Subliminal Talk

What I want is all of the goals to be reached without needing mones or alcohol at all. When I get done, alcohol will make no sense to use at all because it will only have a negative effect, and mones will be completely unnecessary.

Why should alcohol have a negative effect Shannon? What about responsible conscious use of alcohol to lower ego-inhibitions or to just have a great time?

(12-28-2016, 12:43 AM)Shannon Wrote: [ -> ]What I want is all of the goals to be reached without needing mones or alcohol at all. When I get done, alcohol will make no sense to use at all because it will only have a negative effect, and mones will be completely unnecessary.

I like this.

Can you put something in there so the girl doesn't need or want alcohol too?

(12-28-2016, 12:43 AM)Shannon Wrote: [ -> ]What I want is all of the goals to be reached without needing mones or alcohol at all. When I get done, alcohol will make no sense to use at all because it will only have a negative effect, and mones will be completely unnecessary.

Eventually I want to get to that point but today was a good night to help me get over my fear of intimacy.

(12-28-2016, 02:21 AM)soulfly1 Wrote: [ -> ]Why should alcohol have a negative effect Shannon? What about responsible conscious use of alcohol to lower ego-inhibitions or to just have a great time?

When DMSI is finished, it will have you at your optimal point. Adding alcohol will only degrade that. Right now, the offset effects are enhancing because you are not at your optimal point, and the disinhibiting offset you get from alcohol helps.

It's just like drinking 1 beer used to make my bowling and billiards games better when I was nervous and socially anxious. I would relax. Now, I am already relaxed, and adding alcohol only degrades my motor control.

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I can't believe you MADE her cheat on her boyfriend, Aventus! Must be that TOXIC MASCULINITY manifesting, you MISOGYNIST!!!

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Edit: this is a sobered up recount of what happened.

Now that I am not sweating vodka, rum and whiskey. I remembered something C, the friend I had and experience with, explained to me how it eventually led to last nights interaction.

It started with three weeks ago when I was on my first week of DMSI V3.0.1 A. She noticed the vibe(Aura?) around me changed when I did something unusual with her. During one of her piano sessions, I sat next to her on the small chair as she was playing(she was vague). The next week, after two weeks of Version A and day 1 of B, we went to a jazz club and my actions, from NS before alcohol, confirmed her suspicions that I was attracted. She said there was a part of her that was attracted to me as well and another part of her that was trying to play it off. Guess which side of her won last night .

It was funny to me because the make out started when I was drunkenly trying to help her in the bathroom after I got some alcohol in her eye. We went into the bathroom, and i began to caress her. When we started making out, I felt fear bubbling up in me, but it was bypassed by the alcohol. When the resistance subsided it felt like the most surreal experience because I thought to myself "Wow THIS CANNOT BE HAPPENING." and "Is this me that is in this situation?" When I asked her to take off her top, and I was playing with her breasts, then that was the point I embraced, what felt like, a new me, a guy that actually can experience intimacy with women and isn't the low confidence guy I always thought I was.


After what seemed to be 20 minutes of making out in the bathroom. My friends gave us space and time to essentially f***. But guess who drank too much and couldn't get it up? Lol Did it matter at the time? No, and I don't feel shame nor insecurity from it to this day. Instead, I took the initiative and decided to please her by eating her out instead, and she gave me bonus points for the initiative.

Afterward when the party is dying down, we ended up sleeping in the same bed. I had my arms out, and she came close and cuddled with me as we slept. Thus a happy ending an incredibly fun and crazy night. When I woke up, I was scared to touch her again because I thought it was all a dream. She responded in the same way as last night, and it eased that fear.

Later today, I met up with my best friend and I was recounting last night with C and he mentioned how far I came and how much I changed. Earlier this year, I was so hung up on an ex that didn't even give me the same level of intimacy that C gave me. Now I'm experiencing a new level of intimacy that I never had before, with a woman and it helped me come less needy about it as well.

What I'm realizing is that I'm understanding mark mansion's ideas behind "models". It is always the intention that is shining though my actions. It leaks into the daily with women and they will pick up on it. They will pick up on my neediness or my lack of it one way or another so the only way forward is to deal with why I am needy and effectively erase it. Version A is pushing me to go towards the best option of "game", in my opinion, that I know of. The game of becoming stronger in myself and my own opinion of myself rather than the opinion of others. Mark calls it becoming vulnerable. I call it being truthful to myself.

I have the fear of expressing my intentions to women because they might not be comfortable with it and I might scare them. If I'm not comfortable expressing my interest, I can't even joke about it. That is starting to change because I became much more forward with C. I'm starting to adopt "take me for what I am. If your not game I'll move on because life doesn't stop for me". Now I'm seeing her tomorrow to watch another jazz performance.

Taking a nap while playing version A and I had a visceral dream l. I dreamed of myself using a razor to shave off my skin and reveal the rawness of my flesh. Sounds so metal and cringe worthy and I think it means I'm shedding my insecurities and garbage.

Today and yesterday I had a heavy don't give a fuck attitude. Like it was literally the theme of the day for me. One of my friends is trying to distance herself from me and I'm thinking "that's fine. My life will keep moving on and I will meet new people. I'm not going stop my life for you". It's liberating for me.

Edit: I thought I was being too forward with her in one text but she proved the "rational but fear laden" side of me wrong
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Had church service tonight.

I was poking fun with C and I was making sexual comments all night. During the service, the Korean girl was singing and doing her thing, I told C I wondered if her moans sound similar. She usually responded to the comments with a look and a big smile on her face.

I tried to lead her to the church bathroom and smash but she furiously shook her head a said no. She responded to my physical touch though.

I also noticed that the Korean girl is glancing at me more often. We locked eyes about 4-5 times while a meeting and such. We entered into a conversation with a group of people and I decided to lean on a table and slightly distancing from the group. She did the same as well as coming closer to me. I placed my arm around her and she's like aww and leaned in closer. She does the same with the parting hug but added "bro". I think the aura is slowly changing her perception and I'll sow the seeds to facilitate it.

Edit: the interaction was also done in front of C and she saw it all. She seemed fine about it though.

(12-29-2016, 08:38 PM)Aventus45 Wrote: [ -> ]I tried to lead her to the church bathroom and smash but she furiously shook her head a said no. She responded to my physical touch though.

If you end up doing that you'll be my hero.

Hahahahahahhah "if her moans sounded similar " you dog

(12-29-2016, 08:47 PM)Darkness Wrote: [ -> ]Hahahahahahhah "if her moans sounded similar " you dog

Ah should have clarified. I asked C if the Korean girl's moans were similar.

It's STILL funny

C told me her full history and I knew I have to keep it casual or it's gonna destroy me. I firmly set the tone as Fwb but I'm already growing attached to her lol. I hope version A healing can clear that out of me.