Subliminal Talk

Dreams. I remember several of the last two nights. Notable, there's often some element of shame involved.

-A pregnancy scare of some kind

-Dreamt of being tested in a new area of work that's coming up. The people I was working with had been working in that field for most of their lives, while I was out of my element.

-Dreamt I had gotten a new job and I was going about my 1st day at it, confused about things

-Got back together with an old fwb I wanted as my GF at the time. We started fooling around and I came almost instantly as she started giving me a hand job. We laughed and she said "don't think that'd affect the chances of us seeing each other again, or my desire to fool around with you.

-A dream about the Terminator movies. Scary robots battling it out with me in the midst of it.

-Dreamt about some terrorism thing where they put explosive collars on a few businessmen (incl. me) and interrogated their motives to see who lives and who dies.

Your work dreams are intriguing - like you're symbolically starting a new path in life.

Sarge, if it's a girl I don't know and am sexually interested in, in my opinion is it's got to be a quick meetup for a coffee or drink @ bar and then go to "hang out" at my house after that. there's no need for hours and hours or any kind of "wooing". it's just a matter of seeing if you click or not. (if not, it's not your fault. especially for a high maintenance, intelligent guy like you, you will be well suited for like 10-20% of the women out there which is kind of how it shakes out for me too, as another high maintenance dude.) anyway the first part of the meetup is maybe 45 to 90 minutes. and it's always nice to double book meetups like that (i.e. one at 8, one at 930, one at 11) so you can eject if you don't like one and then hop over to the other. (girls do this ALL THE TIME).

(02-23-2016, 08:00 AM)stratos Wrote: [ -> ]Sarge, if it's a girl I don't know and am sexually interested in, in my opinion is it's got to be a quick meetup for a coffee or drink @ bar and then go to "hang out" at my house after that. there's no need for hours and hours or any kind of "wooing". it's just a matter of seeing if you click or not. (if not, it's not your fault. especially for a high maintenance, intelligent guy like you, you will be well suited for like 10-20% of the women out there which is kind of how it shakes out for me too, as another high maintenance dude.) anyway the first part of the meetup is maybe 45 to 90 minutes. and it's always nice to double book meetups like that (i.e. one at 8, one at 930, one at 11) so you can eject if you don't like one and then hop over to the other. (girls do this ALL THE TIME).

Aww, I don't want to be high-maintenance! lol

But ok, thanks. I like the double booking idea too, on a date I had last year, I was flirting in text with another girl minutes before I pulled up to the meet. Definitely gives you a fun and light vibe.

My (female) cousin was in town once and I took her along for various "dates" I had lined up in one evening, it was a blast and she thought it was completely normal thing for anyone to be doing.

(02-23-2016, 05:57 AM)RTBoss Wrote: [ -> ]Your work dreams are intriguing - like you're symbolically starting a new path in life.

I'm very glad I'm having those dreams, because that's something I've been procrastinating hard for a long time. I have a job that definitely has its benefits, but I should be actively searching for a new one to better align with my plans. I've been feeling and acting like a victim to the job market and the high requirements in job postings for quite a while now, and still am. Crazy amount of applicants for jobs that I've heard. "I don't have time right now, that'd be a huge effort to find that job and make that perfect application... I should make some more time later, maybe on the weekend.". Ugh. I'll continue to procrastinate a little more, maybe it'll fix itself.

Procrastination has it's roots in fear, so it's probably being worked on

Day 14

Ups and Downs.

I was feeling great for a while, then listened for too much at felt very off the next day, then in the evening was feeling amazing and had pretty damn amazing interactions with 2 women plus My Girl. Then today has been horrible right from the start. Reacting strongly to stress from work, although I'm getting a lot done and coordinating other's work too. I'm still feeling a somewhat tight even though I've meditated on it for a good time already. I had something fun planned for tonight, but missed it because its like every muscle in my neck and face was tense, along with my mind.

Feeling much better about eye contact, especially with men. I care less and less about competing and its just kinda "hey" with a slight smile. I care less about with whom I'm interacting, i.e. not feeling like I "should" be interacting with hot girls all the time. I guess that's based in fear. A fear of lacking.

I mentioned I felt mostly sadness or abandonment in my body before, but now its been more like fear or panic. Its just a slight feeling though, until I dig it up to the surface.

Easier to pick up the phone and call people or companies when stuff needs to get sorted.

That's it, go get em!

(02-26-2016, 11:49 AM)LionKing Wrote: [ -> ]Feeling much better about eye contact, especially with men. I care less and less about competing and its just kinda "hey" with a slight smile. I care less about with whom I'm interacting, i.e. not feeling like I "should" be interacting with hot girls all the time. I guess that's based in fear. A fear of lacking.

Cool LionKing! Have you noticed men looking down at all when you hold eye contact? I get that a lot.

(02-26-2016, 12:22 PM)SargeMaximus Wrote: [ -> ]

(02-26-2016, 11:49 AM)LionKing Wrote: [ -> ]Feeling much better about eye contact, especially with men. I care less and less about competing and its just kinda "hey" with a slight smile. I care less about with whom I'm interacting, i.e. not feeling like I "should" be interacting with hot girls all the time. I guess that's based in fear. A fear of lacking.

Cool LionKing! Have you noticed men looking down at all when you hold eye contact? I get that a lot.

Down.. not sure. They'll look away, but sure I've noticed which way. On the street I'd say its down, but maybe e.g. in queue for food it could be to the side. I bet DAOS brings about many of the same effects than OGSF, because horniness beats fear. Might be running the 5G version or SM this summer.

(02-26-2016, 01:18 PM)LionKing Wrote: [ -> ]Down.. not sure. They'll look away, but sure I've noticed which way. On the street I'd say its down, but maybe e.g. in queue for food it could be to the side. I bet DAOS brings about many of the same effects than OGSF, because horniness beats fear. Might be running the 5G version or SM this summer.

Cool, yeah DAOS is a good one.

I'd like to see you on SM. Didn't you run it already? And what about AM?

(02-26-2016, 02:02 PM)SargeMaximus Wrote: [ -> ]

(02-26-2016, 01:18 PM)LionKing Wrote: [ -> ]Down.. not sure. They'll look away, but sure I've noticed which way. On the street I'd say its down, but maybe e.g. in queue for food it could be to the side. I bet DAOS brings about many of the same effects than OGSF, because horniness beats fear. Might be running the 5G version or SM this summer.

Cool, yeah DAOS is a good one.

I'd like to see you on SM. Didn't you run it already? And what about AM?

Yes, I was think I was a month behind you on SM. Got results enough to know that it worked, but its was still very intermittent. And yes, it'd be "time" to get back on AM again. I'm just not sure if its having a good effect, or any effect, on me. Insanity is doing the same thing and expecting different results and so on. Don't want to "pay" with the whole summer again just to feel even more isolated and passive. But I suspect I've been overdoing the hours and I'm a little more aware of how resistance feels inside me now than a few months ago.

Maybe its the name "Alpha Male" that atm makes me think "ugh, I don't even care about that stuff anymore, I wish I could just let it go". Like THIS. Ironically, this is something that I think has been brought on by AM: its like I don't see why the hell I should be putting so much effort into the useless things that I have to do when I don't even care that much about them anymore, but still, I should strive for something or what's the point of anything anymore?

I guess I've realized I don't want to do a lot of things I was doing before, but I'm still too immersed in GSF to break free from them and start doing something else. I'm in limbo. So I guess that's why ASC felt so good, and OGSF too. So I guess the way forward, after OGSF, could be AM, ASC or US 5G. Though SM is motivating too, and DAOS must be empowering. A high sex drive gives a man a lot of strength for everything, its not just for women.

Holmes: "Interesting discussion. Thank you.",
Watson: "I mostly just chopped shallots."
-Elementary S02E14.

But just to make sure, OGSF is going great atm. I feel like I'm opening up in some ways.

And also, I know that bit about how I don't really care about stuff I used to, is a big part of why I procrastinate so hard on job applications. Not only does it seems hard to get selected to a new position, in the back of my mind I have a fear that'd get me in even deeper to what I'm already sick of. Doing more things for the wrong reasons. Just don't yet know what else to do. Something that'd allow me to be a bit more "complete" wrt to work; so it'd not just be about being in my logical, analytical, critical brain. Some more movement (physical and emotional), more connection, more inspiration, more real, more.. open. No idea what that could be realistically, though. It should still be competitive, just not purely intellectually. I couldn't give a shit about who is smarter, intellectually, than someone else. Never have, really, so long as things get done.