Subliminal Talk

Day 109 / 180 OFF

Ended up playing 2 loops yesterday.
Been feeling sick for the past 2 days, but I’m recovering.
Felt fearful about the idea of meeting up with a woman, hopefully it’s transient because I’ve been quite confident lately.

Day 110 / 180 ON

4 loops Hybrid at 4-5/15 Volume + 2 loops at 7/15 volume

3 months and 20 days on Overcoming Fear v3 5.75.7G. Quite the time. It's the longest I've stick to a sub.
Woke up this morning with the realization that I have to cut my social media use and prioritize on taking my financial life to the next level. Anything that doesn't add to my development or happiness has to be cut out and replaced with activities that will pay off in a few years and longer-term.

Day 111 / 180 ON

3 loops Hybrid at 4-5/15 volume

Ended up playing a total of 6 loops yesterday. I’ve had some depression reoccurring and used Porn & masturbation as an escape mechanism again. OFv3 must be triggering something inside me once again.
Today I remembered the roommate I had while living in college dorm, a few good years ago. And I don’t think this memory is random. He was always the more dominant & leading guy in comparison to me. I once got into conflict with him and was afraid of physical altercation, so I made myself “small” from that moment and would not voice my opinion if something bothered me.
I am now angry at this memory, letting myself walked over like that. God damn, I was such a fearful and timid guy.
But at the same time, I have to give myself credit, because I've grown so much since.

Felt calm, powerful, at peace for the rest of the day.
Already have my mind on saving up some money for AM6.

Day 112 / 180 ON

4 loops Hybrid at 4/15 Volume + 2 loops at 7/15 volume

It's my birthday today. OFv3 is shaping my identity more and more. I am happy with where I am now in life, but at the same time I have high standards that I hold myself to. One of my most ambitious goals is to achieve financial independence in a few years. 
I've felt some aggression turned inwards today. Why couldn't I be happy and enjoy life like others do? Why do I set higher goals for myself, why am I not satisfied until I reach them, instead of being happy now?

I feel powerful, I feel in charge of my life / destiny, I feel self-centerd and self-validating. I'm getting the effects of what I imagine AM6 would achieve. When fears get removed, the masculine core shines through. Several instances, I've had people on the street throwing glances at me, like they're sizing me up. They must sense the lack of fear in my eyes.

(10-02-2021, 08:19 AM)GreekGod22 Wrote: [ -> ]Day 112 / 180 ON

4 loops Hybrid at 4/15 Volume + 1 loops at 7/15 volume

It's my birthday today. OFv3 is shaping my identity more and more. I am happy with where I am now in life, but at the same time I have high standards that I hold myself to. One of my most ambitious goals is to achieve financial independence in a few years. 
I've felt some aggression turned inwards today. Why couldn't I be happy and enjoy life like others do? Why do I set higher goals for myself, why am I not satisfied until I reach them, instead of being happy now?

I feel powerful, I feel in charge of my life / destiny, I feel self-centerd and self-validating. I'm getting the effects of what I imagine AM6 would achieve. When fears get removed, the masculine core shines through. Several instances, I've had people on the street throwing glances at me, like they're sizing me up. They must sense the lack of fear in my eyes.

Happy Birthday GreekGod. There is a lot of energy around birthdays that is normal. It is a journey and not a destination. But happy were you are now, you will achieve your goals.

Day 113 / 180 ON

4 loops Hybrid at 4/15 Volume + 2 loops at 7/15 volume

@Z-Man Thank you.
Decided to switch to a 4 days ON: 2 days OFF cycle because I've been craving more exposure. Again last night had dreams surrounding fear, do not remember anything anymore.
Depression hitting hard, the sub must be douching something really deep. Will play loops tomorrow for a 5th day in a row.

Happy (belated) Birthday!

Day 114 / 180 OFF

@RTBoss Thanks, man.

Decided after all to keep this an OFF day. Figured 21 loops in the past 4 days was enough.
Nothing new to report today.

Day 115 / 180 ON

2 loops at midnight + 2 loop during the day.

2 months and 5 days left on OFv3. 63.89% time completed.

Same as yesterday. Nothing new to report today.
Desire to escape through porn & masturbation has been higher the past couple of days.

One fear / frustration that came to me this morning was surrounding women. While I have progressed a lot on this, I still have the fear of approach. I'm always waiting for the girl to show off signals of interest to give myself permission to go to her.
I also desire to have higher confidence in my ability to attract & retain women that are close to my ideal of a beautiful / perfect woman. I haven't yet achieved maximum entitlement and confidence about my worth as a man.

Day 116 / 180 ON

4 loops Hybrid at 5-15 volume + 2 loops at 7-8/15.

Just wanted to note I had a spicy sex dream last night. I was getting it on with a girl for quite a long time, my sister in the other room, I was completely unfazed by it. It was nice to feel the total lack of inhibition.

Depression has crept in for the last couple of days. It’s hard times. Also increased cravings for junk food and smoking. I played 6 loos today.
Listening to OFv3 really seems to trigger desire to watch porn and masturbate.
Not sure how much can I increase the loops. I read @Kol and @NOMAD playing a record of 8 loops.

I think I’m encountering heavy resistance. It would be a pity not to get past it, as this was the reason I bought OFv3 on top of OFv2.

Day 117 / 180 ON

4 loops Hybrid at 4/15 Volume

Serious headaches this morning. Time to take 2 days OFF, after 7 ON days in the last 8 days.

I abruptly quite my thyroid meds about a week ago, and it's been awful, I realized I made a mistake. I'm not supposed to quit them so abruptly.  I think this has been the cause of my depression.
This evening, I got back on them and my morale is already uplifted.

Honestly, this is the stuff I deal with that makes me unable to identify whether it's OFv3 causing something or my physiological state / thyroid state. I feel fragile in this regard. So many things can throw off my balance.

Days 118 & 119 / 180 OFF

Took the much needed time off. I feel lonely in my life and the Corona restrictions in my country don't help either.
I have this void to be filled, this desire of wanting to get with and have sex with a lot of young and attractive women. To make up for the years I've lost. To satisfy my ego and high sex drive.
It's been 2 weeks since I last had sex, and I'm going crazy.
Maybe I should run E5 after I'm done with OF.