Subliminal Talk

Day 70 / 180 OFF

Feeling super relaxed this morning.
Last night, I have met with 2 women(girls), one after another. I was comfortable around sexual topics with the first one, we had drinks in a public place and said goodbye at the end. 
I did had a bit of anxiety and stutter, but other than that, I was comfortable in that social environment.

After that, I met with the 2nd woman, who ended into my bed. Hesitated at first, but turned up being very sexual with her and next thing you know, her clothes were off.

Day 71 / 180 ON

Played a loop last night just as I was drifting to sleep. I had several dream sequences involving my father(who passed away in 2012 from cancer, when I was 20). In one of the scenes / sequences, I felt very relieved knowing that he is alive and well and that I can do everything that is needed to keep him healthy and strong.

In the years after he died, I have blamed myself for not showing more affection to him. I also had this belief that I could save him. I could have researched about potential cancer therapies myself and save him...
I am wondering how all this related to fear. Perhaps I still haven't let go of him. When I was a child, I felt safe and protected with him. With him being gone, I now have to face the world on my own.

@Shannon Any thoughts on why would OFv3 trigger dreams of my father?

Tonight I pulled another woman back to my place. We kissed and touched each other, but we didn't had sex. I'm not even mad, I am happy with the way I behaved: very masculine and assertive, was able to hold deep eye contact with her.

A pattern I notice: whenever I raise the volume to 12/15 on mobile phone, I start getting more intense reactions in my body: especially in my stomach area / solar plexus. It must be triggering a lot of fear and intense emotion buried in my subconscious.

Day 72 / 180 ON

4 loops Hybrid.

Day 73 / 180 ON

5 or 6 loops of Hybrid.

2 important realizations I've had today.

1. A few weeks ago I took an interest in boxing and martial arts because a mentor of mine I follow online recommends it for guys who deal with fear and / or anxiety, saying how it trains you to become present to the moment.
So a few weeks ago I had a sparring session with a friend who is more skilled at it, and it was a therapeutic and humbling experience. It is so different and more "manly" than lifting weights
I realized how much of it is a metaphor for life. As a man, if you are afraid to fight, your life is most likely dictated by fear.
So now I bought some leather gloves and decided to practice for myself. Did a sparing bag workout at the gym as cardio replacement.
I was thinking tonight how did I came up with this decision to start practicing fighting / boxing. Why did I had the courage to do it now? I was always terrified of the idea of violence / fighting because I was a scared and fearful boy. My conclusions is that OFv3 made me do it. OFv3 made me conquer just the needed amount of fear that prevented me from starting boxing(for cardio and self defense purposes).

2. After a discussion with a potential romantic interest, I realized I don't open up to people, almost at all. I don't reveal  details about me. This has hurt me both in my dating life(women ran away because I was emotionally unavailable) and also my friendships with other men, I can't properly bond with other guys.
All of this is based in fear. Fear of someone knowing my true self, fear of seeing how messed up am I on the inside, and eventually fear of being rejected when I reveal my authentic self

Day 74 / 180 OFF

Took a complete rest today. Not a lot to report.

(08-22-2021, 02:22 PM)GreekGod22 Wrote: [ -> ]I realized I don't open up to people, almost at all. I don't reveal  details about me. This has hurt me both in my dating life(women ran away because I was emotionally unavailable) and also my friendships with other men, I can't properly bond with other guys.
All of this is based in fear. Fear of someone knowing my true self, fear of seeing how messed up am I on the inside, and eventually fear of being rejected when I reveal my authentic self

Oh man, I relate to this SO much. Thanks for sharing your OF journey, GG22. It's great to follow along.

(08-23-2021, 07:11 PM)alumni80 Wrote: [ -> ]

(08-22-2021, 02:22 PM)GreekGod22 Wrote: [ -> ]I realized I don't open up to people, almost at all. I don't reveal  details about me. This has hurt me both in my dating life(women ran away because I was emotionally unavailable) and also my friendships with other men, I can't properly bond with other guys.
All of this is based in fear. Fear of someone knowing my true self, fear of seeing how messed up am I on the inside, and eventually fear of being rejected when I reveal my authentic self

Oh man, I relate to this SO much.  Thanks for sharing your OF journey, GG22.  It's great to follow along.

There's a certain kind of freedom when you can accept that you're human and screw up, just like everyone else.  When you get to that place of acceptance, and share it with others, it seems to give people permission to accept their faults, too.  You'll find others being more comfortable being their authentic self around you.  As for those who end up judging you, you don't want those people as close friends anyway.

Day 75 / 180 ON

5 loops Hybrid

Today I actually had the impression that I took 2 OFF days, but going through my journal, I realized it was just one OFF day this time. So this became an ON day.

I experienced an increase in aggression and irritability today. Went to the gym, noticed a few stares from women(as usual), but also stares from men as if they were feeling threatened by me.
A pattern that I recognized in me is the following: whenever my mood is not that great, or I feel tired or depressed, I tend to isolate myself and put all communications with the world on pause. Friends, potential love interests, I delay or stop writing them for a while until I feel better.

Day 76 / 180 ON

4 loops Hybrid.

Gradually becoming less interested in porn, it has lost some of its appeal. Real life encounters with women motivate me much more.
Also realized how much I have been quite protected from judgement or criticism this summer, both at my job and in other ways. Must be the DRS at play.
I have been thinking about my next sub after OF, since I like planning and be strategic about the future. I finish 6 months of OFv3 in December, perhaps I will continue using it for longer, perhaps not.

Subs that I am interested in: ME, E5, UMSv2, DMSI(future release)
And I will absolutely be running AM7 when it comes out in 6G.

Update: After finishing my 3rd loop of the day, I want to take a nap so bad.
Update2: I am feeling some sadness / depression tonigh, so I decided to play another loop before bed.

Day 77 / 180 ON

4 loops Hybrid

Shades of alpha

I am really starting to like Overcoming Fear v3 a lot, it is kicking into high gear. I have felt kind of depressed and socially withdrawn for the first 3 days of this week, but today my mood changed completely for the better. Had absolutely no temptation for porn, it feels beneath me. My lower self would be tempted, but today my "highest" self showed up and no chance of indulging in that destructive activity.
I have felt very calm and composed today, and almost euphoric as the evening progressed. This is a glimpse of the alpha feeling that I have long craved and wanted to make it a permanent reality. Feeling super confident right now.

Started reaching out to girls, have plenty of options. One of them blocked me today for being too sexual and direct, don't even care, she had a bad day. Another one is intimidated, but super attracted to me. And the third one can't wait to see me this weekend.
Solid workout at the gym to complete a fine day.

Day 78 / 180

2 loops Hybrid

The road to freedom is almost never a straightforward one. But the key is to navigate the low days for they will be followed by better days.
I intended to take a complete break today, but decided to play 2 loops after not having the brightest outlook on my life today.

Last night I had a bunch of dreams, all related to fear, but here’s what completely changed in my dreams: I was no no longer running away, being scared, being the prey. Instead, I was “hitting back”, I was thinking about solutions to get out of fearful situation. I was now turning the tide in my favour. 
I will take this a very good sign of my subconscious rewiring.

I’ve also been thinking about UMS today, I might get on it next year. Both my dating and financial life are of utmost importance at this point in my life.
Being more financially successful and doing what I want will give me a lot of confidence and joy out of life, which in turn will skyrocket my dating success as a result of increased confidence and living an authentic life.

Day 78 / 190

3 loops Hybrid

Last night I had another interesting dream. I was on a journey / voyage to lead me to a place where a supercomputer was located, where every human could "download" in his mind a certain program that he desires, that would alter his subconscious mind and give him the desired power / skill. It is very much an analogy to subliminals.
The way it could be interpreted is: I am finally allowing my subconscious to be reprogrammed  
@Shannon I think you might find this dream interesting.

Had one of the most intense workouts of my life. I have now truly committed to transform my my physique, both for my health and sex appeal and my self confidence as a man.
Today was once again a day I intended to take a break from listening, but I felt an impulse to do it. Loneliness hit me today a bit harder than usual, and my old insecurities around my body. What changed today is that I did not seek out any coping mechanism at all. I was not tempted to look at porn and masturbate, I was not tempted to indulge in junk food as a means of getting emotional comfort. Nothing. I just sat with the pain, with my thoughts, until they reduced in intensity.

Day 79 / 180 (29 August 2021)

2 loops Hybrid

Had a spontaneous date this Sunday night with a pretty girl. Years ago, I wouldn't have imagined being able to attract the interest of such women, so it's important for me to have some perspective of how far I have come.
I was not completely happy with my behavior / presentation. Even if I was relaxed, cool and non-needy overall, I've had some moments of minor stuttering, or struggling to properly formulate my sentences. Or breaking eye contact with her.
I've improved on these aspects this year, but there's still something left.

Day 80 / 180 (30 August 2021)

While being at the gym, I've felt anger and aggression. I had my headphones on and listening to OF. Someone trying to use the machine I was working on, even though it had my towel on it. Other guy just getting in my way and pissing me off. Brushed it off and had a great workout after all.