Subliminal Talk

Day 81 / 180 ON

4 loops Hybrid. Experimented with very high & very low volumes to see how I react.

Felt great today. Optimistic and energetic.
Had an awesome date with a pretty girl

Day 82 / 180 ON

4 loops Hybrid + 1 loop US

6 days in a row without taking a day off from OFv3.
I played a loop of Ultrasonic to see how it affects me, but did not notice something in particular, so I am going to stick with Hybrid as I like it the most.

I have become very assertive at the gym. Feels good.

2 years ago, I met a girl that I liked a lot. The kind of girl I could have developed feelings for. She was very attracted to me the first time we met, but it did not last as my neediness and fear of losing her kicked in and she lost all the attraction to me. I suffered a lot after her back then, even though we didn't technically dated. I developed a huge oneitis / crush for her. I ended up in an emotionally dark place for months, her rejecting me killed my self esteem. My fears of abandonment, fear of not being loved or not being worthy came to surface. 
Today I have felt the same fears and doubts resurface (in lower intensity) related to the girl I dated yesterday.
Now I am more emotionally equipped to face my fears.
Let's see how OFv3 deals with all this.
There is this deep need inside me of being truly loved by a girl, of her being madly in love with me.

Day 83 / 180 ON

5 loops Hybrid, Volume 5-8

I think it's time to take at least a day off tomorrow, even though I don't really feel the need for a break.

Day 84 / 180 OFF

I woke up this morning and realized I've been having headaches every morning in the last couple of days. Didn't made the possible connection to the sub until now. I will take it as sign that I've had too many loops without a break and giving some processing time will do me good.

Day 85 / 180 OFF

Almost 3 months on OFv3, it's the longest time I've been able to stick to one sub. And I will stick till the end of the 6 months, if not even more.
Headache has reduced in intensity this morning, but not completely gone. I'll take it another day OFF is needed.
I must have overexposed myself to the sub without realizing it.

Yesterday I had a 1-on-1 call with my manager at work. She is a woman. Despite my performances not being outstanding, she was very friendly and supportive to me. DRS working its magic.

Day 86 / 180 ON

3 loops Hybrid 

Realized that not following the ON - OFF days cycle and overloading my brain with 4-5 hybrid loops daily has been reckless.
I will commit from now on to a 3 days ON - 2 days OFF cycle, with 3 Hybrid loops / day. If headaches do not present themselves with this schedule, I will bump it back to 4 loops / day.
This weekend when going out I received a couple of very obvious IOIs, women turning their heads to look at me. It's becoming more and more my reality and I fully accept it. I still have some level of fear and inability to fully relax in social situations.

Future subs that I will choose from: ME, E5, UMSv2, DMSI, LTU6, AM6.

(09-04-2021, 12:11 AM)GreekGod22 Wrote: [ -> ]Day 85 / 180 OFF
She is a woman.

wow man, are you sure about that ? just joking

(09-05-2021, 07:50 AM)tolgaocal80 Wrote: [ -> ]

(09-04-2021, 12:11 AM)GreekGod22 Wrote: [ -> ]Day 85 / 180 OFF
She is a woman.

wow man, are you sure about that ? just joking

Haha, I am completely sure.
I only mentioned the gender because their is this belief that women are harsher when in position of authority.

Day 87 / 180 ON

4 loops Hybrid

I intended to run 3 loops, but due to current emotional pain, I played a 4th loop too. Midway through it, while being at the gym, I just wanted the track to end, and it had a tiring effect on me. A sign that 3 loops is optimal.

I have been dealing with a disappointment in my dating life. The girl I wanted the most and quickly developed a mini-crush on her, straight out told me today that she didn't felt the chemistry between us when we met. Which is code for lack of attraction, me not being dominant & leading enough.
I still have other plenty dating options, and women who end up in my bed, but with some girls, I end up having more anxiety that day, more hesitation, my behavior is less masculine. And the girl will not feel the spark. Whereas on another day, I will be super confident and relaxed and displaying a high-value behavior with the women I'm with, and she will get hooked.
It is what it is. I am dealing with my pain surprisingly well and will probably get over it soon. But it does sting for a while. Last time, I had a crush on a girl and she didn't feel the same was 2 years ago. I was crushed and put my life on hold for 6 months back then. 
This time, I am handling it much better. Because I have other options, I am more masculine and sexually experienced than when I was 2 years ago. And because of OFv3.

It is now crystal clear to me how much your behavior and the way you act and carry yourself as a man, has an influence on whether a women is attracted to you. All these years I thought looks are everything, but now I can tell from experience that it's much more than that what matters. 
Because I've lost women who had a very high initial physical attraction to me, solely through my behavior. And likewise, whenever I behaved in a confident  / masculine way, women got very attracted to me.

Being at easy with yourself, being comfortable and taking up your space in this world, embracing your masculine energy, being leading & assertive, all these are what makes an attractive man. Having a muscular body is just a bonus.
The feminine core can only surrender in the presence of a strong masculine core. 
A woman cannot fall in love for a man who she doesn't respect.

As a consolation, I ended up pulling another girl last night, and the sex was pretty good. Helped me forget about my "mini-crush". I swept her off her feel, she couldn't resist my charms. 
I will always remember what she told me when she was in bed with me: "You act so dominant and self-assured with me. I love it so much"

Day 88 / 180 ON

3 loops Hybrid

3rd day ON in this cycle and I will follow-up with 2 days off after this. I usually write my reports at the end of the day, but this time I had to share what I am feeling this morning.
I woke up with a lot of calm and a peaceful state of mind. Played my first loop of the day at midnight just as I was drifting to sleep. There is this sense of optimism that I feel about life, that everything will be fine.
I realized that I have a preference and weakness for women who embody a lot of feminine energy. And this is often the case with artsy girls (girls who have artistic inclinations and talents).

Feel drawn to read the testimonials for LTU6. It would be a great choice as my next sub at the end of the year.

Day 89 / 180 OFF

At this moment, 3 loops seems optimal to me.
Yesterday at the gym, I've had guys giving me stares, like they are sizing me up. This has happened often on my OF3 run.
I've become less fearful in this environment, it's subtle. I no longer get out of my way to make room for others, when someone starts using the machine that I'm working on, I let them finish their set, and then calmly call them out: "Hey, I was using this". And they apologize or ask if we could work together.

Last night I had a dream / nightmare and the central theme was clearly fear of survival. It was so strong that it completely woke me up, but I quickly drifted off to sleep again. In the morning, I couldn't remember any of it.
It is strange how it is so difficult for me to recall my dreams.

Day 90 / 180 OFF

3 months of OFv3, I'm at 50% of the journey. What can I say, there has definitely been some movement and changes for the good. However, I've been expecting more from the sub...and hopefully the next 3 months will deliver.
I've seen more movements / sigs of working in the 3rd month, so perhaps it took that long to break through and lots of big changes will soon unleash. 

Notable changes in the first 3 months

• less need of external validation. I know my worth and don't need constant reinforcement from the world of my value. This is the biggest one. I used to care so much about how many likes I was getting on my social media, how many IOIs when I walk on the street. Not anymore. It's freeing.
  
• Less interest in porn / masturbation compared to how I was at the beginning of OF.
  
• less fearful and more assertive in certain environments(the gym is one I can think of)
  

I realized that whenever one of my friends tells me about their latest sexual conquest, I get jealous and a some pain is triggered inside me, both emotionally and physically (like it's touching on a trauma). I do enjoy a good amount of success on this area of my life, but keep wanting more and hotter women. I feel deserving of having equal or higher success than my friends.

Update: Going to a festival later this evening and all night and I was craving one loop badly, so I decided to listen to my instinct.

Days 91, 92, 93 / 180 ON

Been at a music festival this weekend. Fear of approaching women and interacting with them remains high. OFv3 has yet to have an influence on this front.
Also realised how much of my mental state is physiological, not psychological.
I have digestion issues(low stomach acid, bacterial overgrowth) which results in endotoxins overload. Which can directly cause depression.
Whenever I eat starch / gluten / wheat, as it was the case these past few days. my brain gets flooded with negative thoughts and my mood goes for the worst.
 That’s why I do best with fruits and milk as my only sources of carbohydrates.

Day 94 / 180 OFF

Looking to get my energy levels back up after a couple of nights of little sleep.
One moment I remember from this weekend at the festival is when 3 teenage girls were passing by me and they all smiled at me and said "Heeey..", like I was a handsome celebrity. And the male friend I was with complimented me: "Well, you are handsome and tall. Of course they would wink at you".

And it felt good hearing positive words about me. All the years of having a very negative self-image has turned me into a person who doesn't know how to receive compliments. But I am slowly rewiring for the best.