Subliminal Talk

Day 39 / 180 OFF

Slept quite well last night. Feeling moderately optimistic today.

For the past 2 years, I've been having a poor quality of sleep for multiple reasons, and it is an aspect of my health that I neglected, which has surely negatively affected my energy levels. I guess when you hate yourself a bit, you neglect yourself as a consequence.
So whenever I start taking more care of my health, it is a good sign that I am kinder to myself

Day 40 / 180 ON

3 loops Ultrasonic at bedtime(01-04AM) + 1 loop Hybrid at noon.
Having more motivation to find solutions to / fix my digestion issues.

Day 41 / 180 ON

Mood: 6/10

2 loops Hybrid + 1 loop US

I have a confession to make: about 2 years ago, in order to inflate my online image, I bought fake followers for my Instagram account. I wanted to be perceived as more popular. 
These past few days, I deleted pretty much all of my fake followers / bots, and I'm left with my real following count. I felt less need to be validated by others, by the world. This might be the effect of OFv3. It's like I now know I have value as a man, and this value is not dependent on how many followers I got on my social media. I don't give a fu*k about it.
I have not stopped working on my appearance and social skills and all that, but I care much less about the opinion of others. So it's not a doomer type of mentality, but instead I am progressing to a mature and self-validating individual.

(07-21-2021, 05:46 AM)GreekGod22 Wrote: [ -> ]Day 41 / 180 ON

Mood: 6/10

I have a confession to make: about 2 years ago, in order to inflate my online image, I bought fake followers for my Instagram account. I wanted to be perceived as more popular. 
These past few days, I deleted pretty much all of my fake followers / bots, and I'm left with my real following count. I felt less need to be validated by others, by the world. This might be the effect of OFv3. It's like I now know I have value as a man, and this value is not dependent on how many followers I got on my social media. I don't give a fu*k about it.
I have not stopped working on my appearance and social skills and all that, but I care much less about the opinion of others. So it's not a doomer type of mentality, but instead I am progressing to a mature and self-validating individual.

cong. on that, rather than seeming, being is the best

That is serious progress, GG!

Also noticing an important shift in my thinking regarding women. For a long time I felt unwanted by women, viewing myself as a victim, thinking how it's going to be so hard to find a partner, either short-term or long-term.
This year, as I've mentioned, I have enjoyed greater success with women, which has given me proof that I can do and be much more than I rated myself capable. But my confidence faded again for a while.

Now I have less anxiety around the topic and feel my confidence growing back. It has become crystal clear to me that:

1. there are plenty of decent women who I could choose if I were to want an LTR and they would be into me
   
2. The question remains is: Do I want to settle with one of them right now, or do I still want to experience multiple casual relationships
   

To me this is progress. Once I will feel entitled to 'conquer'  my ideal type of women and I won't feel intimidated by their beauty, that will be ultimate progress.

Seems like OF is having an influence on my self-image

(07-21-2021, 02:41 PM)GreekGod22 Wrote: [ -> ]Also noticing an important shift in my thinking regarding women. For a long time I felt unwanted by women, viewing myself as a victim, thinking how it's going to be so hard to find a partner, either short-term or long-term.
This year, as I've mentioned, I have enjoyed greater success with women, which has given me proof that I can do and be much more than I rated myself capable. But my confidence faded again for a while.

Now I have less anxiety around the topic and feel my confidence growing back. It has become crystal clear to me that:

1. there are plenty of decent women who I could choose if I were to want an LTR and they would be into me
   
2. The question remains is: Do I want to settle with one of them right now, or do I still want to experience multiple casual relationships
   

To me this is progress. Once I will feel entitled to 'conquer'  my ideal type of women and I won't feel intimidated by their beauty, that will be ultimate progress.

Seems like OF is having an influence on my self-image

Great man! I'll be starting OF v3 myself.

Btw. In your signature it says you ran Grow Taller 5G for nearly a month.
I see no journals from that run.

What were your experiences with the sub?

-LM

(07-21-2021, 05:46 AM)GreekGod22 Wrote: [ -> ]Day 41 / 180 ON

Mood: 6/10

I have a confession to make: about 2 years ago, in order to inflate my online image, I bought fake followers for my Instagram account. I wanted to be perceived as more popular. 
These past few days, I deleted pretty much all of my fake followers / bots, and I'm left with my real following count. I felt less need to be validated by others, by the world. This might be the effect of OFv3. It's like I now know I have value as a man, and this value is not dependent on how many followers I got on my social media. I don't give a fu*k about it.
I have not stopped working on my appearance and social skills and all that, but I care much less about the opinion of others. So it's not a doomer type of mentality, but instead I am progressing to a mature and self-validating individual.

Very cool.

(07-21-2021, 05:08 PM)LionMonkey Wrote: [ -> ]Great man! I'll be starting OF v3 myself.

Btw. In your signature it says you ran Grow Taller 5G for nearly a month.
I see no journals from that run.

What were your experiences with the sub?

-LM

Honestly, at that moment I've seen no significant results from it and I decided OF is a bigger priority. But should have been longer on it. All I remember is having had a few dreams surrounding height.
5G didn't quite work for me, probably due to having high levels of fear and confidence in myself.
I did measure myself a few days ago out of curiosity, and seemed a bit taller than what I remember, but I don't stress much about it.
I think self-hypnosis should work for height.

Day 42 / 180

Coping mechanism (PMO) very much present. I indulge in it daily now. Could be one of my longest negative streaks already.
I played 1 loop of Hybrid today, so a planned OFF day became an 1-loop ON day. Felt tired this afternoon after playing it.

I am frustrated with regard to my health as I am seeing little progress in my well-being & my energy levels. Got new thyroid meds and some other meds for digestion will arrive in a few days, hope that it can be a game-changer in my digestive health.

On the positive, I did one bold cold approach tonight.

Day 43 / 180 OFF

For the first time in a long time, today I returned to work in an office. This is a one-time, as I will still be Work-from-Home for a while.
I realized that staying at home makes you more prone to watch porn, and you'd have to be disciplined not to do it.
Whereas having to go to an office regularly keeps you at bay from the temptations. 
Discipline helps. But to truly heal at a core level, that's what really matters.

Days 44 & 45 / 180 ON

3 loops / day Hybrid

For the first time in the last couple of weeks, I went 2 days without indulging in any form of porn and masturbation.
Fears surrounding women still remain high. I did have the courage to approach a few sets of 2 women this weekend. Getting rid of the porn will slowly restore my confidence levels to a higher degree.

Today, while listening to the sub, I've had a few flashes of a few seconds of unfortunate events that I would be terrified if it were to happen(accident and losing a family member). This is definitely related to fear. Ever since childhood, I've had to learn to be fearful, careful and trained myself to avoid dangers.

Day 46 / 180 OFF

Had a weird dream involving fear. I was chasing / hunting a bad person, my parents were also in my dream.
Felling quite emotional this morning, some frustrations / regrets from my recent past have come to surface. I remembered a girl that I chased for a while, but could not make her mine at that point in life.

Day 47 / 180 OFF

At some point, I had an urge to take no days off, but I no longer have it now. I welcome the OFF days, I am not impatient about seeing results right now.
Been 5 days already on the new thyroid meds, once I reach the 2 weeks period, the effects will stabilize and I will know if I'd need to maintain or increase the dose. The signs are positive, my energy levels are a bit higher through the day, my mood has stabilized.