Man truth be told, I'm like really sad. Chaos said it best. "My soul is mourning". So even though I'm getting externals, my internals are still jacked up. It should get better in a couple days, as the clearing unfolds and dies down. The crying is really cleansing though. I wouldn't mind crying some more, as there is a lot of grieving I have to do.
(01-04-2017, 09:46 PM)eternity Wrote: [ -> ]Man truth be told, I'm like really sad. Chaos said it best. "My soul is mourning". So even though I'm getting externals, my internals are still jacked up. It should get better in a couple days, as the clearing unfolds and dies down. The crying is really cleansing though. I wouldn't mind crying some more, as there is a lot of grieving I have to do.
I hear you man. I used to have that a LOT (maybe I still do but it's repressed, idk), but like you said: Alphas can cry. And it's true.
I read somewhere that in packs of dogs, the lowest ones on the social ladder always pretend to be ok, even if they're sick, hurt, or starving because they don't want to show weakness. While the alphas do/can.
As for externals, I'd love to have externals even without internals.
(01-04-2017, 09:38 PM)eternity Wrote: [ -> ] (01-04-2017, 04:28 PM)Benjamin Wrote: [ -> ]She is... her panties are soaking so she will have to take them off 
2 women told me straight up they were unhappy with their husbands. This is a common theme lately. I take it as an invitation now, nothing less.
Her: "I'm not happy with my husband anymore."
You: "So I hear you saying you want to fuck me. I'm down with that, but I only have Tuesdays free for that kind of stuff."
(01-04-2017, 09:56 PM)SargeMaximus Wrote: [ -> ] (01-04-2017, 09:46 PM)eternity Wrote: [ -> ]Man truth be told, I'm like really sad. Chaos said it best. "My soul is mourning". So even though I'm getting externals, my internals are still jacked up. It should get better in a couple days, as the clearing unfolds and dies down. The crying is really cleansing though. I wouldn't mind crying some more, as there is a lot of grieving I have to do.
I hear you man. I used to have that a LOT (maybe I still do but it's repressed, idk), but like you said: Alphas can cry. And it's true.
I read somewhere that in packs of dogs, the lowest ones on the social ladder always pretend to be ok, even if they're sick, hurt, or starving because they don't want to show weakness. While the alphas do/can.
As for externals, I'd love to have externals even without internals.
Good to know that about the animal kingdom. I think the soul mourning feeling is clearing the parts of my childhood I don't remember. For some reason or other I have lapses in my memory throughoutmy childhood. I've been told it might have been dissociation due to trauma, which would make sense. I'm at a place in my life now where I am okay with showing my emotions publicly, whereas before SM3 I would have been completely against it. Something about the healing that took place in 2016 actually opened the flood gates and the water started finally coming; all of last year, even if I wanted to release, I couldn't. I'm grateful to be able to, now.
As far as externals without internals, it's really just a tease. It's like I'm getting all worked up, getting excited about all the attention I'm getting, only to have it end in a cliffhanger because I didn't have the internals to be congruent with the externals and take it the next step forward. I know it is difficult to comprehend being on your side looking at mine, but I was where you are looking at people who had the externals thinking how great it would be. But we should not underestimate the internals because the solid unshakeable foundation a man should have is what draws others to him. Case in point, and I mean no disrespect by this, but our own Dzemoo was a great example of great externals incongruent with internals. The man was battling so many demons on the inside that he just couldn't wrest satisfaction out of his life when it came to women. But his externals were always on point, and I looked at his journals with envy. Honorable shoutout to him though, he contributed a lot to this board and it's a sad thing that he's no longer with us. Shoutout if you're reading this: come back, we miss you Dzemoo.
But it's only a matter of time sarge. If we keep doing what we're doing, we'll be drowning in kittens soon enough!
I miss Dzemoo too. And I gotta say, I'd rather have his externals with shaky internals any day.
(01-05-2017, 09:24 AM)SargeMaximus Wrote: [ -> ]I miss Dzemoo too. And I gotta say, I'd rather have his externals with shaky internals any day.
Me too i still dont understand why he left! Too many people hated on him or something.
(01-05-2017, 09:38 AM)Illumi Wrote: [ -> ] (01-05-2017, 09:24 AM)SargeMaximus Wrote: [ -> ]I miss Dzemoo too. And I gotta say, I'd rather have his externals with shaky internals any day.
Me too i still dont understand why he left! Too many people hated on him or something.
Yeah that's exactly it. Can't say I blame him. It got ugly at times.
I still revisit his journals. Its like finding new nuggets each time.
Yeah same here, I might have to go through his "so far so good" journals and see if it adds any knowledge for NSFM & for SATT!
**
I have new dress shoes that look dope, and inside which I walk with the swagger of a BOSS. I feel like I walk down the halls of the office building like a boss.
Never in my life had I consciously noticed this before: As I walked down the hall, I met the eyes of a woman I'd never seen, and I looked into her soul. She slyly smiled and looked down. If I wasn't paying attention, I would've missed this but this was definitely submissive behavior, in an IOI manner. SATT is teaching me a lot!
Other than that, B is good. I just learned today what a resistance headache feels like. Once I learned what it was, I consciously internalized the concept "Just BE", and the headache was INSTANTLY released. However, being that I was manipulating this state of being CONSCIOUSLY, I knew the resistance headache would instantly return the moment I got distracted and was thinking and doing something else. Sure enough, that was the case. I've been trying to load up on healthy nutrition instead of jamming the calories in every way, so maybe I'm low on fuel.
I intentionally came home a bit earlier than usual so I could get in a nap, and I did exactly that. 3 hrs of sleep. MUCH NEEDED REST! I am skipping tonight's meeting in favor of gorging on food and then going back to sleep.
I want to attribute my tiredness from having little sleep all week, along with the emotionally intensive few days of running A. But there's also a chance that running B back to back 24 hours apart is too much to handle, and I might have to go back to 36 hrs in between, but I'll see how I feel tomorrow before I make that decision
I'm not gonna lie. My desire for women has dropped, immensely. I found myself wanting to send a text message to a couple different women on a couple different occasions, but each time I reached for my phone, I said to myself "why bother?"
Is this a clever form of resistance? The reason I would conclude such is that despite being programmed with script to embody maximum sexual irresistibility, I'm losing interest in womankind. The way I feel right now is polar opposite to the reason I started dimsee.
OR
Is this me executing the script, embodying what women find attractive? Non neediness, IDGAF about women, wanting to do my own thing and be alone, instead of getting back on dating sites, getting back on social media...
It's kind of a weird position to be in, where I'm actually in neutral, but my mind senses something is wrong with being in neutral, so there's a discrepancy between mind and heart.
I suppose this is the nature of "becoming", in that I'm not where I was, but I'm not yet to where I'm going.
Anyhow, I am listening to my loops right now, 24 hrs after my previous loops. But from here on out, I will switch back to 36 hrs whenever possible, IF possible. And if not possible, I'll just do 48 hours instead of 36.
**
BTW, L messaged me yesterday, saying my mom contacted her asking for dating advice, and they're gonna be meeting for dinner soon. Lol. 1.8 loops of version A on Saturday was still affecting my mom on Thursday. The bloom ain't no joke, Shannon. The bloom is real.
FWIW, my dad was exposed to version A through the walls for 3-4 nights in a row. but he didn't show any signs of healing whatsoever. So the exposure through the wall theory might have to be discarded. But what I do intend on doing is getting him a copy of the free eprha program and appropriating my speakers into his room, and getting an mp3 player and looping it for all eternity bwahahahah. My dear father need lots of healing, and he's too stubborn to acknowledge it, so I will have to force it upon him. lol.
I think it's...
Is this me executing the script, embodying what women find attractive? Non neediness, IDGAF about women, wanting to do my own thing and be alone, instead of getting back on dating sites, getting back on social media...
or...
is this just me focusing inwardly to heal, clear and grow into what the program has me trying to accomplish?
And... no. The bloom is no joke. P3/4/5 are exceedingly powerful technology.
this post is unrelated to the program
I had headphone issues so I bought new headphones from amazon. They were $15, and touted a frequency response of 12hz-22khz. Naturally, I was skeptical but I ordered them anyway, figuring I'd give them as a gift in case they didn't pass the frequency test.
Come to find out, they not only PASS the frequency response test audio file provided by IML, they also get loud enough to act as miniature speakers. So if I get a phone call while listening to my loops, I can increase the volume on the playback device, take off my headphones, and attend the call, while not breaking ASRB. And then proceed back to my regular listening when finished with the phone call. HOW COOL!
The disadvantage is that because the headphones unintentionally double up as mini speakers, it would have to be used to listen to my loops in private, to prevent unintentional exposure on other people. It's also fairly flimsy, as can be expected out of a $15 product. We'll see how long these headphones last.
But as of right now, i'm listening to my Hybrid mp3 loops of B on these headphones, and the sound quality of the trickling stream is impeccable.
In case you're curious:
https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B00NBEWB4U/
(01-06-2017, 07:39 AM)Shannon Wrote: [ -> ]I think it's...
Is this me executing the script, embodying what women find attractive? Non neediness, IDGAF about women, wanting to do my own thing and be alone, instead of getting back on dating sites, getting back on social media...
or...
is this just me focusing inwardly to heal, clear and grow into what the program has me trying to accomplish?
And... no. The bloom is no joke. P3/4/5 are exceedingly powerful technology.
Okay, it took some time for me to internalize this bold part, but I'm pretty damn sure you're right. Considering the p3/4/5 tech affecting my mom 5 days after ~2 loops, I'm still quite likely in clearing mode, and still in the crap removal mode.
And it's not until 3 days after stopping A that the "UGH" feeling starts subsiding. Ugh feeling = the emotional state due to being deep in the trenches of the clearing process.
Again, it seems to be a case of :
Quote:I suppose this is the nature of "becoming", in that I'm not where I was, but I'm not yet to where I'm going.
Wtf I just had an awesome experience at whole foods.
I was loading up my van with my groceries, and some dude takes the cart from me. I thought he needed it. But he put it back inside the store, and walks back out to meet his gf, who he left literally in the middle of the street while he went to put the cart back. Then him and her walk to their car together.
I thanked him and said have a good day. But as I looked at his gf, she had the most befuddled expression on her face, looking at me thru the windshield like "why tf did my man do that for this random guy?"
Me:
I got home, made myself a monster sandwich, and slept for 5 hours. Woke up, read a bit about ENFP personality types, made another sandwich, and I'm ready to go back to bed.
I have been sleeping quite a lot this week! Naps are great
