Subliminal Talk

Then you should realize that reverse resistance is an intentional effort to fail, and it's pretty stupid. It sounds like that's what you are dealing with right now.

I think you especially will appreciate FRM 4.4+.

(01-13-2019, 01:04 PM)Shannon Wrote: [ -> ]Then you should realize that reverse resistance is an intentional effort to fail, and it's pretty stupid. It sounds like that's what you are dealing with right now.

I think you especially will appreciate FRM 4.4+.

@Shannon

How will FRM 4.4 help us execute better?

(01-13-2019, 01:46 PM)THolt Wrote: [ -> ]

(01-13-2019, 01:04 PM)Shannon Wrote: [ -> ]Then you should realize that reverse resistance is an intentional effort to fail, and it's pretty stupid. It sounds like that's what you are dealing with right now.

I think you especially will appreciate FRM 4.4+.

@Shannon

How will FRM 4.4 help us execute better?

FRM 4.4 attempts to correct all of the weaknesses, inadequacies and flaws I have been able to find or observe in 3.2 and 4.1, and return a result that is simply "without fear". Which should make execution pretty easy.

I have noted that without fear, I have begun doing things in social situations that I would never do before. While waiting for my car repairs the other day, GF and I were being silly in ways we usually are only in private, for example. Having a great time, because we just didn't care what anyone else thought. I have only ever used 3.2 in USLM3, and so has she.

4.1 is much advanced from 3.2, and 4.4 is much advanced from 4.1.

(01-13-2019, 02:31 PM)Shannon Wrote: [ -> ]

(01-13-2019, 01:46 PM)THolt Wrote: [ -> ]

(01-13-2019, 01:04 PM)Shannon Wrote: [ -> ]Then you should realize that reverse resistance is an intentional effort to fail, and it's pretty stupid. It sounds like that's what you are dealing with right now.

I think you especially will appreciate FRM 4.4+.

@Shannon

How will FRM 4.4 help us execute better?

FRM 4.4 attempts to correct all of the weaknesses, inadequacies and flaws I have been able to find or observe in 3.2 and 4.1, and return a result that is simply "without fear". Which should make execution pretty easy.

I have noted that without fear, I have begun doing things in social situations that I would never do before. While waiting for my car repairs the other day, GF and I were being silly in ways we usually are only in private, for example. Having a great time, because we just didn't care what anyone else thought. I have only ever used 3.2 in USLM3, and so has she.

4.1 is much advanced from 3.2, and 4.4 is much advanced from 4.1.

Great. I can't wait to try it out in uslm4

(01-13-2019, 01:04 PM)Shannon Wrote: [ -> ]Then you should realize that reverse resistance is an intentional effort to fail, and it's pretty stupid. It sounds like that's what you are dealing with right now.

I think you especially will appreciate FRM 4.4+.

It's all out. I swear it's not just my mind state. Things keep going wrong left and right. I've never had it this bad. I had to print important stuff tonight and the printer just outright refused to acknowledge there was paper loaded. I spent a good 30 minutes doing everything to fix this damn thing. Then I got up and left the room in defeat and came back to the thing working. My laptop immediately declined in performance as soon as I got out here. Programs crashing, simple tasks like loading a spreadsheet taking forever, just absolutely terrible speed, random driver issues,etc. At this point I don't think these are random coincidences. They seem to keep occurring as a way to get me to quit.

Hell when I first got here I was told I just needed to connect a few wires on an amp for the sound system. It turns out the speakers were all run in series which made the diagram useless and the intended setup all wrong. I had to climb a ladder to each speaker and set the caps to 15w. Thirteen speakers total. It doesn't seem like a lot but it is when you consider having to deal with moving the ladder, climbing it, and shakily adjusting the settings from a high up place. And then if that wasn't enough, apparently there was another zone that wasn't even attached and I had to splice the wires and then do a super haggard run in the ceiling.

I still have 6 days left. I feel terrible, I just don't want anything else to go wrong because I'm exhausted right now. I feel like I'm pushing myself beyond my means here. I feel as if these incidents and problems popping up are just being used as a way to get me to quit. The more I want things to go right and be smooth, the more chaotic it gets.

Then respond by calmly accepting "what is", and continuing forward regardless. Try the zen approach. It gets me through some serious shit sometimes. Like getting FRM 4.4 worrking. My subconscious was fighting me tooth and nail to try to stop, prevent, de-motivate, etc. Did not want me to continue working on FRM, apparently because it was afraid and knew I would eventually succeed. I accepted that reality as being what it was, and continued forward regardless. Granted, slowly, because I was dragging little Shannon kicking and screaming to my goal, but I did not let it stop me.

Just let it be known to whatever part of you is resisting that nothing is going to stop you, and the harder you have to try, the more determined it will make you to succeed. Then do exactly that: respond to adversity with ever more determination to succeed. But try to stay calm. Simply accept "what is" as being "what is", calmly make your goal your focus and continue forward with determination, perseverance and persistence. Don't waste your energy getting upset at "what is"; instead, use it to continue forward regardless of "what is" and achieve your goals anyway.

Going to keep that in mind moving forward. Today is a new week, I'll be sure to practice the zen approach and keep calm in the face of all this

Things still not going too great here. But I'm not freaking out over it. I'm around a lot of pushy extroverted sales type people and I fucking hate it. But to be clear I don't hate them, they're fine. I'm just so polar opposite it elicits a reaction from all of them. It's one of those things where I clearly don't fit in this environment, yet I'm somehow expected to. As I've grown and matured and embraced myself, I don't bend as much around people. And I think it presents a very strong contrast that people become uncomfortable with. They want me to be more like the type of people they are used to.

I had one of the managers here tell me that I needed to be less nice because people would take advantage of me. I told her that's not the first time someone has told me that. I'm a naturally nice person, I've been called too nice at times. People generally don't see the teeth unless they really push it. I don't consider it weakness. I just have a lot of self control and roll with the punches. I've dealt with so much shit in my life that minor inconveniences don't irritate me like most people.

But this has been the pattern my whole life. I don't think it will ever go away. It just gets fucking tiring having people need some kind of explanation for why I'm different. As if I chose to be this way. Makes me wonder if I just have shit luck running non stop into extroverts in my life. No wonder why I have a tendency to isolate myself a lot of the time.

Almost there. Despite things falling apart around me I held it together. It's been rough, but I made it through. Went to work hungover today, had too much to drink last night. What a painful experience.

Anyway after vomiting at 4 in the morning from a combination of alcohol and fear, a lot of thoughts ran through my head. Like telling myself to say fuck it to anyone who demands anything of me and to always put myself first. All this stressful energy from people at this market show feeling like things have to sell, have to turn a profit, etc. That's not my reality, I don't have to worry about that, I don't have to let people drag me into their chaos. I mean look what I did? Drank because I let people get into my head too much and sought an unhealthy coping mechanism for that stress.

In life you have to deal with shit sometimes. I spent a large portion of my life avoiding stuff vs just choosing not to let it influence me. I'd rather know I can make it through tough stuff vs attempting to be overly cautious and avoid everything out of fear. Stuff can get out of control, but my reaction is the one thing I can control.

Having said that I'm pretty burnt from all this. Can't wait to get back home. I've also been away from my music. I've pretty much been working 9 days straight with two more to go.

One more day. Talking with my coworker and he makes me feel better. The issue with working in IT is most people start to assume if it plugs into a wall IT can do it. Wiring speakers, I can say that I'm no expert. Yet I was expected to get this sound system up and running. I had to think on my feet and come up with a solution, which I did. But then they wanted it louder so I cut out a few speakers to give the amp some more juice. Then I got hassled that we need music in that area I cut. Well I said fuck that. I knew I'd have to drop the volume and we'd be back at square one. I also knew if I tried to drive the amp any louder I'd burn it out. And that's a 1000 dollar amp. So sorry the music isnt loud enough, but I'm not burning out the amp and getting blamed for that too

I felt like a failure for a bit until I shook myself and said no. I did what I could. It would have been nice if everything worked great, but it didn't. And if people want to perceive me as not doing a good job, that's their thing. I don't have to hold onto that shit.

That (working in IT for a while) is no doubt part of why I am bald. And I know exactly where you are coming from. If it plugs into a wall, IT guy can fix it. If it breaks after he fixed it, it's his fault. And if IT guy can't break the laws of time and space to satisfy our requirements and demands, then IT guy is a failure.

Fuck 'em. They only understand making demands and they never understand that sometimes what they are demanding just isn't possible. Don't let it get to you. And congrats on recognizing that drinking to escape is an unhealthy way of dealing with it. (It also doesn't work.)

Do what you can, and then tell them... you have a choice. You can have X or you can have Y, but having both at once will destroy the amp, and that means I'm not doing it. So if you want X AND Y, then get another amp or whatever else you need to do, but I have done what is humanly possible to do.

I always remember the old stories of stupid people ringing IT and saying their cup holder broke.

Is that actually something that happens? Are people actually that dumb? Or is it an urban myth. Though I guess cd drives are on their way out, they're still useful so I have one.

(01-19-2019, 04:19 PM)Benjamin Wrote: [ -> ]I always remember the old stories of stupid people ringing IT and saying their cup holder broke.

Is that actually something that happens? Are people actually that dumb? Or is it an urban myth. Though I guess cd drives are on their way out, they're still useful so I have one.

Lol oh the irony, I had a whole response typed up and my phone glitched out and I lost it all.

To answer your question, I have never received something that dumb. Although I've heard plenty of stories. Anything is possible.

But for me that's not the part that gets to me. It's really the fact that IT gets dumped on A LOT. It's almost like personal responsibility goes out the window. If someone accidentally deletes something important and it can't be recovered, it's ITs fault because they should have been able to recover it and that's what we pay them for. Nevermind the fact that we've got a 1001 different things going on, fixing back end shit that nobody even sees. So it's basically like if you threw something you needed in the trash accidentally and the garbage truck took it. You wouldn't blame the garbage company for doing their job, you wouldn't call them up and tell them they need to find it. You'd say "oh shit that was dumb of me, better not do that again. Maybe if I call they can help me out, but this was my fault". And yet that's what happens in IT. A function that worked perfectly was misused by a user and IT is at fault.

I've only been in this a year. Shannon's probably got some better examples. But in a year I've gotten very worn down. And I honestly believe that it's not just words pointed at you. It's directed energy, IT can be like a lightning rod for negativity. Part of the reason auric shielding saved my ass back when I was on dmsi. When chaos erupts people might as well be throwing daggers at me.

I was working for my college as computer repair because I was better at it than the actual IT guys, and they hired me to do that and run the computer lab. Then I got hired away from the college by my database management professor, who had his own IT business.

Some days, I worked as a bench monkey, back room, building and repairing computers. Sometimes I was installing operating systems, software or doing virus/malware removal. Some days I was out on the road doing on-site repairs. Some days I was doing phone tech support for his customers.

On the days I did phone tech support, we got a lot of older people calling in very confused. One time I actually had a little old lady, sounded sweet as can be, completely upset that her "coffee holder" (CD drive tray) broke. Just like the meme. No joke.

One time, had a guy call in and ask why he couldn't eject his 3.5" floppy from his drive. We couldn't figure out what was wrong, went to his house. He had inserted it into his CD drive.

One time, we had someone's kid "hide" a piece of cheese they didn't want to eat in the CD drive and close it. Parents ran the machine hot, apparently, and the cheese melted all over the insides.

There was a guy who couldn't figure out why his computer was unable to turn on. He didn't have it plugged in.

There was a guy who called in and asked why his computer made it smell like smoke whenever it was on. We got there and found that he had ordered it from Canada, and apparently whoever opened it up in customs didn't bother to remove the packing peanuts that fell in before hastily closing it. He was damned lucky it never caught fire and burned his house down.

There was a guy who's computer would freeze every few minutes, who turned out to have had the same computer for years and never cleaned it. The dust was so thick it was overheating and the motherboard and CPU fan were caked.

Had a woman call in and ask me if it was okay to turn on the monitor. ("TV thingy") I assured her it was, and asked why she wanted to know. She told me that it wouldn't turn on, and she was afraid that she had forgotten to pay for the warranty, and thought that "they" had turned it off remotely because she hadn't. (Warranty, of course, had nothing to do with it - it was, as usual, simply unplugged.)

There was a guy who called in frantic because he had saved his mid term on a floppy disk, but was unable to see it on the magnetic media, and was terrified that it had not been written, when he was at college and had to turn it in in 15 minutes.

I could go on, but you get the idea. IT deals with a lot of very ridiculous crap.