go. (Well 20~30s event are the ones I didn't feel too well previously. I hope that it will be better.)
There was one womanl who was quite attractive (my gut feeling is that she's in early 30s), quite talkative type, but other people in our table were more talkative. Since her place is on the way back, I asked her for the ride back (since I don't have a car), and she was happy to give me a ride back. It was nice. I saved time and money. Yay!!
Should I have asked her out? Probably not, as I don't think many other parts of her wouldn't click with me. Besides, it was a low profile social event where people mingle, get to know each other for a while and maybe go out to be on a date or something like that. (And also she was leaving the town for nearly two weeks.)
Oh well, hopefully tomorrow's event is going to be a good one, and also hopefully that date wouldn't be a bad one either. (Assuming that the girl is still determined even after logistical challenges) But I'm trying not to have any expectations.
And lastly though, I don't think there was any vibe or aura of sexiness from DMSI. And I've been wondering, what should having aura of irresistible sexiness feel like, and how will I be able to tell that it is working and I am getting the results I like??
(01-09-2017, 08:11 PM)sw72hw Wrote: [ -> ]And lastly though, I don't think there was any vibe or aura of sexiness from DMSI. And I've been wondering, what should having aura of irresistible sexiness feel like, and how will I be able to tell that it is working and I am getting the results I like??
Well, a woman gave you a ride when you asked for it. That's something, no?
Also what do you mean how can you tell if you get results you like? Don't you know what you like? Did you like getting a ride and saving money?
I think you're doing really good.
(01-09-2017, 08:23 PM)SargeMaximus Wrote: [ -> ]Well, a woman gave you a ride when you asked for it. That's something, no?
Also what do you mean how can you tell if you get results you like? Don't you know what you like? Did you like getting a ride and saving money?
I think you're doing really good.
Sarge, I think I made a mistake in saying the very last part (I like part). Well, it should have bee more like how will I know, or how can I tell that the persons of gender I am attracted to (women) are getting the irresistible aura of sexiness from me and showing me the reaction/affection?
And yes, I did like getting a ride and saving money.
(01-09-2017, 09:21 PM)sw72hw Wrote: [ -> ]Well, it should have bee more like how will I know, or how can I tell that the persons of gender I am attracted to (women) are getting the irresistible aura of sexiness from me and showing me the reaction/affection?
Learn how to read body language. Fastest way to learn is watching tv or movies without the sound and figure out what they are expressing with their body.
Compare what you think to what is on this website...
Body Language Project dictionary is the largest free nonverbal dictionary in the world!
http://www.bodylanguageproject.com/dictionary/
(01-09-2017, 09:31 PM)4Kingdoms Wrote: [ -> ]Learn how to read body language. Fastest way to learn is watching tv or movies without the sound and figure out what they are expressing with their body.
Compare what you think to what is on this website...
Body Language Project dictionary is the largest free nonverbal dictionary in the world!
http://www.bodylanguageproject.com/dictionary/
4Kingdoms, thank you for the website. I'll check it out once I have some time.
At the same time though, I have also been told to ignore body languages, or Indicator of Interests, unless the girl is being very obvious (like grabbing crotch, whispering into my ear, and/or making out).
I think I also need to be wary of reading body languages as I feel that they can easily inflate my expectation falsely.
(01-09-2017, 09:58 PM)sw72hw Wrote: [ -> ]4Kingdoms, thank you for the website. I'll check it out once I have some time.
At the same time though, I have also been told to ignore body languages, or Indicator of Interests, unless the girl is being very obvious (like grabbing crotch, whispering into my ear, and/or making out).
I think I also need to be wary of reading body languages as I feel that they can easily inflate my expectation falsely.
You are quite welcome. Most people I talk to about subliminals are skeptical even when they see the changes I go through. These same skeptics believe in body language, however. It's interesting that you are open minded about subliminals and skeptical about body language.
(01-09-2017, 09:58 PM)sw72hw Wrote: [ -> ] (01-09-2017, 09:31 PM)4Kingdoms Wrote: [ -> ]Learn how to read body language. Fastest way to learn is watching tv or movies without the sound and figure out what they are expressing with their body.
Compare what you think to what is on this website...
Body Language Project dictionary is the largest free nonverbal dictionary in the world!
http://www.bodylanguageproject.com/dictionary/
4Kingdoms, thank you for the website. I'll check it out once I have some time.
At the same time though, I have also been told to ignore body languages, or Indicator of Interests, unless the girl is being very obvious (like grabbing crotch, whispering into my ear, and/or making out).
I think I also need to be wary of reading body languages as I feel that they can easily inflate my expectation falsely.
Why do you have expectations?
Everyone approaches body language learning backwards. They read the books and then assume too much from too little.
Body language is telling you what her subconscious is thinking... not necessarily her conscious mind.
So when you read that a foot display is an IOI, and you see a foot display, great. But don't think that's going to mean she's ready to be impregnated! It means she is giving you ONE body language signal that MAY be an indicator of interest.
Body language is best understood, especially in the beginning, by considering the "conversation", not the "words". If a woman say a word to you, are you really sure what she meant? Of course not. But when she strings enough of those words together to form a sentence, and especially if she repeats that sentence, you know what she meant and is trying to communicate.
Therefore, consider a series of body language signals that are thematically related to be valid as a means for understanding what her subconscious is thinking if you see 3 or more of them, and they are given in a relatively short period of time.
For instance, if she crosses her legs too high, gives a foot presentation, and puts her hands between her legs, it probably (only two potentially thematic arousal indicators) means she is aroused sexually, but you can't be sure who it is directed at because you only have one indicator suggesting who.
But, if she can't stop staring, is giving you a seated butt presentation for minutes on end, flips her hair at you multiple times, gives you neck exposures, gets up and spreads her legs wide at you and holds it for a few seconds while looking you in the eye while doing it, and licks her lips... you can be pretty damned sure she's hot to trot, and it's you she wants to trot her hot.
But all this does not change the limits society places on her. You still can't walk over in most cases, even if you get all those CFM signals, and say "Hey, wanna fuck?" and get anywhere. You still have to approach in a more appropriate way for her to be able to respond comfortably in most cases.
You need to let go of expectations and let go of self limitation. It opens up your options, and you'll find it surprising what happens.
(01-10-2017, 08:19 AM)Shannon Wrote: [ -> ]Why do you have expectations?
Everyone approaches body language learning backwards. They read the books and then assume too much from too little.
Body language is telling you what her subconscious is thinking... not necessarily her conscious mind.
So when you read that a foot display is an IOI, and you see a foot display, great. But don't think that's going to mean she's ready to be impregnated! It means she is giving you ONE body language signal that MAY be an indicator of interest.
Body language is best understood, especially in the beginning, by considering the "conversation", not the "words". If a woman say a word to you, are you really sure what she meant? Of course not. But when she strings enough of those words together to form a sentence, and especially if she repeats that sentence, you know what she meant and is trying to communicate.
Therefore, consider a series of body language signals that are thematically related to be valid as a means for understanding what her subconscious is thinking if you see 3 or more of them, and they are given in a relatively short period of time.
For instance, if she crosses her legs too high, gives a foot presentation, and puts her hands between her legs, it probably (only two potentially thematic arousal indicators) means she is aroused sexually, but you can't be sure who it is directed at because you only have one indicator suggesting who.
But, if she can't stop staring, is giving you a seated butt presentation for minutes on end, flips her hair at you multiple times, gives you neck exposures, gets up and spreads her legs wide at you and holds it for a few seconds while looking you in the eye while doing it, and licks her lips... you can be pretty damned sure she's hot to trot, and it's you she wants to trot her hot.
But all this does not change the limits society places on her. You still can't walk over in most cases, even if you get all those CFM signals, and say "Hey, wanna ****?" and get anywhere. You still have to approach in a more appropriate way for her to be able to respond comfortably in most cases.
You need to let go of expectations and let go of self limitation. It opens up your options, and you'll find it surprising what happens.
Again, wrong use of word from my side. I should not have said "wrong expectation", but rather, possible false reading and exaggerated interpretation. It's not like I was having an expectation. I chose a wrong word as I couldn't remember the word interpretation or reading for some reason.
Am I limiting myself? Perhaps, but I'd prefer to play safe this time than have false reading/interpretation, especially since what happened.
Besides, shouldn't the program push the women to give me more obvious indicators than body languages, since body languages are not that of an obvious sign to me? (Especially given my ASD symptoms. I'm not too terrible, but I'd say that I probably have some shortcoming in the interpretation part.)
(01-10-2017, 10:19 AM)sw72hw Wrote: [ -> ] (01-10-2017, 08:19 AM)Shannon Wrote: [ -> ]Why do you have expectations?
Everyone approaches body language learning backwards. They read the books and then assume too much from too little.
Body language is telling you what her subconscious is thinking... not necessarily her conscious mind.
So when you read that a foot display is an IOI, and you see a foot display, great. But don't think that's going to mean she's ready to be impregnated! It means she is giving you ONE body language signal that MAY be an indicator of interest.
Body language is best understood, especially in the beginning, by considering the "conversation", not the "words". If a woman say a word to you, are you really sure what she meant? Of course not. But when she strings enough of those words together to form a sentence, and especially if she repeats that sentence, you know what she meant and is trying to communicate.
Therefore, consider a series of body language signals that are thematically related to be valid as a means for understanding what her subconscious is thinking if you see 3 or more of them, and they are given in a relatively short period of time.
For instance, if she crosses her legs too high, gives a foot presentation, and puts her hands between her legs, it probably (only two potentially thematic arousal indicators) means she is aroused sexually, but you can't be sure who it is directed at because you only have one indicator suggesting who.
But, if she can't stop staring, is giving you a seated butt presentation for minutes on end, flips her hair at you multiple times, gives you neck exposures, gets up and spreads her legs wide at you and holds it for a few seconds while looking you in the eye while doing it, and licks her lips... you can be pretty damned sure she's hot to trot, and it's you she wants to trot her hot.
But all this does not change the limits society places on her. You still can't walk over in most cases, even if you get all those CFM signals, and say "Hey, wanna ****?" and get anywhere. You still have to approach in a more appropriate way for her to be able to respond comfortably in most cases.
You need to let go of expectations and let go of self limitation. It opens up your options, and you'll find it surprising what happens.
Again, wrong use of word from my side. I should not have said "wrong expectation", but rather, possible false reading and exaggerated interpretation. It's not like I was having an expectation. I chose a wrong word as I couldn't remember the word interpretation or reading for some reason.
Am I limiting myself? Perhaps, but I'd prefer to play safe this time than have false reading/interpretation, especially since what happened.
Besides, shouldn't the program push the women to give me more obvious indicators than body languages, since body languages are not that of an obvious sign to me? (Especially given my ASD symptoms. I'm not too terrible, but I'd say that I probably have some shortcoming in the interpretation part.)
The program can only do what you allow it to do. It's obvious that you have a lot of fear surrounding this, so you're trying to execute, but don't seem to be executing fully because you are clearing and healing, and growing into this new status.
Alright. The girl in OKC is flaking now, after I mentioned something about logistics. I was split in meeting her, so I'm totally cool that this is gone like this.
Social event though? Today was rather on a good side. Had great conversations with some people, although I realized that I wasn't good to start with. Nevertheless, I feel that the more I do it, things may get better. As far as women goes...... I don't know. It seems that this is the only area in my life that it is going absolutely nowhere. (Even social life seem to moving although at a pace that an ant would walk, but with women? Absolutely nowhere.)
Two interesting things happened. One, a few guys joined later on, and a guy was like "I can tell that this table is definitely very intellectual one." Two, I have also been told buy a dude who has stuck with me the entire time that I know too much for 26 yr old, and that I should have more fun, as that's what 26 yr old do. (I messed him up a few times in conversations playfully, and he seemed to have enjoyed it..... He was like you're a funny man.)
One thing I find is that in the place I live, whenever they say it's 20s and 30s event, I have to say that it is almost always exclusively 30s event. (Sometimes there are a few 20s there, but it's almost always exclusive 30s). I don't get why people always name it 20s and 30s when in reality it's 95% 30s if not 100% 30s. (Many times, I was the only 20s) At least this time, there was a dude who was in 20s.
Lastly, although I'm hesitant to report any body language stuff, I'm still going to report what I saw. Later, one woman joined the table, as she knew the other guy. A few things I recognized that she did was that she was touching her upper chest a lot (she put her hand in her shirt to touch it.). Played with her hair a little bit. Seemed a bit nervous.
As I previously mentioned, I don't want to have exaggerated interpretation, but I think that she may have been under the aura. She didn't know what was causing it or didn't seem to know what was going on. Or it could be that I am interpreting things wrongly here.
Anyway, that's it for today's event.
Was she noticing you more than other people?
(01-10-2017, 10:13 PM)Shannon Wrote: [ -> ]Was she noticing you more than other people?
This is the part that I wasn't so sure about. I don't know if the woman was noticing me more than others. Although I think the conversation might have gotten her to remember about her ex, which could have been the reason for her action.
Another thing to note is that in my previous one, (which gave me the lamenting feeling and stuff) I was talking with bunch of guys (yeah, nowadays I seem to be talking with many more guys, not girls.) and one of the guy was like, hey do you feel warm in here? And the other guy was like I feel warm in here. I didn't feel warm there. However, I have to say that I find that I have higher tolerance for hotness than many other white/American people (I'm not trying to be racist here, but that's what I found) but I have a lower tolerance for coldness, even though I spent nearly half of my life in cold parts of the world. So my not feeling warm may not have been a good indicator, but come to think of it, I suppose that thing could have been an interesting thing to note. (I haven't heard anything about hotness or other stuff today though.)
(01-10-2017, 09:35 PM)Shannon Wrote: [ -> ]The program can only do what you allow it to do. It's obvious that you have a lot of fear surrounding this, so you're trying to execute, but don't seem to be executing fully because you are clearing and healing, and growing into this new status.
I am not going to deny that I have a lot of fear, but if I have it, I am not very aware or conscious of it. I also think that I have this time frame set in my mind, which comes from external stimuli. This external stimuli is literally out of my control (I have very little control) and it is very private matter that I cannot talk about it open in the journal. I believe that the fear may be a pressure/stress I have based on the time frame that is set both consciously and subconsciously in my mind. The external stimulus is not only related to this part, but is also related to much part of my life that even though I try my best to ease my mind and emotions around it, but I am not having much successes in this area. (Even with my doctors, this one is relatively more difficult.)
Another fear can be related to my academic performance. It's like oh, if I were to divert myself to this (social and women), will I be able to maintain academic performance, type of thing. (I literally had to commit myself 110% to have great performance, and I really do need the performance, as it is part of my visa requirement, and also a part of my future plan. (If I'm going for more advanced degree than I need to have a stellar record.))
And lastly, I suppose it is probably related to ASD symptoms in general.
But I am going to say this. If it's fear, I am not very aware of it, and that I cannot pinpoint the source or explain what it is specifically. My gut is telling that there is more than just fear, but I suppose that can be a starting point to consider a fear as a one of the inhibitor.
The awareness is not just conscious. There are parts the conscious cannot directly sense at all. And usually, unless they are screaming and raging loudly, the conscious never notices them or what they think or feel - even when, for instance, they consistently "pull" it towards some goal.
For example, me and my clutter. I now know it's an issue caused by some part of me trying to hold onto mom because of an association with clutter, and I'm clearing that out slowly (through the clearing effects of DMSI-A when I'm not running BAMM) but had I not tried to directly clear it out using an End Clutter sub I created for myself, I would never have discovered this, and my clutter would simply be normal. This part of me always slowly but surely creates a clutter on anything and everything that can hold something. It drives me nuts, consciously, because consciously I need things to be spartan and simple to most easily focus.
There are a lot of people who are filled with fear subconsciously, but they would deny it until death because of two facts:
1. It is their normal, so they don't see it as being attention-worthy, and
2. They can't see it for what it is because the fear is primarily subconscious.
These people are usually significantly to morbidly obese. The worst of them are so filled with fear that they will do things like sit on their electric scooters driving through the grocery store and eat while they shop. For that personality type, eating is a way of seeking security, although they never actually achieve it. That fear does ridiculous things, and again... most of them would laugh in your face if you suggested it was based in fear.
The point I'm making is that it's not always obvious to the conscious mind what the cause is. But when you start facing fears, you have to deal with them, and that is a process. And, it's a process that is typically scary. But the healing and clearing in DMSI is designed to make it impossible for you to regress because you are being instructed to outgrow these limitations and fears. Once you just don't fit in the cage anymore... well, there's no going back in.
I think you're actually doing a good job with growing. Keep going.
Oh wow, I haven't updated this for a bit. Just as a warning, I will be like this or I'll even be visiting here less as the semester starts next week.
I've been somewhat productive this week. I had a phone advising session today, did all the necessary paper work, and sent a few emails to the institutions. (Which I may have mentioned.) Damn them for not responding to me at all. I may try a different contact or may try to contact a specific personnel.
Planned on going to Wednesday social thing, didn't end up going, Thursday was the same. Do I regret it? No, I don't because I did do something else that I normally enjoy doing and it was quite productive, so it was all great. (I might have missed some stuff, but hey I gained much knowledge from doing what I normally do, and I didn't expect this to happen.) I think it was like two days of overcoming resistance, and two days of resting and giving into some sort of resistance. At the same time, that resistance led to a productive days/nights.
Went to museum today again, after a phone advising session. I took lyft and uber on the way to the museum and on the way back. I had interesting conversations on both. With lyft driver (an African American woman), we ended up talking about social media and media in general, which led to talk about relationship issues and expectations that people have on their mates. Also had some fun conversation, which made her laugh a few times. On my way back with uber driver (an African American man), the conversation started being very casual about the museum stuff and got escalated to sex related stuff. (From the beginning there was a little twist of sexy stuff there.) The conversation also had quite a bit of serious stuff, went to very serious level and then dropped down to hilarious and fun stuff (which came with sex twisted issues.)
In general, I also realized that women/girls smile at me from time to time. (It's not something new from DMSI). However, what I also realized/noticed is that the women/girls seem to be the ones who are unavailable, those who are with boyfriends or husbands. I'm confused..... Maybe they are more secure and confident that they can be nicer than single and available ones?
I had some interesting talks(texts/messages) with my cousins (all girls around my age), and one of them was struggling with her school work a bit. Thus, I tried to help her the best way as I could. (Sadly, her field is so radically different from mine that I can't be that much of help.) She and I also talked about how my social life/circle is quite dead especially when it comes to peers around my age, and one thing that she told me is that "perhaps it is that your mental age is probably much higher than that of your peers and your interest is on a different dimension than many of your peers."
Also, had another text with a girl, who I knew for a while. (She's more of an acquaintance.) She didn't reply my very last text, but I decided to text her anyway as an interesting stuff developed that I can talk to her about (as it is related to her work.) Took a while for her to respond, (she apologized for not responding to my earlier text.). I teased a little bit about her late response, and that I asked her what she was doing on the weekend. (Playfully here.) Took a while for her to respond, and told me that she's relaxing as her friends are in town. Asked me what I had plan for weekend, and told her that I'd be checking more museum or thinking about doing something fun. Asked for suggestion, and no response. (But she tends to take a little while to respond.)
I'm not expecting anything from this girl or anything, but I just found that it can be more fun, and I think I have less pressure or have to think much before texting.
Speaking of not thinking much before texting, I messaged a few girls on Match, and was also checking my OKC. I noticed several things. One, my messages usually get the girls to check my profile, which means that my messages are probably solid. But then no response. Or, in case with OKC, I have had a few visits, but no likes other than a few overweight types. It makes me wonder that since it generated visits (both good looking and not so good looking), my photos may not be that terrible, but what I have written may be.
My therapist asked me to send her the profile stuff, so I did, and she thinks that there needs to be some edits, so it may be a different story once I edit stuff.
Lastly, on my way back to home being in elevator with a concierge (hot, old, but young looking African American woman) was in the elevator as well, guiding some other guy. Asked me how I was doing while initiating a touch, a touch to arm. Well, this was something new that she hasn't done before.
In general, I think I am noticing more touches initiated by others (especially women, but touches are very casual ones), and I am getting more comfortable in social situations, even though I still have struggles in pushing myself out from time to time. (Which isn't all that bad I find, and I'm not going to get stressed from this.) My talks in general is interesting and intriguing to people, but now it seems that there is different dynamics added to it. It goes to serious to light to hilarious to serious, and etc..... The late tendencies with drivers is that about half of the time (if they are guys), they will turn, appreciate the talk, and give me a handshake. I have had this experience before, but I think I'm getting more.
Overall, I think I have gotten some noticeable improvement, yet it seems to be a little away from getting a girlfriend, or laid.