Day 2
Not noticeable external results.
Internally, it's dealing it's peeling the rotten onion inside me and revealing the true deep rooted things about myself and it was projected on to the women. It turns out I'm searching for validation, acknowledgement that my existence is does matter. That's explains why that Asian girl's flirtatious behavior was like a drug. She gave me validation and thats what got me hooked immediately. Whoa that's a doozy. Even typing it out is releasing the pent up stuff inside me.
Day 3
Had a couple of dreams that dealt with clearing. First dream had a lot of rage. The second dealt with running the program itself. Sort of dealing with the fact that I'm running this with the risk of this might not work as advertised.
I was running a scenario in my head that basically revealed that I still have some fears of sex. Basically the fear of not knowing what to do. But I do know that next time if an opportunity presents itself then I'm not going to back down like last time.
Had the Asian coworker did numerous butt displays and one boob display, a stretch that targets the pecs and pushes her boobs out.
The waves of ioi's started with her literally moving her seat from 4-5 feet from my left to 3-4 in front of me and sat in such a way that presented her ass and then moved back quickly.
https://imagr.eu/up/VERwy
https://imagr.eu/up/jX5j2
(12-04-2016, 11:52 AM)Aventus45 Wrote: [ -> ]Had the Asian coworker did numerous butt displays and one boob display, a stretch that targets the pecs and pushes her boobs out.
The waves of ioi's started with her literally moving her seat from 4-5 feet from my left to 3-4 in front of me and sat in such a way that presented her ass and then moved back quickly.
https://imagr.eu/up/VERwy
https://imagr.eu/up/jX5j2
From what I can tell she's got a nice butt. The soles of her shoes look totally worn out though.
Day 4
Had a nice sexual dream that basically was my perfect blend of intimacy and sexuality. DMSI is doing its thing.
Dream involved me walking around with an asian girl that this one creep was going for. We were walking around from store to store while physically flirting around with each other.
Had a sudden impulse to start lifting again.
Took 2g glutamine and im burning up intensely.
Just suddenly have a flash of hatred and anger that washed over me. It seems like I have an intense anger against those who are in a relationship and would go so far as to use DMSI to fuck girls that are already committed to another person and break that relationship. The moral side kicked in but was quickly overpowered.
Whoa in after writing it down, this anger and hatred has been festering inside me for years. Something that was left over from the months of reading the manosphere and red pill garbage.
Quote:Whoa in after writing it down, this anger and hatred has been festering inside me for years. Something that was left over from the months of reading the manosphere and red pill garbage.
Yep that's exactly what it is. It fucked me up worse and made me hate women more and i'm glad I stopped reading it. I'm way better for it now.
Something I forgot to mention yesterday was me having a moment where I thought of saying "f*** it, why work to become a better version of myself? Just pick the low hanging fruit so to speak" or some form of " why am I chasing an ideal?"
Day 4
3 loops of hybrid trickling stream
Don't remember much of my dreams today but there was some point where I became drenched in sweat which is uncommon because my room is cool and my sheets are warm enough to be comfortable but not swelteringly hot.
Hunger became noticeable. Ate a full plate of food and in less than a 30 minutes my stomach wants more food.
(12-05-2016, 04:08 PM)Benjamin Wrote: [ -> ]Quote:Whoa in after writing it down, this anger and hatred has been festering inside me for years. Something that was left over from the months of reading the manosphere and red pill garbage.
Yep that's exactly what it is. It ***** me up worse and made me hate women more and i'm glad I stopped reading it. I'm way better for it now.
Exactly why I've said before that the "manosphere/red pill" has it's place...to awaken you to things in the real world. That's great and beneficial, but the problem I've said is STAYING THERE, STATIC. It's great to see all of the non-PC dynamics and get educated on what you've done wrong with things in the past etc. and boo women. But after awhile, if you don't move on and progress, you just ironically become jaded and bitter, a mirror of the hate group you claim to despise. If you hate women or resent them, I'm not sure how you can possibly find healthy ones to be with, the only ones you'll attract are mirrors of you, also jaded and resentful but of men. Let me know how THAT plays out, lmao. They had no answers for anything because of their extreme tunnel vision about pushing for sex only sex sex sex, because their limited framework does nothing for real dating or relationships so there is no depth to it, it isn't sustainable that's why I question how good many of them REALLY are with women. The strategies greatly dehumanise interactions and may get you jaded, damaged club s*uts that are just as resentful and bitter and jaded about men as you are about women, and tons of drama and short term PITAs, but don't seem to get much else. That's why I left all that behind long ago, I found mones, and then found IML. I wanted to move on, move forward, I knew there must have been a healthy middle ground between "red pill/MGTOW/manosphere/RoK/Tom Leykis" and "blue pill/beta bux/mangina"...both are such unhealthy, limiting extremes.
I'm glad that I, and us, have FOUND that middle ground now...
(12-06-2016, 08:30 AM)CatMan Wrote: [ -> ] (12-05-2016, 04:08 PM)Benjamin Wrote: [ -> ]Quote:Whoa in after writing it down, this anger and hatred has been festering inside me for years. Something that was left over from the months of reading the manosphere and red pill garbage.
Yep that's exactly what it is. It ***** me up worse and made me hate women more and i'm glad I stopped reading it. I'm way better for it now.
Exactly why I've said before that the "manosphere/red pill" has it's place...to awaken you to things in the real world. That's great and beneficial, but the problem I've said is STAYING THERE, STATIC. It's great to see all of the non-PC dynamics and get educated on what you've done wrong with things in the past etc. and boo women. But after awhile, if you don't move on and progress, you just ironically become jaded and bitter, a mirror of the hate group you claim to despise. If you hate women or resent them, I'm not sure how you can possibly find healthy ones to be with, the only ones you'll attract are mirrors of you, also jaded and resentful but of men. Let me know how THAT plays out, lmao. They had no answers for anything because of their extreme tunnel vision about pushing for sex only sex sex sex, because their limited framework does nothing for real dating or relationships so there is no depth to it, it isn't sustainable that's why I question how good many of them REALLY are with women. The strategies greatly dehumanise interactions and may get you jaded, damaged club s*uts that are just as resentful and bitter and jaded about men as you are about women, and tons of drama and short term PITAs, but don't seem to get much else. That's why I left all that behind long ago, I found mones, and then found IML. I wanted to move on, move forward, I knew there must have been a healthy middle ground between "red pill/MGTOW/manosphere/RoK/Tom Leykis" and "blue pill/beta bux/mangina"...both are such unhealthy, limiting extremes.
I'm glad that I, and us, have FOUND that middle ground now...
Yeah I got stuck in there for way too long and I need to clear all this s*** that's causing me unhappiness.
This hunger is unreal. Had a 3 slices of pizza and now a chipotle bowl which I asked them to stuff with all the toppings. Jeez it better be worth all the food I'm consuming.
3 pizza's that's a lot of energy you got now for the sub to do it's aura
(12-06-2016, 12:36 PM)Shadow2200 Wrote: [ -> ]3 pizza's that's a lot of energy you got now for the sub to do it's aura
At this point, the sub has a lot more to do than just power the aura.