Subliminal Talk

My libido seems to be fluctuating from moderately high to very low. Hopefully this is just a symptom of something being worked on and it will pass in time.

Back home from the holidays, feeling pretty good even though I've had a busy day and I still feel stuffed from all the overeating. Now it's back to dieting! Let's call it a cheat week, haha.

Set up some things for *the ladies*, we'll see how they work. Feels promising.

I also found another thingy that could be helpful with my ED issues, feels promising as well, we'll see how it turns out.

My analyst annoyed me with a bit of womansplaining yesterday and it's been bugging me a bit, every now and again. Maybe she's salty about something, I dunno.

Been having lots of wonky dreams, involving a great many things which at first glance seem disconnected. Funny. I also feel like sleeping more than usual but that's also related to my physical regimen.

Anyway, there's a couple things I'd like to purchase but I've been on a bit of a spending spree this year already so I think I'll wait until my finances recover. I do have some potato saved up though.

So I've been watching some youtube vids by dr Les Carter again, I like him - his vids can be, as he's prone to saying in his Texan drawl if I'm not mistaken, "very therapeutic".  I like this idea of "dignity, respect, civility" and if that when someone does not treat you according to these three standards, you may very well assume there's something very wrong with that individual (I like how he says "individual", not "person", haha).

I'm liking this vid today:



The embedding's crapping out, so here's the link if anyone's interested: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jfcqK5wiCK8

I'm listening to my EPHRA loop for the day and I've got this quotation from Immanuel Kant on my mind (even though I'm an anti-fan of German Idealism, I believe it's a degenarate form of religiosity, especially Hegel and his ilk, lol) which went something like "If the truth is going to kill them then let them die". Oy!

Oooh la la, my stuffies and thingies for *the ladies* appear to be taking off. Just had a stunningly gorgeous woman I've never seen before say HI! to me enthusiastically as I was eating a little snacc and minding my own business. Gonna stalk that area some more when I'm out and about, maybe we can hit it off.

Considering increasing my dosage of EPHRA to 2 loops because the going is good and I kinda feel like it, but I think I'll wait until I've had a full month of one loop under my belt.

EDIT

I also have to prepare for auditions for two bands, we'll see how that turns out. Gotta remind the people I was supposed to be auditioning for that full-time singing gig of my existence. They appear to be kind but kinda chaotic people, haha.

I tried to set up a new printer, it borked off to all crap and now it's broken. Pfagh. Gonna keep having to do my printing outside the house, I had a thingy to print! Bah, tomorrow then. It made me a little bit rageful TBH.

My Raging Against the Machine - by which I mean the goshdarned printer - has actually led me to release something and now I'm feeling pretty good, did my hour of aerobic EMS, listening to my loop of EHPRA, having *thoughts*. In the spirit of Kriegsphilosophie, I am slowly but surely gaining ground yet again. Hopefully this time for good.

I was feeling pretty good last night but slightly worse today. Got these two bands to think of, singing practice (still no word on the actual audition date), translation work and taxes. That dark thingy within me calmed down yesterday after I *raged* for a bit, but now it's generating wonky ticklish sensations again. It's like the program is trying to heal the negativity but it keeps coming back somehow - some of it is probably my own, and some of it is coming from the outside (but it's still way more manageable than it used to).

My libido and sexual function are improving, though, which I like (though I only tested it by my own hand to date, so to speak, haha) and is promising. Feeling pretty good about my physical regimen, too, it should really give good results in the long term, just gotta stick to it.

Working on resolving inner conflicts, trying to adjuticate them in ways that are most beneficial, positive and optimistic for myself. I had bouts of strong anxiety some time ago - a lot of it was the result of really mutually exclusive inner conflicting ideas (as well as outside conflict, too - it's where the negative thinking comes from, in my case, from the outside and as a reaction to people being assfarts).

My analyst did not womansplain me today, which is very nice of her.

Doing things, finally have a date for the auditions for that full time gig, in a little bit over a week, very good. Feeling pretty good today, had some wonky dreams but I don't really remember them. I was slightly tempted to run a loop of Xa-1451 (or whatever the number, the newer one) before going to places where I know I'm gonna see some nice ladies who are interested in me, but ultimately decided against it. I will rely on my stuffies and thingies when it comes to assistance with that for the time being, they are very promising.

I'm doing a couple of days off, am out of town. Some interesting developments internally and externally, though not all of them obviously "positive", but, I dunno how to call them, "ultimately rewarding"?

I'm a little bit swamped with translation work and stuff for various auditions and the like. On one hand I'm enjoying it, on the other hand I could use a couple days off and then come back to it well-rested with more powah. We'll see how things turn out. Got some unexpected issues with my tax return this year, hopefully it'll turn out well and I won't have to, like, pay a fine or anything. That would be unfortunate.

The tax situation has been resolved after some wrangling so it should be fine. Good!

Could use a little vacation to recharge my creative batteries. I've got to write some songs by Wednsday but I'm distracted by work and the full-time job auditions, and that recovery assistant course I had last weekend. There's this pretty hot chick there who was responding very well to my stuffies and thingies as well as XA-1451, but now she seems to be a little bit salty because in simulations I'm a better assistant than she is, haha. At least that's what it seems like. Or maybe she's one of those idiots who "shit tests", lol. Anyway, we'll see. I think I'll run a loop or two of XA-1451 next month to see how she reacts, I wouldn't mind getting it on with her (nothing too serious though).

I'll be increasing my dosage of EHPRA after the 20th to two loops. Things are progressing nicely but they could be progressing faster. I like it *harder, faster*.

Decided to go for it and increased my number of loops to two since I've been guided to do so for some time now. We'll see how that pans out!