Subliminal Talk

Storm must be pretty bad here. I didn't check outside yet, but I woke up due to the call I got from my therapist (which I requested her to do so.) The call was about cancellation of today's session. So I suppose I will stay indoors.

Anyway, I am writing this as I had another dream. It wasn't anything sexual, but I am writing it as it is rather unusual for me to have any dreams and remember it afterwards.

So the dream was that I and my mom was going to go to different country for a party. I was at the airport check point, and the guy who was checking my passport was making prodding me by asking quite a lot of questions. He was like "where are you going?" "why are you going there?" "do you go there for meeting a diplomat or some high profile politician?" I was like no, I'm going just going there for a personal leisure/party. And the guy gave me a look what a waste. I then added, "yes, it's a waste, but I need this too."

The airport was huge, and had a very different feelings than any other airports I've been to. Also the airplane seats were interestingly weird.

Then I got awaken by the phone call.

I'm feeling a bit tired, so I may sleep for a bit. I don't know if I'm going out for that restaurant for the happy hour. I don't have much hopes for it, but who knows. And maybe something better will happen or I'll meet someone better.

Well as expected nothing happened. Didn't see anyone interesting today or so.

Unfortunately, from tomorrow I will need to revert back to savings mode. So cooking tomorrow.

Well, one thing I am noticing is that I feel agitated, anxious, angry, sad, or whatever for not having any results, by results I mean getting laid/having amazing sex.

One part of me questions if it is a wise idea to stick with the program, as it produces negative emotions (while I am not getting the desired goal, which would be the same if I am not on the program, except that I don't think I will have negative emotions.)

Don't worry though I am not quitting. I'm just writing the stuff unfiltered.

(03-14-2017, 02:58 PM)sw72hw Wrote: [ -> ]Well as expected nothing happened. Didn't see anyone interesting today or so.

Unfortunately, from tomorrow I will need to revert back to savings mode. So cooking tomorrow.

Well, one thing I am noticing is that I feel agitated, anxious, angry, sad, or whatever for not having any results, by results I mean getting laid/having amazing sex.

One part of me questions if it is a wise idea to stick with the program, as it produces negative emotions (while I am not getting the desired goal, which would be the same if I am not on the program, except that I don't think I will have negative emotions.)

Don't worry though I am not quitting. I'm just writing the stuff unfiltered.

Personally, I can relate to what you're typing. Listening to my loops now ultrasonic i've come to the realization. If you can feel the sub working, it's working. And you gotta give it whatever time for it to get deeper. Any issues that do come up in life it's best to mentally attribute them to you changing towards the sub goal. To prevent much conscious conflict. We're focused on sex with women, life can't just stop because of it. Take your challenges one step at a time. Because your priority is to get laid. You can't shut down your thoughts because of this. So just continue putting effort into the goal. You have no doubt you'll be working along side the subs as well reducing a chance of conflict.

(03-14-2017, 08:38 PM)Love Bond Wrote: [ -> ]Personally, I can relate to what you're typing. Listening to my loops now ultrasonic i've come to the realization. If you can feel the sub working, it's working. And you gotta give it whatever time for it to get deeper. Any issues that do come up in life it's best to mentally attribute them to you changing towards the sub goal. To prevent much conscious conflict. We're focused on sex with women, life can't just stop because of it. Take your challenges one step at a time. Because your priority is to get laid. You can't shut down your thoughts because of this. So just continue putting effort into the goal. You have no doubt you'll be working along side the subs as well reducing a chance of conflict.

I don't know if sub's exactly working or not. I think it does, yet it feels like it's always hitting some invisible wall. It also feels that the walling point is same for all the DMSI versions I've used. I suppose I am seeing more chattiness from people, but I have seen that from DMSI 2.x versions.

I'm curious why I feel this way, and what makes separates people with DMSI success from those who don't. I can think about a few stuff that separates me from the successful ones, and making the sub's working on me more difficult.

(03-15-2017, 07:09 AM)sw72hw Wrote: [ -> ]

(03-14-2017, 08:38 PM)Love Bond Wrote: [ -> ]Personally, I can relate to what you're typing. Listening to my loops now ultrasonic i've come to the realization. If you can feel the sub working, it's working. And you gotta give it whatever time for it to get deeper. Any issues that do come up in life it's best to mentally attribute them to you changing towards the sub goal. To prevent much conscious conflict. We're focused on sex with women, life can't just stop because of it. Take your challenges one step at a time. Because your priority is to get laid. You can't shut down your thoughts because of this. So just continue putting effort into the goal. You have no doubt you'll be working along side the subs as well reducing a chance of conflict.

I don't know if sub's exactly working or not. I think it does, yet it feels like it's always hitting some invisible wall. It also feels that the walling point is same for all the DMSI versions I've used. I suppose I am seeing more chattiness from people, but I have seen that from DMSI 2.x versions.

I'm curious why I feel this way, and what makes separates people with DMSI success from those who don't. I can think about a few stuff that separates me from the successful ones, and making the sub's working on me more difficult.

Well? I don;t read minds very well, you know. What are they? Data!

(03-15-2017, 08:18 AM)Shannon Wrote: [ -> ]Well? I don;t read minds very well, you know. What are they? Data!

I suppose nobody's really good at reading minds either. Something I'm noticing different now from previous times is that I am super horny now. I now feel extreme pressure to get it off, and I have been having several erections for no reasons that lasts a while. Yes, there is an urge to get it off, but I am not interested, or I'm in a way fighting the need to get it off. It's like I am fighting the need to get it off (through masturbation) with the need/want to get it off through real sex with a hot woman.....

I don't remember if I had something similar, but I think this may be new.

Well, I went out again for dinner, which I didn't plan on going out. I went out as I found that I ran out of toothpaste that I thought well why the hell not, let's get dinner again.

Nothing of significant importance, (there weren't hot women either), but there is something odd/interesting happened.

The bartender, whom I know, and have seen many times, was acting slightly odd when I was about to sign the receipt and leave. He stood there for a few seconds, speechless, while giving a vibe that he wants to say something. And what he came up with was "would you like more drink?" I declined, shook his hand (I felt the need to do it, as he was frozen there), put on coat, and left.

I haven't had this experience there, so I thought it was worth sharing.

Second thing I am noticing that maybe unhealthy is that I think I may be obsessed to meet the girl from previous encounter. The chance is extremely low, and it may take a long period of time to meet again. (Well it's been more than three weeks since I saw her and the friend.) It feels unhealthy. I think that I may be obsessed with the girl or somewhat actively trying to encounter her, because she was the closest thing to leading to actual sex. Still, a part of me feels that this is wrong.

And lastly, after I got back, I have been having a few erections for no reasons... and I naturally looked at porn, and shut it off very soon. No masturbation though.

Man, it feels that I have to release the sexual urge, but I don't want to or can get myself to get it off manually.

It feels a little different today. I'm not feeling horny, at least, not as much as yesterday. I'd say about 50~80% is gone. No fapping, no wet dream, so it wasn't a release. Also, I didn't have any dream last night. I was awaken by some neighbor having sex. (Don't know if it was night, or morning.) I woke up and got back to sleep pretty much right away. I remember that the women's moaning sound wasn't all that sexy nor it was turning me on. (Well, I also find that how the woman moans can be a turn on or off for me......)

Anyway, I went to see my psychiatrist, and before I went to see him, I stopped at a restaurant briefly. There were a few toddlers, and it was a bit different. I remember that I usually get a lot of attention from young children or babies. This time, I didn't get that much attention. Rather, they were paying each other much attention. (It was pretty adorable.) And BTW, some of them were siblings, and others weren't.

This time though, I got a few glances from the babies' mothers. I don't think it was out of ordinary, but since I have gotten a few glances from the moms, I thought to report.

After lunch, I saw the psychiatrist, and came home. Nothing interesting in between.

Another thing I am noticing from others is the increase of fatigue. For some reason, I am not experiencing fatigue. My energy level doesn't feel different. Yet, I'd like to see if it would be any different if I were to go back to the school. (That's the prime time to check.) Am I at more peace? Maybe and maybe not. I don't feel all that different from previous version or from my break.

I suppose the only thing I have is question/doubt/curiosity about the sub. Is it working? Is it not? If it is working, is it effective, or is it not effective? These kind of questions are lingering, but not much. However, I am not feeling/thinking about quitting though. I'm like whatever, I'll just play it, and forget about it.

Yet, one part of me feels/think that yeah, it's really about time that I see a significant result (which I mean by getting laid, and having amazing sex regularly, naturally happening, instead of putting much effort to have that happen). Maybe I'm expecting too much, but it's a feeling I have now.

Here's another thing I found. Let's say that I go to a restaurant. Up until that point I'm okay. However, if it turns out that I don't get to talk to someone for interesting stuff, then I feel frustration, depression and a bit of anger....

I'm losing cool in a sense.

Tomorrow's St. Patrick's day, but I don't have money to go out for club or something like that. Besides, I would have zero clue even if I were to go to a club.

I decided to go back to the very beginning of the thread. Well, it seems that I started DMSI late August or early September. (I have been on DMSI from v 2.2, it seems.) So this would make it at least 6 months now?

I wonder what progress I have made within the time, and what progress I will/should be making. And how much longer should I be on DMSI to actually obtain the desired goal? (Well, I am not necessarily looking for Harem. I want to experience real and great sex (consistently), and have a girlfriend.)

And writing this, made me realize that my desire has changed a bit. I originally started DMSI hoping that it would get the girls more interested in me, that it would make it easier or would get me a girl friend. Now, I have extra want/desire, which I wrote above. "have great sex consistently."

I can't help myself but to wonder, how much longer will I need to be on to achieve the above? Perhaps this is the tiredness. (Although I am not feeling physical fatigue. This may be a form of mental fatigue.)

Today's DMSI routine was a bit different. Normally I'd play during the night while I sleep, but today I didn't do it. I didn't do it, because I knew that I was going to wake up early (as I needed to meet with my executive functioning/life coach) and that I went to bed rather late last night.

I saw him in the morning, and after that, I came back to sleep again, and this time I played the sub.

I have had headache since 2 hours ago (which is past several hours of using DMSI), and I am currently having it again. When I went down to get dinner, the headache wasn't there.

Anyway, I thought that maybe headache was due to being hungry or not drinking enough water, but it may not be the reason.

From yesterday, I noticed that relatively good looking and young women sits next to me at a bar. She usually sits across a seat away, not right next though. What's interesting? Well, yesterday and today, both the cases, they came with their mom, and a guy (yesterday was with dad, and today was with I don't know. Boyfriend, brother, husband, fiancee, or anyone.) Typically in the past, it would have been either the guy or the mom would be sitting closest to me. Yesterday and today different. I believe it's a coincidence, but I am reporting it anyway.

Also, I found that my apartment held a beer tasting event. Damn, I missed the opportunity. (Not that I can drink much. (I have low alcohol tolerance, and I usually don't drink as it can easily add up to my food bill.) Yet, it can be a good place for socialization.)

Once I got back from the dinner, I found that I got a letter from my school. It was about my being selected for survey, and it had $2..... (Come on, my 20 minutes is worth more than that!) It was about preventing dating and sexual violence in the school. I suppose, somebody who has zero experience can be important?

So much about sex around me, and yet, the real stuff is unattainable.

Wow, writing this made my headache gone? LOL

Nothing much to report today, other than I feel like I have gotten a few glances from a female bartender? (Well, she's wearing though. Besides, she wasn't my type.) Also, I think I am noticing that there are more hotter women around. (I mean I notice them more than before?) Of course, they have no part in my life or I have any connection with them whatsoever.

Also, I'm wondering that girl disappeared in my life, one way or another, because her friend was into drugs a lot, and she's experimented quite a bit. (Not sure she's addicted though. If I remember correctly, she was trying to give me an impression that she wasn't a drug addict or something. Her friend was not shy about that at all though.) Perhaps it's the anti sniper effect playing? If that's the case, I suppose I should be glad. (And then it's about a time then the sniper should take a place.)

Tomorrow would probably be the last day for me to write here regularly. After that I'd be back to not reporting for a while (end of spring break.)

Last night, I literally crashed to my bed, so I forgot to turn on the DMSI. Accidental one day break.

Woke up early in the morning, but then got back to bed soon. Woke up later, began cleaning my APT, which definitely needs some cleaning. Yet, I am taking it slowly and it is going to take a while, because I am being somewhat lazy.

Went to a restaurant for quick dinner. Sat at a bar, and near the end of the dinner, a girl (who's more around my age) came and sat next to me. She wasn't my type, and I also had some difficulty imitating talk. I did in a way, but the conversations didn't last long. (I also didn't have much interest in doing so.)

I'm wondering being on a break can produce more result than listening to DMSI. Well, it still didn't lead to anything, so it's hard to tell.

Well, I'm quite tired. Two nights in a row of lack of sleep, and because of this, I decided to take a night break. (As I knew today that I wouldn't have enough sleep) At the same time, I am wondering if I should have stuck with the program instead of taking the break. But I know that I need some energy. At the same time, I wonder if it is in a form of resistance. (I have so much to do this week, and that I didn't sleep enough. Therefore, I need sleep...... Is this rationale a resistance?)

I also glanced other DMSI testers' journals, and noticed that several testers were getting contacts from their exs. I also see that those who has had successes with women (I mean success as having a girlfriend or ex) seem to be getting much more result than those who didn't have successes prior to DMSI. It is in a way polarization: those who had some form of success prior to DMSI (or those who were getting close to it) are getting much more result, and those who haven't had such successes are not getting much tangible results.

What are the differences in the two groups? More importantly, what am I lacking or what's not executed in my case to see the tangible result?

(03-22-2017, 01:13 PM)sw72hw Wrote: [ -> ]What are the differences in the two groups? More importantly, what am I lacking or what's not executed in my case to see the tangible result?

I think if you've successfully had sex, your brain knows it's way to get back to it, even if it's a bit difficult, like making your way through a hallway at night.

I've successfully reached the goals of the program a few times, but I'm now faced with new challenges like retention of the women I fuck, which I've discovered I'm comically bad at