From today's reading, I had an interesting thought on the "oh shit, I just came home and the gf is in a mood again" problem. The guy from Masculine intent is basically saying the same thing as David Deida, which is to be present for her and guide her feelings out of their current, bad state. Mostly ignore the words she says and instead "ground her". Now, stratos said something about tapping lately that came to mind:
(09-06-2014, 04:55 AM)stratos Wrote: [ -> ]sitting with difficult emotions IS a way of clearing them. tapping while you're "sitting with" them will help your vagal nerve (an up-down nerve in your body) and left-right brain connection move the process along a bit faster, but tapping isn't actually required to clear them, it just accelerates the natural benefit of "sitting with" an emotion to clear it. for example I could "sit with" an emotion that takes 3 hours to clear, tapping while sitting with the emotion would help that happen in 30-60 minutes, or a click track in 5-30 minutes while "sitting with" it.
Now, often it seems that they're pretty bad at just "sitting with it" and letting go of those emotional storms themselves, and, according to the above-mentioned literature, that's what were good for anyway. So, as a man you could keep eye contact, emotional contact, maybe physical contact and feel, "sit with", her emotions in a detached way and thus guide HER to "sit with" them and let go, or clear, them with you. I.e. she could clear them herself in 3 hours, but with you as her "tapping" or "click track" she can clear them in 5-30 minutes. Maybe use a pattern interrupt to speed the process (make her laugh). She will "feel heard" and then you'll be free to do something else ;) Its a great feeling when you tap & get that huge release from a troubling emotion... I think I'd feel all kinds of grateful and lovey if someone made that happen in me, too.
a genius description of grounding yourself&others which imo is a key element to male polarity and alphaness!
(09-07-2014, 01:29 AM)LionKing Wrote: [ -> ]From today's reading, I had an interesting thought on the "oh shit, I just came home and the gf is in a mood again" problem. The guy from Masculine intent is basically saying the same thing as David Deida, which is to be present for her and guide her feelings out of their current, bad state. Mostly ignore the words she says and instead "ground her".
This is fascinating. I've noticed a few girls who are in bad moods, and I usually just remain detached, thinking that to be the "thing" to do. Display outcome independence etc.
However, I HAVE had times where I have done this with girls and they absolutely LOVE you afterwards. Thing is, I don't know exactly how to do it.
Are you saying I just stick with her and hear her out? I don't want to become what is called an "emotional tampon". How do you stick with her without becoming that?
(09-07-2014, 04:28 AM)SargeMaximus Wrote: [ -> ]Are you saying I just stick with her and hear her out? I don't want to become what is called an "emotional tampon". How do you stick with her without becoming that?
She can't make you become anything, just don't let her ;) Be emotionally present (think "grounding" as opposed to getting swiped up by a storm) and try to lead her out of it while ignoring the logical as much as possible without being a jerk. A longer answer is in your journal. I'm talking about girls that already know you btw.
ION, it sure seems she liked that I put some effort into making some preparations to blindfold her & tie her hands up behind the bed... kinda of a nice present/surprise to give too, wasn't difficult at all ;)
Stage 1, Day 15. Slow progress. I've been busy with stuff (and also spent way too much time on the forum, lol), and focusing on this presence/eye contact/sexual vibe stuff. I feel like I'm learning to kind of control my "arousal", or level of sexuality, a bit and I'm definitely more relaxed with eye contact, though I still get anxious at times. Basically if she isn't giving me any signs that she likes me, the need to protect my ego comes up so I kinda start "fighting" her instead of just admiring her. I should be able to communicate to her that I think she's hot no matter if she seemingly likes me or not, because its not about that. I guess its the "creep" label, still. I should be able to target that when I have the time.
I was playing with the sexual vibe a bit when at the gym today.. Of course I can't really tell if anything happened or not, there could be any number of explanations, but the facts of it are: (1) There were only 3 women of the right age there, all training by themselves, and in the end they were all training within 3 meters of me. (2) I wanted to talk to the hottest one and I went to a non-crowded area, somehow hoping that she'd follow. 5 minutes later she walks there, we were alone, I talked to her and it was great. I'm not approaching to close anything there, more to test and to hopefully build more & more tension over time.
I've been able to "bring comfort with me" for quite a while now. Basically it just doesn't happen anymore that girls would get "creeped out" by me going to talk to them, at least if the approach is even somewhat spontaneous. Sometimes initially, but I just stay relaxed and they'll soon follow. Now I want to consistently "bring sexuality with me" in the same way. I just need to get over that G, S and F that comes up.
Also, I'm trying to leave lots more space for the woman to participate in the conversation. MI pointed out the mistake I did to me, which was that I tried to talk a lot about whatever to show that I'm not needy, to not have the conversation "die out", and to make her comfortable. Now I'm finding that they DO actually start to talk their heads off if there's some sexual (not anxious) tension and I just hold it comfortably. I guess the tension is what makes them talk; I'm not releasing it, so they have to - by talking. I used to think that tension would make them leave, but this is much more fun :)
I know I'm having a lot of dreams, but I forget the specific contents very quickly. I think its a lot about escaping from someone violent or doing something scary. Last night I remember jumping though the window of a wooden cabin to get away from someone. I guess that's why people are having the fear of being attacked, because it happens over & over in our dreams? I haven't had that while awake, though. I can't remember anything about women or sex, its always either about OGSF or standing my ground in some way.
(09-09-2014, 07:14 AM)LionKing Wrote: [ -> ]Also, I'm trying to leave lots more space for the woman to participate in the conversation. MI pointed out the mistake I did to me, which was that I tried to talk a lot about whatever to show that I'm not needy, to not have the conversation "die out", and to make her comfortable. Now I'm finding that they DO actually start to talk their heads off if there's some sexual (not anxious) tension and I just hold it comfortably. I guess the tension is what makes them talk; I'm not releasing it, so they have to - by talking. I used to think that tension would make them leave, but this is much more fun 
This helps me. I'm in Stage 2 now and I literally stirred up a hornet's nest at work today. I guess it was tension of some kind. I kept noticing how the guys would talk and laugh constantly, till I went into my "child of the universe state" and everything calmed right down. Interesting. I also noticed how on sunday my own mother was talking like a chatter box. Must be some auras or something.
Stage 1, Day 16. I had a dream where Gandalf and his father, this glassy eyed old-old fellow, sat me and someone else (some woman I think) down outside and gave us a present, which was some sort of fancy board game. They then explained that its time for me to become a wizard and that the board game is used to make spells. My first spell would be to make my own wizard's staff.
I never have dreams like that and had no idea what it mean, until I remembered
what I'd just read before going to bed:
"
I would firstly like to apologise if the explanation of events is somewhat difficult to understand. I find it incredibly hard to verbalize magic. Magic is what I call the intense energetic connection felt between 2 members of the opposite sex, where one is incredibly polarizing to the other. I will do my best to get across in detail the scene, combined with the internal and external pattern and information. To me, sexual attraction and seduction is in no way based on techniques or lines, or even rules for that matter. Its magic…which comes when you are empty enough to allow it, even if it can be absolutely terrifying!"
Lol. I have a Tinder date today, but I'm kinda worried I might've been fooled by her pictures a bit first. Luckily its an event I was going to by myself anyway, I just told her she could come with if she wanted to. I expect it to just be uncomfortable if she is not attractive to me, because we did some flirting and stuff already and I won't want to continue then.
Does she have the satellite imagery angles? (photos from an angle where you can't see her body).
Usually that means they are going to be pretty fat. Though the girl I met off tinder on the weekend wasn't too bad compared to what I expected haha.
-Ben
(09-09-2014, 09:51 PM)Benjamin Wrote: [ -> ]Does she have the satellite imagery angles? (photos from an angle where you can't see her body).
Yep, you know it :D And I don't do fat, I just... don't. There was one girl who I though would be kinda.. idk, rounder, but it turned out to be somehow absolutely evenly distributed everywhere and she kinda looked like she was thin, but just felt a little softer. Sexy, but it was her attitude as well, she was a combination of kind, caring & horny, a beast in bed! :)
But anyway, maybe some of this girl's pictures are a bit old too b/c they look different than what I saw later on. Also, she messaged me that she'll have to pass b/c she doesn't have any money atm... well, the thing costs 3 euros to attend, so.. Always nice to dodge a bullet in the morning :) Tinder is fun, but I don't care to spend much time there. I guess its had a good influence on getting hooking up viewed more as normal and exciting in the media than the usual kinda dirty club night, followed by regret (which is mandatory, it seems).
That dream sounds like one I had during stage 1 as well. I believe I was visited by "The Wise Old Man" archetype from Jungian theory. In your dream, it was most likely the same thing, as the wise old man can often be a wizard.
What this means is you've reached one of the final stages of your own individuation process.
"'If an individual has wrestled seriously enough and long enough with the anima (or animus) problem...the unconscious again changes its dominant character and appears in a new symbolic form...as a masculine initiator and guardian (an Indian guru), a wise old man, a spirit of nature, and so forth'" - Taken from
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wise_old_man
(09-10-2014, 03:28 AM)SargeMaximus Wrote: [ -> ]That dream sounds like one I had during stage 1 as well. I believe I was visited by "The Wise Old Man" archetype from Jungian theory. In your dream, it was most likely the same thing, as the wise old man can often be a wizard.
Oh.. well, that's interesting. I'll have to read that wikipedia entry and follow the links there, I'm not at all familiar with C.J.'s teachings.
Btw, there always seems to be female with me in these dreams that I'm having. Like say someone tried to capture and harm me in a cabin I think I was alone, but then when I escaped, I was suddenly doing it with the female. There was a female with me when I went to sit with Gandalf & his father/mentor. I had another dream last night where some huge talking bat or owl or something was holding me & and the female captive, then an even bigger talking lynx came & ate its head, it was kinda cool. During AM6 I often remember this female "companion" with me, somewhere on the side.
I guess I don't really know who she is or even see her face, but she is my age or younger and I kinda always had the feeling that we are a pair, somehow. Maybe blondish, probably attractive but not dressed up. I thought it was just AM6/SM3's way of telling me that I've always got at least 1 woman with me, i.e. reduce neediness, assume attraction, etc. Thoughts?
(09-10-2014, 04:03 AM)LionKing Wrote: [ -> ]I guess I don't really know who she is or even see her face, but she is my age or younger and I kinda always had the feeling that we are a pair, somehow. Maybe blondish, probably attractive but not dressed up. I thought it was just AM6/SM3's way of telling me that I've always got at least 1 woman with me, i.e. reduce neediness, assume attraction, etc. Thoughts?
You are a pair, she is your anima (although, if you can't see her face, she may just be a dream character. The typical rule to follow in dreams is this:
- If you can see/remember their face, they are an aspect of you
- If you DON'T see their face, they represent something or someone in the outside world.).
Now the anima is the part of your psyche that is female. Think yin-yang. Every male has some female in him, and every female has some male in her. These express themselves in dreams, sexual fetishes, all manner of things.
In the individuation process, you effectively incorporate all aspects of your unconscious into your personality. This includes the shadow (parts of you that you won't acknowledge) and the anima. The wise old man is one step away from Buddha-hood (or realizing the "Self").
But yeah, look it up, it's fascinating stuff.
Ok, cool. I don't think I ever see her face.. its not that I try and can't make it out, but its just that I don't think I even communicate with her too much. Its more like I know I'm not alone and that she is right there next to me, or slightly behind me. Very cool. What you're saying about the individuation process makes sense in a way, because I have been incorporating the shadow parts more & more lately. I'll have to read up about the anima.