Subliminal Talk

Eye contact with random people is much better, though not perfect yet. I've had this thing where I only have solid eye contact with women I'm seducing, but not in "normal" interactions. The improvement has to do with accepting something, maybe accepting that I can hold it like I am and not supposed to do it somehow differently or that I'm not attacking or offending them by it, or smt like that.

The other news is that this weekend I was with some family, and I was singing a lot. Not loudly, but still very clearly and not in a mocking, fearful style, but just for fun. Singing has been a big obstacle for me in the past. Conversation was very good also. I was able to be much warmer and didn't have to spend so much effort being composed and cool and trying to get out of it like I normally have. People were telling me a lot how good it was to see me again (it hasn't been long).

Just to write this down for myself, since it will probably be completely backwards in a few days: I feel great. Very good. What brings me down a little is that other people seems so sad on the streets and bus (because its less fun for me). I'm still a bit too "shy" wrt. this feeling, so I can't quite snap them out of it. I've been listening a lot, going to force myself to take a break of several hours.

Who's Robert Jordan? Do you mean Robert Smith?

(03-07-2016, 04:13 AM)LionKing Wrote: [ -> ]Day 25 or so

I switched to E2 as well. OGSF has been good to me, but I want to see what this does. Besides, OGSF seems so gently that I feel like there's room for more, so to speak.

A good deal of stuff has been happening, but its gone already so I don't feel like writing about it anymore. One part of it was that I revisited Robert Jordan's tapping videos last week and I finally realized how faster eft should be done. I always thought its about processing the feelings somehow, or working with beliefs, but its just states. Enter bad state, break bad state, anchor peaceful state. Repeat. When you're tapping yourself and saying "I release and let go", you're actually supposed to release and let go! Not hold it in your mind in any way, but let it go. Duh. The working on beliefs part then comes when you let go of the emotional charges tied in to the old memories or triggers, i.e. destroy the evidence that is supporting the belief. But in present any moment you're just working on states. For the 1st time in my life I even tapped on someone else (G1), successfully! I just told her we should test this thing. Very interesting and educational for me to see the same things that have been happening in me, happening on someone else. Like seeing how stress is caused by holding on to things, wanting to think and discuss about them instead of just allowing to release the emotional charge. Fearing to go into, and thus avoiding, bad memories and feelings because of not knowing how to get out of them. Just seeing the shifts. Very cool.

But, seems I'm going to have to let tapping go for the time being. I was liking it a lot because I felt like I was taking full responsibility of my own emotional state. Feel bad? Its me who's producing it, and I can change it. Don't necessarily even need tapping if I do NLP -style anchoring = "peace". I can do the tapping in my mind, changing states. Well. I guess I'll try to incorporate this attitude in with a more mindfulness -style approach to not interfere with E2 too much. But I'll be monitoring attachments, especially.

I know that I'd get good results from SM3 right now if I did it with tapping. That's because I've tried it twice now for 1-2 days and got instant results both times. I was thinking a lot about what it is that I want to aim towards, assuming I can let go of resistance with tapping. Of what's available now, I feel like SM is the best vibe for me. Not "its my best chance of getting laid", which it is, but the best vibe. I resonated a lot with what demozoo says about not letting her be on your level. If you're gonna be the leader, then its not "us". Its not forcing anything, but its not "considering her opinion" all the time either. It was unreal how I'd play SM for one night, and all the sudden G1 is basically hanging in my arm, talking about how we should do that and that and that and... and 2 women in my family even really making the effort to start and keep up conversation and get close even if they didn't quite know what to talk about. My confidence was instantly higher and I was touching men and women both younger and much older than me, directing them to do stuff. But I chose to stay with E2 because of clearing, loving, gratitude and liking my myself & others, plus dissolving anger. SM is power, women. If I don't like and love myself, I'm not going to get those things (permanently) by pursuing power. I do already like myself, but I'll see to which degree I can heal and "complete" myself before getting on the power subs again.

I'm reading the how to not give a **** book and I'm going that way for now.

Today I'm feeling very good, positive and smiling. Light-hearted conversation. It'll be interesting if some anger comes up, like it did with Raz, because there has not been any of that on OGSF. There was a lot of it on ASC though. What I'm mostly worried about E2/OGSF is that I'll become this kind, not-in-the-least-bit-dangerous father-type family man archetype. With SM I felt more powerful and masculine, and I have this fear that if I'm too kind & loving then I won't "get" anything (mostly women, again.. booring..). As in, I fear people don't realize to give it enough value in comparison to just basic try-hard alpha behavior. But this is mostly in my head, since on OGSF I already felt and experienced a lot of sexiness and good times as the GSF that was blocking it was fading away.

Whats E2

Who am I?

ION: Can't sleep.

Day 26

Dreamt of loss, sorrow, maybe regret. Odd dreams. In one I found the back portion of a cut-to-half very small baby pig, impaled on a stick. In the other one, I was with a group in something that had escalated towards war even.. I was saying to the guys "you know if they capture you they're going to torture you to learn what you know... I never meant for it to get this way". Then there was someone who knew exactly the right settings to dial into this guitar distorsion pedal or amplifier to get the best effect of dealing with fear, and one of the group left and I said goodbye, understanding how difficult it was for him. Weird.

At work I sad and disappointed of what I do. I got to work on a much more interesting project last week, and now coming back to the grind I really felt how useless it is. Felt a little hopeless (victim) of having no real chance to get out of it. A colleague was listing stuff for "us" (=me) to do and I didn't care to play upbeat at all. I just stopped talking to him and ignored him until he left.

Evening was much better, I feel pretty good now. Gonna go visit my FWB this weekend. A chick I've labeled as cool and solid in my mind keeps messaging me every 3 weeks or so, indicating interest to do something, but every time I've suggested smt there's some minor logistical bs or something and I've just dropped it until she msgs me again. But she is cool, and we've gone out twice, kissed plenty, she stayed the night one time (no sex though). She is girly and sweet, but there's also quite a lot of underlying dominance in there, and I'm not in any way interested to have anyone start bossing me around. So that's why I'm not putting in any effort. I could suggest something for the weekend, but then again I'm a bit busy with the other two. Gonna miss a party I'd like to go to, that sucks.

I'm testing higher hours again with E2. Between the pauses and the gentler approach, I think I can handle more. But I didn't feel as energetic today, so of course I want to have extra energy/drive to do things as well.

Yesterday I felt a very interesting sensation in my chest. Sort of cool (temper.). It went away after some time. And then I'm feeling the bridge of my nose very very clearly. I've had this on and off for some time now, maybe after starting OGSF. Its kinda like someone hit my nose, but its not pain. It become very strong yesterday when meditating on it for 30 min. It was reduced, but its still there now.

E: Singing quietly on the streets, knowing people can hear me a bit. One time it was dark and I singing more loudly because I thought I was alone, only the discover this blonde hottie standing about a meter from me. I was surprised and maybe embarrassed for a third of a second, but then I just thought f it, and continued :)

Day 27
Feeling a little tired. Also feeling like I can accomplish stuff if I just relax and calmly, slowly make a list and tick things off as I get them done. But no daily reminders like the Any.do app's daily planning session. Those make me feel pressure -> annoyance -> evasion, no action.

Typically, just as I had gotten into this flow, I'll open my RSS reader and 1st up is this article:
http://zenhabits.net/workstress/

Attachments = stress, yes. I should probably read that a couple times a day for a week to let that sink in. Note also attachments to having women, or people, react to you a certain way. Or "I should be approaching".

E: I want to go the gym already! I over trained my right shoulder and forearm some 1.5-2 months ago and they still haven't healed. Only hurts when I put pressure on them; I could train, but that's just set me back even further. I did see a doctor and got something for inflammation, but they didn't have much effect. I guess I've been doing "something ligth" every now and then with the pull-up bar and such, that must've been preventing the healing. Sucks. And yes, I'm attached :D

E2: I'm testing out what the article said. So cool! I'll be relaxed and then I'll feel I'm suddenly tensed up. I then think and notice what I'm attached to, and I can literally feel myself relaxing and everything is light and sunny again. This repeated about a hundred times as I had lunch. So cool. It just takes my full concentration to keep it up at this point. Don't quote me on that sentence Ben, please.. lol.

(03-09-2016, 01:15 AM)LionKing Wrote: [ -> ]E: I want to go the gym already! I over trained my right shoulder and forearm some 1.5-2 months ago and they still haven't healed. Only hurts when I put pressure on them; I could train, but that's just set me back even further. I did see a doctor and got something for inflammation, but they didn't have much effect. I guess I've been doing "something ligth" every now and then with the pull-up bar and such, that must've been preventing the healing. Sucks. And yes, I'm attached

Look at getting some cissus quadrangularis (Absonutrix on Amazon looks promising) and 12.5 mg astaxanthin (I like Nutrex Hawaiin BioAstin). Both come a little pricey, but are really good at battling tendinitis. Cissus actually increases blood flow to connective tissue. I doubt muscle strain would plague you this long, and if you had a rotator cuff tear - you'd know it.

(03-09-2016, 10:17 AM)RTBoss Wrote: [ -> ]Look at getting some cissus quadrangularis (Absonutrix on Amazon looks promising) and 12.5 mg astaxanthin (I like Nutrex Hawaiin BioAstin). Both come a little pricey, but are really good at battling tendinitis. Cissus actually increases blood flow to connective tissue. I doubt muscle strain would plague you this long, and if you had a rotator cuff tear - you'd know it.

Ah, thanks. Citrus I've never heard of, but I actually have 60 x 4mg of astaxanthin (Healthy Origins). I was saving it to prevent sun burns closer to summer - nice coincidence.

(03-08-2016, 12:17 PM)LionKing Wrote: [ -> ]Yesterday I felt a very interesting sensation in my chest. Sort of cool (temper.). It went away after some time. And then I'm feeling the bridge of my nose very very clearly. I've had this on and off for some time now, maybe after starting OGSF. Its kinda like someone hit my nose, but its not pain. It become very strong yesterday when meditating on it for 30 min. It was reduced, but its still there now.

People having been reporting physical sensations with E2, and the new tech might have something to do with it but I think generally speaking these programs bring our awareness to the places in our body where we hold tension.

I began to notice this on AM6 while in certain social situations where I wasn't confident. I noticed I'd clench my PC muscle at times as a means of coping with social discomfort. I also noticed a tendency to smile and make comic relief type comments in a higher pitch than usual.

They notice these sensations because there is specific scripting in this program both to make anything helpful for healing obvious to the conscious mind, and the self optimizing amplifier. In that case, generally these sensations would be the result of the subconscious trying to get the conscious on board by giving it obvious signals that it is indeed working, etc.

When I play it while I am in my office, I can feel it spreading through my brain within 5 or 10 seconds of starting, and it feels like someone directly injected some sort of relaxant into my brain. It was rather shocking the first time it happened. But that's what's going on.

Day 28

Somewhat sad today. Had dreams of loss, e.g. I'd have cuddly pets and then I'd forget them in the woods. Feeling some brain fog as well. Will listen a little less today then.

I'm thinking much of my procrastination has less to do with fear, and more to do with being attached to things being easy or comfortable - of me being on top of it all. With work for example, I noticed I feel I'm good enough that I "should" be able to just get a better job without too much pain, since other people have as well. Letting go of the attachment that it should suck quite as much, I was able to write another application last night. Took me some 1.5-2 hours to do it, though. That's part of the problem; I'll make these massive applications, when I'd be better off sending more applications with less content. Since I've already made such "good" applications, I'm attached to using them instead having to make them simpler. Quite attached actually, lol.

Couldn't believe how friendly I was socializing today. Not at work, because I have some grudges towards that place, but in the evening it was great! People were very open and smiling with me, even ones I didn't know from before.

There's this chick working in a candy store that I go to once every week, and we've gotten to talking. Its gone like this: before the most I'd connect with someone like her is I might say a few words more than normally when I pay for my stuff. Or at best I might have this very wanting vibe of trying to push it towards sexy. Then on ASC I was getting so confident I'd just walk in with a big "Hi!" to her that got her attention and smiling, and after a while she came to ask if I was looking for anything specific or smt. I made some jokes, but in the end I was still somewhat tense about it, like I need to push for something but not quite sure what. Then on OGSF I had this more free, more loving feeling and suddenly when paying I'd ask her about some stuff laying around in the corner and we'd get to talking talking about how she'd this and that. It was a good vibe and I liked it. Still kinda felt I need to leave soon. Now on E2 (and having been mindful of attachments) I just went in calmly said hi and went to browse and she'd just face & look at me with a smile and we had this thing where it was clear that we're gonna talk but its just a matter of who comes up with smt to say first. Now we'd just talk all over about a some stuff and she'd keep it going and going and laugh and stuff. Like we'd been close for a long time already. I was on AM/SM/WM for close to two years, and now I'm seeing at least that much progress in some two months, while jumping between subs!

I'm not going to push for anything with her btw. And there was flirting with other girls, but I'm intentionally not pushing for it right now. One step at a time.

I messaged the chick I was telling you about in my last post, asked her out to an event. She can't make it, but then instead she asked me to come over to her place to watch a movie on the weekend. Should be fun.

(03-10-2016, 11:34 AM)LionKing Wrote: [ -> ]I messaged the chick I was telling you about in my last post, asked her out to an event. She can't make it, but then instead she asked me to come over to her place to watch a movie on the weekend. Should be fun.

Ooooo! Even better!