Subliminal Talk

Had a dream that would indicate, among other things, that I'm somewhat alarmed at speed of the changes I am making. Which is funny because outwardly it's a little bit slow-going, haha.

Doing that translation job for Thursday, I'm totally taking a break after it, I'm fed up with it. My voice feels a little bit better but still not quite up to snuff, I made the right decision by quitting that band.

Some very good developments internally as well as externally. Made some alterations to my stuffies and thingies and I think I'm set for the time being.

I do feel tired but that's mostly translation work. I need to catch up on sleepy times. Gonna be finished with this large job by tomorrow anyway, and then it's Freizeit finally! I won't mind the potato I'm making, though, as I have expensess, man!

Managed to get my weight to where it was before I overate over Easter, good. Now it's time to get it even lower to get rid of the dad bod, haha.

Almost finished with that translation jobs, two pages left, oofta. I'm totally taking a break of several days after.

Just had a sad little "I really hate myself - and it's all your fault!" moment, oy. But it passed and I'm feeling better now. I've also come to some conclusions about that voice hearing incident I had which are truly fascinating and I'm totally gonna share with my analyst once she's back from her break, which is in two weeks, so I'm making a note of it here lest I forget, lol.

Finished that job, whoop dee doop! Finally some time off! I've got a conference on Saturday and a meeting with a lovely lady (who's a bit on the easy-going side, so to speak, so we'll see what she'll be up to doing ) so it'll be nice to rest up!

Been feeling up-and-down throughout the day recently.

I still have some smaller jobs to take care of, but oh well, at least I got proper sleep! Feeling pretty good, made some alterations yet again to my stuffies and thingies and I think I'm set for the time being and am not gonna make any changes for an exteded period of time (at least that's the plan, but I might change my mind if I chance onto something awesome or have a brilliant idea or something ).

Still resting my voice until Monday.

I experienced a little bit of resistance these past couple of days but it seems to have passed now. My subC was alarmed at the speed I was going at and the changes this could potentially bring about. Back to two loops it is!

Hahaha, went to a friend's little birthday get-together, she arrived in tow with a tinder date and her lesbian lover, love her, haha. It was nice, nice people. No sexy times, though, oh well.

What I did find is a sutffy and thingy that actualy brings out my sexual libido and helps with erectile function, great! Gonna be using it *hard*. Listening to my loops for the day, feeling pretty well, voice is coming back.

Just had a very vivid dream related to my sexual traumas, I actually woke up from it. Probably this is why my subC wanted to postpone dealing with it, it's not pleasant at all! But otherwise feeling pretty good, a job opportunity presents itself and I'm going to take it (audition for choir work, full-time employment in my hometown, no less).

Had some proper sleepy times finally, I'm having lots of dreams, albeit with time they're becoming less hardcore. After I listen to the program they're a bit more hardcore and become less so as time passes, interesting.

Now, I feel a little bit of pain in the root chakra area, to the right side of the preineum (the source of the wonky dark sensation that goes all the way up to the right side of my heart chakra). It's a little bit hurty, but also has that funky ticklish quality I've mentioned previously. Hoping this will pass with time as it would be a good sign that things are progressing healing-wise.

Stuffies and thingies are going well, made some more changes, added some, replaced some.

Practiced my singing after a little break, it was okay. My voice is recovering.

Feeling a little bit down today, having some "I'm so tired of life" moments. Oh well, maybe it will pass. The wonky sensations are still there, maybe it's just something healing through. Hopefully I'll feel better tomorrow.

Was not satisfied with my singing practice today! I overslept a bit and got distracted by translation work I had to finish by a deadline, maybe it's because of that. I dunno. Anyway, continuing.

Feeling a little bit better now (thanks to a stuffy and thingy I chanced upon. Useful!), I'm a little bit frustrated because my voice is still recovering after that metal bonanza. Also feeling a little bit frustrated with life and people in general. I desire things and I'd rather have them sooner rathen than later because I've been bereft of nice things and happy fun times for years, for no good reason apart from the fact that people suck, oy.

Been having some recollections about primary school/junior high and how those smarmy little degenerates treated me as a kid. Oy, humanity! (High school was kinda fine in comparison).

Feeling very up and down. Considering why my life is so shite and finding no good reason apart from people deciding I only deserve scorn, humiliation and derision, and not nice things. And not a single instance in which I'd get close to getting a nice thing and someone trying to obstruct. Oy, humanity!

Now I'm interchangeably angry at various people (usually for good reason) or calmer and the "wound" around my heart chakra, on the right side, goes "bump bump bump" - it's difficult to describe it, it's a wonky sensation of some sort. I'm also a little bit bored and a little bit tired but don't feel like sleeping, and I can do voice practice only so long, especially that I'm recovering still. I do have some translation jobs to do but I'm so fed up with them I get depressed whenever I start doing them, pah.

Hopefully this state is transitory. I did elect to return to a clearing regimen I used to do extensively some months back, maybe that will help.

Feeling better, managed to catch up on sleep. Still taking some time off from singing practice but I'm tempted to do it daily still, haha. Anyway, I still get tons of dreams but I don't really remember them now.

Whatever I'm doing is working but unfortunately it's going to take some time to bear fruit.