Subliminal Talk

(07-06-2021, 10:19 PM)GreekGod22 Wrote: [ -> ]Day 27 / 180 ON

Had a dream last night, and I remember some of it. I was accompanying my father (who is no longer alive in this world) going about places, he was trying to escape something, he was fearful of being chased / wanted by other people.
So it was like I felt his fear, it transferred into me.
Going through a mild depression phase at this moment on my OFv3 journey. I have a tendency to isolate myself from society, which is not what I want or need.

It was supposed to be a day off today, but I decided I need to run it.. And I have decided to increase the number of loops to 3 hybrid/
Depression and porn / masturbation habits are very much linked.

I also have felt depression too.

The depression is your subconscious expressing that it feels hopeless to stop the program from working, which upsets it because for some reason, it believes it is literally going to die if the program succeeds in achieving its. goal. Masturbation is a wonderful way to spend time and waste energy that would otherwise go to making the program achieve its goals.

(07-07-2021, 08:10 PM)Shannon Wrote: [ -> ]The depression is your subconscious expressing that it feels hopeless to stop the program from working, which upsets it because for some reason, it believes it is literally going to die if the program succeeds in achieving its. goal. Masturbation is a wonderful way to spend time and waste energy that would otherwise go to making the program achieve its goals.

Likely.
However, I've had phases in my life where this same kind of depression came to surface, and I wasn't listening to a subliminal those times.

Day 28 / 180 ON

I have played 3 loops of hybrid both yesterday and today. Honestly starting to wonder if I'm executing or not.
I do experience increased fatigue and daily headache, but can't attribute it to the sub, because I've dealt with this before. I am not in the most perfect and energetic state of health.
One fear I would like to improve is the fear of approaching and talking to women, which remains inexplicably high. Despite this year being my best in terms of dating success, the fear has remained. It goes like this - you have some level of success, and then you go back to ground zero.

(07-07-2021, 01:02 PM)tolgaocal80 Wrote: [ -> ]sorry to hear your loss Idk when did happen this

It happened in 2012, so it is not a recent event.
I often have memories of him, a lot of my childhood memories & fears are linked to him in some way or another.
He did his best to be a good father figure, but I was unable to show my affection towards him, which is something I always regretted after he passed away.
I was a weak and shy boy, and changed a lot since then. I always remember to be strong in life because I know he would love that I have changed for the better.

It sounds to me like you'tr trying to have your results come faster than you can process your fears and then wondering why it's not magically happening overnight.

Pushing harder and going faster is not always the solution.

Day 29 / 180 OFF

Almost a month on OFv3.
Today I finally decided to take a day off, after 2 days of 3 hybrid loops / day, I feel like I need some rest time and allow the sub to do its processing in my subconscious.
I woke up feeling good and optimistic today.
Once again, had several dreams flashes last night, more or less related to fear. For example, in my dream appeared an ex-colleague of mine from high-school who used to bully me once in a while.

Day 30 / 180 OFF

This ends Month 1 of OFv3. I feel balanced tonight. A bit more emotional. My mind is cultivating positive thoughts again. I start seeing possibilities of improvements in my life.

Second day off in a row. Long-lasting headache is mostly gone, that's a sign I needed the 2-day rest.
Desire for porn & masturbation reduced to 1 time / day. I no longer find it appealing. Hopefully it's a bad phase that I will very soon leave behind for good this time.

I realized I am more stress resilient surrounding my job. It's like I should care more and be more stressed about it, but something makes me indifferent to it. I question my purpose and significance at my job.
Perhaps it's a ''no longer motivated by fear'' situation, as @Shannon has put it.

Day 31 / 180 OFF

I intended this Sunday to be an ON day, but had an active day and did not had time to listen to the sub. So I played 1 loop of hybrid at 2AM on Monday, when I got to bed, and I will count this as part of Day 32 Monday loops.
I feel closer to escape the addiction of PMO (porn & masturbation). Honestly, it's not something I set out to achieve when I started OF, but it's good if it happens. I still think masturbation in context has its place, and I'm not a Nofap adept, but it feels good to be free from this behavior that can be damaging to one-self.
Felt good this day, spent time in the Sun. I am slowly becoming more social again and have desires for new experiences with women.

I also realized I need to have an urgency about my life. Time is ticking. So many people drift through life, they get carried by the waves of life, they forget their dreams, they settle for a normal life. I can't do that. I can't give up the fight.

@Shannon Is there a difference between playing 3 loops back-to-back (3 hours total without interruption) and playing 1 complete loop x 3 times / day, each loop being played at a different time of day.

Days 32 & 33 / 180 ON

3 loops hybrid.
Spinning in circles. Depression punches harder. I seek refuge in porn & masturbation again. Feel hopeless right now. Angry at this world. Happiness seems further and further away.
Hearing my friend (who is objectively less attractive and shorter than me) having success with women due to his positive attitude, makes me sad and angry.
I've had good successes this spring myself, but as summer came, depression has caught me. Objectively, there was no reason for me to doubt myself, but I did and lost my confidence.

Day 34 / 180 OFF

Switched my thyroid meds yesterday and noticed a positive shift in my mental well-being. I really am emotionally volatile, it seems.

Day 35 OFF
Days 36-37 / 180 ON: 3 loops Hybrid

Yesterday I have actually felt good and energetic, which has rarely happened lately.
The PMO habit is still present, not to an extreme level, but it is there enough to affect my self-esteem and self-worth. It's like an alcoholic drinking 1-2 drinks each day to numb his pain away. Only the activity differs in my case.

Went out last night, opened a few girls, which I'd consider a minor progress.
At the end of the night, there was an altercations between some of my friends and other guys at the club. I was ready to help them out in case of a fight, but I will admit I was scared. I have no experience in fighting.
I am 180 lbs with muscle and have by no means a frail physique, but I was skinny and frail most of my childhood and teenage years, so I guess this is where the fear comes from. It's a fear from my former self.

(07-17-2021, 03:29 AM)GreekGod22 Wrote: [ -> ]Day 35 OFF
Days 36-37 / 180 ON: 3 loops Hybrid
I have no experience in fighting.

You should look into learning Judo, Brazillian Jiu-Jitsu, Krav Maga, or Boxing. Each has its pros and cons, do your research.

As a teenager, I took Tae Kwon Do. A lot of kicking, problem is you need a lot of space to execute the kicks. Now that I'm older, kicking is out of the question.

My coworker did Wing Chung. He quit because they don't spar.

Day 38 / 180 OFF

Supposed to be an OFF day, but before to bed I had an idea of trying the Ultrasonic track and leave it overnight, that would have been 8+ loops. I put the file playing on loop on my laptop before hopping to bed. When I woke up, noticed that my laptop restarted at some point overnight, and have no idea how long did the track play.

Last night I went out. Saw a pretty woman who looked just my type. Had the courage to approach her. It was a short interaction, but I am glad I defeated my fear and did it.

Realized most of my fears surrounding social interactions are rooted in lack of entitlement. Of not feeling worthy enough, of not feeling accomplished enough to put myself out there, to express myself. This is what's really blocking me.