Subliminal Talk

Day 59 / 180 ON

4 loops Hybrid

It was a quiet day today. Noticed again palpitations / heart beating faster while running the sub.
Still caught up in my porn habit, don't even have the willpower to go 1 day without.

Day 60 / 180 OFF

This completes my first 2 months on OFv3. 2 out of 6 months, which means 33% of my run is complete / over.
If there's one way that OFv3 has changed me, it's this: It has made me need external validation much less. I have become less needy ,less chasing.
If someone doesn't reciprocate my interest, I'm indifferent, other women will. Unfollow / unfriend / unmatch and off to the next one. 
This also goes with men. I don't need the praise or the validation of other men. Sort of what you'd expect from the Alpha Male sub. But it does tend to turn me into a lone wolf.

Everybody is playing the status game, everybody is showing their highlights on Instagram. I stopped feeling anxiety about it. I know my worth and don't have to show it off. I can if I choose to, but don't feel like it for now.

Nothing new to report for today.
I have settled for the 3 days ON & 2 days OFF cycle, with 4 loops of Hybrid / ON day.

Day 61 / 180 OFF

I had a usual day today: work from home followed by a workout at the gym. But something powerful happened when I was coming home from the gym. I started feeling depressed again, I got home and was about open some porn to get my dirty pleasure for the day and cope with my pain. I thought it was going to be another ruined night.
However, I remembered @Chris P. Bacon saying in another thread that OF can also be run in-the-moment, whenever you feel anxious, fearful, depressed. So I did exactly this. I played a loop of Hybrid and my mood started to change in the positive direction. I've become relaxed, and optimistic. Dropped the porn, and now I am being productive around the house.

(08-10-2021, 10:24 AM)GreekGod22 Wrote: [ -> ]Day 61 / 180 OFF

I had a usual day today: work from home followed by a workout at the gym. But something powerful happened when I was coming home from the gym. I started feeling depressed again, I got home and was about open some porn to get my dirty pleasure for the day and cope with my pain. I thought it was going to be another ruined night.
However, I remembered @Chris P. Bacon saying in another thread that OF can also be run in-the-moment, whenever you feel anxious, fearful, depressed. So I did exactly this. I played a loop of Hybrid and my mood started to change in the positive direction. I've become relaxed, and optimistic. Dropped the porn, and now I am being productive around the house.

Glad you decided to run a loop. I am also running more loops today. Something at work got me feeling kinda raw and vulnerable.

Day 62 / 180 ON

6 loops Hybrid.

I went out tonight, there was a festival in my city, so many young & hot women.
I got triggered, I felt a bit overwhelming by the environment, I felt fear, and lacked the courage to approach. I wanted it so much, but I just felt blocked to do it. Then I started feeling depressed again.

I have really got to quit porn for good and reduce masturbation, it a loser's habit. It kills my relationships with women.

There is something else that became crystal clear to me. I work a job in IT, make good money, but this is not what my heart truly desires. I desire more freedom and risk with my life. Until I will have the courage to go after that, I will always feel unfulfilled because I am not living my life's purpose.

Day 63 / 180 ON

3 loops Hybrid

I did not watch porn or masturbate today, having done it for like daily the past week once or multiple times.
I went out tonight for a walk in the city, my fear of interacting with women still remains very high, I lack courage and entitlement.
I could have so much success, if only I surpass my fears. This and my depression have been my demons.

Day 64 / 180 ON

4,5 loops Hybrid

I am nearing the most important phase of my OF journey, because today I have experienced something that has not happened before on the sub, not to this level.
I was at the gym this evening, and I was listening to my 2nd loop of the day. Towards the second part of my workout, I started getting heavy heartbeats, pressure in my stomach and chest area(where trauma and fears are stored). I also got a bit dizzy and felt a drop in physical energy.
I think OFv3 is finally hitting some deep fears and triggering them and bringing them to the surface. I know this because when I was doing spiritual type of meditations(Letting Go, similar to Sedona method) in 2019-2020, I got to this exact same point. Back then it got up to the point of almost being unable to function in daily life due to so much pain and fear and emotions brought to surface, so I stopped doing the work. I was overwhelmed and I caved in.

Also, I have now gone 2 complete days without PMO(porn, masturbation, orgasm), let's just hope I keep it that way.

Day 65 / 180

As I feel this is an important phase, I will play some loops today too and won't take days off,  only if I end up feeling exhausted or saturated with the sub.
Edit: played 3 loops

Had a great yesterday(Day 65).
I approached a pretty girl without hesitation, and it was really great, we spend 2-3 hours together, we even kissed and touched a lot. This was the best set I've done this year.
I credit this success to either OFv3 or being on 3 days of Nofap.

Day 66 / 180

Played 2 or 3 loops, not sure. I disregarded the OFF days. This day was about having more courage to face my social-related fears, and while I did still felt fear & discomfort, I consider the willingness to face them as progress.

Day 67 / 180 ON

5 loops Hybrid.

Quiet day. Not much to report.

Day 68 / 180 ON

Had a couple of interesting dreams last night, I fell asleep listening to the sub. The theme of fear was present in one of them. The only one I can remember now is one about height. This could be related to me running the Grow Taller sub before OFv3 or simply with my ever-present obsession with my height.
A guy I know was asking me what is my height. And I told him my real current height (184cm). But then he noticed I am taller than him, even though in real life, he is taller than me. We were both surprised. And that was it.

As of writing, I am listening to a loop and can definitely feel the sub influencing me and my thoughts (while listening). Things are about to get really interesting. I am starting to feel the sub more powerfully affecting me. I feel it causing a lot of turbulence. In one moment, random fears / frustrations come to surface, in the next moments, I feel a relief. Again and again.

And something that I realize. You know how most men nowadays feel intimidated by beautiful women, who are independent, have high standards, and spoiled with choices? And seeing how much power a woman like this has in today's society, with the rise of Instagram / Tinder got me feeling a lot of anger for years.
But you know what. My attitude right now is this: "Yeah, you are physically beautiful / indeed, I will admit that. But so are plenty of women like you". There is no shortage of attractive women to pick from."

And this thought to me feels liberating.

Day 69 / 180

Played a loop this morning, and now I feel tired and saturated with the sub. It's been 8 days without a break. Now I could really use a break and will take today and tomorrow OFF.
On a positive note, I am currently 6 days porn-free. This has not happened in months, I think.