Subliminal Talk

Bought this last night. Accidentally ran it for 8 loops instead of 5. Left the repeat on from when I was doing E2. Interestingly enough I'm less exhausted than my E2 listening schedule. Fixed the looping problem so I'll get the right amount tonight.

I've mentioned it a ton of times in other journals but I figured I'd say it again here. I love making electronic music and I'd like to turn it into a lifestyle in the future. As of right now there's still a lot standing in my way from achieving that. USLM3 is gonna be good for this, but even without it I've always been strongly driven by this passion. So it's been a strongly defined goal for years now, it's basically etched into my brain and I think about it every day.

In general I feel all my goals are already floating up in my head. Just a lot of fear causes me not to pursue them.

On my first listen of this sub I found myself thinking of a scenario where I screw up at my job and the head guy lays into me. But I just tell him to fuck off and I'm better than how he treats me. I think this company I'm working for is taking advantage of my low pay rate, but it's alright for now because I'm just using them as a way to learn. Somewhere down the line if I don't get compensated for what I deserve I'll find somewhere better. It's not like I'm asking for a ridiculously salary either, I just want to be able to afford rent comfortably in a place that isnt broken down, in a bad area, or super small for a ridiculous amount.

Knowing my worth is definitely something I've struggled with over the years. A lot of people take advantage of that. Nobody is gonna look out for you except yourself and close friends. So you have to know in your heart your value as a person and communicate that to others.

Lucky me. Had one of our users at work switch a while back to a Lenovo Thinkpad because they got tired of the surface book they had. Today I asked my boss if I could just recycle the surface book into my own ownership cuz nobody was using it. He gave me the go ahead. Wooo, free surface book.

Also had a few issues pop up today at work. Instead of stopping me dead in my tracks I was able to solve all them with relative ease. Even if they stumped me for a bit, I didn't get that tension of needing to solve it that always stresses me out. I just relaxed and trusted that the answers would come to me.

It was a good day today.

Had a dream last night I was in school again. Let me tell you, if there was ever a place for squashing my creative thinking it was school so this seems appropriate. For a project we had to make a poster or something expressing ourselves. Me being the odd person I am chose to do weird stuff, make nonsensical sentences, pictured scenarios that had no logical focal point, etc. I got the project back and it had red marks all over it telling me how I was wrong and none of it made sense. I told her it didn't have to make sense, it was just expression. Told her she was an idiot.

Definite fear being worked on about doing things the "right" way. It's a balance sometimes, you can't disregard all the guidelines as they give your stuff structure, but rigidly adhering to them out of fear is a recipe for boring lifeless work. In the creative field at least.

When I got home yesterday I started working on some music without that familiar procrastination. I'm actually kind of stuck with this track, but I found myself sitting down and seeing what I could do. Even if it was for just a few minutes

Today I caved and had coffee in the morning at work. It sort of made me more productive, but at the expense of overriding USLM3. When the coffee high finally wore off and USLM3 kicked in it was like a rough shift in a car. Definitely staying away from caffeine.

Other than that I feel like I got sucker punched by some issues today. I don't know if it's the cycle Shannon is talking about. But basically it feels like I finally find a fix for something and another thing breaks. Except what broke this time goes back a few months and threw off our inventory balance. And now there's a report showing imbalances which goes on for 24 pages. If, and that's a big if, I can push through old transactions to rebalance this stuff I'll be happy. Otherwise I'll have to manually adjust everything. And 24 pages is a ton of stuff to get through on top of everything else. I think at this point USLM3 is like a life boat in rough choppy waters. I can feel how it's going to get me through this even if it all seems like one big mess.

I'm just hoping a nice relaxing weekend will be enough to get my mind off things so the answers come to me. One thing I've learned is there's a point of diminishing returns when you're trying to crack a problem, you have to get up and let go of it for a while.

Also to give you guys a better idea of what kind of music I'm into and what I use as inspiration to keep improving.



Tipper is without a doubt the most amazing artist I've heard sonically and musically. I almost don't want to set the bar this high because it seems impossible. I honestly don't know how he has the time for the level of attention to detail he puts into his music.

I'm not gonna lie, I listen to stuff like this and I get anxiety trying to figure out how I would even go about attempting to create something like that. Part of me thinks "well maybe you should scale it back, find a artist that you feel you'd be able to get to the level of" But then another part says "No, don't limit yourself and tell yourself doing this is impossible or that it's untouchable".

To be more specific I'm not trying to copy his music. It's his production skills I admire. His sound creation, arrangement, how he gets everything so clear and nothing is cluttered. I'm very very far from it. That's not even an exaggeration I assure you. But I think a mark of great artists are ones who have a really good perspective on where they are at skill wise and aren't complacent. It's that balance between being ok with what you create and also striving for more.

I also recognize that a large majority of people probably don't appreciate music like this and the level of skill it takes to create, I'm good with that. But that won't give me an excuse to lower the bar and settle. I'm going to do my best to enjoy the journey, but for damn sure I've got a destination in mind and I'm gonna do my best to reach it no matter how impossible it seems.

I do want to have music be a bigger part of my life. But I think my goals have always been closer to artistic realization vs fame or money. I think as I continue my run with USLM3 my true desires will unfold and I'll start seeing what I really want out of life.

Set your goals on the stars. Nothing is too high. Then extend your stairs to the stars, and start climbing them. You may not be there right now, but nobody takes the entire staircase in one or two steps!

Listening to my loops last night I felt like my mind was trying to figure out the best way to achieve my goals. What needed to be removed, readjusted, reevaluated to get me to where I want to go. Basically not taking the running full speed into a brick wall method I've become accustomed to. Which ironically I think was a product of fear. Sometimes when I don't know how to move forward I just plunge head first into stuff without having a good plan or focus. In my mind I guess I perceive that as moving forward, but it's more like being on a hamster wheel. The energy is being burnt but I'm not getting anywhere. It's that illusion of moving away from the fear thats caused by seeing a big goal or something that seems really far off and unattainable.

I recognize not everything in life is going to be easy, but I think I do make things harder for myself than they need to be at times due to faulty patterns of thinking that set me back. Basically what I'm aiming for with USLM3 is that feeling of being pulled to my goals rather than feeling pushed. I know that seems vague. But you know that inner tension you get when you're working hard on something? That sort of frustration where you feel deadlocked and more effort seems to expend energy rather than get anywhere? That's basically what I'm trying to avoid. I'm aiming for efficiency.

Sounds like progress!

(11-09-2018, 05:07 PM)Shannon Wrote: [ -> ]Set your goals on the stars. Nothing is too high. Then extend your stairs to the stars, and start climbing them. You may not be there right now, but nobody takes the entire staircase in one or two steps!

Loved reading this Shannon! One of thee most inspiring sayings/quotes I've seen all year!! thank you. and BTW WIll DO!! :-) ( shoot for the moons if ya miss,you'll hit some stars!)

Cleaned my place today, well most of it. Didn't really tackle my room. I just hit the places that needed it the most. I've always been terrible with cleaning. But this time I broke it down into zones, wrote down a list of what needed to get done, and checked it off as I went along. I've never really done that before, but when I did do that it felt like there was less chaos going on up in my head. For whatever reason my brain likes exploring infinite things. So when I think "I gotta clean", my brain is like "Ceiling, tiles, floors, what about inside cabinets, what about behind the fridge, what about inside the fridge, what's the best cleaning product to use, how long is this gonna take, what should I prioritize first????!!!!. Basically my task of cleaning becomes impossible because I'm thinking of a 1000 different things vs focusing on a few to actually get done.

Obviously this isn't limited to cleaning and I'm going to work on breaking stuff down more when it comes to making music and learning stuff.

Now I'm just chilling out. About to watch a few videos on music theory. Part of me wants to work on my track I've been making. But it's that hamster wheel thing again. Am I really working on this to advance the art? Or am I just pushing to finish it so I can be done with it and to stop worrying about finishing it? You can see one has an intention behind it, the other seeks to run from a feeling incomplete work brings. This isn't an excuse to not work on the music, but it has to come from a place of intention and not fear. Come to think of it a book I was reading strongly emphasized fear as a destructive force for musical creativity. Fear of not making something "good", fear of not finishing, fear of not progressing as much as you would like, the list goes on. I've completed a few songs where I've rushed them for the sake of calling them "complete". Patience, calm, and discipline seems like something I need to cultivate more when it comes to creating. But again it probably goes back to fear, during the week I don't have much time to work on stuff so when the weekend hits I want to make sure I get far enough.

(11-09-2018, 05:07 PM)Shannon Wrote: [ -> ]Set your goals on the stars. Nothing is too high. Then extend your stairs to the stars, and start climbing them. You may not be there right now, but nobody takes the entire staircase in one or two steps!

Just started this program yesterday. Been tired and have had a slight headache all day, so something must be happening. Fucked up my playlist so it might have been running for 8 hours.

When we set our goals using this program, should we set very specific and measurable goals like: "On 1 December 2019 I will get a promotion and earn 100.000 USD each month" or should we set goals that are more aimed towards our belief-system like: "I am confident that I am a world class lawyer and that I successfully can establish my own profitable law practice" ?

(11-10-2018, 12:07 PM)mat422 Wrote: [ -> ]Cleaned my place today, well most of it. Didn't really tackle my room. I just hit the places that needed it the most. I've always been terrible with cleaning. But this time I broke it down into zones, wrote down a list of what needed to get done, and checked it off as I went along. I've never really done that before, but when I did do that it felt like there was less chaos going on up in my head. For whatever reason my brain likes exploring infinite things. So when I think "I gotta clean", my brain is like "Ceiling, tiles, floors, what about inside cabinets, what about behind the fridge, what about inside the fridge, what's the best cleaning product to use, how long is this gonna take, what should I prioritize first????!!!!. Basically my task of cleaning becomes impossible because I'm thinking of a 1000 different things vs focusing on a few to actually get done.

Obviously this isn't limited to cleaning and I'm going to work on breaking stuff down more when it comes to making music and learning stuff.

Now I'm just chilling out. About to watch a few videos on music theory. Part of me wants to work on my track I've been making. But it's that hamster wheel thing again. Am I really working on this to advance the art? Or am I just pushing to finish it so I can be done with it and to stop worrying about finishing it? You can see one has an intention behind it, the other seeks to run from a feeling incomplete work brings. This isn't an excuse to not work on the music, but it has to come from a place of intention and not fear. Come to think of it a book I was reading strongly emphasized fear as a destructive force for musical creativity. Fear of not making something "good", fear of not finishing, fear of not progressing as much as you would like, the list goes on. I've completed a few songs where I've rushed them for the sake of calling them "complete". Patience, calm, and discipline seems like something I need to cultivate more when it comes to creating. But again it probably goes back to fear, during the week I don't have much time to work on stuff so when the weekend hits I want to make sure I get far enough.

The exact same thing has been happening to me with cleaning. Not only that, but I find myself compelled to keep the sections that I have already cleaned clean. That’s very new for me.

(11-10-2018, 05:41 PM)Paul1131 Wrote: [ -> ]The exact same thing has been happening to me with cleaning. Not only that, but I find myself compelled to keep the sections that I have already cleaned clean. That’s very new for me.

We'll see what happens with me. Ultra successful cleaning lol. It'd be sweet if cleaning was no longer this monster of task for me and actually got done. So I wouldn't end up in that cycle of "my place is a mess and I feel bad, but I also feel bad about all the work I have to do to clean"

It's an interesting thing with cleaning. I am kinda noticing that introvert-types tend to have problems with it (I do too). And that working with USLMaxx fear-removal makes it way easier - and actually way less of a chore than it seems to be - and gives one a) motivation to do it, b) makes it so that it actually does not feel like a whole lotta effort for very little gain (because it's not when done regularly).