Subliminal Talk

(10-30-2016, 09:45 PM)sw72hw Wrote: [ -> ]@Lucius

Thanks for sharing your thoughts. On the other hand, I am not sure if I can understand the reasoning behind why not wanting one night stand is a sign of neediness. In fact, I kinda think that not wanting to sleep with just any women, and deciding to wait for the one I like seems like being in control over the neediness. But I will reflect more on this and try to understand what you mean by that. Yet, I get that not thinking about things, or separating women in general is a good thing. It's just a bit difficult that I seem to be doing this on a rather auto mode, not really being conscious about it.

You are welcome. I don't know much myself. I'm just following the advice of some guys on here and it's been helping me.

The problem, as I observed in my case, is that when you don't keep the door to a ONS open, you are more than likely to end up being too attached to a girl you like because you see her as "the one". That's when neediness will show it's ugly head. Girls pick up on this very easily and may lead you through an emotional roller coaster. She knows you have no other choice but her, and this may kill her attraction for you.

Despite what they say, women don't like strict monogamous guys. It's one thing to be open to a ONS but refuse to engage in it because you respect your girlfriend, and another to close the door to a ONS because you are looking for the one. The former will keep a girl on her toes thus keeping her attraction alive, while the latter sucks attraction out of her.

(10-30-2016, 09:45 PM)sw72hw Wrote: [ -> ]@SargeMaximus

One thing that may be different from your brother and my neighbors is that I don't really have any interactions. Since the grad school is in the evening (like 5 to 8) my schedule is a bit weird that I wake up at around noon, and go to bed at between 3~4 AM. Because of this, and because I mostly do my school work at my home (I tried going cafe, and library, and it was too distracting to me that I can't really do it.) that I don't really have that much interaction going on. I have only seen my bedroom side neighbor once, and I have only seen my living room side neighbor about 3~5 times during 1 year and 3 months of staying here. So I doubt their behavior is not really based off from my action or my radiating aura. (Unless the aura can penetrate the wall)

Rather, if there is something going on I believe it may be that they are somehow able to listen to my sub (highly doubt it for my living room side neighbor), and it is somehow turning them to have more sex.

Anyway, I'll need more data with the neighbor to conclude that they were having more sex. Who knows, it could just be a coincidence.

Interesting. It could also be that their relationship has gotten more passionate so they feel like having more sex now.

It could also be (and I've noticed this myself) that you are noticing sex more than before. Therefore the sub is changing what you normally focus on, which is a good sign.

(10-30-2016, 10:28 PM)sw72hw Wrote: [ -> ]So no sex last night, or at least I didn't get to hear any of them enjoying.

Today though, I am for some reason very low energy, especially mental energy being very low. This is bad as I haven't even gotten my paper proposal started (although I have my ideas put together already), and I couldn't get 25% of what I wanted to do. (Since there is an exam, I planned on skipping or skimming the reading for tomorrow, while finishing most of the review of the exam, so that I can see the professor during the office hour to ask some questions.)

I feel even light headed that concentration or thinking, or even understanding materials has been challenging throughout the entire day. This is very bad, and if it doesn't get better soon, I may have to drop DMSI entirely. (I didn't have this much issue with DMSI before, but I suppose previous two versions might have had issues with the loops, and I was probably more irregular with listening patterns.) I need mental energy focus, and can't let sex or any other stuff to take that away for an extended period of time.

I know this seems bad but it's honestly a good sign.

Since embracing my own laziness things have gotten much better for me external-wise.

HOWEVER, I'm not in school, so I agree with your decision that if it continues you should drop DMSI.

Just know that this effect is a sign that you are getting closer to the goals of the program.

(10-30-2016, 10:28 PM)sw72hw Wrote: [ -> ]Nothing else happened today, but there are a few things I realized can be of interesting.

1. Babies. Nothing has changed with babies. Whenever I go out, and whenever I see a baby on stroller, about 90% of the time, the baby is staring at me. Heck, I even see the baby turning his/her face when I move away from the baby.

2. Dogs. Reflecting back, I also find that dogs have become more friendly/curious towards me. I notice that they sniff at me more, come closer to me to a point that the owner has to pull them away to keep the dog away from me.

This Friday, basically pretty much after I spotted the loop issue, I had a more extreme version of dog coming at me. In the morning, I was seeing one of my coaches at the lobby at my place. After a while, a person with a dog walked in, and the dog was walking rather very energetically and enthusiastically towards me and the owner had to pull the dog away. (BTW the location I was was somewhat close to the entrance, but not that close.) After a while, I had another same incident, and this time, the owner was being dragged a little bit. Since I didn't pay much attention, I suppose it could have been the same dog, and the same person, but it could have been a different one. Anyway, the dog(s) could have been the friendly one(s), but their enthusiasm and coming to me was a bit too much to say it was natural. It can be nothing but I just wanted to share.

I haven't noticed anything with babies, nor do I have any theories on that. BUT, dogs. yes dogs like me a lot too. And this is, of course, a good sign.

(10-30-2016, 10:28 PM)sw72hw Wrote: [ -> ]3. Female concierges. One girl concierge is being kind. So in that same morning, I overheard the concierge talking to a maintenance guy, with a little mocking/joking tone about how somebody put a request to change a battery in the fire alarm, and how people (tenants) don't know anything. And since I had an issue with a fire alarm in the previous night (Thursday), I had to ask them to change it, as I couldn't reach the fire alarm. (I needed a bigger ladder, and they didn't have one at the moment.) Because I overheard the talk, I went there to request the fixing order, and also decided to add a little explanation that how I was going to change it, but I couldn't reach it. And the concierge was like "you don't have to worry about that, we'll take care of it." It could have been a just courtesy stuff, but it felt that there was something there almost as if she didn't want to offend me, or make me feel assure that it is okay to ask. Anyway, it definitely seemed different from the way she was describing the tenants to the maintenance guy to the way she was saying to me. Sooo, I thought this may be interesting to report.

On the other hand, the other concierge, who is old, but hot, and looking young (she's like 50, but can trick that she's in late 20s or early 30s) is rather treating me like I don't exist. When I approach her, she's friendly, but has become a bit colder than past. Past was warmer, and very friendly towards me, but now feels rather indifferent, but still friendly. Weird.

And both of them, I met them around the same time, and it was probably when I began with DMSI or shortly before that.

They are both quite friendly toward people in general as far as I know of, so I find the difference, or the development of difference is rather interesting.

Good signs with the women. The younger one was probably just being polite like you say, the older one however, the change in attitude is indicative of a change for sure. We'll need more interactions with other women before we understand what exactly. There's always the chance she was just having a bad day that day.

(10-30-2016, 10:28 PM)sw72hw Wrote: [ -> ]4. Students/others...... No difference, or nothing really different about them at all. I'm pretty much indifferent/non-existent. (Except professors)

This is preliminary report I observed, and I will be reporting more, if anything develops further. And I hope I am making sense, as my mental power is low, and my head isn't functioning that well.

Again, I know you don't think so, but your head not functioning well is a good sign. I had the same transition when I started AM 6 for the first time (that program makes you more present). It'll pass, just grow with it.

Think of it as making a switch from head (thinking) focused to heart (emotion) focused.

Well, I have a few things to note. Maybe not so interesting, but something that may be relevant.

1. So far, no sex from neighbors. Hmm. I wonder if my neighbors are spying on the journal! Just kidding! LOL

2. Dogs. Dogs sniffing at me or coming at me have been reduced. They are now more indifferent towards me. I'm not too much of a pet person, so this isn't necessarily a bad thing, but can be a good thing.

3. I had two interesting incidences girls. One was that I was walking back with someone, and we were passing Starbucks at night after dinner. A girl was sitting outside, and when she saw me, she gave me one of the largest smiles I have seen. Since I was with a person at the moment, and also that I had to come back to my place for exam prep, I didn't do anything. She had okay to pretty face, but her body wasn't exactly my type anyway.

The second one was when I was waiting in a center at the school. Since I arrived early before my exam start time, I was sitting near the people who are in charge of the exam monitoring. I was sitting practically in between the area where the exam monitors were and the reception. Then a girl walked in, a cute one, and she came to the reception, pointing to the candy that was for the Halloween. She was smiling and laughing about the candy and how they wrapped so that it was like ghost. I was looking at that since I put my phone and everything else away as I was waiting to be called to take the exam. Then this girl suddenly turned at me, out of random smiling at me (again one of the biggest smiles I've seen) and saying, "isn't this candy cute? Thank you for making it." Umm. I didn't do anything to make it, and the reception girls told her basically that the candy was made by some other girl working at the center, and this cute girl just smiled at me and thanked me for making the candy....... I'm so confused.......

And come to think of this, I think I had two other strange incidences, again with girls.

1. I went to have dinner with a person. (Basically this took a place before the Starbucks incident) I placed order for both of us, and made a few modifications to the order. The order took look unfortunately, and my order got messed up. I explained the situation, and waited the next time, and they got the order wrong again. (Usually this does not happen to me, in almost any locations, including this one.) The second one was a quick fix, so it wasn't that painful. The funny thing is that the server girl seemed to have understood the order perfectly, but the order somehow got messed up that the girl had to make 3 trips to get the order fixed. (Once to add something forgotten for the person's order, and twice to fix my order.)

2. So after the cute girl, a girl from the center came out to escort me to the exam room. She asked me if I have writing materials. I told her that I have one, and I told her that I really don't need one since I am taking the exam on computer (part of my accommodation), but it is good for note taking. This is what I said, and the girl could not hear what I said, and asked me what I said. I told her not to worry, and forget about it.

These two events are seemingly random, but one girl (or the kitchen) messed up the order several times, and the next day the other girl could not hear/understand what I said, and these were not complicated at all. (At least in my opinion.) So I am wondering if these two are somehow the result of DMSI, perhaps my being too flooded with sexy aura? Who knows......

Longtime no update, so a time for an update.

First of all, I was off on DMSI 2.5 for about about 1.5 to 2 weeks. Reason? I caught terrible cold that I decided to take off DMSI to divert energy on recovering. I was thinking of using MIR (the old version, which I have), but I decided not to as I wasn't sure how it would conflict with the DMSI.

Since I don't seem to have any cold symptoms now and since new version of DMSI is released, I will be using them tonight.

Anyway, I wanted to write this as I began noticing stuff from yesterday. I can't tell for sure, but yesterday, i feel like I was able to talk to girls more easily in the class. It also seemed that one girl was paying more attention to me. In general I was talking more with girls. Yet, at the same time, I was not caring about that at all. Also last night, I went to a restaurant, and I got 3~4 different servers coming up on me to check. (2~3 female, and 1 guy). The response was faster than usual.

Today, I also noticed something different. I was in a class (different class), and I realized that I was enjoying all the good rounded and beautiful breasts of classmates. (Not that I didn't enjoy it, but I feel like I was getting more joy from it today. Also, it wasn't that I was paying more attention. I was getting more joy/pleasure from looking at them.) I also enjoyed some girls with nice legs. Again, not that I didn't enjoy it before, I just got more joy from it today. Again I went to a restaurant for dinner tonight. Initially the servers were slower than usual (took longer for them to come back for order), but once I placed my order, I got checked like 5~6 times. This time, it was mostly guys, but it was almost like they were trying to please me more. (Many of them were trying to please me in the past, but this time it was more. I could somehow feel that more.) Also, I got a feeling that a few girls were checking on me. (Who knows it might have been a pure imagination.)

And lastly, when I was coming back, I noticed a couple outside making out in the middle of sidewalk pretty intensely. It was so intense that I could hear their making out 5 meters away with all the gust. Only one thing came to my mind. Well, isn't it a bit cold to make out out there? And since it was so cold, and this never happened (I saw light kisses before, but even seeing light kisses have been rare since I moved here. Thus, first time seeing intense make out in the public)

Given yesterday and today, I am wondering if DMSI is finally starting to show some noticeable results. What's ironic is that I am noticing more when I have been in break for nearly two weeks.

Well, let's see if DMSI 3 series will bring more results. Right now, I plan on using A version instead of B version. (Although 2.5 seemed to have shown the most result.) Why? Well, let's say that I have a reason to run A for now at least.

And BTW, does anyone know a good flac player for iphone? I usually use docking speaker for sub (as I listen during the sleep) that I would like to play flac on iphone. Unfortunately, I wasn't able to find the one I like. (I used one before, and it would stop out of sudden, so I have been sticking to mp3.)

(12-01-2016, 10:55 PM)sw72hw Wrote: [ -> ]Longtime no update, so a time for an update.

First of all, I was off on DMSI 2.5 for about about 1.5 to 2 weeks. Reason? I caught terrible cold that I decided to take off DMSI to divert energy on recovering. I was thinking of using MIR (the old version, which I have), but I decided not to as I wasn't sure how it would conflict with the DMSI.

Since I don't seem to have any cold symptoms now and since new version of DMSI is released, I will be using them tonight.

Anyway, I wanted to write this as I began noticing stuff from yesterday. I can't tell for sure, but yesterday, i feel like I was able to talk to girls more easily in the class. It also seemed that one girl was paying more attention to me. In general I was talking more with girls. Yet, at the same time, I was not caring about that at all. Also last night, I went to a restaurant, and I got 3~4 different servers coming up on me to check. (2~3 female, and 1 guy). The response was faster than usual.

Today, I also noticed something different. I was in a class (different class), and I realized that I was enjoying all the good rounded and beautiful breasts of classmates. (Not that I didn't enjoy it, but I feel like I was getting more joy from it today. Also, it wasn't that I was paying more attention. I was getting more joy/pleasure from looking at them.) I also enjoyed some girls with nice legs. Again, not that I didn't enjoy it before, I just got more joy from it today. Again I went to a restaurant for dinner tonight. Initially the servers were slower than usual (took longer for them to come back for order), but once I placed my order, I got checked like 5~6 times. This time, it was mostly guys, but it was almost like they were trying to please me more. (Many of them were trying to please me in the past, but this time it was more. I could somehow feel that more.) Also, I got a feeling that a few girls were checking on me. (Who knows it might have been a pure imagination.)

And lastly, when I was coming back, I noticed a couple outside making out in the middle of sidewalk pretty intensely. It was so intense that I could hear their making out 5 meters away with all the gust. Only one thing came to my mind. Well, isn't it a bit cold to make out out there? And since it was so cold, and this never happened (I saw light kisses before, but even seeing light kisses have been rare since I moved here. Thus, first time seeing intense make out in the public)

Given yesterday and today, I am wondering if DMSI is finally starting to show some noticeable results. What's ironic is that I am noticing more when I have been in break for nearly two weeks.

Well, let's see if DMSI 3 series will bring more results. Right now, I plan on using A version instead of B version. (Although 2.5 seemed to have shown the most result.) Why? Well, let's say that I have a reason to run A for now at least.

And BTW, does anyone know a good flac player for iphone? I usually use docking speaker for sub (as I listen during the sleep) that I would like to play flac on iphone. Unfortunately, I wasn't able to find the one I like. (I used one before, and it would stop out of sudden, so I have been sticking to mp3.)

Check out FLAC Player+

I've been using it ever since Shannon started producing FLAC subs, you can make a playlist on it as well (as expected) but I couldn't find out how to do so on VLC so I deleted VLC.

(12-01-2016, 11:10 PM)dweller94 Wrote: [ -> ]Check out FLAC Player+

I've been using it ever since Shannon started producing FLAC subs, you can make a playlist on it as well (as expected) but I couldn't find out how to do so on VLC so I deleted VLC.

Dweller94, thank you for your suggestion. I checked the app, and I realized that one problem with FLAC player is with the loops. For this sub, the suggested loop is 3, and I don't know how to get the app to play the sub 3 times. I tried putting three same files on the playlist, but it didn't work. If it the loops were two, then I see the potential for the app to work. (One ocean hybrid, and then streaming hybrid) Still, thank you again for the suggestion.


Because of the finals, I was off the DMSI 3.0.1A for a while. Too many works, a few staying up entire nights, irregular sleep schedule, with almost no sleep.... I thought in this situation, it would be better to halt playing the sub for a while as to reserve and direct my energy for school work. (In other words, I thought I wouldn't survive if the sub was drawing too much energy to achieve its purpose) I was off from the sub for about 1~2 weeks, and now I am back to listening to it.

It's been about 3~4 days since I got back. First night, I listened to the sub during the sleep through my docking speaker (mp3 from my phone.) After that I listened to the sub through computer speaker (Harman and Kardon sound stick 1st version) via VLC (flac, hybrid version, start with ocean hybrid, then stream hybrid, then ocean hybrid).

Any differences I notice? Read the following and let me know if you think it is the differences caused by the sub.

1. I no longer care about getting sex, making girlfriend/wife, or how girls see/think/feel about me. It's been like this for a while, even before the V3. I'd say I've been like this for about 2 months or so. It's not that I don't any of these, and I want them. Yet, my position is that well if I get it, I get it, if I don't, I don't. This has been my attitude for a while, and I think it got stronger during last two weeks or so.

On occasions, I have very strong urge for sex, then I resort to masturbation. One time it was so strong that I did it like 4 times a day, but this is very rare. And I think I am okay with this. Sure having real sex is going to be better (especially if I am feeling horny), but I am okay with relieving it with masturbation.

One thing that is interesting is that the incident (4 times a day) happened when the school work load was at the pinnacle, and my sleep deprivation was at the highest..... I was the horniest I've been at this moment. Keep in mind this would have been about a week that I stopped using DMSI)

Well, I'm no longer really horny anymore after I began listening to DMSI, or the speed at building horniness is definitely much slower since listening to DMSI. I got bored and I decided to see if I can get myself horny by watching porn. Well, I didn't get horny, and they became boring..... (I am also finding myself that there are less and less porn that is making me horny or interesting...... This was a trend even when I stopped DMSI for a moment, but on that horniest time, porns were very good and helpful.)

2. I've been doing housework like crazy. My apt has been trashed pretty badly during the last month. I find that this is usually the case when my school loads becomes crazy. Finals ended last Friday, and I played games like crazy till Monday. Then, on Monday night, I started cleaning my place like crazy (4 garbage bags, 4 bags of recycling, huge extensive dish works.....). It was somewhat forced work as the APT maintenance crew was going to come to change a filter. (And even before DMSI, I almost always cleaned my place if I knew someone was going to visit my place, even if it were to be a close family member.) And ever since then, I am continuously engaging in housework. I did my first load of laundry yesterday after the crew left, and I am currently doing my second load. I am probably going to do one more tomorrow and then the next. (I would have liked to finish it by today, but I am doing extensive laundry work. Clothes, bedding, which takes two days as I am going to do sheets and blankets separately, and then bath towels.) I have a feeling that I am going to be doing housework until Christmas eve. (Washroom cleaning and vacuuming left for the last.)

I'm not particularly enjoying doing housework. (Right now how I feel is that school work is done, and now housework awaits. God damn it.) To a point that I told myself, if get a girlfriend or a wife, she better like doing housework. (LOL. It's option though, she doesn't have to do it, but I'd greatly appreciate if she enjoys doing it.)
Nevertheless, I feel that I need to clean many stuff, so I am doing it.

3. On Monday, I went to visit a doctor (a follow up), and when a nurse weighted me, I lost 5 pounds. I'm not overweight, but I was relatively close to the border (I gained weight in last two years, before that I was underweight.). I suppose this loss of weight can be a good thing, but I wonder if this is due to overworking or due to the sub.

And speaking of weight, I also realized that my eating portion/stomach size shrank. I found this when I went to a Mexican restaurant. This place tend to give large portions, but I was nevertheless able to finish the entire portion previously. Now I can't eat all of them. Well, I don't know if this is DMSI, but it can be.

4. I forgot to add this, but my sleep cycle is now more like that of ordinary people. During the school time, my sleep cycle was to go to bed in the early morning (4~5 Am) and then wake at noon or early afternoon. (School starts late so it worked). Now, I feel tired at 11PM, so I go to bed at 11:30 or 12:00Am. And then I wake up relatively early in the morning. (between 6~9 AM)

These are some possibly noticeable results from DMSI. For me, I think the biggest challenge is to find and make opportunities to meet the right people. Specifically for girls, my standards on appearances can be high, but not impossible. (I'd say this is probably the easiest criteria to meet) Yet, I find that my standards on their intelligence and emotional connectivity may be too high, but I don't think I can lower them, nor I have any desire to do so. (Now that she needs to like doing housework, I suppose it's good that I don't care about getting a girlfriend, as it will be impossible to meet the girl who meets the criteria.)

Someone may ask, why am I still listening DMSI, if I no longer care for getting (or care less about) a girlfriend, wife, and/or sex. For me, I suppose since I started listening to this sub, I want to go all the way with it and see what it will bring. Also, I guess I want having sex, girlfriend and/or wife, but I am no longer desperate, needy, or have a huge need to have these.

That's it for my report. Hopefully I will have something more exciting to report.

A few things to add.

1. I went to watch a movie yesterday (Rogue One). After that I decided to go to a fancy seafood restaurant. I don't mind going to fancy restaurants alone (I've done that several times), but I would then wear something more fancy, or stylish. This time, I didn't care what I wore, and went straight into the restaurant. After a while I got inside the restaurant, I realized that I wore probably the most casual clothing among all the people eating in there, but I didn't care about that.

2. I noticed myself waking up in the middle of night as my comforter was all tossed down. It normally stayed on bed before I used DMSI. After I used DMSI, I found that the comforter tend to move around quite a bit. This time was a bit more intense that it was tossed down. I pulled it up, and went to sleep again.

3. I sorta had a nightmare. It started with me and three other friends in a classroom doing some sorts of presentation. Two of them were close friends from my country in elementary school, one was an acquaintance from high school in Canada, and the last one, I don't remember, but it must have been either a friend from elementary school or a person from my high school. I was the leader of the team, and we totally owned the presentation, and we did the best.

Then when we gathered to celebrate afterwards, I noticed that one of my friends from elementary school was missing. Then one of the guy told me that he went to brag about his success to some other groups in the class. We had a bad feeling about that, so we scattered and decided to go look for him. I went to a shady looking old mil/factory, peeked inside and saw the missing guy as tied to a chain, being brutally tortured. Another guy who went to look for him was also caught and being tortured as well. As I thought to back off to get some help, or think about a plan to do something, I got attacked from behind. I dodged and saw that the attacker was one of my close friends in the elementary school. Soon he again attacked with a wrench, I dodged, and I grabbed a rock nearby and hit him. It didn't do anything, so I grabbed a motorcycle hit him with it..... (Well, I was able to do crazy stuff like this.) It didn't do much damage, and he was saying that there is no escape from this, and all the other guys have been captured and will be killed very soon and I will be the last. He then called for the guys inside, so I began running and grabbed what I thought was a motorcycle. It turned out to be a motor bike. It required much pedaling. For some reason, it was quite difficult to up climb a hill with this (even though I had strength to grab motorcycle and smack a guy's head with it).

After a while, I heard quite a roar coming from the mill, so I realized that I wasn't going to get away with this way. I saw a little opening on the fences around the cliff. I ditched the bike, and decided to go down. There were several houses with different heights, so I parkoured all the way down. (I've never done parkour in my life before, btw.) After I descended all the way down, I was keep running towards the village, and I called 911. After I explained the situation I got connected to an officer nearby, who happened to be just patrolling right next to me. He brought me to the police station for protection, and he told me how high school boys can cause problems. (Especially with bragging and girl issues.)

The police station was small at downstairs, which was where all the polices were, and where they did all the police related work. The upstairs on the other hand was where all the people who were staying overnight stayed. There were people making foods, and it was quite lively scene. What I soon realized was that this place was my old home back in my country, with some modifications......

That is the end of the dream.

What a messed up dream it was, and my body is aching now. I planned on going out and check out a museum, but I don't know if I want to continue with that plan as my body is aching.

I hope everyone had a great holiday. (Well, I don't know I am tempted to say Merry Christmas, but I must have been too influenced by political correctness. Nevertheless, saying happy holidays do not bother me, even though I am raised as a Catholic.)

Let's start with DMSI report. Am I getting anywhere near the goal? Not really, because I am not noticing girls/women sending me an interest of sex, date, or whatever to me. May they are sending signals, but it is not noticeable to me that it isn't yet achieving the goal. Because, if I am not mistaken, the goal of DMSI was for the people of gender that I am attracted to to initiate sex with me, or to send a very clear signal(s) that is noticeable to the sub user. This isn't happening yet, so I say I'm not near the goal of DMSI.

Then why am I writing this post, when nothing hasn't really changed? I suppose I realized (or maybe re-realized) something interesting about me.

So yesterday, I got invited to a family friend's Christmas dinner. Even though I described myself as a family friend, I am more like a guest to the entire family. (I'm only a family friend to the host. The rest of them, I don't know too well. It's complicated and too private to share, so I will just leave it here.)

One thing I realized is that when it comes to talking about celebrity issues, gossips, I can't talk about anything. In fact, I really can't handle it, and I can't take talking about celebrity issues or gossips. I praise myself to be able to hold myself in tact when the topic came up for a bit.

The second thing I realized is that when it comes to having small talks about daily lives, I can't really talk about it either. I suppose it is also because that they are a family, while I am a guest, yet, the same thing happens at the school. Since I can't have small talks about daily lives, or can follow them, I feel that the ridge between myself and other students get deeper as time progresses. (It is a mystery to me why they can do that, how they become friends, and share their daily lives.) Another reason I think that is the case may be that I really don't have any daily life going on other than doing homework/school work, watching BBC world news, documentaries, game streaming, and playing games.

However, what is interesting is that I almost always have great conversations with uber/lyft drivers. I find that there are topics that I talk more often than others, but the topics vary very differently. It can be about talking about different cultures, different parts of the world to technology, politics, society, and etc. It's also that I don't direct the topics or the flow of conversation. I goes naturally, bouncing back and forth, and it just flows to different directions. I'm curious to see what the difference is between small daily talks to my conversation with uber/lyft drivers.

Another thing I noticed is that when I am asked by a person (a few family member talked to me directly), I do well, and if the topic shifts to something I have more interest in, or stuff I know well, I do very well. Not only that, I also somehow manage to bring the conversation from topic A to topic B with great connection, even if they seem at first not connected to one or another. (In the case that both topic A and B are related.)

I believe these are results of ASD, but it was quite amusing to re-realize the issues, to reflect, and think about it.

I see some work or areas where there can be improvement, and hopefully my running DMSI can help in that area. (Well, it would also be very helpful if its intended goal were to come.)

(12-26-2016, 08:28 PM)sw72hw Wrote: [ -> ]However, what is interesting is that I almost always have great conversations with uber/lyft drivers. I find that there are topics that I talk more often than others, but the topics vary very differently. It can be about talking about different cultures, different parts of the world to technology, politics, society, and etc. It's also that I don't direct the topics or the flow of conversation. I goes naturally, bouncing back and forth, and it just flows to different directions. I'm curious to see what the difference is between small daily talks to my conversation with uber/lyft drivers.

This is the gold man. If you can deal with everyone like you do these uber drivers, you'll probably get really close to social success.

When I realized that I had great convos with girls before I learned so much about pick up and etc, I decided to double-down on what I had been doing. The results were impressive.

(12-27-2016, 09:34 AM)SargeMaximus Wrote: [ -> ]This is the gold man. If you can deal with everyone like you do these uber drivers, you'll probably get really close to social success.

When I realized that I had great convos with girls before I learned so much about pick up and etc, I decided to double-down on what I had been doing. The results were impressive.

Hopefully so. Trying to find why it works with these drivers, while not in some other cases will require serious thinking. Also if I were to get a date, make girlfriend, getting sex, or whatever, I will need to make the conversation in a way that it escalates, creating arousal and romance/attraction. I think I have skills to make intellectually stimulating conversations, but I lack the skills to make arousing conversations.

(12-27-2016, 08:59 PM)sw72hw Wrote: [ -> ]

(12-27-2016, 09:34 AM)SargeMaximus Wrote: [ -> ]This is the gold man. If you can deal with everyone like you do these uber drivers, you'll probably get really close to social success.

When I realized that I had great convos with girls before I learned so much about pick up and etc, I decided to double-down on what I had been doing. The results were impressive.

Hopefully so. Trying to find why it works with these drivers, while not in some other cases will require serious thinking. Also if I were to get a date, make girlfriend, getting sex, or whatever, I will need to make the conversation in a way that it escalates, creating arousal and romance/attraction. I think I have skills to make intellectually stimulating conversations, but I lack the skills to make arousing conversations.

Try "matching and mirroring"

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dENi7K2lX4U

With drivers, it's probably how temporary and transitive the interaction is; you know you're likely not going to see them ever again, so there isn't really anything "at stake" with social interaction.

(12-27-2016, 10:36 PM)apollolux Wrote: [ -> ]With drivers, it's probably how temporary and transitive the interaction is; you know you're likely not going to see them ever again, so there isn't really anything "at stake" with social interaction.

You know, that's an interesting point about never seeing them, and that there really isn't anything at stake with the drivers. I never thought about never seeing them again. In fact, I have met the same drive again in the past, and the conversation was great, as he remembered the stuff from previous conversation (which I didn't), and we were able to pick up and continue where we left off. Technically though, if I fuck up too badly, I'd get a bad rating on the app, which could make it more difficult to use the service in the future. So technically, there is something at stake.

Temporary? Yes, I suppose, but usually the ride I take is around 20~30 minutes, so it isn't all that very short talk. (I guess 20~30 minutes is still temporary, but it's definitely like not 5 minutes.) Nevertheless, I guess it is temporary and transitive with the drivers.

Apollolux, I think you hit something possibly interesting, but for some reason, it doesn't feel like it's really getting the picture of why there is a difference between these drivers and my interaction with classmates. Well, I'll keep thinking about it.

Oh man, I wanted to get out again today, but I am feeling much body ache today. I don't know if it's a resistance of some sort, or a legitimate body ache. Two days ago, I went to run on treadmill and pushed myself too hard. I ran for like 10 minutes, but for 6 to 7 minutes I was running at where my heartrate was 188~190. (I couldn't do that any longer as I started to feel my stomach muscle aching. Or it could have been diaphragm.) I originally thought that this is what I need to do to reduce my mile run time, but apparently that was pushing too much. (I didn't know that that pushing that heart rate is pushing too much until I looked online.)

Nevertheless, I think I will drink some protein, take a good rest, do some banking around here, and take some good rest.

There is another thing, which I believe may be related to DMSI healing.

1. Porn no longer turns me on. I still check some porn and celebrity sex scenes (I suppose this is equivalent to softcore porn), as it is still somewhat of an habit. (which is slowly dying.) I don't get turned on by these stuff. (I'd say about 95% of the time, it doesn't turn me on. Only about 5% I get turned on, but the level of turned on is not that high, and temporary.)

2. I don't know how to put this situation, so I will describe what happened. Two nights ago, I was flipping channel after skipping BBC (as I already watched the content in the past), then I stumbled upon one channel, and saw a cute reporter. I don't know, I got immediately hooked up to the girl, and I searched the girl online, and watched some more stuff put by her. Last night, I was checking her again (I suppose this isn't exactly healthy either), and found her with a dress. It was pretty tight dress that was showing her curve lines, and also nipple and areola lines. (It wasn't see through, but it was quite tight that the lines became quite transparent.) I got so turned on by that I had to fap on it. Normally, I wouldn't have done this, nor I would have been so turned on by stuff like that. But this time, I did it, and at the same time, I was imagining embracing the girl, while she is riding me, imagining her shivering from orgasm, while I suck her nipple, imagining her moaning and gasping, and etc. Again I never do this, but I did that.

3. I suppose the reporter girl is not a real girl in a sense that I don't have a chance of meeting her. (Technically there is always a chance, but what's the probability?) However, the girl is much more real girl than porn stars or celebrities having sex in the movie. So in that sense, I feel that I am moving in a better direction, and healing is happening. Also, jerking off to a girl with a sexy dress, while imagining having sex with her, may not be all that healthy and etc, but I think that I am moving towards more real sex, and getting myself connected to real sex more while getting disconnected from fake and unreal sex.

4. While writing this, I am also realizing that how much badly I have been affected by mainstream feminism. (I specified as mainstream feminism, as I find that original feminism and feminist philosophy is different, and mainstream feminism does more harm than good, in my opinion.) Why? Because I feel bad that I used the girl/her picture to masturbate and that I feel like I used her as a sexual object. (Although my other side of me is telling that the logic isn't all that sound here, and that what I did is not exactly all that terrible act.) I feel bad enough to a point that I am not uploading the pictures. (Even though one side of me is wanting to upload the picture on this post for some reason.) But what's also funny is that I don't feel like this, when I was masturbating to some porn. I didn't feel like I was using them as sexual object, nor had any bad feelings about it. I suppose this is saying something, but I can't quite tell what it exactly is. Oh well.

I suppose some healing is happening, and hopefully, I will see more very soon.