I started the day with the realization that I probably have a mountain of issues that stemmed from the lack of self-worth, esteem, confidence. The beginning of the day felt absolutely horrible and depressed.
My supervisor for my new job decided to change my shift to a later time. So i enter my new job and the second person i see, aside from my supervisor is this Asian girl. I was initially quiet and awkward because I was deepthroated by this cold. Eventually we got to know each other better through out the shift. Eventually when our shift ended, thats when the banter started to get better and my groove got better. Then she opened me and asked for my number. Dont quite know what to do in that situation, first time it happened. Could be nothing could be something, im taking my own advice and relax and take it easy.
Made a reference to Sausage Party because she bit into a lollipop.
Me: "You bit off the head. Poor lollipop"
Her: "Ill bite your head off. And your other head if you know what i mean"
me: "Oh ;p"
Started talking about parties, being judged my others, drunk people, drink sex, favorite type of alcoholic beverage, introversion. Cool thing was I was able to be more vulnerable with a person I just met. I was comfortable talking about parts of my senior year past. Not quite the "Masculine" side of things for better or worse but im not in that phase until another 5-6 or so months.
(11-05-2016, 07:29 PM)Aventus45 Wrote: [ -> ]My supervisor for my new job decided to change my shift to a later time. So i enter my new job and the second person i see, aside from my supervisor is this Asian girl. I was initially quiet and awkward because I was deepthroated by this cold. Eventually we got to know each other better through out the shift. Eventually when our shift ended, thats when the banter started to get better and my groove got better. Then she opened me and asked for my number. Dont quite know what to do in that situation, first time it happened. Could be nothing could be something, im taking my own advice and relax and take it easy.
Made a reference to Sausage Party because she bit into a lollipop.
Me: "You bit off the head. Poor lollipop"
Her: "Ill bite your head off. And your other head if you know what i mean"
me: "Oh ;p"
It seems like the DMSI programming has kicked in!! Which makes sense if you think about it... You are no longer thinking about whether or not DMSI will work since you aren't running it, so no reason to self sabotage yourself or overthink things.
Plus I'm positive that E2 is clearing more issues that you aren't even aware of!!
(11-06-2016, 02:47 AM)4Kingdoms Wrote: [ -> ] (11-05-2016, 07:29 PM)Aventus45 Wrote: [ -> ]My supervisor for my new job decided to change my shift to a later time. So i enter my new job and the second person i see, aside from my supervisor is this Asian girl. I was initially quiet and awkward because I was deepthroated by this cold. Eventually we got to know each other better through out the shift. Eventually when our shift ended, thats when the banter started to get better and my groove got better. Then she opened me and asked for my number. Dont quite know what to do in that situation, first time it happened. Could be nothing could be something, im taking my own advice and relax and take it easy.
Made a reference to Sausage Party because she bit into a lollipop.
Me: "You bit off the head. Poor lollipop"
Her: "Ill bite your head off. And your other head if you know what i mean"
me: "Oh ;p"
It seems like the DMSI programming has kicked in!! Which makes sense if you think about it... You are no longer thinking about whether or not DMSI will work since you aren't running it, so no reason to self sabotage yourself or overthink things.
Plus I'm positive that E2 is clearing more issues that you aren't even aware of!!
It might be DMSI, it might not be. I only ran v2.5 for a week and v2.4 for little over a month. Im also wearing Captain from Pheromone Treasures too. Not quite suer which is more responsible for it but i know I'm having an effect.
(11-06-2016, 04:43 AM)Aventus45 Wrote: [ -> ]It might be DMSI, it might not be. I only ran v2.5 for a week and v2.4 for little over a month. Im also wearing Captain from Pheromone Treasures too.
Not quite suer which is more responsible for it but i know I'm having an effect.
It's better to stay neutral and not give credit if you aren't sure.
Day 13
No-porn day 2
My biggest enemy is my mind right now. It blows everything out of proportion and causes too much anxiety due to that fact. The pillars that support such negativity have to be eroded and then start anew with a stronger foundation built upon positive core values. If I conquer this then I can conquer anything.
Day 14
I'm starting to become aware of the negative self-chatter in my head. Im not at the point where it stops but at least I'm aware of it.
I followed up with that Asian girl from work. She seems cool enough so I asked her out to watch a movie I'm dying to see. Sound cliche as all hell, but it's an easy way to expose her to a cocktail of mones.
Edit: I was planning on switching to v1 for a night to see what the mythical v1 experience was like. Im still clearing stuff though so it would sound like a good idea.
Day 16
Felt massive head fog yesterday and I couldn't get anything done.
Consciously trying to control my reactions so my mind doesn't run wild. Once my mind does, it gets worse because I start interpreting things negatively and start weaving massive sob stories out of nothing.
Resisting the urge to change subs. Its easier with V1 but when V3.0.1 rolls out then its going to be alot harder.
I didn't know how to escalate and that killed the date.
Thinking I should move to 2.5 again.
Day 17
Had that date with the girl. It was like the perfect date to escalate to sex. Watch the movie, she got all moned up with the hook up and grail of affection. We decided to walk around and visit different stores. the entire time we were flirting around and getting physically touchy. We decided to walk her to her friend's place. When we got there, things escalated ,like it was dripping with awkward sexual tension, but I didn't know what to do or I was locked in fear due to inexperience. Because of that that fear, my automatic reaction is to outright say it. That killed the attraction.
Also turns out her friend is a late 20's dude and she's under the age of consent. Hard to process everything. Because I felt like I sucked because of my inexperience. Good cause that was the best date in my life so far because things flowed well. Weird because she is F****IMG with a 28 year old dude who deadfish in sex.
Well I live and learn and my core value of honesty is still there.
Edit: probably staying on E2 so I can work on the confused thoughts I have. And after some introspection, I think the universe is giving me some kind of lesson by manifesting this girl into my life.
Day 18
Funny. I don't feel bitterness, hate, nor anger like I did a few weeks ago. Nice change.
Spent the entire day yesterday feeling incredibly inadequate and needy. I never felt this needy since the day my Ex broke up with me. I had to talk it out with my friend to gain insight and it only really just made my mind blow up with more insecurity and other stuff.
a friend noticed that something has changed. Cool.
Day 19
After a night of E2, I felt noticeably better compared to last night. Going to reread the books by Mark Manson again.
Feeling quite like shit right now. Why? Because I don't understand what the hell just happened to me. Having such mixed signs in such an event is F***ing with me really hard. Like I dont really get it. all her signs pointed that she was interested and even down to smash behind the staircase of the dude she seeing's staircase. After speaking with my friends and the emotions stop clouding my judgment and another emotional purge and another urge to move back into the red pill days of my past, I was able to think about it in a more rational way and learned and became aware that.
1. I'm a sucker for physical touch. The way she danced around me and flirted was like a drug to me. Now I know what I want but in a less messed up package.
2. After reading Mark Manson's book "Models", I noticed how she had so many red flags she has and theoretically would have been a no go. Parents divorced, dad cheated on her mom twice, mom still hung up on it, her father has custody but neglects her. She is also Pansexual. She isn't loyal.
3. I strongly think she was a DMSI Manifestation because it was strictly for sex(If I performed) and romance was clearly out of the equation, How receptive she was( flirty and how it was oddly my taste of flirting), she opened me up and asked for my number at the first day I met her. And I subconsciously might be into crazy.
Was this the Asian girl that you wrote about in one of your earlier posts?
I had an old girlfriend of mine who once told me that all women are like cats, they are capricious by nature. I had to agree with her.
I would say to broach women with the idea of it being casual unless or until you feel like you want it to grow into something more serious. Sort of like the try and buy model.
This way, if it's hot and heavy you end up having sex. If it goes anywhere beyond that first night of sex, you can guide it on your terms.
Up until a man has sex with a woman, she generally has the power. After a man has had sex, the power is more in the mans hand.
Anyway, don't let this event get you down. Just learn from it and move on. Life will always give you other opportunities, it's up to you to seize them...
Onward and Upward Aventus... Onward and upward...
What's pansexual got anything to do with her not being a suitable partner? Just wondering.
(11-13-2016, 07:35 PM)wolverine_i_am Wrote: [ -> ]What's pansexual got anything to do with her not being a suitable partner? Just wondering.
It doesn't. Trying to give as much detail without the important stuff like name, address, etc.