Day 18
B day 5
Played my loops in the afternoon and it starts kicking in early morning at 2 am. Went to sleep with a new type of resistance. The urge to give up but not quit B. Just an overall feeling of helplessness and giving up. Will stick to it until the new year.
Consequently I woke up as if I went through a subconscious war. I could feel the processing of version B in my mind lol.
Edit: I just glanced at my reflection and I look subtly sexier. It's subtly stronger and more intense.
Been feeling some social anxiety with the group im usually with. They all speak a different language than me but their second language is English. It hasn't been a problem but now it became a big one. Now that I think about it.
I felt the same feeling of exclusion yesterday with my co-workers.-asks myself- Why do I need to feel included? Isn't it okay to do my own thing?
Day 19
B day 6
Resistance seems to be gone for now. Started lifting again and I felt so much better. Instead of chasing the past and making overzealous goals. I decided to just take it day by day and keep myself consistent while enjoying the workout too.
Chilled with the black girl today. The setting was inappropriate for sexual escalation because I'm at the church with friends I know live there. We both had studying to do but both me and her started talking and getting distracted. I didn't really touch her much maybe a hug here and there. I left to take a final in my college.
When I came back we chilled some more. During that time there was more hugging and I decided to do something new. I decided to touch her leg. The first time I did it, my hand was on the upper part of the legs. She didn't seem to resist nor brush me off so I guess it's a good sign. I don't know how to escalate from just touching her at random parts of her body.
Edit: i feel like I'm afraid of becoming friendzoned or the like and that's is hindering me. I'm going to be going back to A tonight.
Edit#2: my verbal leading seems to be happening. It's like I ask her to comply. "Your going to join me" , etc.
Day 21
Switched back to A because I realized I'm not quite ready for version B. Although I did seem to get results from it, I feel like I'm not quite complying with it.
My mind knows how to escalate the interaction by using my daydreams to play different ways I can escalate but I don't.
The comraderie with my co-workers disappeared as well.
version A
Ate some cereal and went to the gym. On my way to the gym I dressed with just the nessesities, a shirt, sweatpants, coat etc. I wasn't cold at all and in fact I was on the verge of sweating.
This one girl, I can't tell if she's new or not to the gym in general, but I see the reflection of her in the mirror and she gave me the weirdest crotch display ever. She laid down on the lying hamstring curl machine with her back on the machine. So when u usually see a person's ass, you just see her crotch instead. It's totally not how you use the machines and she then gets up and goes back to her male training partner and acted like it never happened. Wtf?
Edit: I accidentally ran away from a cute Korean girl and now I couldn't recover from it tonight. She glanced at me while I headed for the couch and as she was en route towards the couch, I left to check something out. I'll recover from it tmw hopefully LOL.
I missed last night's loops. Meaning I should be in execution mode for today. I had 2 hours of sleep and i feel like shit. I brought up a question to fellow members about eseclation with friends BC I'm interested in one.
Then I pondered "why do I have trouble with eseclation?" And suddenly I was tapping away at it. I never used tapping for the longest time. After much yawning and tears, I went into a trance where I started tapping at everything and anything that came up. I also went deeper into why.
Here is the rough sketch of where it went.
Why am I afraid of eseclation?
-Rejection --->pain of rejection----->former highly emotional past experiences
-inexperience----> terrified---> rejection
-rejection----past experiences- specific emotions (anger jelousy confusion)--->emotions part 2---> anger--->unricprocated feelings as well as inferiority.
Was it A that pushed me to do this? Not sure but I'm sure that it's something I needed to help with clearing.
A has def helped me with escalation. But not just that. Reading up on a lot of material that helped my mindset grow too. And vids and etc. But actually, it wasn't recent when I was reading up on escalation and all. It was over the last few months to a year. It was all in my brain but I couldn't execute. So it was more like A helping me unlock all that and helping me execute.
I did fairly well in not letting stupid stuff get to me but over time it wears me down. Guess I still need some time to heal.
Edit: I felt the need to have to know everything about a person and to be in every conversation with others. It's definitely something that needs to be dissolved.
Tapping will most likely mess up and derail DMSI alot. I learnt better while tapping during AM6 and WM and I believe I messed up alot of what I could have got from it for doing so. Like one day i'd be having good manifestations then i'd tap and it would be gone the next day.
Day 27
Drunken makout with the black girl. Alcohol was definitely involved as well as mones. We got progressing drunker and I had an opportunity to eselate (that is similar to what I had in my head) we had a drunken makeout in bathroom. We were kissing and u ducked in her bombs and what not. I already knew I had vodka dick so I made out with her. It was the most surreal experience ever
Later my friend have me time alone but it doesnt work out because of vodka dick. I suggested head but it didn't workout so I gave her head. It felt like a dream to me Bechar o didn't think I had it in me.
She admitted she was attracted but another side of her was trying to play it off. So it was up to me to physicslly eseclating to the interaction.
Edit: confirmed she has a bf and she still did all the things I described lol.
(12-27-2016, 11:46 PM)Aventus45 Wrote: [ -> ]Day 27
Drunken makout with the black girl. Alcohol was definitely involved as well as mones. We got progressing drunker and we recently had an opportunity (that is similar to what I had in my head) we had a drunken makeout in bathroom. I already knew I had vodka dick so I made out with her. It was the most surreal experience ever
Later my friend have me time alone but it doesnt work out because of vodka dick. I suggested head but it didn't workout so I gave her head. It felt like a dream to me like whoa I'm in this situation I wouldn't think I was in this.
She admitted she was attracted but another side was trying to play it off. So it was me physicslly eseclating to the interaction.
Edit: confirmed she has a bf and she still did all the things I described lol.
And what part did DMSI play in all this?
(12-28-2016, 12:28 AM)Shannon Wrote: [ -> ] (12-27-2016, 11:46 PM)Aventus45 Wrote: [ -> ]Day 27
Drunken makout with the black girl. Alcohol was definitely involved as well as mones. We got progressing drunker and we recently had an opportunity (that is similar to what I had in my head) we had a drunken makeout in bathroom. I already knew I had vodka dick so I made out with her. It was the most surreal experience ever
Later my friend have me time alone but it doesnt work out because of vodka dick. I suggested head but it didn't workout so I gave her head. It felt like a dream to me like whoa I'm in this situation I wouldn't think I was in this.
She admitted she was attracted but another side was trying to play it off. So it was me physicslly eseclating to the interaction.
Edit: confirmed she has a bf and she still did all the things I described lol.
And what part did DMSI play in all this?
The entire build up to the situation. She admitted that a week before I started B she noticed a change in my behavior as well as vibe. When I was in the jazz club and running B, it solidified my intention in the interactions to definitely interested. She knew what's up despite me doubting every move I was making.
(12-28-2016, 12:31 AM)Aventus45 Wrote: [ -> ] (12-28-2016, 12:28 AM)Shannon Wrote: [ -> ] (12-27-2016, 11:46 PM)Aventus45 Wrote: [ -> ]Day 27
Drunken makout with the black girl. Alcohol was definitely involved as well as mones. We got progressing drunker and we recently had an opportunity (that is similar to what I had in my head) we had a drunken makeout in bathroom. I already knew I had vodka dick so I made out with her. It was the most surreal experience ever
Later my friend have me time alone but it doesnt work out because of vodka dick. I suggested head but it didn't workout so I gave her head. It felt like a dream to me like whoa I'm in this situation I wouldn't think I was in this.
She admitted she was attracted but another side was trying to play it off. So it was me physicslly eseclating to the interaction.
Edit: confirmed she has a bf and she still did all the things I described lol.
And what part did DMSI play in all this?
The entire build up to the situation. She admitted that a week before I started B she noticed a change in my behavior as well as vibe. When I was in the jazz club and running B, it solidified my intention the interactions. She know what's up despite me doubting every move I was making.
Interesting. How much of that result for that night would you assign to:
A) Alcohol
B) DMSI and
C) Mones?
(12-28-2016, 12:33 AM)Shannon Wrote: [ -> ] (12-28-2016, 12:31 AM)Aventus45 Wrote: [ -> ] (12-28-2016, 12:28 AM)Shannon Wrote: [ -> ] (12-27-2016, 11:46 PM)Aventus45 Wrote: [ -> ]Day 27
Drunken makout with the black girl. Alcohol was definitely involved as well as mones. We got progressing drunker and we recently had an opportunity (that is similar to what I had in my head) we had a drunken makeout in bathroom. I already knew I had vodka dick so I made out with her. It was the most surreal experience ever
Later my friend have me time alone but it doesnt work out because of vodka dick. I suggested head but it didn't workout so I gave her head. It felt like a dream to me like whoa I'm in this situation I wouldn't think I was in this.
She admitted she was attracted but another side was trying to play it off. So it was me physicslly eseclating to the interaction.
Edit: confirmed she has a bf and she still did all the things I described lol.
And what part did DMSI play in all this?
The entire build up to the situation. She admitted that a week before I started B she noticed a change in my behavior as well as vibe. When I was in the jazz club and running B, it solidified my intention the interactions. She know what's up despite me doubting every move I was making.
Interesting. How much of that result for that night would you assign to:
A) Alcohol
B) DMSI and
C) Mones?
I didn't use mones during the entire building of attraction and past interactions. So it's DMSI.
Large part of tonight is largely alcohol disinhibiting me as well as her and mones.