Subliminal Talk

Quickly returning to my limitless mindset from pre-psychosis. Healing things as well. My regimen is gonna pay dividens, I think. It shall be glorious!

After my loops of EPHRA for the day and currently processing the degenerate amounts of, simply put, disrespect as shown to me by various cunnies. This is stupid, reckless and ungrateful (I'm a big bald angry guy, you do this shit to someone like me who doesn't have an inhuman tolerance for being shat upon and is filled with LOVE towards his fellow humans, this could end really, really bad - and also I'm actually a friggin' feminist, not of the soyboy type either, more of the militant anarcho-socialist bent, so I take this as ingratitude as well because I've been putting my ass on the line for these ungrateful britches) and a reckoning is in order. *Hulk smash*, grrr.

I'm noticing I'm doing things, with some, but relatively little, trepidation, that I would be fain to do after that psychotic episode especially due to a worry/fear that I'd get immediately punished/face backlash for doing them, and it's been progressing. Neat-o!

Stuffies and thingies are going well. Practiced some singing, too, and my voice is about 90% recovered so back to regular practicing it is! The idea is to embody A GOLDEN GOD OF SEX AND SONG.

That "limitless" feeling, it comes and it goes, but the important thing is that it's coming. Made some alterations to my stuffies and thingies regimen, just gotta keep at it and dis gon be gud.

Still having wonky dreams, kinda had one I remembered today, it was interesting to say the least. I am really tired and annoyed, though, by the negativity that keeps coming up in the healing process. I don't have an outlet for it apart from talking to myself and heavy metalz because my analyst is on a break. I'm totally gonna vent at her something fierce, shitting on people for being disgusting degenerates and smarmy schmucks, and by golly she's gonna have to listen because that's what I'm paying her for!

Foobar crapped out on me yesternight so I effectively did 2 and a half loops or thereabouts. As usual, I had wonky dreams after but otherwise feeling fine.

I was feeling a little bit depress-y these past couple of days, but now that has passed and I'm getting wonky sensation on the right side of my heart chakra, a "put-put-put" pulsation even. Funky.

The depressive feelings have gone, we'll see for how long. I finally have some slightly more free time from translation work so now, apart from daily singing practice, I can indulge in my favorite pastime of "walking/lying around and thinking about things".

My libido is making a slight comeback and I'm having sexual dreams/fantasies when falling asleep. I enjoy them.

Now I have an ambient headache. It's nothing too distracting, but still - meh. I did take a nap though and I had really fascinating dreams. Like, seriously. Fascinating stuff!

I got a little bit tired of the enforced tempo so now I'm doing the instructed 15 minutes per day (but still using the hybrid track) and seems to be working fine. I get lots of healing-related dreams. Keeping at it.

When I'm sleeping, I'm getting dreams a mile a minute and I feel good, also after waking up for some time. But, f. in., today I may have practiced a little bit too much singing, got frustrated and then it started hitting me - again - what a shitty, lonely existence I've been leading these past 10 years or so, filled with humiliation and lack. Oy vey.

Anyhow, I signed up for a body movement class to replace the one I used to attend, we'll see whether it's fun.

Playing around with some stuffies and thingies I got my hands on recently in addition to the usual. Progress has been slow, or maybe it feels like that because I'm a bit down today.

Had some more healing-related dreams, this time about something a little bit different. Good, it would mean progress is being made because I want to heal ASAP and get on with my life and stuff.

Bah, still feeling depressive so I went back to one loop, maybe it'll pass faster.

I feel a little bit better today. One loops seems to be the sweet spot for me.

The problem with listening to subs on my phone is that people keep friggin' calling me while I'm doing so. Also Foobar keeps crapping out randomly which disturbs my listening extravaganza even further. Bah.

The program would be better off using the DRS instead of the grounding shield, which in my opinon is, to quote Futurama's Zapp Brannigan, "weak and womanlike", so I have to use other shielding methods to complement it. There's a fairly good chance OED would have worked for me splendidly had I done so while using it. Pah. A couple more months on EPHRA and I'll give it another shot.

Yeah, I feel way better when doing one full loop hybrid. Gonna stick to that.

I have a potential job for next season, gotta perform a little dance for the powers-that-be (who sounded through the phone like hot young woman), preparing for that. Should be fun even if it doesn't result in anything much.

Yeah, feeling better when awake, not depressive anymore, but I still had some very intense dreams, definitely healing-related. So that's good! Let's keep at it.