Subliminal Talk

Day 120 / 180 ON

4 loops Hybrid at 5/15 volume + 1 loops at 9/15.

4 months on OFv3 completed! 2 months left.
I'm back to feeling more stable physically and my morale is uplifted again. Had a date tonight, this time it didn't end in sex and she left early. I was happy with the way I behaved, the only aspect which could have been better is me being less rigid and more connected with the girl.

Day 121 / 180 ON

4 loops Hybrid at 5/15 volume + 1 loop Hybrid at 12/15 + 1 loop US

Woke up from my sleep twice this morning, and had dreams tangentially related to fear. Forgot it all as soon as I fully woke up.
Had an impulse today to experiment with the Ultrasonic track, to see how I react. I've only used before once or twice.

Day 122 / 180 ON

4 loops Hybrid at 5/15 volume

Woke up this morning in a good mood and ready to take over the world. 
However, once again I woke up with a stuffed nose, I've been feeling sick lately, with symptoms of cold. Tested negative for Covid, of course. So I decided to check out the Maximum Immune Response sub, and I listened to my impulse to purchase it. I will use it for about 7 days.
My OFv3 run will take a 1 week break starting today.

(10-11-2021, 08:51 AM)GreekGod22 Wrote: [ -> ]Day 121 / 180 ON

4 loops Hybrid at 5/15 volume + 1 loop Hybrid at 12/15 + 1 loop US

Woke up from my sleep twice this morning, and had dreams tangentially related to fear. Forgot it all as soon as I fully woke up.
Had an impulse today to experiment with the Ultrasonic track, to see how I react. I've only used before once or twice.

Actually I started with the ultra first then read to use masked with headphones. I felt it worked well. I also et this little fear in morning too.

Day 123 / 180 ON

8 loops Hybrid

I'm back on OFv3 after a 5 /6 days break during which I was running MIR. 
Going all out. Huge craving for loops.

Day 124 / 180 ON

7 loops Hybrid at 4-5/15 volume

Had a quite interesting dream last night while listening to the sub. Me and a group of friends were confronted by another group. We reached a point where we agreed for a fight to happen between one of our guys and one of the other guys. 
I was picked / challenged by one if their guys to fight in a boxing / kickboxing match. We started going at it...after that I don't remember any details.

Woke up with a headache that progressively reduced as the morning unfolded. I am feeling depressed and apathetic again. It's clearly that OFv3 is triggering me big time, and so far I haven't been able to overcome it, not even with 8 loops.

Feeling emotionally wrecked today. Escaped through porn / masturbation. Rationally I have no reasons to feel so down. Women show high interest in me, my financial situation is getting better and better.
Lately I've been obsessed again with some of my old insecurities.

Day 125 / 180 ON

4 loops Hybrid at 4-5/15 volume

Nothing much to report. Just writing the journal to track the days. After so many loops for the past 3 days, I will take a 2-days break and dial down the number of loops in the next cycle.
Something I noticed on OFv3 that is becoming more apparent lately, is that I've become more inclined to speak my mind, up to the point of being reckless and aggressive whenever something bothers me. I imagine this behavior will be calibrated and fine-tuned overtime and will turn into a net positive effect from the sub.
Thinking more and more of trying ME as my next sub.

Day 126 / 180 OFF

A much needed day off from the sub. Had this really interesting dream. 
It went like this: I was coming home and realized that 2 women(mother and daughter possibly) have broken into my home. I thought they have stolen something from me, but later realized nothing was stolen, they just stirred things up, making a mess, moving stuff from one place to another.
The older woman escaped first, so I couldn't stop her. And I was left with the young, attractive woman, who was at her peak beauty and fertility age. At first, I started questioning her in a very assertive way: Why did you come here, what did you do?
I acted in a very masculine and dominant way with her. Then I realized I am attracted to her and she felt the same way towards me. We started kissing, things got heated. I wanted her to perform oral sex on me. And just when I was about to put it in her mouth, I realized she is under-age, that she is 16, and I stopped.

Day 127 / 180 OFF

Strongly considering choosing ME as my next sub.
I think I'm going through my apathy phase of OFv3. I don't care much about impressing others or wanting validation from them, but at he same time, I don't fully enjoy being with myself.
For a long time, I used to post stories on my social media whenever I was working out, to show that I am fit and have an athletic physique, to show muscles and receive validation from it. But lately I've lost interest in all this, why all the hassle of always filming myself?
Needing constant validation of your self worth actually shows insecurity.

Days 128 & 129 / 180 ON

4 loops Hybrid

Feeling fine these couple of days. Calm and collected.
I met a new woman last night, felt no anxiety or worries whatsoever around what she would think of me or the outcome of our date. We ended up having sex.

You have sex in one day? that is a success

(10-24-2021, 10:07 AM)tolgaocal80 Wrote: [ -> ]You have sex in one day? that is a success

You mean a same-day lay? Yes.
I've had several lays from online dating this year.

Day 130 / 180 ON

4 loops Hybrid

Tracking the days. Oscillating between fervent optimism and apathy on a day to day basis.
50 days left on OFv3.